by E. L. Todd
Conrad crushed his mouth against mine and kissed me aggressively. His hand moved into my hair and pulled me flush against his body.
I pushed him away. “Whoa, hold on.”
“You said there would be kissing.”
“But let’s talk first.”
“No.” He pushed his mouth against mine and kissed me again.
Since this was the agreement, I let it go on. I kissed him for a few minutes, feeling his tongue dance with mine. He was a great kisser like he’d always been, and his hands touched me the way I liked.
I finally came up for air. “Okay, time’s up.”
He released a growl. “That was, like, five minutes.”
“That’s all you’re getting.” I moved to the couch and patted the seat beside me.
Conrad jumped over the back of the couch and landed on the cushion. “Seeing anybody?”
“If I were why would I kiss you?”
He shrugged. “What does it matter if you have a boyfriend?”
Wow, he really was off the deep end. “I went on a few dates with this guy but it’s not serious.”
“You sleep with him?”
“That’s personal…”
“Just curious.”
“No.”
“You never hit it off with Jared?”
That was a longer story I didn’t have time for. “Jared and I are just friends. Now tell me what happened between you and Lexie.”
“We broke up,” he said. “I already told you that.”
“But why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” How was that an appropriate response?
“She just left. End of story.” He wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
“She just…left? She broke up with you and disappeared?”
“I proposed to her and she said no. That was the last time I spoke to her.”
His words echoed in my mind. She said no? He proposed and she said no? He got down on one knee and pledged his life to her but…she said no? Pain washed through me as well as anger. When I looked at Conrad I finally understood what was going on. She broke him in every sense of the world. He was destroyed, only a partial man that he once was. “I’m so sorry…”
“Don’t give me your pity,” he said. “I’m over it.”
“No one just gets over that.”
“Well, I do. It’s been a few months and I never think about it. Now I’m much happier than I ever was before.”
I felt so much pain for him. First, I broke his heart. And now Lexie did the same but in a much worse way. I hooked my arm through his and rested my face against his shoulder. “You don’t deserve that.”
He remained silent.
“I’m so sorry.” My hand moved to his.
“Just don’t tell Jared, okay?”
“Why?”
“I know he’s close with Lexie. And the last thing I want is for her to know how fucked up I am. Can you promise me that?”
I squeezed him tighter, trying to absorb all his pain so he wouldn’t have to carry it anymore. “Of course.”
Chapter Thirteen
Jared
She went out with him again.
So, she actually liked the guy?
He wore a brown leather jacket. That was lame.
And he showed up at her work?
I didn’t like this guy. He wasn’t a real man. Who groveled over a woman like that?
I was so much better than him.
But I guess none of that really mattered. I wanted Beatrice for my own but I could never have her. She deserved someone better than me, a guy who could keep it in his pants for longer than two seconds. I would repeat all the same mistakes with her. I would cheat on her and break her heart.
I couldn’t do that to someone I loved.
But that didn’t mean this was easy. The one girl I wanted was untouchable. I finally got over my ex-wife and found an amazing person, but I still couldn’t touch her. When I tried to go back to sleeping around, I couldn’t. I felt empty and hollow. My lips didn’t want to kiss anyone. My dick was totally unresponsive and no amount of Viagra would change that.
I was suffering for all the shit I did before. It was Karma.
And damn, it was a bitch.
***
Beatrice came into work before the place opened. Her shoulders weren’t as straight as normal and her eyes were on the ground as she walked. She seemed sad, like something was on her mind.
Maybe it didn’t work out with Jason. Maybe he didn’t want to go out with her again. Or better yet, maybe she didn’t want to go out with him. Maybe she still had feelings for me and couldn’t feel the same way toward him.
Did that make me an ass that I wanted all of that?
“What’s up, B?” I tried to play it cool.
“Nothing.” She still wouldn’t make eye contact with me. She grabbed her apron and got ready like a robot.
Now I was getting worried. “It didn’t work out with Jason?” I tried to keep the smile out of my voice.
She finally snapped out of her somber attitude. “Oh no, everything is fine with him.”
Damn. “Then what’s on your mind?”
“Oh…” She looked like she was about to tell me but she changed her mind. “Nothing.”
“You’re sure?” She usually told me everything.
“Yeah, it’s nothing.” She grabbed a bottle of wine then headed to the next table.
I stayed behind the counter and tried to figure out what could be wrong. Was it my behavior from the other evening? Did I offend her? Did I fuck it up? Now wasn’t the time to ask so I decided to wait.
***
When the dinner rush ended we had some downtime. Beatrice walked behind the counter and finished drying a few glasses before she hung them up behind the bar.
I came to her side, trying to be nonchalant. “Didn’t sleep well last night?”
“Not really.”
“Want to come over tonight?” I asked.
“Why?”
What do you mean why? “I can help you sleep. We can watch a movie or something.”
“No, it’s okay.” She continued drying the glasses.
