by Dora Hiers
Sierra stiffened. Remi was also Camdon’s sister. Would their recent friendship survive if Camdon never spoke to her again? When the bus arrived back in town, he’d helped the seniors disembark, but he’d barely uttered a good-bye to her before darting to his compact car, practically burning rubber when the tires squealed out of the parking lot a few minutes ago.
Sadness over the loss gripped her heart and squeezed tight. If she wasn’t careful, the tears would spill over, and Remi would want to know everything. She couldn’t confess her feelings to Camdon’s sister, no matter how nice Remi was. Sierra had enough trouble getting along with her own family. She certainly didn’t want to create a rift between Camdon and Remi. She loved their family too much.
“Anyway, Violet was great, a real joy to have around. And she loves the llamas.” Remi winked and covered Sierra’s hand with a gentle touch.
“Figures. She’s always badgering me for a dog. Now I’ll have to dodge her requests for a llama, huh?” Sierra sniffled, battling back the tears. She. Would. Not. Cry. Hadn’t she wept enough for a lifetime already?
“Want to talk about it?” Remi’s quiet words, her compassionate expression, weakened Sierra’s resolve. “You look like you lost your best friend.”
Sierra’s determination not to cry crumbled as the first drop trickled down her cheek. She swiped it away with an angry motion. “I did.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Guess she was wrong. She still had tears left in her. The dam broke, and rivers tracked down her cheeks. She covered her face with her palms.
A chair slid back from the table then a hand rubbed gentle circles along her back and shoulders.
A clock ticked off the minutes. When her sobs were spent, she didn’t lift her head. She couldn’t look at Remi, afraid she might see condemnation or judgment. Or worse, pity.
“It’s Camdon, isn’t it?” Remi’s soft tone startled her.
Sierra’s spine stiffened in response, and she sniffled.
“Thought so.” With a sigh, Remi eased back into her seat and cradled the mug between both hands. “Does he know that you love him?”
Love him? What? “Remi, you’re mistaken.”
Remi’s dark eyebrows lifted, and a smile teased the corners of her lips. “Am I?” She sipped, causing Sierra to consider those two words in the silence that stretched.
“Nobody’s mentioned love—” Wait! Had he? She closed her eyes and thought back to the kiss, er, kisses they shared. The one word that lodged in her brain was ‘forever.’ Her lashes fluttered up. “He kissed me,” she blurted.
“And…” Remi drew out the word as if it contained three syllables.
Sierra scrunched her forehead. “He ruined our friendship. How can I ever look at him again without—”
“Remembering what that kiss felt like?”
“Knowing where it leads.” Sierra dipped her chin.
“And where is that, exactly?” Remi’s voice was dangerously quiet.
Had she jumped to all the wrong conclusions?
The door swung open. Violet breezed inside along with a blast of cool air from outside. She flung her coat on the back of the couch and then plopped into the chair with a dramatic groan, her girl child stepping on the threshold to womanhood. “Mom, we just have to get a llama.”
No. She hadn’t been wrong.
The consequences of those few kisses in high school resulted in her being homeless. In her being singled out, the object of whispers behind closed hands and pointed fingers as her tummy grew and grew. Launched her into a life of single parenthood.
But that was the point. She would not squeeze Violet out to make room for anyone else, no matter who it was.
She gulped back the regret, wishing things could be different, wishing Camdon hadn’t pushed their friendship past the boundary that had always been there, wishing he hadn’t given her a glimpse of what forever love might look like.
Because she couldn’t compromise, couldn’t force her daughter to relive her own horrendous childhood experiences.
Sierra swiped a hand across her cheek, her heart feeling as brittle and lifeless as a November leaf trampled under her boot. She forced a smile to her quivering lips, her eyes mirroring her love for her daughter. “I think you’ll have to settle for visiting Remi and Mason, sweetheart. Grandma’s backyard isn’t big enough to accommodate a llama.”
Just like her heart wasn’t big enough to accommodate Camdon. An ache gripped her chest and squeezed the life from her lungs.
She turned to glance at Remi and forced the words from her emotion-clogged throat. “Do you have your answer?”
“Yeah. I do. And I expect that you do, too. You just don’t realize it, yet.” Remi nodded, her face glowing with confidence. With a dreamy expression on her face, her gaze swiveled toward Violet. “It leads to someone so precious you can’t imagine your life without them in it.”
Sierra sought out her daughter. Definitely true.
“It leads to love and forever.”
Forever. Interesting that Camdon had used the same word. “Forever doesn’t belong in my world.”
“Really?” Remi took another sip of tea. “That’s weird. Because the way I see it, motherhood is a forever blessing, isn’t it? It’s not something you give up or relinquish when Violet turns eighteen.”
Sierra jerked as if Remi had slapped her.
Memories of that night erupted to haunt her. The condemnation on her mother’s face when Sierra announced that she was pregnant. Her stepfather’s harsh words and even heavier hand. Staring at the front door as it rocked and wobbled, the sound of the deadbolt severe and unforgiving, her busted lips and eyes swelling until she could barely see or talk.
Wondering what she was supposed to do, where to go when she didn’t have a dollar in her purse.
