Ordinary Obsessions

by Tom Corbett

  Several of Beverly’s closer friends and acquaintances were already present. They immediately were drawn to the new arrivals. Condolences were exchanged, and small talk ensued. The patriarch of the Crawford clan remained standing aloof and alone near the casket. A large display of pictures had been erected, with images from her life. Chris found Beverly’s brother, the only member of her family with whom she had shared any bond. They exchanged greetings and commiserated. The two of them looked over the pictures and admired the extravagant flourish of flowers that dominated the room. Amar made her way to Chris just as Beverly’s brother saw another of her extended family arrive and made his way to greet them.

  “I am surprised about the casket. I thought she was to be cremated?” She whispered.

  “She will be eventually, but Kat and I convinced a judge to prohibit any cremation until the authorities are convinced there was no homicide. There is still some possibility of detecting an exotic drug beyond the alcohol that was found.”

  “I did not think that Beverly drank to any excess.” Amar was puzzled.

  “She didn’t, another curious fact, but inconclusive. It is the season of excess, the police said, or maybe she was depressed to be alone during the yuletide festivities. Everything is frustratingly ambiguous.” Chris kept eying his father who busied himself with other attendees.

  “Are any of you going to even greet him?” Amar whispered.

  Chris pulled her to a corner of the room. “My mother, for sure, won’t get within twenty feet of him. She loathes the man. I just hope you never come to feel that way about me.”

  “Sorry,” Amar said and tried to smile, “too late. But I can fake being cordial to you in public.”

  Chris smiled back, his first evidence of relaxation since they had arrived. “And I appreciate the pretense of affection. You are a good woman, well trained. But listen, we will just endure this until after the priest does his thing, then I am out of here. I cannot stand being this close to him.”

  Amar saw the tension in his jaw and neck. This was not her husband, the proximity to his father was taking a toll on him. She looked at him, trying to determine how to make him relax. She was quick enough to go one-on-one with him in the battle of wits but realized she did not have his inherent sense of humor. That was a Celtic gift, she had concluded and long ago decided not to compete with him on that field of battle. But now, here, she wished for some touch of lightness to bring him back. She settled for linking her arm in his. It seemed to have an effect, he smiled at her.

  Then his phone rang. He glanced at the number and answered, deliberately walking a few feet away from his spouse. Amar was, as usual, annoyed at this. Why couldn’t he turn the damn thing off? she thought to herself.

  There was a brief heated discussion during which Amar could make out snatches of his side of the conversation. She could not quite determine if the expletives she made out were being directed at the caller or some third-party, most likely his father. She soon figured it out. He poked at the screen of his phone three times before successfully ending the call and then stared across the room at the man who had brought him into the world. ‘That son of a bitch.” It was not clear whether Charles Senior had heard what his son said, he remained impassive, erect, superior, watching his son with an ingratiating smile on his face.

  Panic swept over Amar as she got out the word: “No!” She grabbed at Chris’s arm, but he pulled away from her grasp, so she yelled to Ricky and Kat, who also noted Chris’s movements. “Stop him,” she pleaded.

  At that moment, Chris reached his father whose smile was tempered with concern. “You son-on-a bitch.”

  “What is wrong, my son? You looked vexed.” His father still managed to say calmly.

  “Why did you have your people stop Jules in the lobby?”

  “Oh yes, her.” Charles Senior looked vaguely annoyed. “She has been rather unkind to me, in her professional capacity as a so-called journalist.”

  “Excuse me? She has been unkind? It is impossible to be too unkind to a piece-of-shit like you.” Chris felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Kat pleading with him with her eyes. “No sis, let go! I’m okay.”

  “Yes, Julianna has been reporting some rather fanciful and, to be utterly truthful, fabricated stories about what I am up to these days. I am considering a libel suit.”

  “You cannot sue a journalist for reporting the truth, your lawyers should have told you that.”

  “The truth?” The older man said mockingly. “Why in God’s name would you think she is reporting the truth?

  “You know why. You know damn well why. That is why we are here.” Chris spit out the words.

  Chris felt another tug on his arm, this one with more force. It was Ricky. “Come on, man, time to leave. Let’s go.” His encouragement was to no avail.

  Chris was unmoved and continued to stare at his father whom, for the first time, hesitated as if uncertain how to respond. When he did, it was in his same unctuous tone. “Frankly, my son, if I were to guess, I would suggest that you believe her side because she still whores for you in bed.” As Charles Senior finished his words, he glanced in the direction of Amar who had joined the others to pull Chris away.

  There was the briefest moment when all was suspended. Then Kat uttered one word, “Shit”, as Chris leapt toward his father. He grabbed the man by the throat and lifted him up against the wall. Total, black fury swept through him. He cared not for the consequences, he could have squeezed the life out of that man right there. Strong arms pulled him away, but he refused to release the man. Screams filled the room. Then Ricky, and Beverly’s brother, managed to pry Chris from his prey and fling him back several feet. All Chris focused on was that face, now finally red with anger or was it triumph, yet leering at him. As people relaxed just a fraction, Chris sprang forward once again. He made it halfway to his destination when a fist directed at his face suddenly appeared before him, followed by a searing pain in his nose and then blackness.

