“You knew I didn’t feel the same way.”
“Hope and logic don’t always go hand in hand,” she said laughing, thick like smoke, drifting through the cab of his truck.
“I saw Liz earlier. Confronted her about Jerry buying the bar.”
“Wow. You haven’t spoken with her for years. What did she say?”
“That she keeps her fingers out of his business deals. I believe her.”
“That’s good. Then you can put it away.”
“Yeah.”
He pulled into the parking lot of the same apartment building he’d lived in when he met Nikki.
Not much time had gone by—a couple of years—but he felt like he was running in place. He hadn’t gotten far in those two years.
He hadn’t changed.
Hadn’t learned a damn thing.
“Dane? Are you still there?”
“Yeah. Just thinking. She said something interesting.”
“You mean you had a conversation with her and not a screaming match?”
“That was part of it. When we were married, I never yelled, never raised my voice. She said she stomped all over me because I let her. After a while she lost respect for me, and that if I don’t find a spine, Nikki will, too.”
“I don’t know enough about it to give you my opinion. You never wanted to talk about Liz.”
“I said it was because it hurt, but remembering how she treated me was humiliating. That’s why.”
“So why bring all this up now? It’s in the past, let it stay there. You have Nikki. Focus on that.”
He rested his head against the backrest. “I don’t remember us that way.”
“We weren’t that way. You did what you wanted. Always. You never sought my approval or asked for my permission to do anything. You didn’t grovel to make me happy or do whatever I asked.”
“What was different between me and Liz and between me and you?”
“Besides the fact I was happy with what little you gave me, and Liz wasn’t?”
“Holly.”
“What? It’s true. I was a starving puppy under a table looking for scraps. If we’re going to talk, we might as well be honest. Our roles were reversed. I did whatever I could to make you love me, and that included keeping my mouth shut about the way you treated me. You did whatever you could to make Liz happy. It’s not hard to understand, Dane. People give up their power to the people they love. You didn’t love me, but I loved you.”
He swallowed past the lump in his throat. Holly hit the point he’d tried hard to find.
“Do you really think that’s true?”
She let out a breath. “I don’t know about your relationship with Liz, but if she said she wanted you to stand up for yourself, I’d believe it. Women want someone they can depend on. If you gave up your power in the relationship, maybe she felt like you were too weak to be an equal partner.”
He sighed.
“It’s not all on you, you know. Liz was demanding and unhappy. Had you stood up for yourself, well, you don’t know if that would have helped. Maybe. Probably. It would have helped you at any rate. Your self-esteem wouldn’t have taken such a beating.”
That was definitely true. He’d come out of his divorce so broken he hadn’t felt good enough for anyone. Something he still felt. He asked himself all the time what Nikki saw in him that she would love him enough to marry him.
He’d belittled her, said some nasty things to her because he didn’t have the guts to say what he really wanted to say.
“Thanks for talking to me,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt.
“You’re welcome. I’m glad we’re still friends. But Dane, if you listen to anything I say, listen to this. You have to let Liz go. You have to. Or she’s going to destroy your marriage.”
“I know. There’s so much I’ve done, just in the past couple of weeks, that I’ll never be able to take back. The bar is gone. My friendship with Brett may never be the same. Ian thinks he’s not a good friend, competing with Brett for best friend of the year or some shit. How did my life get so fucked up?”
“Why are you so scared to tell anyone how you feel? Why do you keep hiding?”
“I guess I feel like my opinion doesn’t matter, and I expect everyone to feel the same.”
“Your opinion won’t matter if you can’t open your mouth. Liz has hurt you enough. Let her go.”
“You’re right. Goodnight, Holly.”
“Goodnight, and good luck.”
“Thanks.”
Dane trotted up the stairs and let himself inside their small apartment. He wanted to give Nikki so much more than this. He bent and ran his hands over Princess Snowflake’s fur. Her purring filled the kitchen.
He emptied his pockets and shuffled into the bedroom.
Nikki lay on her side, a pillow between her knees trying to find a comfortable position.
He stripped and slid into bed, spooning her from behind. Her body radiated heat, and he molded his chest against her back.
He loved her so much.
If he didn’t start showing her, she would leave.
Nikki wouldn’t be like Holly. She loved him, but she wouldn’t put up with him treating her poorly. It’s why he loved her.
He smoothed his hand against her bump.
She gave everything she could to the people she loved. When she loved, she loved with her whole heart.
He had to start being who she needed him to be, or like Liz, she would find someone who would.
Nikki
Nikki’s bladder woke her before the alarm did. She didn’t need to set the darn thing, but she did anyway, just in case she managed to get a little sleep. The babies kicked around playing a lot of the night, finally settling down when Dane crawled into bed.
He’d surprised her when he cuddled on her. He did everything in his power to ignore the babies, pretend they didn’t exist.
They hadn’t spoken for a couple of days. The store was so busy, and when Dane started work on The Finish Line, the store had fallen squarely on her lap. She hired and kept stock. Ran the employee meetings and processed payroll.
