by Jordan Marie
I don’t know how one girl can be so damn beautiful, but she is. Today she’s wearing her hair straight and it looks lighter as the sun shines down on it. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
“I know that look.”
I look over at Wally and frown. I like him. He’s a good friend, but I’m definitely not in the mood for company.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.
“Bullshit. If you stare at her any harder, she’s going to call the cops on you.”
“There’s no laws about staring at someone.”
“There is the way you’re doing it, Gav. Damn, boy, if you liked the girl that much then why were you spreading shit all over the school about her. You know how girls are. They might like to get freaky under the sheets, but they sure as hell don’t want you to spread that crap and ruin their good girl image. And, if there was ever a girl in the school that protects her image it would be Luna Marshall. Hell, I think until this happened the entire student body expected her to move into a nunnery after school.”
“Just let it go, Wally. Nothing happened.”
“Nothing?”
“Not a damn thing.”
“Then, why in the hell did you say it did, Gav?”
I don’t bother replying. I could tell him what a dick my brother is. I could deny everything, but there’s no reason. People are going to believe what they want, and Atticus is the poster child of being everything I’m not. There’s no way they’d believe he’s behind all of this. Besides, I knew I was the one who went after Luna after knowing that Atticus was interested in her. In some ways, I probably deserve this shit.
Luna didn’t, however.
I need to fix that.
“It doesn’t matter. Just make sure it gets spread around school that I lied.”
“Gav—”
“Just do it, Wally.”
“Okay, if you can handle the fallout, it’s no skin off my nose.”
I shake my head.
I’m not important.
Only Luna…
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LUNA
“Did you hear what Gavin Lodge did now?”
The mention of Gavin’s name is enough to make my stomach hurt. It doesn’t matter that it’s been almost two weeks since that night on the docks. It all still feels like yesterday, especially the part where I found out he spread those tales around school.
“I don’t really care,” I lie. I do care and Jules probably knows that, but I don’t have to admit to it. That’s the beauty about having a best friend. You can lie and they’ll pretend to believe you because they know that’s what you need right now.
“He told Wally that he lied.”
“He what?”
“Hand to God, Luna! He told Wally Andrews that he lied. That he didn’t sleep with you and that you didn’t even give him the time of day. Wally is telling everyone, including Motormouth Molly McKay and you know what that means.”
“It’ll be all over school by the end of the day,” I mutter.
“Girl, it already is.”
“Great,” I say on a sigh, slamming my locker door shut.
“What? I thought this was what you wanted.”
“No, what I wanted was for Gavin Lodge to disappear off the face of the earth.”
“What you wanted was for him not to be an asshole,” Jules corrects, and I stare up at the ceiling.
“Yeah, I guess so. But what he did isn’t going to fix anything. Now instead of being the school slut, I’ll just be back to being the icebox queen. I’m not sure which is better at this point.”
“I see what you’re saying.”
“Why do you think he did it?”
“What? Lie? Who knows, Luna. Maybe he wanted a boost in popularity.”
“No, why do you think he admitted the truth to Wally?”
“Wally is his best friend. I think he might be his only friend. Maybe he didn’t think Wally would tell everyone in the school. Wally’s kind of cute, don’t you think?”
“Maybe, it just seems weird that he would lie about me and then turn around confessing the truth soon after,” I mutter as we walk down the hall.
“I mean, he’s got big ears, and I don’t really dig guys with light colored hair, but he’s not bad, right?”
“Gavin?”
“No, dummy. Wally Andrews.”
“He’s alright, I guess. I never really thought about it.”
“I think he’s cute. Course if we get married then I’ll be stuck being called Julie Andrews and people will make fun of me and sing those weird musical numbers from The Sound of Music. That’s a third level of hell that I don’t need in my life.”
“You’ve just turned seventeen, Jules. I don’t think you need to worry about marriage just now.”
“It never hurts for a girl to scope out her options, Luna. Maybe you ought to do the same.”
“No thank you. I’m swearing off boys.”
“Gavin Lodge is not the only hot guy in this world, Luna. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.”
“They’re all idiots, regardless,” I mutter.
“You have options. That’s all I’m saying,” she reminds me as we make it into Mrs. Francis’ AP English class.
I give her a look that I hope she interprets as ‘no way in hell.’ Then, I make my way back to my seat. My eyes automatically go across the room to the back row. Gavin Lodge is sitting there. He’s wearing a faded red t-shirt and worn blue jeans. His hair is rumpled, and it looks like he forgot to brush it today. It looks really good.
He looks really good.
He’s staring at me. I avoid his eyes and turn back around to look toward the front of the class.
I know I should hate him. Instead, all I feel is sad and broken. That’s silly, I know.
It just doesn’t change things.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
GAVIN
Ten Months Later
* * *
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”
Luna’s head jerks up and when she looks at me all of the color leaves her face.
“My birthday was months ago,” she mutters, turning away from me.
