by Jordan Marie
I didn’t talk to my brother, I didn’t say another word to my father. There was really nothing to say. This is our life. This is what we have, and I can’t keep staying here. I have to get away. The only thing here for me is Luna…
And if she doesn’t choose me… I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Gavin…” she says again, when I don’t reply.
“It’s okay, Luna,” I tell her, feeling so empty inside that I’m not sure I have the energy to keep carrying on this conversation. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I start up my truck, needing to escape.
“It’s not okay. You’re upset.”
I take a deep breath.
“You’re going to have to tell them soon, Luna. It won’t be long until we graduate.”
“I will tell them, I promise. I just… I can’t do it right now, Gavin. I can’t. We have to wait.”
“What will waiting change?”
“Well for one, I’ll be eighteen. They can’t truly tell me who I can see and who I can’t when that happens.”
“There’s not that big a difference between eighteen and seventeen, Luna.”
“Gavin, I promise. Just give me until my birthday please? That’s not that far away.”
“Be honest with me, Luna. Are you really planning on leaving Stone Lake with me?” She swallows, I can see the movement of her throat. I see the bleakness in her eyes, and it feels like I’ve been sucker punched. “You’re not planning on leaving at all, are you, Luna? It’s all just been some make-believe fantasy in your head,” I mutter, shifting my truck into gear.
“It’s not! You don’t know what might happen. Maybe once we tell my father that we’re together and that’s not changing. He might accept you. He might accept us. There’s a chance, you know.”
“There’s zero chance in that happening, Moonbeam.”
“It could, Gavin,” she pleads desperately, and I close my eyes against the grief I see on her face. Atticus is right, I’m already causing her heartache and I never wanted to do that.
“Luna, let’s pretend for a moment that he does. He’s okay with us dating, okay with us moving in together, all of it. I still have to leave Stone Lake. I have to get away from my father, from Atticus. I’ll still be leaving.”
“Gavin—”
“I’m asking if you will, Luna? Will you be leaving? Will you leave with me and live the life we’ve talked about?”
“I told you I would,” she murmurs.
“You have. I’m just not sure I believe it.”
“If leaving Stone Lake is the only way to be with you,” she whispers.
“Yeah?”
“I will leave and not look back. I’d choose you over everything, Gavin. I promise you, I’d always choose you over all of them.” I let her words wash over me. In the back of my mind there’s still that doubt, but I do my best to push it aside. “I love you,” she adds, leaning in so her head rests against mine, her fingers brushing against my skin.
“I love you too, Luna,” I promise, whispering in her ear, then I kiss her lips lightly.
“Go into the school and see what your Dad wants. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“We’re okay?” she asks.
“We’re okay,” I assure her, praying that it’s true.
She gives me another brief kiss and with a sad smile, I pull away.
When I look in my rearview mirror, I see Luna standing there. She watches me for a minute then enters the school.
Going to her father… As I’m driving away.
I hope that’s not how it’s always doomed to be…
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT
LUNA
“Dad? What are you doing here?” I ask him, breathless because I ran up the stairs to the school entrance.
I’m fighting tears, too. I’m sure that doesn’t help. Gavin might have said we were okay, but I saw the bleakness on his face. I put that look there. I know he can tell that I don’t really want to leave Stone Lake. At the same time, I can’t stop myself from hoping that I’m worrying over nothing. I have this fantasy in my head, that something happens and magically my parents will love Gavin as much as I do, and my Dad will offer him a job or help him to get training to be a cop here in Stone Lake and it will all work out. I can keep Gavin and stay in the place I love.
After the conversation I had with Gavin, that seems even more impossible now…
“I came to pick my girl up and drive her home.”
“Oh, I was planning on hitching a ride with Jules…”
“I have something I want to talk over with you, Luna.”
All of the sudden, a chill moves over me. Can they know about me and Gavin? Dad’s face has a look on it that I’ve never seen before. Even when he and Mom are fighting there’s a softness on his face when he talks to me. That’s definitely not there right now. Right now, he seems remote and sad.
He seems really sad.
“Uh… just let me get my things from my locker,” I whisper.
I leave him standing there and go to my locker to grab what I need to take home for the weekend. I was hoping I’d be able to spend tomorrow at Jules since it’s Saturday. The look on Dad’s face makes me wonder if that’s going to be an option.
“You ready to roll?” Jules asks, coming up behind me laughing as I slam my locker shut.
“I uh… Dad’s here to pick me up, Jules.”
“Crap.”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“Do you think he knows that you and Gavin are seeing each other?”
“No… I mean I don’t think so? I don’t see how he could. I guess it’s possible, but—”
“Luna, you’re babbling.”
I stick my tongue out at her and give her a worried smile. “Honestly, it feels like something is wrong Jules. I’m kind of worried.”
“Okay, go talk to him. You will call or text me the minute you know what’s up, right?”
