Charming Falls Apart

by Angela Terry

  “You don’t need to give it back. It was a gift. If I were you, I’d sell it and live off the money while I figured out my next move.”

  “I don’t know,” I say, hesitation in my voice. “That doesn’t seem right.”

  “Errr … cheating on your fiancée with her maid of honor doesn’t seem right either. Call it even.”

  “That’s a fair point,” I say, grinning. “I like you.”

  “Well, you might not like me so much after what I’m going to say next.” He sits up straighter. “But he’s out in the world and, according to Facebook, at least, ‘in a relationship.’ You shouldn’t be sitting here in your pajamas. You should be out there living your life too. When I wasn’t sure what to do next, I started doing the volunteer coaching at CrossFit. Hanging out with these kids who don’t have the same privileges I had growing up put things in perspective for me. Also, just the act of volunteering got me out of my head, which was a relief.”

  “According to my astrological soul reading that’s part of my problem—thinking about others rather than myself.”

  Eric stares at me for a second too long and then says slowly, “Excuse me, but did you just say astrological soul reading?”

  I laugh at how ridiculous it sounds and hold up our empty bottle. “So, hey, should I grab another bottle of wine?”

  “If I’m going to listen to this, then yes, this requires some more wine.”

  After pouring out my troubles and wine collection to Eric, I feel so much lighter and freer. Jordan has been awesome and the best friend that a girl could have, but, weirdly, there’s something about a stranger’s perspective and, especially, Eric’s tough love approach that has given me the extra push I needed. Eric doesn’t know me well enough to try to say the things he thinks I would want to hear. Plus, he’s had his own crises and came out the other end happier because of them. We finish the night off with a good buzz—and make a concrete plan to meet to discuss marketing and social media for The Cauldron.

  In the morning, I feel newly energized and head out for a run and afterwards clean up my condo. Once I’m showered and everything is back in its place, I set my laptop on my kitchen table to get down to work—coming up with a thoughtful marketing and PR plan before meeting up with Eric on Monday. Before I can get started though, and while I don’t want to do it, I first need to clean out my email inbox. I see the messages from Eric and feel guilty for avoiding my email for so long; but then I see the messages from my mother and feel slightly less guilty. Then I see one from Neil and my heart stops.

  Hi Allison –

  I know we’ve moved on, but I thought you should know that Stacey and I are expecting a baby together. I’d like to meet up to discuss any loose ends. Are you available for coffee next week?

  Neil

  Oooh, I hate him. When I needed closure, he wasn’t going to give it to me; but when he needs it, he gets it? I don’t think so. I slam my laptop shut. Screw him!

  Since I can’t concentrate right now with all the angry adrenaline pumping through my veins, I decide to head to the bookstore to burn some of it off. Surely, there must be something there to answer my problems.

  LETICIA SEES ME in the aisle. “Hey, how are you today?”

  “Good. Thank you. You?” From my robotic tone, Leticia must know something’s up and that I need my fix.

  “What are we looking for today?”

  “I need a book that will tell me why my fiancé dumped me, slept with my maid of honor, and got her pregnant.”

  Leticia’s eyes go wide in both horror and sympathy as her lips form the perfect O. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” She’s a true professional though as she scans the spines on the shelf with her index finger. When she finds what she’s looking for, she pulls it out and says, “Here. This will give you those answers.”

  The title refers to why men love “female dogs,” which aptly describes my feelings about Stacey these days.

  “Sold,” I tell her.

  Eric’s marketing plan will have to wait a couple hours as I take my purchase straight back to my sofa.

  IN A NUTSHELL, the book tells me everything I’ve already been told by Jordan (with much love) and the astrologer-psychic-magician (with much planetary authority)—that I am a woman who loses herself in relationships. I give up what I want and center my life around a guy, the irony being that, by being such a selfless and compromising creature, I will never have the relationship I want. In other words, I’m a doormat. All evidence confirms this, and I’m a little disturbed that Leticia knows me so well. I’m also a little pissed that I didn’t know these secrets earlier. And I’m really pissed that Neil’s email said that we’ve both moved on. I haven’t moved on anywhere since we broke up. I’ve been on this stupid sofa going nowhere.

