Make Haste Slowly

by Amy K Rognlie

“I don’t know. Sherm isn’t quite all there anymore, you know. He keeps talking about the bad guy who was going to take the baby away, but he doesn’t seem to remember that he gave the baby to me. Todd was going to go with me to try to talk to him, but that didn’t work out.”

  “Todd would be a good one to talk to him, Callie. You should still try to make that happen.”

  Believe me, I would if I could. “I’ll see if I can get him over there this weekend. He’s supposed to drop by the store this morning, anyway.”

  “Oh, really?”

  I could picture her gentle smile. “It’s not like that, Lonnie. I mean, I thought maybe it was, but now it isn’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know. We had sort of a little misunderstanding.”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m not good at relationships, Lonnie.”

  “I don’t believe that for one minute. That’s the enemy trying to lie to you.”

  Lonnie always told it like it was, that’s for sure. “Maybe. But I know that I wasn’t a very good wife.”

  “Hang on a minute. I need to switch the baby to my other arm.”

  I heard rustling and settled myself on the old couch in the book nook, brushing away the memories of the last time I had sat there with Todd. Why did I always seem to get into these kinds of conversations when I wanted to get back to my peaceful life?

  What peaceful life is that? My own thoughts mocked me.

  “Okay, I’m back. Why do you say you weren’t a good wife?”

  I hesitated. Lonnie was a good friend, but I’d never spoken these thoughts out loud before. Only wallowed in them privately. “I don’t know how to explain it. I loved Kevin when I married him, at least as much as a twenty-year-old could love someone whom she’d known for less than a year.”

  “Yes?”

  “But I don’t think…” I picked dog hairs off my jeans. “I don’t think I loved him enough.”

  “Like what? Sexually?”

  “No, not that. Something was missing from our relationship, like we couldn’t ever connect on a deeper level even though we tried. And I never felt for him what I think he felt for me. I’m afraid that—”

  “What?”

  Should I put it out there? It would sound so…so dramatic, in a pitiful sort of way. I sighed. “It wasn’t like I didn’t try. I think I can’t. That I don’t have the capacity to love that deeply.”

  “Oh, Callie. That’s not tr—”

  “It is true.” I stood up to pace. “When he died, I grieved for him. But not enough. Not like it should feel when the other half of my soul was ripped out.”

  “You can’t measure your level of grief against someone else’s. We all grieve differently.”

  I leaned my head against the bookcase. “I know. But even when he was alive, I could never feel toward him what I thought I should. He had a lot of faults, but so did I. He tried hard sometimes to make me happy, and it wasn’t fair to him.”

  “You will have to work all of that out with the Lord. But I do know this. God created all of us with a deep capacity to love. Just because you didn’t experience that for whatever reason with your husband doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to.”

  I wasn’t convinced. And it wasn’t about me anyway, right? That was my problem right now. I was getting too focused on myself, instead of focusing on what God was putting right in front of me to do—help Nicole and others like her.

  “I don’t know. But when I talk to Todd this morning I’ll ask him what we should do about the baby. I suppose we should call CPS, but I’m leery of doing that quite yet.”

  “Listen to me. You are bearing a burden you should not be carrying. God made you to be a sheep. Sheep don’t carry burdens.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Whenever you look at those little donkeys that live behind you, you need to remind yourself that you are not a donkey. You are a sheep. And the Shepherd wants to carry your burdens for you.”

  I smiled at the analogy, but she was right. I needed to leave my burden at the cross. “That’s good preaching.”

  She laughed. “And don’t you forget it. Go look up 1 John 4:19.”

  I didn’t have to look it up. I already knew what it said.

  But what I didn’t know was who had stuck the envelope in my purse while I was at Willowbough yesterday. I had found it when I got home after Todd’s phone call. The envelope contained a clipping of one of Aunt Dot’s columns, so I assumed she had put it in there for me to read. Must be a good one.

  I should be working on the flower arrangements for the annual Czech heritage event, but instead, I spread the article out on the counter to read it again.

  “Haunted in Houston.” I read the title out loud. “That sounds pretty crazy.”

  “Hello, Beautiful.”

  I jumped and turned to find Brandon standing close enough to touch me. I stepped back, trying to catch my breath. How had he gotten that close without me hearing him come in the door?

  “Did I surprise you?” He smiled at me. “I thought I’d drop by instead of calling you. Hope you didn’t forget about our date.”

  His aftershave was overpowering again today, but the crazed glint in his eye is what made my senses jump to high alert. How had I ever thought him handsome? And how had I not figured out who he really was the first time I had seen him in Aunt Dot’s room?