  Kay and Ricky helped Chris to the elevator as blood spilled on to the floor and shocked attendees who gave them a wide berth. Kat turned back to her father. “We know you killed her, and we won’t forget…we will never forget.”

  The patriarch was already regaining his composure. He never lost his smile even as the elevator doors closed. When they reached the lobby, Jules was still there, arguing with the women denying her entrance. “Oh, my God, what happened?”

  “This idiot tried to defend your honor,” Ricky said flatly. “It didn’t go well.”

  Back in Kat’s penthouse suite, Chris looked around at the four women staring back at him - his two siblings, his spouse, and his former lover. Their expressions ranged from bemusement to concern. “What are you staring at?” he said to break the silence. He was surprised to find his voice so thick and odd-sounding. His head still hurt but the sharpest pain had subsided quite a bit; a headache lingered.

  “You look like shit,” Jules said matter-of-factly.

  “Well, your goddamn brother sucker-punched me, again. Why is he always doing that?”

  “Because, you imbecile, you were trying to get back to Father, to kill him.” Kay wore a weary expression.

  Chris’s unfocused gaze shifted from Jules to his younger sister, looking as if that fact had just dawned on him. “Are you implying that would be a bad thing?”

  “No,” Kat continued, “most days I would have cheered you on. But not in front of so many witnesses. Besides, one of our father’s goons had pulled a gun. Had you gotten past Ricky he probably would have shot you. You owe Ricky. My husband probably saved your life.”

  “Did my first husband, embarrassment that he is, imply this has happened before? Does Ricky break his nose very often?” Amar asked.

  “Just the one other time, as far as I know.” Kay looked on with a bemused look. “It was when they first met. Some squabble during a high school basketball camp. That is how they became friends. Men! They bond in the most unusual ways.”

  �
��Well, he always sucker-punches me. One of these days, I am going to break his nose. Then we will see how he likes it.”

  “Hah,” Kat squealed. “I would pay for that fight, wouldn’t you, girls? I wouldn’t pay much, it would be over in about 10 seconds. But look at it this way, the last time your nose never quite straightened out though it did give you a kind of rugged, sexy look. It made you look like a bad-boy, and girls like that look. But your days as a sexual predator are past, so maybe this time he straightened it back out. That would be nice. Alas, though, we won’t know if your beak is now straight until they take all that stuff off and the swelling goes down.”

  “Does it look bad?” Chris asked, concerned.

  Amar looked at him sympathetically. “Well, I still love you, but I am glad the girls are not here to see it.”

  “Where is he by the way, where is Ricky? Hiding from me?”

  “Cowering from you, I am sure,” Kat responded. “No, don’t be silly. He took our mother home and then was going to stop by the office, check on world markets.”

  Amar stood and took his hands to help him up. “Okay, my favorite pugilist, time to put you to bed.”

  He groaned a bit as he got up, the pain medication and a sedative were kicking in, so it was more of a low moan. “Sounds good but I am not sure I am up for sex tonight.” Then, he broke into a smile which quickly turned to a grimace - it still hurt.

  By the time Amar returned a few minutes later, Kat had brought out a bottle of Chivas Regal scotch and four glasses. “There is a bar over there with many offerings, but I am drinking this. You are welcome to join me. In fact, I hope you do.”

  Amar took a deep breath. “I am not experienced at this but tonight I will.”

  “Good for you, sister,” Jules proffered as the drinks were poured and a first toast made. “To our grumpy patient.” Glasses clinked.

  “Yuck,” Amar grunted. “That is awful, why do you drink it?”

  Kay laughed. “Get some more into you, then you will understand.” Another toast was made, this time to the evils of sobriety. That quickly evolved into a hearty agreement that all men were ridiculous and a discussion on why women put up with them.

  “Tell me,” Jules said, “did Chris really fly off just because of me, because his father would not let me in?”

  “Mostly,” Kay said too quickly.

  Jules looked from one woman to the other, but all remained silent. Then it was Amar who spoke up. “I will say it. His father goaded him. He first said that you were libeling him, printing false stories. When Chris came to your defense, he implied it was only because you and Chris were…” Suddenly, Amar did not know how to finish her thought.

  Kat sounded exasperated. “Oh, then I’ll say it. He told Chris that he was defending you because the two of you were still screwing around. The bastard knew that would trigger him. My brother is a sweet guy, but he is part Irish and there is a temper there. You have to look hard, but it is there.”

  Jules looked pensive for a moment and then turned to Amar. “I want you to know…you must understand…”

  “Jules, please, no need to say anything.” Amar’s voice was low, gentle.

  “No, there is.” The ebony woman sighed deeply. “We never talked about the past. I have always wondered if you…what you…thought about me…and Chris.”

  “I know that he loves you,” Amar said simply.

  “No…well, yes…but it is more difficult. Let’s see if I can make sense of this. I turned him down, more than once. I think it never occurred to me that he would find love. I just figured he would always be there for me, you know, when I finally was ready. Then, the SOB went and found it, true love, with you. It was all so sudden. For some time, I admit I was not happy. I…even resented you though I tried not to let it show. But I could see that you made him…better, a content and complete man. I doubt I could have done that.”

