Letting You Go

by Jordan Marie

  “Are Gramma and Pop-pop coming in this year?”

  “They can’t make it this time, Moonbeam. Mom is still having trouble with her hip, but we’ll go visit them soon.”

  “Good, I miss them.”

  “Me too.”

  “Umm… Mom…” I ask, wringing my hands nervously in my lap.

  “Do you think I could ask someone to come eat dinner with us?”

  “Jules? Won’t she be eating with her family?”

  “I think they’re going to Florida.”

  “Now I’m jealous,” Mom jokes.

  “Yeah, me too,” I laugh. “Anyways, I kind of wanted to invite a guy.”

  Mom puts her notepad down and looks at me.

  “A guy? Are you dating someone, Luna?”

  “Well, not exactly, but I might be soon and…”

  “And?”

  “I really like him Mom,” I tell her finally, and I can feel the blush creep up my face.

  “Who is it? Did you finally give in and accept a date from that nice Richards boy?”

  “Ew, Mom, no. Larry Richards is not nice. He’s a pig and kind of a pervert.”

  “He is? But his family goes to church and he’s been on the honor roll all through high school.”

  “That just proves he’s a smart pervert and his family might be nice, I don’t know. I just know that Larry makes my skin crawl.”

  “Has he done something to you, Luna?”

  “Not like you’re thinking, but he has made lewd comments and tried to be rough with me when I turned him down after he asked me out.”

  “You should have told me,” Mom chastises.

  “There was no point. I handled it. Actually, Gavin did.”

  “Gavin?”

  “He’s the guy I want to ask over for Thanksgiving. I really like him Mom. He’s smart and funny, good looking and…”

  “And?”

  “He makes me laugh. A lot.”

  “I’ve never heard you talk about a Gavin. Is he new at school? Maybe I can invite his mother out for brunch.”

  “Uh… Gavin’s mom is not around. I don’t think she lives in Maine anymore. He lives with his dad and brother.”

  “That’s so sad. Maybe we can invite his entire family over?”

  Panic hits me. Gavin would hate that. Besides that, it’s going to take a lot of begging to even convince him to come to dinner alone, let alone with his brother and father—both of whom he can’t stand.

  “I can ask, but I think since this will be the first time you meet him, he’d rather come alone, Mom.”

  “You think your young man will be nervous to meet your parents?” she asks, and I smile when she talks about Gavin as ‘a young man.’ I doubt anyone has called Gavin that in the history of forever.

  “Yeah, Mom, I think he’ll be nervous.”

  “Then, just ask him, and we’ll do our best to make him feel welcomed.”

  I can’t help myself. I reach over and hug my mom close, grateful that she’s always in my corner. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

  “Thank you, Mom!” I exclaim, excited that I can finally push Gavin into making our relationship public. Surely, he will see that once my parents accept him the rest will fall into place.

  “If he’s important to you, Luna, we want to get to know him. I’ll be asking questions about him if you two start dating,” Mom says and immediately guilt hits me, because we are dating—even if it’s not official. Gavin is more than important to me too.

  He’s everything.

  “Let’s get through Thanksgiving. If it all goes okay and Gavin and I start dating, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” I promise, suddenly feeling hopeful.

  I can’t wait to tell Gavin about Thanksgiving.

  CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

  GAVIN

  “Damn, Baby, I’ve missed you,” I growl, as we break apart.

  I swear every time I kiss her, I get more addicted to her. The taste of her lips haunts me continuously.

  “I’ve missed you too,” she exhales, her lips swollen from our kiss, her hair rumpled from my fingers. Her breathing is ragged, but then so is mine. These make out sessions are getting more intense. I’m trying not to push her into a direction she’s not ready for, but I want her so much that I’m not sure how much longer I can hold back.

  “I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through the holidays without seeing you every day,” I murmur, letting my thumb drift against her cheek as I hold her neck, staring at her and wishing I didn’t have to let her go.

