I grimaced. “It was Marcus.”
“It was Marcus who told you, or Marcus who betrayed us?” he questioned closely. “Think carefully.”
I wracked my brain as Devyn took my hand and entwined our fingers, leading me over to the chairs on the other side of the empty bed. I looked down at our hands. Apparently maintaining our link trumped his duty, his obligations… or whatever it was that had made him push me away.
I shook it off. One problem at a time. Marcus had told me that the authorities knew everything but that only meant they knew what he knew. What else had he told me in that little room in the Savoy? I’d been so out of it and then the lights had gone out entirely. Sort of.
“Everything is so confusing. At the hotel, before the handfast, I felt out of it. When I got home Camilla knew, she knew I hadn’t been with Marcus. I think giving me my freedom that evening was a test, and I failed.” I looked up at him, a slight warmth on my cheeks. “Spectacularly.”
Devyn looked away. I felt his emotions; they were still faint but I could make out his shame clearly enough. He was still angry at himself for what had happened and some of that anger was not unfairly aimed at me. He resented that I had made him betray his principles. I had known how much he wanted to honour his stupid promise. But I hadn’t made any bloody promises. A squeeze of my fingers brought me back.
“They gave me something to get me to sleep that night – maybe they were worried that I was planning to make a run for it before the handfast. I guess they knew what we didn’t – that once handfasted I was pretty much locked in.” I shook my head at our naivety; we didn’t have a clue what we were up against.
Devyn ran a hand through his dark curls. “I didn’t know. I’ll look into it. We’ll figure it out. What does it feel like?”
I thought about the last couple of weeks. I had been so blithely happy, like the girl I had been before. The pampered princess, back up in my ivory tower. I was aware of everything that had happened, everything I had learned, everything I had felt over the last months – the trap for which I had been raised, the illness that was sweeping the land, the mother who had died protecting me, the music that sang in my bones, the way I felt when Devyn was with me. I looked down at our joined hands.
“I don’t care,” I shrugged. “I don’t care about any of it, magic, the illness. You.”
I looked up to see if my words had any impact on him but the stoic mask was firmly in place.
“It’s like all that happened a long time ago, to someone else, and this version of me is… sort of indifferent to all that stuff. My parents are lovely, my fiancé is handsome. That’s enough.” I tasted salt as a tear hit my mouth. All my hopes for life beyond the city were crushed. They’d never been the strongest anyway, based as they were on a boy who told me he would have to betray everything he believed in for us to be together. A boy who had allowed me to be handfasted to Marcus rather than leave with me. Here, there, I was still pushed at Marcus by people whose endgame I didn’t understand. “And maybe a part of me was happy to go back to that.”
His rejection had been devastating. But he had also been hurt, and I was the one who had thrown myself at him. I needed to say something now, while I was still myself. Once he let go of my hand, I didn’t have the same belief as he did that we hadn’t been completely outmanoeuvred.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry that you’re unhappy about it.”
“Don’t be.” His fingers tightened around mine. “I’ve been thinking about it. If we hadn’t been together like that then the connection might never have re-established. That said, if the sentinels don’t kill me here, they will definitely kill me there if they find out at home how it got triggered.” He shook his head, refocusing. “Since your warning I’ve been trying to reach you but I can’t sense you at all. You can still feel it?”
“No, I mean yes. That is, I can feel it now. During the ceremony I could feel you but as soon as they put the cuff on it went. Or I turned it off. I’m not sure. Now I can feel something, not clearly, but I can feel you a little again,” I explained.
“The cuff. Show me.”
I lifted my sleeve to show him the intricate band of silver wrapped around my upper arm.
“I can’t see a catch. Can you take it off?” He traced his finger around the band to see if his touch could discern something his eyes were missing.
I shook my head. “No, you know it only comes off during the marriage ceremony.”
He huffed and sat back in his chair.
“That’s going to be a little late for us.”
“What do you care? Marcus is just as likely to come with me if I leave once we’re married.”
His dark eyes locked with mine. I could feel traces of his emotion – anger, a swirl of jealousy, and denial.
What did it matter if I married Marcus? After all, Devyn had made it clear it was impossible for us to be together. Why not let me marry Marcus… except for the fact that I felt nothing for Marcus. Not the way I felt about Devyn, even despite the fact that he wouldn’t tell me what I needed to know, that he kept me following along on half-truths and bits of information he fed me at just the right time, that he had rejected me.
I didn’t care. None of it really mattered in the end. I would cross the earth to be with him.
“If you’re not married and you don’t want Marcus, maybe there’s still a chance for you and me,” he said quietly, staring intently at his fingers rubbing mine.
My heart jumped one way as my stomach dipped the other. I was stunned.
“You mean it?” He would fight for us? Who was the fight against? Himself or the people who gave him orders?
He nodded. “I’ll try.”
I beamed, radiant. There was a chance. Whatever other forces stood in our way, if Devyn wanted something then I believed in him. He had found me after all.
“First things first. We still need to get you both out of the city.” His words brought me back down to earth.
I frowned. “It still needs to be both of us?”
