by Dora Hiers
She lifted a shoulder. “I’m not in town all that much. And, really, Camdon, this is your decision. Whatever you decide, I’m good with it.” She shoveled a petite forkful of mac and cheese in her mouth.
“Yeah?” He studied his sister’s sweet face, couldn’t see any sign of hesitation or fear. She really had come a long way.
“Yeah. The bigger question is how you feel about it.”
“I’m still not sure,” he admitted with a sigh. He set the fork down.
“What’s keeping you from being sure?”
“You. Mom. Sierra.” He took a swig of water.
Remi nodded, her gaze thoughtful. “Have you talked with Mom?”
“Yep. She pretty much said the same thing as you.”
“And Sierra? How does she fit in?”
He scrubbed fingers across the stubble on his jaws. “I’m not sure, yet.”
“You guys have been friends for a long time. Is that how you’d like her to fit in?”
He chuckled, but it wasn’t from amusement. Remi was going for the jugular. “No.”
She nodded, certainty firming her jaw. “Then what are you doing about that?”
He blew out a long breath and leaned back in the chair. “Praying mostly.”
“Keep praying. Sierra just needs time to figure out that there’s room in her heart for more than one person to love. She’ll come around.”
His pulse sped up. Was Remi right? Would Sierra finally open her heart to love?
“You love your job, Camdon, and everything you do creates a better place to live and work. Harrison needs your new ideas and your unbridled enthusiasm. I think you need to go for it…and her.” Remi nodded once. A trace of a smile curved her lips as she took another bite of macaroni and cheese.
****
Sierra finished wiping the last pan and returned it to the proper cabinet. She hung up the dish towel and turned around, intent on changing into her pajamas and an early bedtime.
Wilma stood in front of the fridge, decked out in sweats again. She rummaged through the freezer, rearranging packages and digging deeper. Finally, she turned around, sporting a triumphant glance and brandishing a carton of ice cream. “Found it!”
Her pajamas could wait. At least until after she’d scarfed down a dish of her favorite treat.
“Cherries and chocolate chips. I was saving it for a special occasion.” Wilma’s face lit with a self-satisfied smile.
“What’s the special occasion?”
The smile faltered. Wilma hiked her chin. “I just decided there doesn’t have to be a special occasion.”
“Oh. Okay. Works for me.” Since Violet wasn’t a sweet lover, Sierra only pulled out two bowls from the cabinet and spoons.
Wilma scooped out the ice cream, and they sat back down at the table. The first bite slid down Sierra’s throat, smooth as silk.
“How’s the house hunt coming along?”
The second spoonful stuck in her throat like a giant wad of cotton. Sierra forced it down, wishing she could bury all the other sorry news of late right along with it. The spoon clanged against the bowl. “It’s not. Not after Violet’s orthodontist appointment the other day.”
“Oh, no.” Disappointment colored Wilma’s tone. She slumped back against the chair.
She hated to disappoint her grandmother. “And especially not after I heard that I might be out of a job any day now.”
“What?” Wilma screeched and pushed back from the table. The chair’s legs tottered precariously. She shot up and stalked the length of the kitchen, arms crossed over her frail chest, sweatpants swallowing her scrawny hips. “That’s preposterous!”
This was the grandmother she knew and loved. Not the flirtatious woman, latched on to Monty’s arm, hanging on to his every word.
Yep. This was her world. Wilma, and her faded sweatpants, her ornery head usually bent over a book. Violet, with her retro phrases and her constant badgering for a pet and a dad.
And her. Thirty years old and soon to be out of a job. If it weren’t for her grandmother, she’d be homeless again. Why would Camdon want to be part of this?
Forever love didn’t belong in her world of brokenness and loss. A happily-ever-after didn’t equate when she was staring down the road of Violet’s turbulent teen years, quaking in her boots with fear that her daughter might end up trudging the same path that she’d walked. What man would want to travel that journey with her? He’d have to be slightly on the crazy side.