  “You could come see me.”

  I’m lost for a minute, watching her lips move, listening to the soft sweetness in her voice. That’s the only excuse I have for not understanding at first just what she’s saying. When it hits me, I look at her. “Moonbeam—”

  “I’m serious, Gavin. We’ve been seeing each other like this for a while now. You said you wanted to prove to me that you were serious, that what’s between us is real.”

  “I did, but that’s not—”

  “I’m convinced, Gavin. I don’t doubt you at all,” she declares, her hand coming up to rest against mine on her face. “I’m completely sure in our relationship. I want everyone to know that we’re together. That we…”

  “What?” I ask, unable to stop myself.

  “That we belong to each other.”

  Shit. I love the sound of that. The thought that she feels that way means more to me than I could ever tell her.

  “Luna, I just don’t want bullshit to pull us apart.”

  “As long as we’re together, Gavin. Nothing can tear us apart. We just have to believe in one another.”

  I want to tell her that life is not that cut and dry. I want to tell her that she’s being too naïve, but I can’t bring myself to do that. Luna doesn’t understand how hard life can be. She hasn’t seen the ugly side of it, hasn’t breathed it in her lungs like I do. She doesn’t know, and I find that I want to protect her from that world. Only I don’t know if I can.

  I exhale a large breath, not wanting to disappoint her, but needing to let her down easily. If I show up at her house over the break, her parents will go through the fucking roof. Luna doesn’t see it, but I’m not the kind of guy that Mr. Marshall wants sniffing around his daughter.

  “I told Mom about you, Gavin.”

  It feels like everything inside of me stops. My heart refuses to beat, breath fails to move into my lungs.

  I’m frozen.

  “You told your mom?”

  “I did. I mean I didn’t tell her how much time we’ve actually been spending together, since I’m supposed to have been with Jules most of the time. But I told her that we’ve been talking. I told her that I really liked you and…”

  “And?”

  “I told her that I wanted you to come to Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “You told her…”

  “Yep,” she announces proudly.

  “Luna, your mom doesn’t—”

  “She asked me to invite you and your dad and brother too.”

  “I… she what?”

  “She said to invite all of you.”

  “I am not bringing Dad or Atticus to your parents’ home, Luna.”

  “I know, so I told Mom that you’d be nervous enough just coming to meet them for the first time, so it would probably just be you.”

  “There’s an understatement.” I step away from her, not sure how I feel about any of this. Luna’s parents are okay with me coming over? She wanted to ask my whole family? It’s no secret that my dad stays drunk all of the time. Maybe that kind of town gossip doesn’t get back to the Marshalls. Maybe they’re too rich to hear the gossip on the common people of Stone Lake. Still, I can’t believe that they’re okay with me dating their daughter. Even if they don’t know about my Dad, they have to know that I don’t have money, that I don’t have a future they would desire in a guy dating their daughter.

  “Gavin?” Luna asks, nervously.

  �
��You told her you were talking to me? You told her my name and everything? She didn’t freak and demand you not be around me?”

  “Gavin, I told you my parents aren’t like that. You’re worried over nothing. She was fine with it and Mom called and told Dad I was bringing you to dinner too. There was no freaking out, I promise.”

  “Luna, I don’t know…”

  “Please, Gavin? I want you to be at dinner. I want to spend time with you, without having to sneak around. I want everyone to know that you’re my…”

  “What am I?”

  “My boyfriend?” she whispers, her face flushing with embarrassment.

  “Damn,” I growl.

  “What? You don’t want to—”

  “When do you want me at your house for dinner, Luna?”

