Hawk Wild (Lost Boys MC Book 2)

by Janice M. Whiteaker

  I’ve dabbled in recreational drugs. Smoked my fair share of pot in high school. Even done a little more.

  But that Sparkle shit fucked me up.

  “I was fine.” I shove another bite in my mouth. “Barely affected me.”

  “That’s strange because I’ve spent a lot of time around you lately, and not once have I seen you break into song and reenact the Single Ladies dance.

  I don’t remember much from that night.

  But what I do revolves around the woman beside me. From the second I laid eyes on her I knew she was going to ruin me.

  Don’t know how, but I did.

  And she started that shit off with a bang.

  “I kinda feel bad about it now.” Her nose wrinkles.

  I shouldn’t laugh but for some reason the whole thing just got funny. “Now? You just now are feeling bad about drugging someone?”

  “Well now I like you.”

  My laugh dries up immediately.

  I know Shelly likes me but hearing her say it hits me in a way I didn’t expect. Good and bad.

  It’s what I want, but the way Shelly feels scares the shit out of me. Almost as much as the way I feel about her.

  “Are you seeing anyone else?” Her question is hesitant. Like maybe she thinks I am.

  That bothers me. I don’t like that she thinks I would do that. Not to her. “Just you, Sweetheart.”

  “Good.” She picks her dinner back up. “I don’t want you seeing anyone else, understand?”

  “You making demands now?” I can’t even sound upset about it.

  “I didn’t say you couldn’t jack off so I think I’m the one being reasonable.” Her jaw is set and her brows are up. Like she’s pissed I didn’t immediately agree.

  “So you’re saying I can jack off?”

  Shelly’s eyes slide my way. “Of course. Why would I want to take one of life’s great pleasures from you?”

  “Is that what I did? Took away one of life’s pleasures from you?” I lean back against the couch.

  She lifts one shoulder.

  “Then how ‘bout I amend my rule? Make it apply to both of us.” I flip the button of my pants free. “You can touch yourself as much as you want.” I drag down the zipper. My dick’s still suffering from the feel of her pussy around my fingers earlier and the taste of her cunt on my tongue last night. I don’t mind doing for my girl without getting my own relief but since she’s put this out there...

  I’m going to take advantage.

  And she’s going to watch.

  “But I get to watch when you do it.”

  Shelly licks her lips as I spread the front of my pants open. “Does that mean I get to watch you?”

  “Every fuckin’ time if you want.” I shove my pants down a little pulling my already stiff dick free. “That what you want, Kitten?”

  Her eyes are wide as she nods.

  Like she’s never seen a man get himself off.

  “You ever watched before?”

  Her head moves side to side. Knowing I’m giving her a first makes me a little happier that it’s my hand instead of hers stroking my cock. I lean forward and yank my shirt off over my head. Shelly curls her knees under her butt and creeps closer, resting one hand on my thigh as she watches my fist slide up and down my shaft.

  “You know what I’m thinking about?”

  Her eyes dart to mine. “Me?” It’s a breathless question that pulls even more blood from my brain.

  My girl likes knowing she turns me on.

  She fuckin’ does.

  More than anyone ever has, and she’s done it from the very beginning.

  “Just you.” I reach out and wrap my free hand around her neck, pulling her mouth against mine, remembering the sweet sounds she makes when I fuck her. The squeeze of her pussy around my dick when she comes with my name on her lips.

  Shaun.

  I let her go and grab my shirt, holding it over the head of my dick as I shoot off, groaning a little as I finish milking the cum from my cock.

  Shelly’s chest is moving a little faster than normal and her skin is flushed. Someone likes watching.

  I’ll have to find out if she likes being watched back.

  Soon. Not tonight.

  I grab Shelly by her exercise bra, fingers down the front far enough I can tease the swell of her tit, and pull her back in for another kiss. I can’t get enough of the taste of her.

  That sweetness I try to remember all day while I’m away from her.

  My memory never does it justice.

  I force myself to let her go. I’ve stalled her dinner twice now. “You need me to heat your food up?”

  She licks her lips and I want to think it’s because she likes the taste of me too. “I don’t mind my spaghetti cold.” Shelly grabs her food from the table and goes back to eating.

  But I don’t. I want to clear some shit up she’s obviously been stewing on.

  “I’m not fucking anyone but you, Kitten. Not interested in it.”

  She chews slowly, studying me until she swallows. “Good.”

  But I want to give her a little more. Something that I’m guessing will surprise her.

  “Haven’t wanted anyone else since I met you.”

  Her next bite stalls in front of her lips. “Met?”

  I nod. “Met.”

  She’s not the only one who’s coming off a self-imposed dry spell. Granted mine’s not as long as hers.

  But still.

  Six months felt like a fucking lifetime. Especially once Jill started hosting dinners every week and I had to look at what I knew I shouldn’t have.

  Watch her try to talk to everyone but me.

  Until I couldn’t anymore.

  “Did you tell the other guys they couldn’t talk to me?”

  Oh shit.

  I was proud when Shelly figured out what was going on with King.

  But I didn’t think that skill might turn around to bite me in the ass.

  Should have.