“Okay, you’re freaking me out. There’s something bothering you. B, you can tell me. You can tell me anything.”
“It’s not that I can’t tell you. It’s just…I can’t tell you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Was that supposed to make sense?”
She sighed like she understood my frustration. “Can you just take my word on this? There’s something bothering me but it has nothing to do with you or anyone you know.”
“Sure…but that doesn’t explain why you won’t tell me.”
“He asked me not to.”
“Who?” I asked. “Jason?”
“No. Now drop it.”
I knew she meant business. “Well, I’m here if you change your mind.”
“I know, Jared.”
***
We finally closed and locked the door.
“When is it not busy in here?” Beatrice asked.
“Never, apparently.” I wiped down the counter and took care of the money. “It’s not worth complaining over.”
“I’m not. But maybe we should have rented out a bigger place.”
“Nah,” I said. “This place is attractive because it’s quaint. When it gets bigger it becomes too corporate, you know?”
“I guess.” She took off her apron and hung it up. “But I think we should hire more people.”
“Amen to that.” I gave her a smile.
She smiled back.
My heart was all warm and fuzzy.
A loud tapping on the door interrupted our moment. We both turned to see Jason standing there.
This motherfucker was like a cockroach that just wouldn’t die.
Now Beatrice smiled for him, the kind of smile that reached her eyes. She walked around the counter and headed to the door.
This asshole
was ruining my life.
She walked out and spoke to him. They both smiled while they talked, like they had nothing but happy things to say. Then Jason cupped her face and kissed her.
Ouch.
Blinding pain.
Everything hurt.
I felt sick.
The kiss lasted for half a minute before he finally pulled away.
Without thinking I jumped over the counter and pushed through the doors. Then I smacked him hard on the shoulder and pushed him back from Beatrice.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Jason stepped back and looked like he wanted to hit me.
“A bug…on your shoulder.” I wiped my hand on his arm. “Just wanted to make sure I got it.”
“Well, I think you did,” he said irritably.
Beatrice crossed her arms over her chest and looked embarrassed.
Jason stared at me like he expected me to walk back inside.
I didn’t want to leave them alone together. Then they would kiss again. And I would die a million times inside. “So…you like New York?”
“Sure,” he said with a shrug. “I guess.”
I nodded. “What do you do again?”
“Jared.” Beatrice glared at me. “Go inside so I can talk to Jason.”
“Uh…” I couldn’t think of any other way to sabotage their get-together. “Did you know scientists discovered sonar for submarines by studying bats? Yeah, apparently they emit high frequencies so they can see where they are going in the dark.”
Jason had a blank look on his face.
Beatrice looked like she wanted to scream. “Jason, I’ll call you when I’m done here. Jared and I are going to have a long talk…”
At least I succeeded.
“Sure.” Jason put his hands in his pockets before he walked away.
Beatrice was pissed. Steam was coming out of her ears and lightning bolts were shooting out of her eyes. She was trying to decide if she wanted to slap me across the face or knee me in the balls. She’d never been this angry before. She reminded me of my mom when I snuck girls in during the middle of the night. Beatrice didn’t say a word but her silence was more terrifying. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She stomped her foot like a child. “I really like Jason and you’re purposely sabotaging every time I see him. You don’t even know him but you assume he’s some kind of—”
I grabbed her face and kissed her. One hand dug into her hair while the other rested on her neck. My lips moved against hers with a mind of their own. I treasured her mouth like it was the most precious thing in the world. I wasn’t thinking when I went for it. All I knew was what I wanted.
Beatrice kissed me back almost immediately. At first she faltered because she didn’t know what was happening, but then she kissed me back with the same aggression. Her arms eventually moved around my neck and she pressed her body against mine. Her tits were against my chest and I pulled her closer so I could feel them better.
I kissed her like I wanted, without thinking about all the bad shit that could happen between us. I took her because I needed her. Seeing her with some guy, no matter how great he was, killed me. She was mine even if I never officially claimed her. I couldn’t give her what she deserved but that didn’t mean I didn’t want her more than anything else on the planet. She was my best friend in the world, the only girl I jerked off to, and the one I called just to have a conversation about nothing.
Just when things heated up and we were pulling at each other like we weren’t standing on the sidewalk for everyone to see, Beatrice pulled away. Her lips were red and puckered because I sucked them so hard, and her hair was in disarray. Her lips were still parted as she caught her breath. “Okay…what?”
My kiss didn’t answer all her questions?
“I don’t understand.” She shook her head as she spoke. “I kissed you and—”
“I’m a big fat liar.” I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to kiss her again—everywhere imaginable. “Of course I feel the same way. You think I would spend every spare moment with you if I weren’t…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Too much too fast could scare her off.
Instead of being happy she still seemed confused. “Then why didn’t you just tell me that? Why did you hurt me?”