I reach out and grab her hand, even though I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have spoken to her. I shouldn’t have followed her out of the school. I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop myself and here we are. Now, I’m touching her and reaching out to her, because I can’t stop that either.
“Let me go, Gavin,” she demands, and it might be my imagination, but her voice sounds like it’s filled with anguish.
I hate like hell that I’m hurting her, but the last ten months have left me hollow inside. I kept thinking that time would make it easier, but it turns out, once you’ve had Luna Marshall in your arms, there’s no going back.
At least not for me.
“Talk to me, Luna. Just for a minute.”
“I don’t think we have anything to say to each other.”
She’s right. Only I need to just the same.
“I just want to talk. Do you like being a senior?”
It’s a lame question, but then again, everything I can come up with in my head sounds lame.
“What do you want, Gavin?”
“You look beautiful tonight.”
Her face goes pale, I see it even with only the lights around the school and the moon. It was a stupid thing to say.
That’s me.
Stupid and lame.
“I’ll see you around,” she says, moving to walk away, but her foot twists and she stumbles. I dive in, catching her quickly, before she falls from the concrete patio that we’re on and tumbles down the steps. Her body goes stiff in my arms. I look down at her beautiful face and my heart squeezes inside of my chest.
Telling her she was beautiful might have been a stupid thing to say, but it was true. The school is having their back to school dance tonight and I didn’t really come for it. I came to see Luna. She didn’t bring a date, neither d
id her friend Jules. Jules hooked up at the dance, but except for a few dances—one with my worthless brother—Luna spent most of the night solo or with her friends. She was easily the prettiest girl there, wearing a soft teal silk dress and her long hair pulled up on top of her head. She changed her hair color over the summer. It’s bright blonde now, getting rid of the soft golden hair from before. I like both. Then again, I’d like Luna even if she was bald. She’s beautiful inside and out, it’s simply that the outside is gorgeous too.
She straightens back up and pulls out of my arms. I let her go, because really, I have no choice.
“Thanks,” she mumbles.
“Luna—”
“Gavin—”
I give a half-hearted smile. “You first.”
“Why?”
“Luna—”
“Why did you do it? That’s all I want to know. You had to know I liked you. Did you enjoy hurting me? Was it really just a way to get even with Attie?”
“What’s between us, Luna—”
“There’s nothing really between us,” she argues and she’s wrong.
“What’s between us has nothing to do with Atticus, Luna.”
“I wish I could believe you.”
“Would it be too much to start over, Luna?”
“We never really started to begin with. Besides, what do you care? Aren’t you leaving after graduation?”
“Well, yeah.”
“And I’m not.”
“You’ll be going to college.”
“A community college. I don’t really want to leave Stone Lake, Gavin. I never have. I don’t have a reason to.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her to let me be the reason. God. What would it be like to have Luna in my corner, to have her with me when I leave here? What would it be like knowing that everything I do, I’m doing for her? I could make her happy, I know I could.
This past ten months without having contact with her, have been hell. Watching her from a distance, seeing her in town and hiding so she didn’t think I was stalking her—which I was—all while knowing what it felt like to hold her in my arms, to have her smiles and laughter—if only for one night—has nearly destroyed me. Watching Atticus still being in her life, after the pain he caused her, was worse.
“There’s a whole school year between now and then, maybe we could start over,” I tell her, laying it out and those words feel like they’re torn out of my chest, but if anyone deserves honesty from me, deserves to have me expose how I really feel, it’s Luna.
“I don’t understand.”
“I want you in my life, Luna.”
“You didn’t before.”
“I did. There are things that you don’t understand, and I’ll tell you, one day. For now, I’m asking you to give me a chance to prove that I might be an asshole, but I’m not the kind of one you think I am.”
“That literally makes zero sense,” she says, studying my face closely. I let her, knowing that I’ll never get another chance. This is it.
All or nothing.
“I want time with you, Luna. That’s about as much sense as I can make. That’s all I got.”
“I…”
My heart kicks in my chest. I don’t know why, but she’s weakening. I see it in her face. I hear it in her voice. My mouth goes dry, because I know that this is one of the most important moments in my life.
“I’ve wanted to ask you to dance with me all night, Luna. Will you dance with me now?” I ask her, holding out my hand.
“There’s no music.” Her voice is so soft it feels like she’s touching me.
“We can make our own,” I tell her, and it feels like I’m holding my breath as she slowly puts her hand in mine and I pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her.
We sway against the backdrop of crickets and other sounds of the night, and I can’t remember a thing in my life that has felt as special.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
LUNA
Y ou can call me crazy. That’s nothing compared to the names I’m calling myself. After what he did, the last thing I should do is give Gavin Lodge the time of day. I can’t explain why I am. If I’m honest, it’s because I want to. The night we shared out on the dock has haunted me. It’s haunted me because I think that night, I got a glimpse of the real Gavin. The side he doesn’t let anyone see. Maybe I’m fooling myself, and completely wrong. Maybe I’m even lying to myself because I want Gavin to be the person I’ve always imagined and dreamed he was.