  Eric is right—I should sell the ring. Whether it was Neil’s guilt for making me wait so long to get engaged or an act of true love, the result was a very expensive ring from Tiffany’s. I’m surprised he didn’t ask for or expect it back. Perhaps he considered this the payoff for his sins. Whatever the reason, I’m getting rid of the thing. And I’m going to use the money to follow my bliss, probably all the way to Bali where I would have loved to go for our honeymoon. He stole joy from my life, but this ring will give it back to me. The first thing I’m doing tomorrow is getting the sucker appraised.

  With a plan in place and a fire in my belly, I feel like it’s the perfect time to attack a marketing plan for The Cauldron. There’s a new bitch in town, and she’s going to rock her life by starting a consulting business that will give her flexible hours and enough income to travel.

  ON MONDAY MORNING, I’m nervously sitting across from Eric at The Cauldron. I’ve handed him a proposal outlining all my marketing ideas for his business, and I’m hoping he’ll be as excited by them as I am to get started.

  “I think the big message for you and your business revolves around community,” I begin. “With that in mind, we need to start by revamping your website and setting you up with a Facebook page, a Twitter account, and Instagram so you can interact with The Cauldron’s community. Let’s be honest, social media is where we get most of our news and information, and it’s less expensive than print advertising or direct mail. Though some strategically placed ads in some of the local papers can’t hurt as a way to ensure we can get any press we need later on.”

  “Okay, okay.” Eric nods along as his eyes scan my proposal.

  “The website will have the basics: each location’s menus and any specials, as well as addresses, hours, and any special events posted. We can also do full descriptions of your coffee beans. We’ll encourage people to follow us on Facebook and Twitter for more updated information and specials. On Facebook, we’ll post something newsworthy about the shops, maybe do employee profiles. Maybe even regulars’ profiles. We can expand that to where you’re sourcing your coffee. It’s about what you’re building here and how you envision The Cauldron to be part of the larger community, which we’ll communicate visually with Instagram. Then for Twitter, we’ll link to new content on Facebook. We’ll also tweet any special deals or menu items that day, and special events, of course. Maybe do some inspirational quotes because people love that. We basically want to convey your values and what makes you and The Cauldron so great.” I give him a big smile before continuing.

  “And I think it’d also be great to engage the community on a real and not only a social media basis. Perhaps support local artists by letting them use your walls as their gallery. Invite local musicians, acoustic preferably, on Friday and Saturday nights to showcase their music. And since we’re past the grand opening stage, maybe do an ‘open house’ for the neighborhood to taste samples and maybe offer prizes. Perhaps your professional coffee taster friend can do a ‘coffee tasting’ event like a wine tasting, explaining the different flavors and get people hooked on your coffee and delicious healthy scones.” I grin. “We could set up a loyalty program with cards where the tenth coffee is free. And, oh!” I clap my hands
. “And maybe get active in the community to give back, such as participating in local sporting events and have a Team Cauldron Coffee or something.”

  “Are you sure you want to switch careers? Because you seem pretty enthusiastic about this.” He laughs with a twinkle in his blue eyes.

  “Well, what do you think so far? And mind you, this is just a proposal. You don’t have to implement everything.”

  Eric has let me speak without any interruptions or questions, and I’m not sure whether this is a good or bad sign. He sets the proposal down on the table and leans back in his chair and gives me a serious look. Oh boy. I find myself holding my breath.

  “Everything sounds so great that I want to implement it all,” he says.

  Phew! I let myself relax.

  “If I could manage all these things and manage the coffeehouses I would, but I can’t. I need someone else to handle all of this,” he says. “Is this something you could do full-time? I obviously can’t pay you the same salary you were making, and I know you’re looking to do something different, but it would just be to get the ball rolling, and then we can figure out the rest from there?” His eyes look hopeful.