“My orders remain unchanged. I haven’t told anyone I found you; it’s too risky to try. We should stick to the original plan and try to bring Marcus.”
“Even though he betrayed us and told them everything? Okay, so he didn’t tell them about Fidelma, but he still wants to stay in the city and he has no interest in living with the barbarians in the woods,” I said angrily.
“Not like you, my love.” He laughed, pecking my cheek. And stopping my heart in my chest.
I focused. I couldn’t let him see how much that one little affectionate peck had affected me. Passion, anger, desire, despair, all of these I had seen, all too frequently. But affection was new. Affection to me was off the charts. I smiled. I would scale the wall with my bare hands for that peck on the cheek.
“Marcus didn’t tell them about Fidelma?” Devyn picked up the subject at hand.
“No, he told me he didn’t tell them about her. He gave you up instead. They know you have magic, but he didn’t know about me. We never told him.”
“That’s something, at least,” Devyn said, his expression thoughtful as his mind searched through our options. “What else did he say?”
I tried to recall the conversation with Marcus. It felt like so long ago and there had been so much going on at the time. I had been so angry… he had been my friend. How could he have given me up like that?
“He did it so he would be allowed to continue to treat the sick, all of the sick and not just the elite.” I found myself defending him again, a fact that did not pass Devyn by.
“If he came with us, we could treat many, many more,” he stated.
“How?” I asked. “He’s been given permission to treat at least twenty for every elite he treats, as long as he doesn’t get too drained again.”
“Who did he make the deal with?” Devyn probed, ignoring my question.
“His father,” I answered. “It wasn’t his father’s call though. Marcus said he
had to take it away to get confirmation. Someone more senior must be in charge – Praetor Calchas, maybe the Governor.”
There was something else, something important I was forgetting. I wracked my brain. My chest was also starting to get tight. I was going to have to leave this room soon; I was aware that I had already been gone far longer than I should. Hopefully in the chaos of the public ward I wouldn’t be missed straight away. I didn’t want to go back. I looked at our linked hands. I loved Devyn with everything in my being. But a slight niggle tapped at me: did I trust him? I had trusted him before and he had let me down. He always kept something back, always hid secrets from me.
He’d waited for years, watching from the shadows before making a move. He’d left his home, his family, his people, put everything on the line in order to find me. I had to believe he loved me too and that once we got across the wall, no matter what his people said, he wouldn’t let them force me into staying with Marcus.
I knew why the puppeteer who pulled the strings here in the city wanted me to be with Marcus. Why would anyone care who I was with beyond the walls? Magic was everywhere there. It was what stopped the Empire taking over the whole island. That they wanted Marcus to help with the illness I understood. I was their only way to get Marcus out, a leash that could drag him with me. Would I even be wanted though? Devyn had implied that there were others who would have looked if they knew I was still alive. There were still so many unanswered questions.
“The illness,” I said, shaking off my wandering thoughts as I made a connection, “Marina. They’ve known about us since then. Since before then. That day they took you from class, Marcus says you were on the sands, that Calchas persuaded the Governor to release you so they could find out who else you were in league with.”
His brow drew together. “What?”
“You were on trial at the Mete, the same night as Oban. That’s why you didn’t remember. They must have healed you then set you free. That’s how they knew about us. Whatever you plan to do, you can’t use the way we got Marina out. They let it happen; they let us get her out. We’re trapped here.”
I could see his quick mind absorbing the new information, filling the hole he must have been aware of on some level.
I stood up, panic building in me. We were never going to be able to get out of the city. The authorities had been a step ahead of us the whole time. There was no way out.
“Cass.” His arms came around me. “We will get out. I will get you out.”
His dark eyes were unwavering as they looked deep into mine, steadying me.
“I’ll figure it out. Our biggest difficulty is that once I let you go, you aren’t going to care about any of this. I’m going to need to get near enough to counteract the handfast in order to have a conversation with my Cass,” he said.
His Cass.
“What about the connection? Can’t we talk through that?” I asked urgently.
“That’s not how it works.”
“But you heard me when I screamed at you to run after Marcus told me they were coming for you,” I reminded him.
“I didn’t hear the words, just sensed your fear, your urgency. It was warning enough. I left the house immediately. I was coming to find you, to figure out what was wrong. I went out through the garden into a side gallery and moments later the sentinels arrived at the front door,” he explained. “I’ve been battering against that connection ever since and you’ve felt nothing.”
I shook my head, confirming that I hadn’t felt anything. There had to be a way or Devyn was never going to get near me again. That he had managed it this once was a minor miracle but with less than a week to go to the wedding I wasn’t willing to risk it.
“There’s no way this is going to work. You need to make a plan, without talking to me, and find a way to get close enough to touch me before I’ll even consider doing anything off script. A plan, may I add, which involves getting both Marcus and me alone and ready to run.” I felt ill. “It just isn’t possible.”
“Anything is possible.”
“Now you decide to become an optimist?” I teased. Where was my stoic Devyn who, despite his magic, dealt in facts and careful planning?