“Yeah…”
“You have minutes left to text me, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Give me a heads up, ASAP, girl. And don’t worry, it’s going to be fine.”
“Even you don’t sound like you believe that,” I tell her, walking back towards the front office with her.
“Okay, I admit your dad showing up isn’t the greatest of signs. He’s usually away on business all the time.”
“That’s what I’m worried about,” I confide, keeping my voice down, shoving my books against my chest and holding onto them like they’re a lifeline. I hold my chin against them, biting on my bottom lip in worry.
“Still, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad. Don’t worry about anything, until you have something to worry about. Right?”
“Right.”
We walk the rest of the way in silence and when we get to the office Jules gives me a quick hug.
“Hey, Mr. Marshall, you’re looking good!” Jules calls out, a little too peppy.
“Hey, Julie. Drive safe going home,” he says, his voice solemn. I turn to Jules with my eyes wide and see the same mini-freak-out on her face.
“Call you later, Jules.”
“Sure thing, chicken wing,” she says with a grin and heads outside.
“Are you ready, Luna?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be, Dad,” I tell him and pray I’m telling the truth.
CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
ATTICUS
“Y ou free tonight?”
“Who’s asking?” Jules quips as I stop her from getting into her car.
“Not in the mood for your bullshit tonight, Jules,” I warn her.
“Gee, Attie, maybe I’m not in the mood for yours.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means, I haven’t heard from you in weeks. I’m not just some whore you can call when you want to screw.”
“That’s exactly what you are. Don’t forget you started this,” I warn her.
“Then, I’m finishing it.”
“Bullshit.”
�
�I mean it. I’ve been dating Darren for a while. He’s a good guy and he likes me. He sure as hell doesn’t treat me like a whore.”
“I treat you exactly the way you like, and we both know it.”
“Well, maybe I want more now.”
“Then I’ll give you more tonight,” I respond, grabbing her arm and pulling her into my body roughly, my hand sliding under the short skirt she’s wearing. My finger pushes against the thin lace strap of her thong as I massage her ass.
She shoves me away and my eyes narrow on her.
“What is your damage? I told you I’ve been dating Darren. We can’t let him find us together.”
“What’s it matter? It’s me you want. You can’t tell me that straight-laced football player knows how kinky you like it, Jules.”
“Yeah, but sex isn’t everything. We’re getting ready to graduate. Darren has a promising career as a quarterback. He’s had pro scouts come check him out already.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“What? I can’t want better for myself?”
“I’m out of here,” I growl, sick of the fucking bitch. She was only good for a quick release anyway. I’ll find a different one. I don’t need her shit.
“Don’t be like that, Attie. We can still have fun, just not as often.”
“Forget it. I got bitches lined up. You’re easily replaced, Jules. Whores always are,” I tell her over my shoulder, not bothering to turn around. She’s not worth my time.
I head out walking. I don’t live far from the school. It’s actually less than a mile until you turn off the road. It’s only once you do take that turn it’s another three miles to get to the house. Our house is the very last one too, which works great for my dad because people don’t see him drinking until he passes out or hear him screaming at all hours of the night. Probably the thing he likes the most is that he can beat the shit out of us without anyone calling the cops.
I’m still fucking sore from the baseball bat he used on me last night. I was stupid. The son of a bitch hasn’t gotten the drop on me like that in a while. I wasn’t expecting him to hit me from behind. I went down so hard, and I couldn’t seem to recover, not until he was already whaling into me.
The beatings used to be pretty regular, but since Gavin and I got older I think the asshole is afraid of us. If I’m honest he’s probably more afraid of Gavin. He’s never really respected me and someday I’ll make him pay for that.
I make it to the edge of our driveway right as I see Gavin get out of his old junk heap of a truck. He seems preoccupied and he’s definitely not paying attention to what’s around him. You would think that our lives would teach him better than that. He and Luna must be fighting. That thought fills me with joy that I can’t even begin to express, and I find my lips moving into a smile. I don’t bother to try and hide it. No one is watching me anyway. I move and hide behind the large Ash tree I’m standing beside. I don’t want my father to see me. I see him standing there behind the run-down old storage shed at the edge of our yard. He’s standing there holding a shovel and he’s watching every move that Gavin makes. In just a few steps, Gavin will be right in front of him. Gavin has no idea.
I guess after the way Gavin stepped in to help me last night, I should probably warn him, but I don’t. I stand there and watch as Dad swings the shovel back and slams it into the back of Gavin’s head. To prove I’m an even bigger bastard than maybe I knew, my smile deepens as Gavin falls to the cold ground like dead weight. Maybe it did kill him, it certainly connected with him hard enough. A world without my brother in it. It’d tear Luna all up. She’d need a shoulder to grieve on. She’d need someone who had suffered the same loss. We could bond… eventually she’d see that it was me that she should have been with all along… Suddenly, I wish it was me that swung the shovel and connected with my brother’s skull.