  “Gavin, you don’t have to do this. I don’t want—”

  “Shh…,” I whisper putting my lips to hers. “I want to have Thanksgiving dinner with my girlfriend and her parents,” I tell her as I pull away. I’m kind of lying. I don’t want to be anywhere near Luna’s parents, but I do want to be with Luna. I love that she claims me as her boyfriend, and I love that she wants everyone to know that she’s with me—that she’s mine. When Luna smiles at me, it hits me that I’d walk through fire for her if it meant having her smile at me like that.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  LUNA

  I can hear them yelling. Mom and Dad never yell, but they’re definitely yelling now. I’ve known for a while now that something was wrong. Mom crying at night was a clear sign that all was not right. I never in a million years thought it was this bad. The way my parents are going at it, it sounds like they hate each other. I don’t understand. My entire life my parents have always been happy. They’ve laughed and were so much in love that my friends thought it was kind of sickening. I always envied it. I knew that when I fell in love, I wanted what they had. The kind of love that lasted, that created a family, created a world like the one I live in. I’d have kids and they’d know they had a good life and be happy. It sounds hokey, but I saw my friends live in broken homes, I saw how unhappy they were, how lost they became when one of their parents moved off. I knew I was lucky. I loved my family.

  I don’t know what the fight is about, they’re doing their best to keep their tones hushed, but I heard Dad yelling and my mom crying and that alone makes my stomach twist in knots.

  The doorbell rings and I practically run to the door.

  “Hey—”

  Gavin stops talking, his breath coming in a large gasp as I crash into him. He wraps his arms around me and holds me.

  “What’s wrong, Luna?” he asks in my ear, his voice full of worry.

  “Luna, who is at the door?” Dad asks from behind me. I look up at Gavin and I know he can see the worry and stress on my face. I wish I could tell him, but I can’t talk about it with Dad here.

  “It’s uh… my boyfriend, Dad. Gavin,” I tell him, turning around. Dad’s face is red, and I can see the barely controlled anger all over him. I hold Gavin’s hand tightly. This is all so different. I’ve never seen my father so angry.

  “I didn’t realize we were having company for dinner,” Dad says, barely sparing Gavin a glance. Gavin’s hand clenches tighter in mine, and I hate that Dad is being like this. Gavin was already worried enough about meeting my family.

  “I, well I asked—”

  “She asked me, Arthur, and I think we’re being rude to our guest,” Mom says. “Hello, Gavin. It’s good to finally meet you. Luna has been telling me a lot about you.”

  “No one mentioned anything to me about him.” Dad crosses his arms over his chest and his voice still contains the anger from earlier. He’s so different from the man I’ve always had in my life, I don’t know how to react.

  “You haven’t been here to tell, Arthur,” Mom says, and her voice may sound pleasant enough, but the look on her face is definitely filled with hurt and anger. I’m only seventeen and I can read that plain as day.

  “Come on in, Gavin. It’s cold out there.”

  “Ms. Marshall, thanks for having me,” Gavin says, closing the door. He takes his coat off and I take it from him and hang it on the hall tree that Mom keeps in the foyer.

  “We’re glad to have you. Let’s see about getting dinner on the table,” Mom says. When she walks by my father, he follows her into the kitchen the yelling is low, but clearly heard.

  I close my eyes and when I open them back up, Gavin is standing in front of me.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him, not sure of what else to say. I’m so embarrassed and panicked over the way my parents are acting. This was not how I wanted Gavin’s first dinner with us to go down.

  “Babe, what’s going on?”

  “I swear I don’t know.”

  “If they don’t want me here—”

  “I want you here, Gavin.”

  “Luna—”

  “I don’t know what’s going on with them. Honestly, I don’t. Whatever their damage is though, it’s not about you, I promise.”

  “Babe, I’m not so sure. Your dad—”

  “Trust me, Gavin. They’ve been fighting since Dad got back in town and you haven’t been mentioned once. I don’t know what is going on with them, but Dad’s anger has nothing to do with you. Do you know that my parents have never fought in front of me before? Not once… I’m scared.”

  Gavin sighs then closes the distance between us, pulling me into his arms.

  “I’m sorry, Babe. I truly am.”