No. Camdon was not crazy. He just didn’t know what he was signing up for. He might’ve been her friend for most of Violet’s childhood, yes, but that didn’t mean he wanted to step into her mess. He was just being Camdon. Kind. Loyal. A true friend that felt guilty and wanted to make things right and better, even though none of this was his fault.
This mess was all her fault. Because she’d allowed dreams to germinate and take root. Dreams of a home, a place where they belonged, a place they could call their own. With a porch to linger in the evenings, chatting about homework and boys, a refuge of quiet comfort and a source of joy after a long day at work.
And yeah, maybe she had even considered that eventually, after Violet graduated high school, she might be open to a relationship, but it wouldn’t be with Camdon. Camdon definitely didn’t belong. No. His career was taking him to higher places, and she was headed down. Again.
He could keep his words of forever love. No such thing existed.
“What happened, ladybug?”
“Another round of budget cuts, as if we weren’t bleeding enough already. Daniel said he doesn’t see any other way.” A sniffle caught her unaware, and she stood, reaching for a tissue from the box on the kitchen shelf.
She wiped her nose, and a lone tear trickled down her cheek. Forget the house hunt. How would she take care of her daughter? And since Wilma only worked part time now and Sierra had assumed the responsibility of paying the mortgage as her rent, how would she come up with the money? They might all end up on the streets. And it would be her fault. A shudder started in Sierra’s torso and worked its way down, leaving her legs weak and unsteady.
“I was really expecting the skinny on Camdon.” Wilma licked dry, chapped lips. “That kinda hit me in the eyeballs.”
Sierra scoffed, wadding the soft tissue into a fist. “Tell me about it. W-what do you mean the ‘skinny’ on Camdon?”
Wilma’s head tilted to the right. “You know. Just to see if anything had changed after our talk.”
“Nothing has changed.” Everything had changed.
Wilma stretched out a bony arm and gave Sierra’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Don’t you worry, ladybug. We’ve been through much worse. We’ll get by until we can figure things out.” With those words of encouragement, Wilma scooped up her paperback from the table and headed to her bedroom, her slippers shuffling against the wood floor.
Sierra stared after her grandmother, her head wobbling back and forth. How could she trust Wilma’s words anymore? And they didn’t lend her any comfort. Not like Remi’s or Camdon’s. Was it because of their faith?
Sierra glanced at the clock on the stove. Nine thirty, and Camdon hadn’t called or texted. Already things were changing. She closed her eyes, hating the changes, the distance, the turmoil churning in her belly.
Maybe she just hadn’t felt the vibration. She tugged her phone out of her pocket.
Nope. No calls. No texts.
Disappointment slithered in to add to the turmoil. How and when had Camdon immersed himself into her life so much that she couldn’t go a day without talking to him?
Should she text him? Call? She couldn’t remember the last time they hadn’t talked or hung out together on a Sunday night. But she’d told him to leave her alone. He was only doing as she asked.
An ache settled around her chest. From loneliness or fear of losing his friendship, she didn’t know, but neither accomplished anything.
She tapped the phone screen a few times and entered the password for h
er bank account. She glanced at the dismal amount in her checking account then switched to her savings. That number was a little better. It might cover their expenses for a few months if they really cut back on their spending, but it would take everything she’d saved for the house. And Violet wouldn’t get her braces, yet. Sighing, she tossed the phone on the table.
Lord, I’ve messed things up so badly. Everything I touch seems to fall apart. I can’t do this by myself anymore. I want what my friends have, their faith-filled outlook, their peace… How had they described it? That peace that passes human understanding. That peace knowing that whatever happens in my life, everything will be all right because it’s filtered through Your hand. I need You in my life, but even more than that, I want You in my life. Not just today, when it seems like I’m staring into a chasm that’s so deep, I’ll never find my way, but every day, every minute.
Her lashes fluttered up. She hadn’t received a revelation or heard any audible voice of reassurance. Was that all there was to it? Had she done it right?