The shovel clangs against the rock pavers and my dad starts kicking Gavin repeatedly with his work boots.
“Thought you could jump in and stop your brother from being punished. Now you’ll take his punishment and your own. You’re not the ruler here. You aren’t nothing but a waste of fucking space. Can’t even help your old man keep a roof over our heads. You’re a fucking rock around my neck holding me down.”
He keeps yelling, his words sometimes slurring and other times crystal clear. I could help Gavin. Instead I back away, making sure to stay hidden behind the tree and when I am out of eyesight, so that there’s no way my father can see me and change his target, I take off running.
With any luck maybe he’ll kill Gavin and die of a heart attack himself.
CHAPTER FORTY
LUNA
It feels like somebody has died. Looking up at the somber faces of my parents, seeing the tears in my mother’s eyes, that’s the only explanation I can come up with. Immediately I think of my grandmother. Her health hasn’t been great since she fell. This was the first holiday we’ve missed with them in forever.
“Is it Gramma?” I ask, fear in my voice. In my mind, I can see her sweet face, her dark hair varying shades of gray now, her eyes soft behind her glasses and her favorite pink flowered apron tied around her. She was always so soft. I’m not sure how a person can be as soft as she is, but when you hug her it felt like you were surrounded by feather pillows.
“What? No, Moonbeam, Gramma’s fine. We’ll be seeing her soon.”
“Then, what’s going on?” I ask even more confused.
“I… Well… You see…” Mom’s stuttering and all my attention is on her and maybe it’s because of that I wasn’t prepared for my dad, or maybe just hearing the words is what hurt me and there’s no way to get prepared for them…
“Your mother and I are getting a divorce,” he says, and it feels like the world begins crumbling around me.
“But… you two love each other. We’re happy,” I insist, even knowing that they’ve not been happy for months and months.
Every night that my mother has been crying in her room at night, comes back to haunt me. The constant sadness on her face, the way my father has been gone constantly. It all begins to add up. I mean, I knew something wasn’t right, but I never in a million years thought my parents would get divorced.
“We still love each other,” my dad says.
My mother snorts out a bitter sound that hurts to hear. When I look at her, the sadness is still in her eyes, but on the rest of her face it has been replaced with anger.
Cold anger.
“Don’t lie to our daughter, Arthur. Not like you’ve been lying to me all these months,” she accuses.
“Lyndie—”
“Lydia,” my mother corrects him, her voice harsh.
My mother’s name is Lydia, but for as long as I’ve been on this earth, Dad has always called her Lyndie. For a second, he looks like Mom has slapped him by taking that away. I suck in a deep breath, because it feels like I’m the one who was slapped.
“I do love my daughter,” Dad says, roughly.
“Oh, that’s right. You love your daughter, it’s just your wife you left for your whore.”
That’s when the truth hits me. That’s when I know that my father is truly leaving. We won’t be a family anymore, because he has another woman. Everything I’ve ever known is suddenly changing. My life is falling apart.
“Lydia, stop! What’s between us, doesn’t involve our child.”
“But it does,” I yell, standing up, tears in my eyes. “You’re destroying my life.”
“Luna—”
“Moonbeam—”
“I hate you,” I scream. “I hate you both!”
It feels like the words are being torn from me. I can’t see them, there are too many tears in my eyes. I run from the house, slamming the front door and I take off sprinting. I’ve never been there, but I’m going to Gavin’s. I need him.
He’s all I have…
CHAPTER FORTY ONE
LUNA
I ran almost all the way to Gavin’s, but
no one was home. I started to go to Jules’ house, but I remembered that she had a date with Darren. So, I kept walking and somehow, I ended up at the old dock in front of Stone Lake.
The place where I was first held by Gavin.
I’m feeling more than a little lost. I’m so cold, I don’t think I’ll ever be warm again, but I can’t go home. Not now… I don’t want to see my parents. There are things I’ll need to talk to them about… but not right now.
“Get out of here.”
“Gavin?” I gasp jumping. I search the area. Then I find him, standing in the shadows, looking over the water—his back to me.
“What are you doing here, Luna?” he asks, still not turning around. He’s standing at an awkward angle. His hand is folded against this stomach. He seems off and his voice is different.
“I had a fight with my parents.”
“Must be the night for it,” he says and he laughs. His laugh immediately turns into a cough, he wheezes next. “Fuck,” he mutters.
“Gavin, what’s wrong?”
“Got into a fight with my old man,” he says and that’s when he turns around to face me.
I cry out before I can stop myself. It’s not dark yet. There’s enough shadows around the copse of trees he’s standing near to somewhat hide him, but there’s definitely enough light to see that Gavin has been beat up. His lip is busted, his right eye is swollen, there’s a cut under his chin, and the blood has pooled and dried. There are varying degrees of bruising on his face and neck that disappear in a trail under his shirt. He’s holding his hand at an awkward angle, and I don’t even know how he’s still standing.