“Let’s try this. Let’s separate and see how quickly your will disappears,” he proposed. I considered his phrasing. Was it my will that went away, the will that wanted to break free, or was it that their will was imposed onto mine until I couldn’t tell the difference anymore?
I stepped back and our hands dropped away from each other. Initially it was fine but as he continued backing up I felt Devyn begin to drift away. The anxiety that I would never be able to escape, the fear that he would be caught, the joy that pulsed through me in his presence just dissipated. Marcus, Marcus would be wondering where I was. The sentinels would surely have noticed that I had disappeared and I would be reprimanded. Perhaps they would tell my parents. How would I explain why I had spent so much time with Devyn? Why was I still here? I needed to get back so I turned to go.
Devyn caught my arm to hold me.
“Oh.”
We had no chance. I had been gone. My real self, the real Cassandra, had vanished as if I had never been mere moments after Devyn had let go of my hand.
Devyn stared at me, his eyes dark and intense.
“I can’t take it.” He closed his eyes. “I can’t bear to look in your eyes and see myself disappear. Once I let you go I’m no one. I’m no one to you.”
“But you have to let me go.” I would be missed soon.
We stared at each other in despair. I stepped into his arms and held on to him as if my life depended on it, tucking myself into his chest. The clinical room faded away and all that existed for me was Devyn’s solid chest and his heartbeat. He put a finger under my chin and lifted my face up, giving him access to my lips. His kiss was tender and soul deep conveying his desperation, his need. We pulled away breathing heavily; time was not on our side. Our hands remained tangled together as we stepped apart.
“No, I don’t.”
He looked back at me, his expression becoming resolute.
“We go. Now,” he pronounced.
I gasped. “What about Marcus?”
“Damn Marcus. Damn them all.” He assessed our options. “You’re right. Without you at least as a willing participant in your escape we have no chance. I came here for you and I have you now. I will not lose you again. If the handfast has done this to you, once you’re actually married I may never get you back. I’m not willing to take that risk. To the bottom of the Tamesis with them. If they want Marcus they can come here and get him themselves.”
“Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “But you said you had orders. Won’t you get into trouble?” I raised a brow. We were the only chance of getting Marcus across the borderlands. “Are you sure?” He had been so adamant about his orders.
He shrugged. “No, but I’m hoping that bringing you home will take the sting out of it.”
“Your home?” I asked. To be honest, beyond crossing the wall I had no idea where we were bound. North Cymru had taken on a mythical aspect in my mind, all mountains and mists, valleys and castles, and I wondered what it would be like for Devyn to return home after all this time. I had heard the note of longing in his voice when he spoke of it, how desperate he must be to get back there, having been trapped inside the city all these years.
“No, your home,” he corrected me sombrely.
“My home?” I asked, my heart bouncing in my chest. I had a home. Out there in the wilds there was someone who waited for me.
“Yes. I promise I’ll tell you everything but first we have to get out of here,” he said hurriedly. He pulled back the curtain and looked out on the street below, a frown appearing on his face. “If we’re going, we have to go now.”
He looked me up and down.
“Where’s your pendant?”
My hand lifted up to where the pendant usually sat. My teeth pulled on my lower lip.
&nbs
p; “I’m not sure. I couldn’t wear it with my handfast dress. It didn’t go so I had to take it off.”
He pulled an annoyed face at me as he drew me over to the door and unlocked it.
“What?” I asked. “It’s not like the other me has any need for it. No sneaking, you know.”
He gave an irritated humph and, taking my hand and laying it on his shoulder so we maintained contact, started to pull off his wristband.
“The charm doesn’t just keep your words hidden from the microphones. When it’s activated it should obscure you to the cameras. As soon as you disappear, every camera in the city will be scanning for you.” He winked. “Obviously I have my own way of disappearing in a crowd. You need it more.”
He put it on me which was a good thing as I was now starting to shake so badly I wasn’t sure I could have managed the clasp. Were we really doing this? This moment was the last I would ever spend in the life I had always known. From now on I would be considered a traitor, a fugitive to be hunted down.
I reached up and pulled Devyn to me, kissing him, deeply, hungrily. I could do this. There was no way I was living my life without him.
The door opened and Miri’s head appeared around it. Devyn ended up on the other side of the door so the flustered nurse failed to see him.
“Oh my gods,” she exclaimed. “There you are. What are you still doing up here? Everyone’s going mental looking for you. They’ve called in sentinels, for crying out loud. What took you so long?”
“I… I…” I stammered. They’d called even more sentinels in. There was no way we were going to make it out of here. “Sorry, I got totally lost and then I sort of got chatting.”
I waved distractedly at the curtain behind me and realised that Devyn had let go of my hand when the door opened. I wasn’t touching him and I was still myself, though I wasn’t sure how long I had left. I caught his eyes as he stood unmoving behind the door. He’d already realised our mistake and was watching me carefully, waiting to see if I would turn him in to the authorities. I looked down at the wristband – that was what was making the difference, I was sure of it. I looked back up and Devyn took my meaning, a slow smile appearing on his face in the shadows.
Secrets of the Starcrossed Page 31