The stillness of the night betrayed the churning emotions, the swirling fear, the deep ache of loneliness hurting more than the beating she’d taken.
How long had she stood outside? Minutes? Hours? She’d waited for her mother to rush out and wrap her arms around her, to comfort her, to forgive her. To say that everything would be all right.
But that never happened. Her mother had stayed inside with her husband. Why had Sierra expected different when all her life she’d been the outcast, the daughter that got tossed around from house to house?
She would never do that to Violet. Never. Not even if Violet came home pregnant.
She sniffed and buried the memories again. Dredged up a smile. No, Violet would never worry about getting beaten or kicked out of her own home.
“Believe me, Sierra, I’m the last person to talk about love. But God does some pretty amazing things. He is more than able to handle your worries and your fears. If He can bring a racecar driver and a social phobic together, He can do anything. And the way He brought us together?” She chuckled and shook her head. “I still can’t believe it, even now.”
“What do you mean?” Sierra had never heard the whole story about how the pair met. Just that it was a divine encounter.
A happy sound gurgled from Remi’s throat. “One of my llamas was in labor. I had called the vet just a few minutes before Mason showed up in a tiny little sports car. That sweet man helped with the delivery, endured Jumbo’s miserable behavior, and never once complained. All that time I thought he was the on-call vet.”
“Really?” Sierra laughed, her chest feeling lighter already.
“I didn’t find out who he really was until later, quite by accident. If it wasn’t for his determination for us to get to know each other beyond that first meeting, we might not be where we are right now. Best friends for life, and madly in love with each other.”
Best friends for life. Madly in love.
The weight of Remi’s words, the conviction in her voice, slammed into Sierra’s chest, stealing her breath. So similar to Camdon’s words, it was almost eerie.
“To shorten a very long story, it was totally a God thing. He used a celebrity who
lives in the media spotlight to heal me of my fears.” Remi shook her head, wonder glazing her face.
“That’s an incredible story.”
Remi nodded, thumping a palm against her chest. “He can do the same for you, Sierra. If you’ll just open your heart to Him.”
****
Camdon lifted the bar and held it until his arm muscles strained and his chest burned.
“That’s enough, man. What are you trying to prove?” Carson hovered over him, arms extended in case the weight slipped from Camdon’s sweaty palms.
The bar clanged back into place, and with a groan, he sat up. He snatched the towel off the end of the bench and swiped at the sweat blotting his face and trickling down his neck.
“What are you thinking lifting that much?” Carson plopped down on the bench beside him.
“That I wanted to beat your record.”
Carson scoffed. “Come on now, Cam. I lift heavy objects for a living. You lift a pencil.”
“Not even. About the only workout I get at work is tapping a keyboard. Or tugging a box of coffee down from the top shelf in the break room because nobody else can reach it.” He rubbed his face with the towel, hiding his expression from his twin. It wouldn’t take long for his brother to figure out what was wrong.
“You can’t expect to come in here and lift that much weight when you’re not used to it.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“So how’d the trip go?”
Camdon shrugged and clenched his jaw, his muscles still quivering from the exertion. “Not quite like I had planned.”
“How so?”
“I’m no closer to making any decisions.”
“No? I thought that was the whole idea behind getting away.”
“Yeah.” That had been the plan.
“So, do you want to talk about it?”
Camdon rammed his fingers through his sweat-soaked hair and stared at the floor, his mouth pressed into a firm line. A man didn’t kiss and tell. Not the kind of man he wanted to be, anyway.
“I talked to Remi on my way here. She said Sierra had just left from picking up Violet.”
He twitched. Just a slight movement. But enough to arm his twin with ammunition.
“Just as I thought.” A smug look flitted across Carson’s face but was immediately replaced by sympathy. “So all this,” Carson gestured toward the bar holding more weight than he had any right messing with, “is really about Sierra.”
Camdon sighed, the longing heavy and painful and burning a hole in his chest. “We’ve been friends for so long. I just don’t know if she’ll ever be ready to take the next step.”
“So, you tried?”
His eyebrows rose. “I brought up the subject.”
“And?”
“Why do you think I’m here?”
“Your conversation didn’t go well.” His twin didn’t even need to ask.
“Let’s just say I didn’t convince her to relax her “no dating” policy.”
A long sigh erupted from his brother’s chest. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. Me, too.” Would she ever see him as more than a friend? With another groan, he hoisted himself off the bench, draped the towel around his neck, and headed toward the locker room.
His brother kept pace. His jaunty steps irritated Camdon.
“But I don’t have time to dwell on it right now. Her job’s in jeopardy.” He stopped in front of his locker.
His brother bumped into his back, winced when Camdon’s elbow collided with his gut. “What? You’re kidding, right?”
“I wish I was. With the budget cuts and all, Daniel’s trying to whack her position.” Camdon twisted the combination lock until it opened.
“Well, now, that’s interesting.”
Camdon dug his clothes out of the locker, draped them over an arm, then pivoted. “How’s that?”
“If you were the city manager, just think about all the problems that would solve.”
“I’ve considered that.” He lifted the sweaty shirt over his head and replaced it with a dry one. “It would probably just create a whole different set of problems.”
