I walk through the procession with Harmony’s hand held in mine. She makes eye contact with her uncles as we walk through, getting a warm smile from each and every one of them. It’s only now that I notice one of my men still has not made his presence known. A once trusted friend is not here and I begin to worry. The man I know would never miss sending her off unless something bad has happened. Some of the others have tried endlessly with no success to reach him. Once this is done, I’ll have to make that attempt myself. We leave no man behind, but this club has been dismantled and shaken from the inside, leaving us all on an emotional roller coaster we never paid to ride on. We will find him, and unless he’s being held captive, or his body’s decaying somewhere unknown, he will answer for this.
The pastor does his thing then asks for my men to come up and say a few words. With each man that stands before my wife, memories of things they’re speaking of come back and I watch the scenes play out like a movie reel. There are times we chuckle, at times we cry, but you can feel the respect they all held for my Rora.
Sending everyone away once her service was concluded, I choose to stay behind and watch as my woman is lowered into the ground. Harmony fell asleep on my shoulder and I decided to let her stay with me. I have my harness I use for her in my saddlebags for when she goes on rides with me. Bella reluctantly left, but I’m a stingy fucker who needs to hold a piece of his old lady in his arms.
I’m not sure how long I sit here and just talk to my woman, but before I know it, the sun begins to set. I’m still not ready to leave, but my daughter needs food and her own bed to rest peacefully. There’s no way she’s getting peaceful sleep in the position she’s in now. A chuckle escapes me, even as an infant she always slept best in my arms, but she’s older now and needs room to stretch. Hesitantly, I stand and the movement stirs my baby girl. “Are we going home now, Daddy?”
“Yes, baby girl, we’re going home now.”
Bella
I get several loads of laundry done and the house is spotless enough that you could eat on the floors. When I hear the roar of a motorcycle pull up the driveway, I rush over to the open window and watch as Rogue unstraps Harmony from him. If it was any other day, I would smile at watching how lovingly he takes care of his daughter. They are a cute picture, but this isn’t the time or place for me to ogle the man I’ve always loved. Instead, I open the front door and keep it held open for them using the weight of my body as I lean against it. Harmony’s eyes are open, but I can read the exhaustion written all over her face.
“Wanna take a bath, sweet girl?” I ask her, knowing that she loves to sit in the tub filled with bubbles.
“Yeah,” she says through a yawn.
After giving Harmony a nice, warm, relaxing bubble bath, she can barely keep her weary little eyes open. Helping her slip into her favorite pair of pajamas, I run the comb through her golden locks. “Are you hungry at all?” I kneel down and ask her. She answers my question with a yawn and the simple shake of her head. “Okay, sweet girl, that’s fine. But you know I’m making blueberry pancakes in the morning for breakfast.” I try enticing her appetite with one of her favorite foods. “Lots of syrup,” I say again, this time gaining a fleeting grin on her face.
“With butter? And in the shape of Minnie Mouse?” she momentarily perks up, asking me.
“Oh, absolutely,” I offer.
“Maybe I can help you, Auntie Bella and we can make extra for Daddy.” The squeak of her tiny voice is laced with hopefulness and my heart briefly sings with joy.
“Yes, I think that’s a great idea, Harmony.” It’s not much right now, but it’s something and a step in a promising direction. “Now, let’s get your teeth brushed and get you to bed, huh?”
Another yawn overtakes her as she nods. Once I’ve helped her, she walks toward her bedroom and crawls under her blankets before resting her head on her pillow. Her eyes begin to flutter as sleep begins to carry her away, before they pop back wide open. “Wait. I haven’t said goodnight to Daddy yet.”
“I’m right here, baby girl,” Rogue’s deep, raspy voice is spoken behind me. Turning my head over my shoulder I see him standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms folded across his chest, wearing a stoic expression on his face. Uncrossing his arms, he makes his way toward Harmony’s bed and I stand, allowing him space to sit next to her.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” I say as I turn on my heel and make my way out of the bedroom.
