by E. L. Todd
“Okay…” I think I got all of that.
“Honestly, I thought it would take much longer to get this far. But he’s really taken the bait.”
“He never stopped loving me…”
“I can tell.” Rhett rose from the chair and adjusted his shirt. “You no longer need my services for the day. Call me when he makes his move, okay?”
“You’re that confident he will?”
He smiled before he walked out. “I’ve been doing this a long time, Skye. Trust me on this.”
***
My house was too big for a single person. Actually, it was too big for two people. But living there alone was heartbreaking. The bedroom I shared with Cayson was too painful to sleep in. All I did was toss and turn. Now I slept on the couch because it was the only place that didn’t make me think of him. Sometimes I slept in the baby’s room because it was the only place in the house that gave me happy thoughts.
Thank god I was pregnant. Knowing my son was going to be there soon was the only sense of joy I ever received. If Cayson and I never found our way back to each other, at least I would have his son. In a way, I would always have a piece of him.
I was sitting on the couch when my phone rang. Rhett said Cayson would call but I had a hard time believing him. Cayson was so far gone I didn’t think anything would bring him back. But when I grabbed the phone I saw his name on the screen.
Cayson was calling me.
I took a few breaths before I answered. I listened to the silence for a moment because I forgot how to speak. Then I found my words. “Hello?”
He paused for a long time, like he didn’t want to say anything at all. “Hey…”
Awkward silence.
“How are you?” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
Cayson ignored my question entirely. “What’s going on with you and Rhett?”
“Sorry?” I couldn’t believe how well Rhett predicted this. He practically had a crystal ball in his hands.
“You and Rhett. Are you seeing him?”
“No.” Even though we were together often, I was surprised Cayson would think I started seeing someone new that quickly.
“Are you lying to me?” Rage burned in his voice.
“No. Cayson, I can’t picture myself with anyone right now. Rhett is nice and he makes me laugh. He’s become a good friend. But no, I’m not seeing him. I won’t see anybody for a very long time.”
Cayson fell silent.
“I’m sorry I made you think that.”
“Has he asked you out?”
“No.”
“He asked you to the movies.”
He heard that? “That wasn’t a date.”
“Skye, he’s totally into you. You really don’t see it?”
I had to lie. That’s what I was supposed to do. “No. Like I said, he’s just a friend. I’m not sure why you care anyway, Cayson. You told me we were done for good. I’ve let you go because I thought that’s what you wanted. Who I see and what I do is really none of your business. I don’t ask about your personal life so why are you asking me about mine?”
“I just…” He couldn’t find the right words. “I’m not seeing anyone. I don’t want to see anyone.”
I held my breath and forced myself not to sigh in relief. “Well, I’m not seeing anyone either. So…that’s been established.”
“Do you…like him?”
“As a friend.” Hearing the jealousy in his voice gave me hope. Rhett told me to trust him and that’s what I was doing. But it was much harder than I anticipated. I wanted to tell Cayson I loved him and ask him to come back home. But I knew I couldn’t do that. “I have to go.” Keeping my distance was what Rhett told me to do. I didn’t act cold toward Cayson but I didn’t act eager either. “I’ll see you later.”
“Uh…okay.” It was clear he didn’t want to get off the phone.
I wanted to talk to him for hours on end but I couldn’t do that. “Bye.” I hung up without saying goodbye then set the phone on the table. Tears burned my eyes but I kept them back. It was so hard not to care. I sincerely hoped I didn’t have to do it for much longer.
Chapter Ten
Cayson
Slade called me. “Yo, I need you to get over here ASAP.” He hung up.
Over where? What? He didn’t even give me a chance to say hello. I called him back. “Over where?”
“My place.” He hung up again.
Why were we playing phone tag right now? I called him back. “Slade, what’s going on?”
“Can you just follow directions and do as I say?” He hung up again.
Slade had pulled some weird shit but he’d never done this before. I didn’t bother calling him back and just headed to his place. Whatever he wanted to talk about had to be done in person.
I didn’t knock before I walked into the apartment. He was expecting me so I stepped inside. When I saw Skye there I tried not to react. Her hair was curled and she wore a loose fitting dress that highlighted her baby bump. A bracelet was on her wrist…but her wedding ring was absent. She didn’t wear it anymore.
I still wore mine.
Skye looked at me, and instead of giving me a look of sadness and longing she stared at me like I was anyone else. I wasn’t special. I wasn’t unique. She gave me the space I asked for, but now that I had it I didn’t like it. “Do you know why they asked us to come over?”
“No.” I came closer to her, feeling my heart automatically quicken when I was near her. My body always reacted to her, no matter how mad or upset I was. The fact she didn’t wear her ring really hurt me. She wasn’t doing anything wrong but…it still bothered me. “Do you?”
“I don’t have a clue.”
Slade and Trinity came out of the hallway, both grinning like idiots. Slade looked dumber of the two of them. He practically looked high. His hand held Trinity’s, and he pulled her close into his side when they reached us.