  “Jules, there is no…”

  But Jules continued. “Okay, maybe I could have but in the end it doesn’t matter. After a long time, I discovered something about myself, about Chris and I or it is more accurate to say me and Chris. No matter, truth is…I do love him, I have always loved him, and I always will. At the heart of it, though, he is another brother to me though, I must tell you, I have never had carnal thoughts about Ricky like I had for Chris.” Jules then laughed, and the others followed. “But there is this gap, more like a chasm, that exists between like and respect and admiration and all those positive feelings we can have about another human, between those things and being in love, pure love. Over time, I watched how he looked at you, acted around you. And I got it, why I turned him down. I understood for the first time. We would have been best friends, had a nice marriage. But we would not have been in love with one another. Thank you.”

  “What?” Amar was confused.

  “For being in his life. Besides, he obviously needs to be married to a doctor.” Jules chuckled again, as did the others. “And let me assert this even if it doesn’t need to be said. We have not touched one another since he met you, not that I wasn’t tempted at first. But no, we have not. Of course, now it is easy to ignore him since he is such damaged goods.” Jules raised her glass. “Really, he now looks like shit.”

  “Thank you,” Amar said to Jules as she took another tiny sip of scotch. “I have to go slow with this stuff. I think I am beginning to understand why you drink it. I am feeling - what is the word? Mellow, is that it? - So, I want to give this question a shot.”

  “Well,” Kay offered, “either mellow or shitfaced. Time will tell.”

  “I am going with mellow,” Amar insisted. “But now to the question I have for Kat, one I have kept inside for a long time.”

  “I deny it,” Kat pronounced.

  “Deny what?” Amar asked, “I haven’t asked it yet.”

  “Oh, I have never slept with my brother, never even thought about it.”

  “Good to know, Kat. But that is not it. What has crept around my head from time to time is this: I have always felt Kay’s love, something I treasure. She is a sister to me, a real sister. But I have always wondered if you, Kat, resented me a bit. I have worried about that. Have you resented me? I mean, things like my resisting coming to America. I have been a bloody bother, haven’t I? You had Chris to yourself and now I stand in the way. I keep thinking about that.”

  There was a long silence as Kat stared toward the ceiling. “It’s complicated.”

  “We got all night,” Jules added. “There are times I have thought something similar, that you might not be comfortable when Chris and I were…well, Chris and me.”

  “Okay,” Kat sighed. “Now you just made it more complicated. I never should have brought the scotch out.” Then she sighed even deeper. “My feelings have nothing to do with you - either of you. The thing is I am the baby of the family. I felt lost and overlooked. I didn’t count, partly because I was a girl, partly because I was always being compared to the twins who seemed invincible, at least to my young eyes. Chuck didn’t count. He was old enough that I never connected with him in the same way. I mean, he was always so kind to me, so concerned about me. I loved him to death and never have gotten over the suicide. I never will. But I never thought I could lean on him, he was like a piece of fragile pottery, too much stress and he might break into a thousand pieces.” She took another sip of scotch. “Oh, I suppose I am just like some typical girl, but I wanted my older brother to notice me, pay attention. I’m talking about Chris. He seemed like the strong one, the one who knew what he wanted. And I wanted him to be my father, because the real one was a total piece of shit. I was just the next piece of meat he could use up and spit out”

  Amar gasped. “Oh, sorry,” she quickly apologized.

  “No problem. I so wanted to go to Chris, beg him to help. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t until recently that I realized Kay had gone through the same thing. A family of terrible secrets, no?” She laughed derisively. “In the end, I am not sure what that explains or excuses.
Perhaps nothing. Suddenly, I was an adult or getting close. Chris was gone oversees, Kay had escaped in her own way. It was Chuck and me. That is when I threw myself into the business side of things. Never told Father, he would have dismissed me as some joke. But I was desperate to help Chuck, he was so sweet. “She looked around as if coming out of a trance. “Sorry, got lost there. You are probably wondering what the fuck I am talking about. Bottom line, I took on this enormous challenge of avenging Chuck, taking the company away from Father. I must have looked the part because the rest of the family followed me or, perhaps, they just hated that SOB so much they would have followed Satan. Problem was, I may have looked tough on the outside, but I didn’t feel that on the inside. There, I was still this scared little girl.”

  “You fooled me,” Kay said. “You should have come to me earlier, I would have been there for you - who am I kidding? Probably not! That would have meant coming out of hiding myself.”

  “Through all this, emotionally at least, I yet saw Chris as a lifeline. He was my big brother, the knight in shining armor who could make things right when I failed. To repeat, I was nowhere near as confident in myself as I pretended to be. So, when I saw him get close to a woman, any woman, I saw them as a threat. First, there was Jules and then this wife he suddenly brought home with him. I tried not to let it show but yeah, I was jealous. I knew you two were the best thing for him, surely better than the parade of gals that came through early in his life. It was just hard for me to let go, emotionally. So, when it became clear that Father had moved on to his political obsession, I wanted to take that SOB on again. You can guess, I wanted Chris next to me for that.”