  I let him hold me and put my head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. When Gavin holds me, I feel safe and right now I need that feeling desperately.

  We stay like that for a while. I’m not sure how long. We don’t break apart until my father comes out of the kitchen.

  “So, Gavin, tell me about yourself,” he says after we all sit down in the living room. Gavin and I on the couch and Dad in a chair.

  Gavin immediately tenses. I start to say something, but he beats me to it.

  “Not much to tell, Mr. Marshall. I’m only nineteen. Hopefully, that will change after I graduate though.”

  “Nineteen? I thought Mary said you were in the same class as Luna?”

  “I am.”

  “You were held back? Do you play sports?”

  “No. Don’t have much interest in them.”

  “So you flunked out of school?” Dad asks.

  “Dad. Stop!”

  “No. I flunked out of my Freshman year. I’m still in school and set to graduate in May. I just turned nineteen a few days ago, Mr. Marshall,” Gavin answers calmly.

  “A few days ago?” I gasp, feeling like the worst girlfriend in the history of girlfriends. “I didn’t know. Gavin Lodge! How could you not tell me that it was your birthday?”

  “It’s just another day.” He shrugs.

  “It’s not,” I huff.

  “Babe, stop,” he grumbles, but he smiles at me to soften his words.

  I roll my eyes and give in, but I will have to do something later to celebrate his birthday, even if it is late.

  “Luna, don’t you think you should go help your mom in the kitchen?” Dad asks and I frown.

  “I guess so. You want to go help, Gav—”

  “Gavin can stay out here with me. The kitchen is no place for men,” Dad says and I pout. I want to point out that some of the biggest chefs in the world are men, but I figure the significance of that would be lost on my father. I could even point out that women hold down really powerful jobs these days, but again, I doubt he’d listen.

  “I don’t—”

  “It’s fine, Luna,” Gavin says, but I can tell from the look on his face that it’s really not. I lean up and kiss him gently on the lips. I know I blush deep red when I do it, because my dad is there, but I don’t care. Dad’s being a jerk for some reason, and I want Gavin to know that no matter what, I want him with me.

  I love him… I wonder how Gavin would react if I tell him that?

 
Should I?

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  GAVIN

  Well, this is going great. Luna’s father doesn’t like me. I’m pretty sure he might hate me. I probably shouldn’t let it bother me, after all, I knew how this would go. Still, it does. Only because, Luna is special, and I plan on being a part of her life. If her father doesn’t like me, that might get in the way and I don’t want any obstacles between us. Atticus is a big enough one to overcome, we don’t need anything else.

  “What are your intentions with my daughter?” he asks and it’s all I can do to keep from laughing, even if there is nothing funny about any of this. I realize I don’t really date girls, but I didn’t think people really talked like this. My intentions? Part of me wants to tell him that I intend to sleep with his daughter and take her virginity. If I told him the truth, that I intend to make her mine and take her away from Stone Lake to live the rest of my life with her, I think he’d hate that answer even more.

  So instead, I shrug. “We’re dating. She’s an amazing girl, sir.”

  “She is. Luna is going places in life. I’m sure you know that. She’s been on the honor roll all through school and she’s already taking college AP classes.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I tell him, not bothering to look at him, choosing to stare down at my lap instead and concentrating on my hands.

  “You’re Roy Lodge’s boy,” he says on a sneer, and he doesn’t keep the disgust out of his voice.

  I could tell him that I have the same disgust when it comes to my father, but I don’t. I don’t figure there’s much use. Luna’s Dad already has his mind made up about me and nothing I can tell him will change it. I don’t really disagree with him. Luna is too good for me, but I’m keeping her, and I’ll bust my ass to make sure that she’s happy. None of that will matter to this man. I already know it. His mind is made up. If I had a daughter, I’d probably be the same.

  “I am.”

  “Then you have to know how I feel about you hanging around my daughter.”