  I take a long breath. Telling her the truth makes me look like a controlling motherfucker.

  Which I am.

  But I wanted to ease her into that.

  It’s not because I want it. Get off on being in control of a woman.

  I need it.

  Need to know I’m safe.

  “I did.” I wait for her reaction. Expect it to be instant and explosive.

  What kind of asshole won’t go after a woman but forbids anyone else from so much as looking at her?

  Me. I did that.

  Don’t regret it either.

  But Shelly’s reaction isn’t quick or angry.

  It’s worse.

  “Why?”

  “Because.”

  It’s not an answer.

  But I’m hoping it will work anyway. I don’t want to tell Shelly the truth. I don’t want her to judge my mom.

  My dad.

  Me.

  Everyone does.

  And she’s too smart. Too intuitive. I know she’ll figure me out. Realize I might be the same as my old man.

  And she might be right.

  That’s why I need more time. More time to prove I’m not. To her.

  To myself.

  If I can’t...

  Then I have to walk away. I won’t risk hurting her. Not even for my own chance at a happiness I’ve never been close enough to for me to believe it exists.

  She barely nods. “Okay.”

  She doesn’t push. Doesn’t try to make me say things I don’t want to say.

  And that only makes me realize I have to walk away if I can’t be different. Break the cycle started before I was born.

  I will do it. I swear I will.

  I reach for her and she doesn’t back away even though she has to know I’m keeping something from her. Instead Shelly moves closer, curling against me, pulling me in close, the warmth of one palm resting against my cheek as she cradles my head against her chest.

  I’ve never been held like this
. Not by any woman. Not that I remember anyway.

  My mother might have held me like this but my memories of her are scattered and faint.

  I was too young when—

  “How was your day?” Shelly rakes the pads of her fingers through my hair, smoothing it back in slow, steady strokes that could make me fall asleep. “Anything exciting happen?”

  I chuckle a little. “My job’s not real exciting, Kitten.”

  “It sounds exciting.” She swings one leg across my lap. “Melting buildings together hundreds of feet off the ground.”

  “Not always hundreds.” I nose closer to her skin, breathing deep.

  Women have never been a source of comfort for me. Release, yes.

  But beyond that I would liken my feelings as closer to fear.

  And I’m still scared shitless by Shelly. By what I risk letting myself be close to her.

  But the benefits already outweigh that risk.

  Sitting here, holding her while she holds me is worth whatever happens. Even if I have to leave to keep her safe, I will always have this minute.

  Even if it’s only a memory.

  13

  SOMEONE’S YELLING OUTSIDE my house.

  I jerk upright in bed and fight my way out of the covers, getting one foot caught in the process forcing me to hop across the floor until I can work it free.

  I thought this was all bullshit.

  Bullshit I was okay taking advantage of, but still bullshit.

  I didn’t really think The Horsemen gave two shits about me. Or Hawk honestly. King has bigger things to worry about and trying to get revenge on the people he thinks wronged him is the dumbest thing he could do.

  But it sounds like King might be an idiot.

  Because someone it starting shit in my driveway.

  Who did Hawk say was here today?

  Cook?

  No. Maybe it was Preacher he said I had to be nice to.

  I don’t know.

  Don’t fucking care right now. Right now I just need to make sure whoever’s out there is okay.

  Which is a great idea until I hear the gunshots.

  I drop to the floor and army crawl backward to the bedroom. Hank is barking like crazy which only adds to the panic and chaos I’m trying to fight through. “Hank. Come.”

  He whines at the door but I must have sounded serious because Hank finally runs to where I’m at and sticks beside me as I shut myself in the bedroom and grab my phone.

  Shaun answers almost immediately. “Everything okay, Kitten?”

  Just the sound of his voice makes me want to start crying. He’s going to be so upset. Feel like this is his fault.

  But I have to tell him what’s happening. There’s no way around it. “I heard yelling outside and then someone started shooting.”

  I almost jump out of my skin at the sound of pounding on the door in the kitchen.

  “Someone’s trying to get in my house.” I can barely squeeze the words out because my lungs are refusing to work.

  “Stay in your room.” Hawk almost barks it at me. “You got your gun?”

  I reach for the only weapon I own, wrapping my hand around the bat I went after him with two nights ago. “I don’t have a gun.”

  “You don’t have a gun?” I hear him swear under his breath. “I thought that’s why you were at the range.”

  “I was just learning.”

  “Stay in your room until you hear me outside. Don’t come out for anyone but me, you understand?”

  I nod.

  Because my brain isn’t really working right now.

  Right now all my brain can do is watch as a shadowy figure passes across the blinds covering my bedroom windows.

  I should have taken this seriously. Should have realized when I wasn’t allowed to be alone that I might really be in danger.

  “Kitten. Talk to me.” Hawk sounds panicked and I want to make him feel better.

  I just can’t.

  I worked so hard last night to put his mind at ease. Make sure he understands I’m not shopping around, but right now it’s taking everything I have to stay put as the shadow slowly moves across my windows. I hold onto Hank, praying with every breath I manage to take that he will stay quiet.

  “Shelly. Say something.”

  I press my forehead against Hank’s neck and squeeze my eyes shut. “There’s someone outside my room.”