She couldn’t remember the last time Dane had come in, even to check things over. He trusted her completely. The only area of their lives where he did.
It could have been enough, but it wasn’t.
Carefully as to not wake him or jostle the babies any more than necessary, she slid out of bed.
The race was only a few days away, and today she and Margie would be taking care of the bulk of the customers. She needed the extra help. She took more breaks than she used to, to eat and make sure she kept herself hydrated and to get off her feet.
Dane didn’t see the extra payroll expenses, and they wouldn’t last long.
After using the bathroom, she started a pot of decaf coffee. She’d made the change easily enough, though Stacy constantly reminded her there were better things she could drink. Luckily for her, Jack kept Stacy from harping on her too much.
Dane would be glad when these babies were born, but for Nikki, that day couldn’t come soon enough.
In a hurry to fall into bed, he’d left his wallet and phone on the counter. She picked it up, intending to set it on the nightstand where he could reach for it later. The phone woke up, and his notifications flashed across the screen.
Holly’s name blinked at the top, and she tilted the phone to keep it from disappearing.
Thanks for the call last night. XO
Dane still spoke to Holly.
Slim and beautiful, Holly was a gorgeous redhead with brilliant green eyes. She’d never met Holly in person, but Marta had become friends with her before she’d moved to New Hampshire for a teaching opportunity.
Obviously, Dane missed her and the no-strings relationship he’d had with her. He’d probably told her how fat and ugly she’d become carrying her sister’s babies.
Tears dripped down her cheeks.
She dried her eyes and placed the phone on the nightstand.
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With her stomach churning, she skipped the coffee and dressed for her shift.
Not her store.
Not her babies.
Not her husband, either, if he was still spending time talking to his ex-girlfriend behind her back.
She forced herself to eat something for the babies and drove to work. Somehow she opened the store, put on a happy face for the customers. Chatted about the marathon and what a great job Marta was doing, talked about the babies, endured people putting their hands on her, patting her bump and guessing their genders.
Normally she didn’t care, almost enjoyed the attention the babies brought her, but today she wanted to be left alone.
Alyssa came in an hour before she planned to go. Margie had been urging her to leave all day, but she stuck it out.
“Hi,” Alyssa said as Nikki restocked protein bars.
“Hey.”
Alyssa bit her bottom lip. “Are you mad at me?”
She glanced at her friend out of the corner of her eyes, but concentrated on the bars, centering them just so. If she lost control for one second, she’d fall apart.
“No. Tired. What’s up? Where’s Drew?”
“I left him with Sadie for a while. He’s playing with Hannah and Shyla.”
She forced herself to smile. “That’s nice.”
“I haven’t seen you for a while. How are you?”
“Fine. Same as always.”
Alyssa blew out a sigh and adjusted the strap of her large bag. “You are mad at me. I’m sorry Brett caused so many problems wanting to get out of The Finish Line.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “It’s not that.”
“Sweetie. Then what is it?”
“Let’s not talk here.”
Nikki gathered the empty boxes and plastic wrap to throw away. “I’m taking a fifteen,” she told Margie.
“You should go home,” she said as she rang up a customer buying a new pair of running shoes.
“I have a few more things to do first. I’ll be in the office if you need me.”
Alyssa followed her into the small space. “I agree with Margie. You look beat.”
“Pretty soon. Dane can spend more time here again, and the marathon will be over in a few days. It’s always been a busy time of year.” She lowered herself into Dane’s office chair and rubbed her hands over her belly in soothing circles. Her lower back ached. “I think Dane’s cheating on me with Holly.”
Her friend’s cheeks pinked, and Nikki froze.
“Why do you think that?” Alyssa asked.
“I moved his phone to the bedroom this morning. Holly texted him. Thanking him for a phone call.” She paused and studied Alyssa’s face. She knew guilt when she saw it. “You knew.”
Running her fingers through her hair in agitation, Alyssa said, “Brett caught him talking to someone a few nights ago. He didn’t know it was Holly.”
Her body went from hot to cold and back to burning up in the space of a few seconds. Her hands started shaking. “You knew. You knew and didn’t tell me.”
“We didn’t know it was Holly.”
“Does that make a difference? You knew he was talking to another woman.”
“Holly lives in New Hampshire. What harm can she do from there? Unless, is she back in town?”
“I don’t know. I never see Dane anymore. Our schedules are too different, and the bigger I get, the more he avoids me.” She hefted to her feet. “I need to go.”
“Let me help—”
She jerked away from Alyssa’s outstretched hand. “You’ve done enough.”
“Nikki.”
She grabbed her purse. “Don’t ‘Nikki’ me. Brett heard Dane talking to another woman, and everyone knows about it except me. How am I supposed to feel?”
Leaning against the doorjamb, she took several deep breaths. She had to calm down.
“Let me drive you home. You’re upset.”
“Why do you think that is? Don’t do me any favors.”
She stopped at the counter. “I’m taking your advice and going home. Call Dane if you need something. I need to rest.”
Margie frowned. “Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not. But don’t worry about it.”
She hurried out of the Tower City Running Company.