Rogue
As I take up residence beside Outlaw on her bed, I lean down, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere. Ever. I’ll always be by your side, my precious girl.” While I cannot honestly know this to be a fact, I refuse to allow my daughter to continue to be worried or haunted by what-if’s. Either way this plays out in the end, I refuse to watch her continue to wither away and live in constant fear. So, anything I can do to ease those things, I will do without a shred of remorse; because right now, that’s what she needs most. I begin to rub the top of her head, running my fingers through her hair. “Rest, my little Outlaw. After all, it sounds like we have lots of pancakes to make and eat in the morning.”
A tired, small giggle escapes her and I can feel my own lips curl upward slightly at the delight of that beautiful sound. She reaches for my hand and takes it into her own through her now closed lids, indicating she’s somewhere between awake and dreamland. “Goodnight, Daddy. I love you.”
Drawing her small, fragile hand to my lips, I kiss it. “I love you too, my girl.”
While Bella was busy giving Harmony a bath, I placed a call to Sledge and Coder. They’re both on their way along with their old ladies and children in tow. Sleep has eluded me for days now and since we’ve laid my Rora in her final resting spot, it’s time to get down to business. But I know I’ll need a clearer mind and that will only come with some much needed shut eye, which is impossible unless I’m almost certain that my daughter is being watched over as she sleeps. There’s still a threat, an enemy walking around somewhere out there. And whatever the new normal will be that we will call our life won’t be possible until I have some answers and sins have been paid for. So, they’ve agreed to take turns looking after her while I tackle some sleep.
“Sledge, Coder, and their families will be on their way shortly,” I inform Bella who’s absentmindedly cleaning areas of my house that are already spotless. I grab the bottle of whiskey from the counter and pour myself a glass. Before taking a swig, I look over at her and ask, “Want one?” I offer as I hold the bottle up.
Staring back at me, she’s paused her unnecessary tidying up of the place and stands still, holding the rag she was using to dust within her hands; nervously wringing and twisting it. “I-I mean, I suppose one wouldn’t hurt,” she staggers out.
She’s anxious and everything she’s doing and even the way she’s speaking are exuding just that, but I pretend not to notice. I’m not one who’s ever been great at placing myself in the shoes of another, but I know she’s wracked with as much guilt as the rest of us; just on a different level. She and Rora hadn’t been nearly as close these past few years as they’d been in the previous ones. They were childhood friends up until one day Bella up and left without truly any rhyme or reason other than she needed to be upstate where her family had moved to. It crushed Aurora, although she understood. A part of me always wondered if Bella had a streak of jealousy at Aurora’s happiness and new life. The air around us is thick and tension-filled and honestly, if I have any chance at relaxing tonight, I’m gonna need her to do so as well. It’s nine o’clock at night and she’s still pacing around my house cleaning for fuck’s sake. “Yeah, I think you could use one,” I stoically suggest, as I turn away and grab another glass and pour her one.
Walking up to me, she lays the rag down on the counter beside me and picks up the liquor I’ve just poured her. Taking my own glass back into my hand, she raises her own before a befuddled, yet saddened look paints he
r face. “Oh, Rogue, I’m sorry. That was tacky of me,” she admits, lowering her glass, “what in the world do we have to be celebrating about? I am so terribly sorry, Rogue,” she continues, but I stop her.
“Do not be sorry, Bella. None of us know what to do or what is right anymore at this moment. But what I do know is that Rora’s life and everything she was and did, is damn worthy of clinking our glasses together for. I don’t think she’d disagree one bit.” Hell, I’m not sure if it’s truly the right or wrong thing to do necessarily either, but I feel as though I’m correct in my assessment that my woman would want us to have at least one night of rest and find one moment of peace at least; although I have to admit to myself that I do feel the tiniest bit of guilt creeping in. I want to numb it; I need to numb it.