****
Camdon slashed a hand through his hair. His eyes burned and his shoulders ached from the long hours slumped over the laptop. He took off his reading glasses and scrubbed both hands across his face, exhaustion just about forcing him to call it a night.
So far, all he’d discovered were a handful of line items where a few dollars could be shaved. Nothing of substance. Not enough to convince Daniel to keep Sierra’s job.
He had to keep at it. There had to be extra money somewhere. And if there was an error, he intended to find it. Sighing, he stood up and stretched arms over his head to work out the kinks.
Coffee. That’s what he needed. Another cup. Of course, the four earlier ones hadn’t done much, but hey, number five might be the winner and he could finally crawl under the covers. He scooped the empty mug from the desk and wandered through the dark house, his stockinged feet noiseless against the cool hardwood. He didn’t bother turning on the kitchen light as he brewed another pot of decaf. He nudged a hip against the granite, allowed his eyelids to close for just a minute.
Yeah. Just a minute. To rest his eyes.
He sighed when Sierra’s image popped up. She wound her arms tightly around his neck and smiled up at him. Her whispered “I love you” tickled his ear.
The coffeemaker’s gurgle jerked him back to the dark kitchen. One day, Lord? Will You help her to say that when I’m wide awake?
He made his way back to the office, glancing at the time on the stove. One AM. Too late to call or text her. How could he have let the time slip by without calling her? She would think that he had given up on her. Not a chance!
Determination tightened his jaw as he sank back into the leather chair. The strong brew slid down his throat as he stared at the budget document open on the screen. Just for kicks and because he didn’t have anything else to lose besides a few hours of sleep, he chose a cell on the worksheet to verify that the sum contained all the rows for that particular revenue item.
He blinked and refocused, but his eyes refused to cooperate. Flicking the table lamp up another notch, he leaned closer, forcing the numbers and letters to come into focus. The calculation was missing a row. How could that be?
Excitement curled in his belly, but he tamped it down. Not yet. Not until he had this figured out. He adjusted the formula, adding the row so that it factored into the sum.
Wow! His office chair squeaked with his weight. He curled his hands around the back of his neck. How many other rows of revenue were missing? He checked the rest of the document, finding a few more sums where a row or column had been missed, praying that these lapses only impacted the revenues, not the expenses.
Two hours later, his elbow perched next to the laptop, chin resting in his palm, he scanned the completed document, finally allowing the exhilaration to race through his veins.
Sierra’s job would be spared. That was great news. Unfortunately, the finance director wouldn’t be happy with him when he questioned how a mistake like this could happen with all the checks and balances in place.
The bigger question begged. Would Sierra be happy with him?
17
“Wow. I can’t believe I missed that.” Daniel slumped in the chair and rubbed his bald head. Clearly, shock slacked his jaw and drooped his shoulders.
Camdon had called the Parks and Rec Director to his office first thing this morning. They sat next to each other behind Camdon’s desk, the laptop with the open budget document between them.
“You’re not the only one who missed it.” Camdon struggled to keep the frustration from coloring his voice.
When he’d interned for the finance department during college, he’d made his share of mistakes during the development of the budget. But someone higher up had caught them, and as a result, they’d instituted checks and balances to prevent future mistakes like this.
Back then, there hadn’t been any jobs hanging on the outcome. Especially not Sierra’s.
Somewhere along the way, the checks and balances had been stripped.
Daniel sat up straight, excitement replacing the earlier doom on his face. “That gives us a little breathing room, especially with the extra funds we’ll save from dropping Sierra’s position.”
Camdon sucked in a breath. Anger threatened to unleash its fury on Daniel. His voice came out tight, measured, barely restrained. “Why should you drop Sierra’s position now?”
Daniel shrugged. “I already warned her that her job was getting axed. I don’t see why that has to change. Like I said, it’ll give us—”
“Like I said.” He glared, his jaw so tight it could snap, and closed the laptop. “You will not fire anybody. As far as I’m concerned, we’re finished with the layoffs. If the council members want more blood, they can have my job.” Camdon stood. This conversation was over.