Maybe I’m a fool.
The only thing I know for sure is that I’ve been miserable since the day Gavin and Larry got into that fight. Pushing all thoughts of Gavin from my mind has failed to work, too. There’s one other thing that I know. As I lay my head against Gavin’s chest, hear his heart beating in my ear, and feel his arms close around me, I know that this is where I am meant to be.
This is it.
Gavin is the one I’ve been waiting my whole life for.
“Damn,” he hisses. His voice is raw and gravely and hearing it, goosebumps spread over my skin.
“What is it?”
“I just never thought I’d have you in my arms again, Luna, and I can’t tell you how much that thought has hurt me.”
“I didn’t think anything about me could hurt you, Gavin.”
He pulls back and looks down at me. His hand slides against the side of my neck and his thumb comes up and brushes along my jawline as he studies me. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know there’s something going on in his head. I wish I could read him better to know.
“I have a feeling Luna Marshall, you can hurt me more than anyone.”
“I would never hurt you, Gavin. Never,” I vow, because I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I’m not that kind of person, but more than that Gavin is special to me. I never want to hurt him.
I stare up at him, wanting him to believe me. My heart stutters in my chest. Whatever is going on here, it feels important.
He closes his eyes and drops his head down so that it rests on mine. His arms tighten around me, and I figure if a person could die from happiness I might right now. I might be a fool, and I’m pretty sure Jules will be the first one to tell me that, but I don’t think I care. Right now, all that matters is Gavin and how he makes me feel.
“Why does your mom call you Moonbeam?”
“You heard that,” I whisper, smiling as we move together, and I settle my head back against his chest.
“Yeah.”
“That’s embarrassing,” I admit, and I can feel myself blushing.
“It’s sweet. I liked it.”
“When I was little, I used to beg her to read to me and my favorite book was Goodnight Moon. When I was sick, hearing Mom read that to me always made me feel better, no matter what.”
“Goodnight Moon?”
“It’s this silly children’s book, but I just loved the way Mom sounded when she read it to me. It always made me feel… safe.”
“That’s good to have,” he says, and his voice sounds funny. I remember what Atticus said about his father, and I can’t imagine the way that Gavin and Attie were forced to grow up. I squeeze Gavin a little tighter. I don’t say anything, because I know he wouldn’t want my pity and that’s not what it is really. I only hate that he has such a hard time. I hate that’s what his life is like at home. It has to hurt him. Maybe after what he did to me, I shouldn’t feel for him… but I do.
“It is. Anyways when I was like ten, Mom had a breast cancer scare,” I confide in him, understating what actually happened. “I actually don’t talk or remember a lot about it. I don’t like to think of my mother as sick. I can’t imagine a world without her in it.”
“I get that.”
“One day I came home from school early and Mom wasn’t waiting on the porch like she normally did. I found her in her bedroom, lying on the bed crying. She was holding this large lock of her hair.” My voice catches as I relive the memory. It’s been years, but I can still see the vision
of my mom holding her hair like that and crying as if it were yesterday.
“Damn, Baby,” he murmurs into my hair and despite my sadness, I smile.
“I went into my room, grabbed the book off my shelf, and I took it in there to read the story to her because I wanted her to feel safe too. When I told her why, she said it did make her feel better. Mom said I was her very own personal moonbeam. It just kind of stuck after that.”
Gavin doesn’t say anything and I’m starting to feel self-conscious, when he pulls back and looks at me.
“I’ve never met anyone like you in my life,” he whispers and before I know what to say or how to react, he bends down, and he kisses me.
My very first kiss.
I don’t know what I expected. You build fantasies up in your mind and you plan for them to be perfect. I’m old enough to know that things never live up to your expectations. But, this kiss does. It’s awkward but sweet at first. I have no idea what I’m doing and I let him lead me. His tongue seeks mine out and slides against it. Shyly, I imitate the same movement, not wanting to disappoint him. There’s a scent to our kiss, an aroma that I wasn’t expecting. I thought kisses would be about touching and feeling. While it is, it’s also more. There’s an earthy scent that feels just a little wicked and as I moan into his mouth the kiss deepens. Those feelings of desire multiply and my body feels as if it’s floating in pleasure. It’s surreal that my first kiss was with Gavin Lodge. I’d given up that dream, but it happened and…
It was perfect.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
GAVIN
“Hey.”
“Gavin,” Luna purrs my name into the phone, and I hear the pleasure in her voice. She likes that I called, and she doesn’t try to hide it. That does something to me that I can’t explain, I just know I like it. Luna’s the first person in my life who has wanted me around. The first person to make me feel like I matter.
“Hey, Moonbeam,” I respond, and I can hear her giggle and it makes me smile.