His twin nodded. “Maybe. But, I think you’d have done a better job convincing the council to change course.”
Camdon couldn’t argue that, but he refused to say anything negative about the man who’d mentored him for the last several years. Buddy had done a great job keeping the city going.
“Johnson has done a great job keeping the city going.”
Camdon startled at his brother’s words. They’d done that a lot as kids, but Carson had been gone for so long. Now, it felt weird that his twin could read his thoughts.
“But it’s time that someone like you stepped in to bring Harrison up into the next century.”
“I’m not sure our family’s ready. Mom or Remi.” Camdon shook his head and slid his arms through the sleeves of his lightweight jacket.
“You don’t give them enough credit. Mom’s at a point in her life where she doesn’t care what people think anymore. And just look at Remi.”
Camdon nodded his agreement. Their sister had come so far. “That’s just it. I don’t have any right to spoil her newfound strength.”
“What makes you think you’d spoil it?”
“She’s always looked to me—”
“She’s got somebody looking out for her now. Mason. And God. Neither one of them will let Remi down. It’s time for you to let go. To go after what’s important to you. Whether that’s the job…or Sierra.” Carson’s softly spoken words carried more strength than one of his power tools.
Could Camdon let go and chase his own dream? Or was it too late?
16
Camdon’s pitchfork worked in harmony with his sister’s as they mucked out a stall, each taking turns pitching soiled straw into the wheelbarrow, Remi humming a gentle tune.
This was better than any workout in the gym. Plus Remi had promised him a home cooked meal, and her meatloaf was worth it.
Even if it meant a long night ahead. When she’d called to invite him over, he’d abandoned the mountain of paperwork on his desk, telling himself it would still be waiting when he got home.
Besides, if he couldn’t enjoy a Sunday evening hanging out with his sister as the Deputy City Manager, was the promotion to City Manager really worth considering?
He invested a lot of time with the city, giving up many of his evenings and weekends. How must Sierra feel? That all the time and energy she had devoted into Harrison didn’t amount to anything because they were all too willing to chop her from the payroll?
“That was a big sigh.” Remi’s soft voice filtered through the anger building in his gut.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” He tossed the last bit of straw into the wheelbarrow and held out his hand for Remi’s pitchfork.
“From the sounds of it, not good.” She handed the tool over, her gaze piercing him to the barn wall.
Carson might put a voice to the very words Camdon was thinking, but Remi saw straight through him, deep down to his soul.
“I’ll move the horses back in and meet you inside the house. We can talk. Or not.” She spun around and left to retrieve the horses.
Grateful that she hadn’t pushed, he hung the tools and then steered the cart outside.
Darkness had descended while they’d been working in the barn, and stars sprinkled across the sky. He deposited the soiled straw in the designated pile, the ammonia-heavy odor making him cough, and stepped over to the fence.
Bracing his forearms over the gate enclosure, he hiked a boot on the lower rail and stared out into the distance, the contented munching of the llamas and the occasional barks the only noise in the night.
Peace. That’s what he felt. Even with the thousands of numbers to sift through later at home, studying each line item to determine if it was necessary. Even in the turmoil about whether to apply for the promotion and the ramifications for his family, and for his future fa
mily. Even with the possibility that Sierra might never return his love.
Peace. A calm spirit that could only come from God wrapped around him. Warm and snuggly, tender and caring, unshakeable. Something Sierra had never experienced.
He whispered a silent prayer for her and breathed deep. The cool air energized him as he marched toward the converted stable Remi and Mason called home. With Carson’s part time renovations, the second story addition rising from the modest structure was making it look a lot more like a real house.
The delicious fragrance of sautéed onion and melted cheese tantalized him, making his stomach growl. “Mmm. Smells wonderful.”
Remi had beat him inside. She turned from the oven, her gloved hands gripping a steaming container of macaroni and cheese. “I hope it tastes as good as it smells.”
“Everything you cook tastes great.”
She chuckled. “You and Mason might be just a little biased.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. But I eat out a lot, and I’d put your meals up against the best restaurants in town.”
“Thank you, Camdon. That’s sweet.” A smile blossomed on his sister’s face. She handed him a plate loaded with meatloaf and a heaping mound of macaroni and cheese and green beans.
They settled around the table and joined hands while he said grace. She glanced at him, a look of intent on her face. “But don’t think that’ll get you off the hook.”
He scooped some cheesy pasta on his fork with a sigh. “Didn’t work, huh?”
“Not hardly. Spill.”
He debated what to say, opting for less, like the conversation with his brother. But Remi would also see right through him. The situation called for a diversionary tactic. “Do you think you’d be all right if I applied for the City Manager’s job?”
She reared back. The fork clanged on her plate. Her shoulders stiffened. Her dark eyebrows shot high on her forehead before dipping dangerously low, just like her voice. “What do I have to do with you applying for the job?”
Okay, so maybe that hadn’t been such a great idea. He swallowed a bite of meatloaf then cleared his throat. “Harrison residents aren’t always happy with some of the decisions the city makes. You might bear the brunt of that unhappiness from time to time.”