Stupid store. It’s what started this whole mess. Where would she be if she’d accepted that job offer at Shine? Dated Eric? Let him—
She wiped her eyes.
Dumb.
Alyssa stood outside the store watching her.
It pissed her off Alyssa knew Dane had been talking to Holly and never said anything. Brett knew, and he probably told Ian which meant Marta knew.
She was the laughingstock of the group.
Dane calling his ex.
God.
Tears ran in streams from her eyes and she could barely see to throw her purse into the passenger’s seat and settle behind the wheel.
She cranked the air conditioner.
She’d never been so angry at Alyssa than she was right now. Gripping the wheel, she pushed down the childish urge to give her best friend the finger as she drove by.
Focusing on the road, she drove carefully the whole way home. She didn’t want to endanger herself or Stacy’s babies.
Dane’s truck wasn’t in the parking lot when she pulled up, and she said a quick prayer in thanks. If he wanted Holly, he could have her. The next time they talked could be through her divorce attorney. At least they didn’t have children to fight over.
Nikki took a few minutes to feed Princess Snowflake and give her fresh water. She gulped a glass of cold water, too, and pressed an ice-cold washcloth to her forehead.
Overheating. High blood pressure. She needed to relax or she’d be hospitalized with pre-eclampsia.
Her parents would take care of her and after she spent a few days resting, she could spend the remaining months with Stacy. Give Dane room to reacquaint himself with Holly. He wouldn’t have to hide to talk to her anymore.
In the bedroom, she found her suitcase and her hands shook as she started dumping clothes into it. She didn’t care what she packed.
Maternity blouses, shorts, leggings. Huge granny panties. No wonder Dane couldn’t stand to look at her. No matter how much lotion she rubbed into her belly, stretch marks would always mar her skin. Remind her of what she’d given up so Stacy could be a mother. Her body would never be the same.
She choked back a sob.
“What are you doing?”
She jumped when Dane stepped into the room, panic filling his eyes when he saw the open suitcase on their bed.
“I’m leaving. What does it look like I’m doing?” She kept her voice steady even though she wanted to melt into a blubbering puddle on the floor at his feet.
He looked so good dressed in slacks and a dress shirt. Scruff covered his jaw, and his hair was mussed. It was her favorite look on him, and it took all her willpower not to cave in.
“Why?”
She had to give him points for looking like he cared.
“I know you’ve been talking to Holly. Hell, our whole group knows, and I had to find out by accident? Because I was being thoughtful and moved your phone to the bedroom. I know what I look like, and I know how you feel about me. Let’s just cut the crap for once, okay? I’ll get out of your face and take Stacy’s babies with me. You do what you want to do. Date Holly again since she gave you what you needed after all.”
She slammed her suitcase closed.
“Nik, please don’t do this. You don’t know what you saw.”
Pulling the suitcase from the bed, she scoffed. “I know what Xs and Os mean. I’m not stupid.”
“She signs all her texts like that.”
“Good for her.”
He stood in front of the door, and she stopped in front of him, her suitcase at her feet. “Let me by.”
“No.”
“You don’t want me here. You haven’t spoken two words to me in weeks. We’re
as far apart as two people can possibly be, and we’ve been married less than a year. A divorce should be simple. Keep your share of The Finish Line. Take the store. I don’t want anything that belongs to you.”
“None of that matters. I love you. Won’t you at least let me explain?”
“Explain what? Let me go.”
“I can’t. Don’t you understand it would kill me if you left me?”
“Maybe you should have thought of that before talking to your ex-girlfriend. I’m sure she’s still just as gorgeous as ever, and I’m this huge hippo who can barely move. When I get settled at my parents’, I’ll come back for my cat. I can’t take her right now, and I’m sorry if she bothers you.”
Somehow thinking about leaving Princess Snowflake behind made her cry, and she tipped her head back, hoping it would help keep the tears at bay.
He reached out to touch her, and she shrank back. “Let me go.”
Something in him shifted, and his eyes hardened, his mouth thinned. He’d never gotten mad at her, and she took a step back. “No. I’m not letting you leave until you hear what I have to say.”
The day spent at the store and the stuffy air of the apartment pushed at her, and light-headed, she swayed on her feet.
So tired. She was so tired.
“Nikki. God, you went all white. Come into the living room.”
She let him lead her into the other room, and he turned on their air conditioning unit. Gratefully, she sank onto the sofa and closed her eyes.
When she opened them, he’d set a cold glass of water on the coffee table, and he sat next to her, taking her clammy hand in his. “Do you need to go to the doctor? When is your next appointment?”
She jerked her hand away. “I had an appointment earlier this week. My mom went with me because you were at the bar. You never cared and I stopped pretending you did.”
His arm shot out, and he gripped her chin in his hand. “You want to know why? Because I’m trying not to get too attached to these babies. I see you day after day, your body growing with babies that aren’t mine. The family you’re creating isn’t mine. And I’m dealing with that the only way I know how.”
Misery covered his face, his eyes shimmering with moisture.
The Finish Line Page 7