“But—” Daniel lurched to his feet but remained behind Camdon’s desk, clearly miffed at the directive.
Camdon didn’t care. He strode to the door and jerked it open.
Daniel hadn’t even offered an apology or uttered his regret for making Sierra worry and the man was still trying to argue with him over not firing her. If Camdon became City Manager, replacing the insubordinate Parks and Rec Director would be his first order of business.
His voice came out terse. “Will you tell her, or shall I?”
“That’s my job. I’ll handle it.” Daniel moved to the open door, his cold blue eyes drilling Camdon with contempt, his chest puffed up like a strutting peacock. “If you’re not careful, the council members just might take you up on your offer. Then who else will be without a job.”
A gasp came from out in the hall, but Camdon was too upset with the man spouting venom to pay any attention. “Is that a threat, Daniel?”
With a final glare, Daniel stormed out of the office, almost knocking into somebody in the hall.
Camdon heaved a sigh and stuck his head around the wall to glance into the hallway. “I’m sorry about—”
Horror widened Sierra’s emerald eyes, rimmed with red. Her mouth gaping, she clutched a stack of papers to her chest. Her lips moved, but nothing came out.
“Sierra—” He wanted to make things right, to tell her that conversation wasn’t what it seemed, to share the good news, but couldn’t. Not after Daniel said he would.
She rushed past him, flashing a fake smile as a sob wrenched from her throat. Her low heels clicked noisily against the tile floor in her haste to get away from him. She mashed the glass exit door and disappeared outside.
Should he go after her? Indecision warred with the anger still churning in his blood. It might be better if he gave himself a few minutes to calm down before he headed over to her office. He might run into her boss first, and that could get ugly.
Several heads poked around office doors to peer out into the hallway, sending him speculative glances. He rarely lost his temper, so, of course, they’d wonder what just happened. With a sigh, he stalked to the window in h
is office that overlooked the parking lot and squeezed the blind slats open.
He watched Sierra fling her purse and a file onto the passenger seat of her car. She got in, hunched over the steering wheel, and covered her face with her hands.
His heart ripped in half, aching to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right. Just when he’d decided to go outside, she drove away.
He lowered the blinds and scooped his personal phone off the desk. When her beautiful smile showed up on his screen, he connected the call, but it went straight to voicemail.
She might need some space, but he needed her.
****
Sierra added the last part-time worker’s name into December’s schedule. She searched for Danby, and finding none, hit save. There. That was it. She’d removed her shifts from the rest of November and this afternoon’s revisions would get the department through the end of the year without her.
Maybe she should look for an assistant director’s job in another city? But, that wasn’t ideal. Not with Violet at such a delicate age and Wilma needing help with the mortgage. But if she didn’t get another job soon, she wouldn’t be any help, either.
Sniffling, she printed the document, keeping a wary eye for the blinking message light on her phone and peering around her cubicle wall every few minutes. Why hadn’t Daniel summoned her to his office, yet?
Who was she kidding? She knew the drill. He’d wait for the end of the day. Not only would he bleed every ounce of work out of her today, but he’d put off most of the questions from the full-time staff until tomorrow, when they came in and saw her cubby cleared out.
Her gaze flitted to the empty paper boxes she’d pilfered from the storage room and stashed under her desk. Should she get a head start and fill them now? She gave her head a little shake. No, she just couldn’t. Not yet.
The door to the administrative offices opened, and footsteps led to the reception counter. A man’s deep rumbling voice snagged her attention.
Camdon! He was here to do the ugly deed? She covered her face with her palm, her heart plummeting to her toes. Why couldn’t it have been Daniel? At least, with Daniel, losing her job wouldn’t have been so hard, so painful. But no, her boss must have waved it off to Camdon, her best friend. How could she stare into his beautiful eyes, hear his friendly voice, remember his kiss—