  I can hear the engine of his car roar. Know he’s doing everything he can to get to me.

  What the fuck will it do to him if he’s too late? A sick feeling festers in the pit of my stomach.

  I know we’re not a couple. Not really. Certainly not past the stage of simply knowing we like each other.

  But in spite of my intent to have a casual summer fling, I couldn’t help but hope it was going to be more than that.

  If something happens to me I know Hawk will blame himself.

  And he probably already carries enough weight from what happened with his parents.

  I peek out around Hank.

  Everything is quiet and there’s no sign of the shadowy figure.

  My phone starts to ring in my hand and my heart almost stops. I hadn’t even realized my call with Hawk disconnected and he’s already calling back.

  “Hello?”

  “Everything’s okay, Kitten.” He sounds a little calmer. “Stay where you are. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

  “Everything’s okay?” I lean up to peek over my bed at the window on the other wall.

  “It’s okay. I’ll be there soon, okay?”

  “Okay.” I slide my phone onto the nightstand and grab one of my pillows, dragging it down to the floor so I can curl up around Hank.

  This is fucked up.

  I wanted to do something wild this summer. Indulge the side of me my parents claimed came from evil.

  Maybe it does. Because this isn’t as fun as I thought it would be.

  Hank lies down beside me, resting his giant head in the crook of my neck. The house is so quiet.

  Completely silent.

  Until it’s not.

  I hear a key hit the deadbolt and a second later the door bangs against the wall. Heavy footsteps slam down the hall toward my bedroom and a second later the doorknob rattles.

  “Shelly. Let me in, Sweetheart.”

  Sweetheart.

  He doesn’t normally call me that.

  “Come on, baby.” Shaun’s tone is almost pleading. “Open the door.”

  He hasn’t even given me enough time to get my ass off the floor and I’m pretty sure the next step is to kick it in and after this morning it’s clear I need to be able to lock that door. “I’m coming.”

  I work up to my knees and lean to twist the button on the knob. I can’t even get my hand around the knob before the door swings open and I’m off the ground.

  Shaun has me in his arms, squeezing a little too tight.

  But I’m not going to tell him that. I’ll take it.

  Because I know his secret. The one he’s not ready to tell me yet.

  “You okay?” He leans back to push my hair off my face, sooty eyes skimming over me.

  My brain finally starts running again. “What happened to Cook?” That’s who was outside this morning. I was right the first time.

  “He’s fine.”

  I let out a breath and my body starts to feel heavy. “Who shot at him?”

  Shaun’s body tightens against mine. “No one shot at him.”

  I know I heard gunshots. “I heard it.”

  Shaun sets me on the bed where we’ve spent the past three nights together. “Cook was the one doing the shooting.”

  Is that better? Maybe.

  I sit up a little straighter on the bed. “Do you have a gun?”

  “Of course.” Sean reaches behind him and pulls out a handgun that was tucked into the waist of his pants.

  “Do all of you carry guns?”

  He shrugs. “Should.”

  I wanted to be wild.
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  Wanted to ride on bikes and run with the big boys.

  Turns out I don’t like riding on bikes.

  And now I’m not sure how I feel about this whole gun business.

  I liked shooting in a designated environment, but now that the fucking Wild West was playing out in my front yard I’m not so sure. “Is that licensed?”

  He lifts a brow. “You a rule follower, Kitten?”

  “Kinda?” I teach at a freaking college for God’s sake. I would say I should at least follow the important rules like weapon laws.

  He chuckles, sliding the gun back in place. “It’s licensed.” He leans in to press a kiss to my lips. “Even got a concealed carry license.”

  “Really?” Am I relieved that this bad boy that I chased so hard is not turning out to be at all as bad as I thought?

  Yes. Yes I am.

  “Really.” He stands up as Cook peeks his head into my bedroom.

  “You okay in here?”

  Hawk stiffens just a little. “All good.”

  I reach for him, wrapping my arms around his waist before acknowledging Cook. “Are you okay?”

  I know we can’t go on like this forever. At some point Hawk’s issues are going to have to be addressed and dealt with.

  But right now I can give him time.

  Because I might have more patience than I realized.

  Or maybe I’m just in shock.

  Cook nods. “I’m good.” He grins. “Nice to be back in the saddle. Raisin’ hell.”

  “You’re not in Kansas anymore, dumbass.” Hawk flips the bill of Cook’s ball cap. “This isn’t a place where you can shoot shit to make a point.”

  “Made it though, didn’t I?” Cook’s grin doesn’t fade. “Just wanted to be clear this wasn’t a place they needed to be familiar with.”

  They.

  The Horsemen.

  Shit.

  Hawk isn’t smiling. Not even a little bit as he glares at Cook. “You need to get out of here.” He turns back to me as the sound of sirens carries into my room. His face is serious. “If I go out there it won’t go well, Kitten.”

  I glance to the doorway where Cook was just standing. He’s gone.

  I point out the door. “Go.”

  He presses a kiss to my lips as the sound of sirens gets closer. I shove at his chest. “Get the fuck out of here.”

  Shaun gives me one last look before he goes, eyes full of regret.