“Okay, then,” she agrees, as she lifts her glass back into the air. “To Aurora, the best and most loyal friend I’ve ever known or had.” As I raise my glass, I watch as a lone tear slides down her cheek and I feel my own eyes begin to well up.
Chapter Eight
Rogue
Nearly two months have passed since I laid Aurora to rest. Within twenty-four hours of her burial, I issued a church meeting where we all agreed that an immediate club lockdown was necessary, which lasted all of a month. It was during this time that we were able to utilize all of our resources to find our betrayer, and we did… Marx. It made no sense at first and shocked us all to the core. Of course, as our investigation continued, we learned that this was a strategic and methodical power grab on his part and he’s working with some serious scumbags. Street thugs if you will. Sure, his backing and following are known and have some street credibility, but he failed at taking me out and that was a fatal mistake on his part. And while it momentarily crippled this club as a whole, his ultimate plan failed and now he’s on the run; but not without the occasional torment that he throws our way via untraceable taunting voice messages. We’re keeping the pressure on him and his cronies, which only has them constantly running. I will find him, and I will have his head on a pike for not only taking my woman away from me, but also from the lives of my brothers and the unborn children.
The days and nights are seamless as they mostly run together when I’m not drowning myself and efforts into finding Marx. Bella is still around helping me with Harmony who has gradually started showing signs of coming around somewhat. We decided after a month of lockdown and finding out who we were up against that while we needed to be cautious at all times, we also needed to get back to some sort of normalcy and schedule; especially those of us with families. We got knocked down, but we must not show our enemy that we can’t get back up even as hard as it is; and as this club's leader, my brothers look to me for guidance and security. Although I teeter between feeling like a failure to them some days, Bella is there reminding and encouraging that this happens to the strongest of leaders and the successful ones always keep going while outwardly appearing unbothered. I am strong during the days and while we execute club plans and business, and break at night after my daughter is fast asleep. I drown the heaviness and weight of the world on my shoulders with booze and drugs.
As I pull into my driveway, I park my bike next to Sledge’s. Engine still running, I look up and notice Harmony’s face peeking through the open blinds, plastered with a grin, smiling back at me through the front window. She looks so much like her mother some days it’s hard for me to hold back my tears when I look at her. And on those nights I hold my baby girl as she cries for her momma, it only serves to keep my anger and vengeance freshly fueled.
Twisting the key, I turn off the engine to my bike before dismounting it. As I approach the door, I can hear it being unlocked from the inside as my little Outlaw opens it and leaps into my waiting arms. “Daddy, we have a surprise for you,” she announces through an excited tone.
One look at her face and hearing the happiness in her tone pulls a smile from me. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yes! But, you have to close your eyes,” she explains as she plants her tiny hands over my eyes.
I can hear a slight snicker from Bella before Sledge’s voice breaks free, “Don’t worry, Pres, I’ll hold your hand and guide you.”
“With this rugrat still attached to me?” I tease my little girl as I tickle the sides of her ribcage, evoking laughter from her and nothing I can think of recently has sounded sweeter.
“Stop it, Daddy,” she begs through her giggles and I comply. Sledge ushers me into my house from behind, holding and directing me from my biceps. When we stop, I can sense by knowing the layout of my house that we’re in the kitchen. The strong aroma of something freshly baked floods my senses. “Now, open them,” Harmony instructs, removing her palms from my eyes. “Look down. Do you like it?”
As I open my eyes, I see what appears to be either a cake or a giant cookie, which exactly, I can’t quite make out. But what I can tell, is that my little Outlaw is both the baker and creator of this. As my brain tries to decipher exactly what this is, I don’t want to get the answer wrong nor hurt her feelings, but I need to answer quickly. Mentally flipping a coin in my head, I pray I don’t get this wrong. “Aww, you made me a cake,” I answer with confidence in my voice as I’ve got a plan to get myself out of this if I get it wrong.