“I wanted to hurt you then so I wouldn’t hurt you later.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear, what she usually did when she was nervous.
“I can’t be with you…even though it’s all I want.”
“Why not?” she whispered.
“You really can’t figure it out?”
“No…”
“I’m a cheater. I’m a liar. I ruined Lexie and broke her heart. What makes you think I won’t do the same to you? I really care about you, Beatrice. The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you.”
“You would never do that to me—or anyone.”
“Well, I already did.”
“And you’re different now.”
“For now…what about a year down the road? What if I pull the same shit?”
“You won’t,” she said firmly.
“How can you say that?”
“Because I know you, Jared. Stop punishing yourself over something you did years ago. Everyone deserves a second chance. I wouldn’t be in…feel this way if I didn’t believe that.”
“What if you’re wrong?”
“I’m not.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve been into you…for a year now. I think about you all the time. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I can’t believe you actually thought I was immune to you.”
“I…don’t know.”
“I want you so much.” My hands formed into fists. “Seeing you with Jason just made me snap. I don’t like anyone touching you but me.” I sounded like a psychopath right now.
“I want you too.”
I stared at her lips but managed not to kiss her.
“Let’s give this a try, Jared.”
“No.” I stepped away from her because I didn’t trust myself. “I’ll hurt you. I’m a piece of shit. We both know I am.”
“When was the last time you were with someone?”
“I don’t know…before I met you.” I didn’t keep tabs.
“And you haven’t been with anyone since?”
“I just said that,” I snapped.
“And why not?”
“I don’t know,” I answered. “I just didn’t want to.”
“And that had nothing to do with me?” She stared at me like she knew something I didn’t.
“I guess…” She was certainly the only woman I wanted to have on my sheets. When I thought about sexual scenarios they always involved her. Honestly, I didn’t really think about anyone else. Beatrice took every space in my mind and my heart.
“Then you have nothing to worry about, Jared. If you can be faithful to me for a year when we weren’t even together then a real relationship shouldn’t be a problem for you.”
“I don’t know…”
“I do.” She stepped closer to me, her perfume coming into my nose. “Let’s give this a try. Jared, you’re the one I want.”
“What about Jason?” I asked.
She shrugged. “He’s a great guy but he’s not you.”
My chest filled with warmth. “Yeah?”
She nodded.
“Beatrice, I know how I feel about you but that doesn’t mean I trust myself. I want you, but I’m not willing to hurt you.”
“Let’s just take it slow and see what happens.”
“But—”
“Shut up, Jared.”
I shut my mouth.
“If we don’t try then we’re just going to keep dancing around this. I know you would never hurt me. You need to have faith in yourself, just the way I do. If I’m not afraid then there’s no reason for you to be.”
She and I didn’t see eye-to-eye in that regard.
She pressed her face against my chest and listened to my heart. “You’re
a great person, Jared. I know you are.”
My arms automatically moved around her petite waist like they’d done it a hundred times. How could I resist the one thing I wanted? If I didn’t take her, I would just sabotage every other relationship she had. I knew I should turn away but I couldn’t. Now I was in too deep.
And I would never crawl out.
Chapter Fourteen
Slade
“Dad!”
Everyone in the shop froze when I walked through the door. Even the customers stared at me, probably thinking I was a crazy bum that just walked in off the street.
Dad stood behind the counter, and an eyebrow automatically rose when he saw me. He was used to my eccentric and off-the-wall behavior but right now it caught him by surprise.
“I’m gonna be a dad.” I spread my arms and did a quick dance move. “I’m gonna be a fucking dad. D-A-D. Me.” I pointed my finger into my chest. “That’s right. I got my wife pregnant. And it was all me, baby.”
The customers stared at me blankly.
Dad’s confusion dropped and he finally smiled. “You’re serious?”
“Yep. Just went to the doctor a few days ago. Trinity is pregnant as hell.” I slammed my hand on the counter. “Am I the man or what?”
“Yes, you’re the man.” He said it just to humor me but he smiled as he did it.
“Proud of me?”
“I’m always proud of you.” He hopped over the counter then pulled me in for a hug. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” I clapped him on the back before I pulled away. “We didn’t even need the procedure. I knocked her up all on my own.” I brushed off my shoulder. “Slow swimmers my ass.”
Dad glanced at the customers then turned back to me. “Maybe we should talk about this later.”
“Sure. Whatever. I’m going around to tell everyone I know.”
“Have fun with that.”
I hugged my dad again, catching him off guard. “Thanks for…you know…talking me off the ledge before.”
He hugged me and rested his hand on the back of my head. “That’s what I’m here for. And you’ll do the same to your little one.” He ruffled my hair then pulled away. “Now spread the word.”
I saluted him before I walked out.
***
I stopped by Ward’s office and burst inside. He was sitting behind his desk with a client across the way from him. It was clear they were in a business meeting. Ward looked up at me and immediately looked concern. “Slade? Everything alright?”