  I think about my ring and upcoming trip. But most of what I proposed to Eric, I can do in my sleep; and with an internet connection, I can work from anywhere.

  “Of course! I’ll set all this up and manage it. I can tweet and Facebook as you, and all you’ll need to do is review everything either before I post it or at the end of the day to make sure it’s what you want out there. And if not, then the delete key is your friend.” My mind is already spinning with press releases and maybe a local piece on Eric.

  “Again, I love all these ideas, and, yes, let’s do it all. I’ll leave it up to you.” He leans forward, folding his hands on the table. “So how do you want to do this?”

  After some discussion, we decide that I’ll be paid hourly as a consultant and that I’ll put my contact information on the website as Publicity and Community Relations Manager. Just like that, I’m employed again, and I can’t wait to get started. Sure, it’s not my old salary, but it’s a step in the right direction (hopefully one client leads to another!), and I’m excited.

  Although I thought I had soured on public relations, I have to admit that I’m more excited about this job than I ever was at PR Worldwide. The closest I came to this level of excitement was when I helped with the sponsorship programs for kids. I spend the rest of the week working on The Cauldron’s website, setting up social media accounts, and putting together a press release on the latest opening and how Eric plans to use the space to serve and support the community by inviting local artists and musicians to showcase their work. I also update my LinkedIn profile with my new consulting business, and create a website and new business cards for myself. By Friday, when I meet up with Jordan for the first time after our spa trip, I can’t wait to update her on my life.

  “SO YOU WENT from semi-comatose and depressed to fully employed, happy, and full of purpose in a matter of a week? Who is this guy?” she asks, as we sip bubbly at Pops for Champagne near her office.

  “You can go to the website and see.” I type The Cauldron’s website into my phone and hand it to her. On the website, I included a photo of Eric doing his CrossFit volunteer work to demonstrate his commitment to community.

  “Um, yes, please. Are you sure you’re trying to sell coffee?” Jordan raises a naughty eyebrow. I make a reach for my phone and she jerks it away. “Not yet. I’m not done looking at the man candy.”

  I roll my eyes and laugh. “Yeah, he is pretty great to look at.”

  “So why are you working for him and not dating him?”

  “Besides the fact that I’m not ready?” I give her a pointed look. Jordan, of all people, should know that I’m still fragile on the romantic front. “And it’s not like that. And even if it were, the potential for major awkwardness makes it not worth pursuing. Now that he’s my employer, he’s definitely off limits.”

  She finally hands me back my phone and takes a sip of her champagne. “I don’t know. I’d take my chance with a new coffee place and new job.”

  “His hotness hasn’t gone unnoticed. Trust me. But when we first met, he thought I was engaged, so there’s no vibe there.”

  Jordan taps her fingernail on her glass. “Sooo, I hate to bring this up when you’re doing so well and have a new man in your life,” she says—and I can’t help but grin—“but have you heard anything else from Neil?”

  I wrinkle my nose at the sound of his name. “Nope. Not since his email. I’m hoping he’s too chicken to try contacting me again.”

  “On to a different topic.” Jordan leans in close to me. “So, I know you said you’re not ready, but I’ve noticed a lot of guys looking this way. And you were with that loser for five years. Don’t you want to start playing the field a bit? Get over the hump?” She bumps her shoulder against mine.

  I frown and then look around the bar to see what she’s seeing. “Sure,” I say, though sounding unsure. “Part of me wants to simply for revenge. But the other part isn’t so ready.”

  “You don’t have to marry them. Just sample what else is out there. It’s been a while.” Jordan smiles over my shoulder and then looks back at me. “Heads up. Six o’clock. If you’re not interested, say so now or forever hold your peace.”