“I’m glad you guys are happy but you look creepy…” Skye rested her hand on her stomach.
I smiled involuntarily. Skye always made me smile without trying. “Yeah…like clowns or something.”
Neither one of them were offended by our words.
Slade acted like I didn’t say anything at all. “There’s something very important we want to tell you…and we wanted you guys to be the first to know.”
Skye and I exchanged a look.
Trinity hooked her arm through Slade’s and her eyes watered. “We’re pregnant.”
My jaw dropped and time stood still.
Skye covered her face and gasped. “Oh my god.”
“Really?” I blurted. “That was fast.”
“Actually, I got her pregnant on my own.” Slade dusted his shoulder in a confident way. “Guess my swimmers aren’t so lazy after all.”
Skye squealed. “This is so amazing.”
“I know.” Trinity was brighter than a rainbow.
Skye immediately hugged her, turning her body so her stomach wasn’t in the way. “So happy for you. I know how much you wanted this.”
“Our kids won’t be really close in age but they’ll be close enough.” Trinity hugged her back.
Slade watched them, clearly relieved he made Trinity happy.
I approached Slade and extended my hand. “Congratulations.”
He eyed my hand like it was poison. Then he pulled me in for a hug. “Thanks, man. I’m going to be a father.”
“You’re going to be a great dad. Just don’t ink them when they’re two.”
Slade chuckled. “Trinity would kill me.”
I clapped his back. “I’m happy for you.”
“Yep. I got my wife pregnant. I’m the man.”
I played along. “You are the man.” Seeing my best friend happy immediately made me happy. I knew this was something that truly bothered him. But knowing he pulled through and everything was okay erased the previous hardship. Everything worked out in the end. “I’m honored to be the first one to know.”
>
“Well, there’s something Trinity and I want to ask you…”
Trinity moved into his side again. “We know that you guys aren’t together anymore but we’ve all moved on and things seemed to be going well for both of you…”
Everyone moved on? Everyone didn’t care that Skye and I were over? They just accepted it like it wasn’t a big deal? Doing well? Hell no, I wasn’t doing well. I was totally miserable. She must be only referring to Skye, which made me feel worse.
“But we want you two to be the godparents,” Slade said. “Do you accept?”
“Awe…” Skye fanned her eyes to fight the tears. “I can’t believe you’re really asking us.”
“You don’t need to ask at all,” I blurted. “We would be so honored.”
“We’ll love that baby like it’s our own,” Skye said. She stayed five feet away from me but it felt like twenty. We were united but so distant at the same time. I really noticed it then, when we were taking on the responsibility for our two best friends.
“We already do,” I whispered.
“Awesome,” Slade said. “You guys are rich so if Trinity and I both die we know you can take care of our little one.”
“And because you’ll love him dearly.” Trinity shot Slade a glare.
“Well, obviously,” Slade said. “And you guys will keep our spirits alive. No one knows us better than you.”
I was a little choked up. Slade was like a brother to me. The fact he would entrust this responsibility to me meant a lot. “Hopefully, that day never comes.”
“And I’m sure it won’t,” Skye said. “But if it does, your baby will be in good hands.”
I turned to Skye but she wouldn’t meet my gaze. That usual connection we had was gone. She usually knew what I was thinking without me saying it out loud. But now that connection was severed.
“Great,” Slade said. “Let’s break out the beers…since the women can’t drink.”
“I have cider,” Trinity said.
“Better than nothing.” Slade walked into the kitchen with Trinity in tow.
I turned to Skye, feeling my heart fall deep in my chest. The beautiful relationship I had with Skye was gone. It was non-existent now. She really gave up on me and just saw me as a friend. I thought this was what I wanted but now I couldn’t stand it.
My life was so empty.
She hurt me so much when she didn’t believe me. It actually broke me. But now that seemed irrelevant when my world had changed so drastically. I was completely alone, living in an apartment all by myself while Skye moved on and attracted suitors instantly.
It was…depressing.
I turned to Skye. “Hey, I was wondering—”
She apparently didn’t hear me because she walked away and joined Trinity in the kitchen. They immediately started laughing as they poured the cider and took a drink. Then they clanked their glasses together with smiles on their faces. Slade stood beside them with a beer in his hand, watching his wife look unbelievably happy.
Like a ghost, I stood off to the side. It was like I wasn’t even there.
***
I was happy for my best friend. I really was. This was something he’d been striving for and he finally succeeded. It brought him and Trinity so much joy, and they deserved that. Slade was inexperienced and a little immature but he would be a great father. He excelled at everything he did, even if he was doubtful in the beginning.
I lay in bed in my apartment but I couldn’t sleep. My eyes were glued to the window. I stared at the tall buildings and the lights that shined like rubies. Life went on all around me but my own life had frozen in time. I made a stand for what I believed in and refused to let Skye treat me wrongfully.
But look where it got me.
I couldn’t picture my life with another woman. Even now, when I saw a pretty girl on the street it didn’t do anything for me. Every night when I went to sleep I dreamt of Skye. She was the one woman who completely captured my attention. She’d been my best friend since I could remember. Not having her in my life was…terrifying.