“It’s a cookie cake,” she answers, looking down at her masterpiece as she slides down and out of my arms. I hastily wipe my brow as I neither got it necessarily wrong or right and I know she’s happy with my answer. “Do you like my drawing on it with the icing?”
As I scan the cookie cake, I can see that she has attempted to draw a face. Judging by what is supposed to be the hair, I can tell it’s of her mother. “I love it, Outlaw. You have drawn a beautiful portrait of your mother with icing; even the blue backpack you have her wearing.” I throw out an extra detail I observed in hopes for some more points as I shift my gaze to her, a grin covering my face.
She begins to giggle as she looks up at Bella and then back over to me. “That’s not a backpack, Daddy. Those are her angel wings. Remember how you said that she was now an angel who would always be watching over us?” I nod at the sweet gesture while finding myself grateful that I haven’t upset her with my misinterpretation. “Auntie Bella let me make it from scratch!”
Looking to Bella, she gives me a hesitant grin before replying, “It’s true. Flour, eggs, chocolate chips, pancake mix, and syrup. Then bake at three-hundred and fifty degrees for fifteen minutes.” She offers me a reluctant smile.
“Yup,” Harmony states, agreeing with Bella’s list of ingredients and directions. “I wanted to eat it so bad, but I wanted you to have it. You deserve it, Daddy.” Her tiny teeth along with a light I haven’t seen in her eyes beam back at me with such pride.
“Yeah, Pres. All for you,” Sledge announces a bit too excited for my liking.
“Ah, what’s the point of a homemade cake unless shared amongst friends and family?” I alert them as I grab the knife and begin slicing giant pieces out and plating them before I pass them around. I find enjoyment watching Sledge’s expression fall flat as I hand him his plate.
As I begin to hand Harmony’s to her, she extends her hand, rejecting my offer. “None for me tonight. Auntie Bella says all these sweets aren’t good for my growing teeth, especially late at night, and especially in girls. We’re going to brush our teeth and floss before bed.” My little girl smiles up at me while extending to the tips of her toes and I lean down and give her a kiss. “Love you, Daddy and Uncle Sledge. Eat all the cookie cake if you want and don’t worry about saving me any. I’m gonna make another tomorrow.”
Plunging the fork Sledge has handed me into the slice of cake, or whatever this is that my girl has concocted, I say to her, “Is that so?” I glare at Bella. “Make sure you prepare enough for Auntie Bella to share with you. It’s only worse for girls at night. Y’all should be just fine during the day tomorrow.” I shoot Bella a wink as she thins her lips. Once they’ve disappeared from sight, I tell Sledge, “Quick, get a bag. We�
�ll toss these into the dumpster outside and I’ll dispose of the rest tomorrow; probably tell her I brought it to the clubhouse where it was devoured.”
“Good thinking,” Sledge chides, agreeing with my line of thought.
Bella
When I get Harmony ready for bed and Rogue has said his goodnights, we sit down for what’s become our sharing of a night cap. Tonight, Rogue seems to be eager to see the end of the bottle. I don’t ask him about club business, I know all too well how that turns out when I do. After the first night we did this and I questioned him about things, he blew up on me. Rogue has a way of putting you in your place without saying a word. Hence, the club and its happenings are off limits. Instead, we reminisce about the past, we talk about Harmony and how each day she comes back to us a little at a time. However, I’ve noticed that tonight he’s not as standoffish as he has been. He’s slurring his words slightly, but his hand has landed on my knee several times, causing my heart to flutter deeply in my chest.
I’m aware he’s always been an innocent flirt, but this time, it feels different. He’s never purposely laid his hands upon me unless it’s in a comforting manner in the form of a hug after we’ve shared stories of Aurora. As my chest constricts and my throat tightens, I find the courage to place my hand on top of his. With my other hand, I lift the rim of my glass up to my lips and swallow its contents in one gulp. When I notice my hand shaking, I reach over and place it on the coffee table, just a few inches away from where we sit.
Rogue's Retribution: Twisted Iron MC Page 7