  It’s too late. Two guys appear behind us, ostensibly to order drinks; but there are open spots around the bar, so it’s pretty clear they want to order drinks for us. The four of us banter for a while, but I’m not really feeling it. Even so, I use my PR Allison persona to get through it since I can tell Jordan is enjoying herself. By the end of the night, numbers are exchanged, though I’m hoping my guy doesn’t call.

  “Take that app dating,” Jordan says as we walk home. “They were cute.”

  “They were okay.” I’m not sure if it was a genuine lack of chemistry or the fear of dating again has me disinterested. Also, my standards might be a little too high now from looking at Eric every day.

  SINCE I OFFICIALLY started working for Eric two weeks ago, I try to do part of it at The Cauldron every day for a couple hours in the morning while he’s there so I can ask him any questions. This Monday morning, after he’s finished approving the design for the loyalty cards that I plan to order from the printer, he asks, “Would you like some more hot water for your tea?”

  “Sure. Thank you.”

  He takes my mug off the table and I watch him walk back to the counter with it. He looks up and catches me looking at him. We both smile. In that moment, Jordan’s comment about “getting over the hump” replays in my mind, and I quickly look away.

  I turn back to my laptop and click over to my email, and, Bam—there is another email from Neil sitting in my inbox. It’s like he knows that I’m in a good place right now and wants to ruin it. I want to punch my computer. And him.

  “Whoa! Is everything okay?” Eric sets the mug down next to me.

  “Oh, yeah, I guess.” I look up at Eric and then lean back in my chair and cross my arms crossly. “It’s my ex. He wants to meet up.”

  “Do you want to meet up with him?” Eric asks carefully.

  “No!” I vehemently shake my head. “I mean, I want answers, but I wanted them right when we broke up. Now that I’m in a good place, I’m not sure I want to hear them and relive it all. You know?”

  “I do.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. “If you’re not ready to meet with him, then don’t. It’s not like he showed you any mercy. But if there are answers you need to hear to help you move forward, then it’s something to consider.”

  “How are you so wise?” I peer up at him.

  He laughs. “I’m not. We’ve all been through something, though, and as I get older I like to cut the bullshit. And, hey, the guy’s still a rat bastard. So if you want to meet him here, I can give him threatening looks to make sure he feels very uncomfortable.” Eric cracks his knuckles menacingly.

  I laugh
. “Thank you. I’m not sure that’s necessary, but I appreciate the offer.”

  I know I need to face Neil. I know I need to confront him so I can fully move on (or at least not be frightened every time I open my email that there might be a message from him). Perhaps it is time to get those answers. Perhaps, but maybe not just quite yet.

  When the plane touches down at the airport in Costa Rica, my stomach does a little flip. This is my first solo trip since … actually, I don’t think I’ve ever taken a solo trip. It’s always been to meet friends somewhere or traveling with an organized group, and that was my original plan. These last few months, Jordan has become a little obsessed and living vicariously through me. I didn’t realize she was a secret self-helper or a “whatever Oprah tells me to do, I do it” type of gal, but she read an article in O about a life coach who does meditation retreats in Bali. “Bring it full circle,” she wrote in her email when she sent the link, referencing our newly running Eat, Pray, Love joke. While I hemmed and hawed, I knew she was in deep when over dinner one night she said, “Do you need money? I’ll lend you the money. I’d spend it on myself anyway, and so you could repay me by taking me out to dinner and teaching me all your wisdom.”

  “Thank you for the offer, but I can afford it.” I told her about selling my ring. When I had handed it to the clerk at the estate jewelry store, I thought it was going to be hard to part with; but when I took it out of its box, I immediately wanted to be rid of it. Despite how technically beautiful the ring was, it had become an ugly reminder that Neil had chosen to spend his life and create a family with someone else. As I walked out of the store, my heart felt much lighter (and my wallet a little heavier).

  “I was never going to wear it again, so getting rid of it made the most sense,” I explained.

  “I love this new Allison!” Jordan enthused.

  “If you love me so much, why don’t you come with me?” I asked, with more than a little bit of pleading in my voice.