I was still angry for what she did to me. It was something that couldn’t just be swept under the rug. I was a good man and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. It was something we couldn’t simply come back from. It destroyed our relationship and the beauty it once possessed.
But she was the one.
I understood what my father said to me. He should have left my mom and found someone better but he couldn’t. What was the point of being with the perfect woman if he didn’t love her? That’s how I felt about Skye. She wounded me deeply, but there was no one else for me.
So what did I do?
If I stayed on this path someone else would sweep her off her feet. They would treasure her and love her. They would be the one making love to her every night. They would see her walk down the aisle and be grateful I left her. If I hadn’t walked away then they would never have her.
I didn’t want that.
Even though it was one in the morning, I got out of bed and left the apartment.
***
It was a chilly night. My fingers were numb from the cold and I shoved them deep into my pockets as I walked up the driveway. None of the lights were on in the house so I assumed she was sleeping.
I approached the front door but didn’t knock. That would freak her out. I pulled out my phone and stared at the screen for a long time before I finally called her. It rang several times before she answered.
“Hello?” She spoke like she was wide-awake. Her voice wasn’t raspy and broken.
“Hey…”
She kept her silence over the line, like she wanted to see what I wanted before she said anything more.
“I’m outside your door…” The world was absolutely silent around me. For some reason, the silence was more prominent in the fall and the winter. In the summer, life was always buzzing. Or maybe it was quiet because I was alone…in every way imaginable.
“Give me a second.” She hung up.
I shoved my phone into my pocket and waited.
A moment later she opened the door. Her hair was tangled and messy, and she wore a long nightdress with socks on her feet. Her swollen stomach stretched the fabric of her gown. “Come in…it’s cold.”
I stepped inside and listened to the door shut behind me. The couch had a blanket thrown across the cushions. A box of tissues sat on the coffee table along with her phone. It looked like she fell asleep on the couch while watching TV.
She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me. She was cut off from me, expecting me to do the talking. I couldn’t read her at all. It was like a concrete wall stood between us.
“Hi…” I already said that but words were failing me.
“Is everything okay?” she whispered.
“Uh…not really.”
“What’s wrong?” She tucked her brown hair behind her ear.
“I’m…totally and completely miserable.” I took a deep breath and breathed through the pain. “I hate living in that apartment. I hate seeing you spend so much time with Rhett. I hate not talking to you every day. I really hate my life right now.”
Her eyes softened in sadness.
“I’m so angry for what you did to me…I still am.”
She moved one hand to her stomach.
“But I hate this. I hate being apart. I hate…not being a part of your life.”
She continued to listen without interrupting me.
“You gave up on me and it seems like you’ve moved on. You don’t even look at me anymore. You don’t chase me. You’ve really let me go…”
“I’ve never let you go, Cayson. You made it very clear you didn’t want me anymore…I’m just doing as you asked.”
“But I never expected you to actually do it…”
“It seemed like I was making everything worse. I don’t blame you for being so angry with me. Believe me, I hate myself. I wish I’d just believed you in the beginning. I…made a mistake I’ll
regret for the rest of my life.”
“Do you miss me?” I was afraid she might say no.
Instead of looking sad or touched, she looked angry. “Cayson, I’ve been absolutely miserable.”
“It didn’t seem like it…”
“Because I didn’t want you to see me that way. I knew it would just make you feel worse.”
“Oh…” I put my hands in my pockets as I stood across from her. Now that I was there I didn’t know what else to say. I was in so much pain, but I was in more pain when I wasn’t in the same room as her. “I’ve been thinking a lot and…I don’t want it to be this way.”
Her blue eyes were glued to mine.
“I don’t want you to not wear your ring. I don’t want you to spend time with new guys. I don’t want you to be distant with me. I don’t want any of that…”
“Then what do you want, Cayson?” she whispered.
The second I showed up on her doorstep at this hour I knew what I wanted. She was the key to my happiness, despite what she did. I was doomed to love this woman forever, whether I wanted to or not. “I want us to work on our marriage.”
Instantly, her eyes welled with tears and she clutched her hands to her chest.
“I can’t just go back to what we were before…I need some time. But I want to work on this and repair the damage. Maybe we can do marriage counseling or something. But I know I want us to be together…as husband and wife.”
The tears rolled down her cheeks. “Thank you.”
The fact she was so upset told me she really did love me as much as she claimed.
“Thank you so much…”
I didn’t like seeing her cry. It hurt me, like always. I stepped closer to her and wiped away the tears with the pads of my thumbs. Being close to her and touching her made me feel alive again. Lately, all I’d been was dead. “We’ll work this out, Skye. Just give me some time.”
“Whatever you need.”
I cupped her cheeks. “I love you…I can’t stop loving you.”
Her hands moved over mine. “I love you too.” She squeezed my fingers.
I lowered my hands then moved them around her waist. It felt so nice to hold her again, to feel the swell of her stomach against my body. She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed me like she never wanted to let me go.