  “I guess we never picked a day and time,” I said. I had to keep playing the game. Had to keep him thinking I didn’t know his true identity.

  “I don’t care. I’m hungry now.” He stepped closer to me and reached out to touch my hair. “Why don’t we head on out to my car and go for a little drive into town?”

  His pupils were pinpricks, his face flushed.

  Jesus, help me!

  “I can’t leave my shop in the middle of the day, Brandon. I have customers who—”

  His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling it painfully tight. “I thought you’d be more cooperative than this, babe.” He yanked me toward himself. “If I can’t get it out of Dot, then I’m going to get it out of you.”

  Aunt Dot? Oh, no.

  “You’re hurting me, Brandon.” I was so close I could see the uneven stubble on his cheeks. God, please…

  Tell him the truth, Beloved. Get it out in the light.

  “I know who you are, Brandon.”

  He wiped his mouth with his free hand. “Yeah?”

  “You let Jason take the rap for it all.”

  “He wasn’t as smart as I was.” He leered at me. “Guess that’s what happens to dumb suckers like him.”

  The nerves in my legs were going crazy. I grabbed the counter to steady myself. “Brandon, I—”

  “Get away from her, Winters!”

  Oh, thank God. I sagged against the counter.

  Brandon whirled toward Todd. “You can’t order me around, Jack.”

  “I said get away from her. Now.” Todd took a step in my direction, his right hand hovering near his belt.

  Brandon’s fingers tightened on my hair. “She’s coming with me, ain’t you, pretty Callie?”

  “Not right now, Brandon.” I kept my voice low and calm. “Remember, we were going to go out next weekend. Not today.”

  He cocked his head. “That’s right. But I want to go now.”

  Todd was edging closer.

  “I know,” I said soothingly. Dear God, I’m trying to reason with a madman. “But we want to be by ourselves, right?”

  He let go of my hair to cup my face. “All by ourselves, Callie.” He whirled to face Todd. “I’m comin’ back for her, and you can’t stop me. Not you or a fancy cop like the one that preacher killed.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  I sank to the floor as Brandon banged out of my shop. “What did he say?”

  “Later, Callie.” Todd stooped in front of me and grasped my hand. “Did he hurt you?”

  “No,” I whispered. “But he was so—evil. His eyes…”

  “
I know, sweetheart.” He tugged on my hand to help me up, but my legs wouldn’t work, so he sat down beside me and pulled me into his arms. “I’m so sorry.”

  I rested against his heartbeat for a minute, then pulled away to look at him. “What did he mean about the preacher killing someone? What preacher?” Houston’s troubled face popped into my mind, but I couldn’t go there. “Who did he mean?”

  “I don’t know that part.” He pushed my hair out of my eyes. “But I did find out who the victim was. He was a private investigator working for the state of Texas. Name’s Carlos Ruiz.”

  “What was he doing in Short Creek?”

  Todd winced. “Investigating a sex trafficking ring.”

  “I knew it! I knew something like that was going on. Is Earl involved?”

  “I don’t know. But it’s common knowledge that Bell County has a significant issue with trafficking since we’re so close to a major highway.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s likely he wasn’t only investigating leads here in Short Creek. Temple, Belton, Killeen—all hotspots, no doubt.”

  I groaned. “This is such a mess.”

  And not only the Brandon situation. I sneaked a peek at Todd. He was staring across the room, his jaw set, his long legs crossed at the ankles. I wanted so badly to make things better between us. But maybe there hadn’t been anything to “make better” to begin with. Maybe I had imagined the spark of attraction—

  “I was surprised when you turned me down last night.” He still stared straight ahead.

  I didn’t know what to say.

  “I guess I’m kind of rusty with relationships.” That was the truth, even if it was lame. I felt my cheeks burning.

  “Me, too.” He shifted to look me in the eye. “It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself to be attracted to a woman.”

  The air left the room.

  “I’ve always wanted the kind of relationship my parents had,” he said, as if musing aloud. “I know that kind of marriage still exists.”

  Marriage?

  I gulped. “Todd, I—”

  “You feel it too, don’t you? The connection between us?” He didn’t touch me, but the intensity in those blue eyes pinned me to the wall.

  I nodded, startled when I felt the sting of gathering tears. I wasn’t much of a crier, so why now?

  “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past. I don’t want to repeat those again, and I never want to hurt you. But I’d like to think that I’ve learned from my errors.” He reclaimed my hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “Would you agree to give our relationship a chance?”

  Our relationship? My nose was running, and I dug for a tissue in my pocket. The ball was in my court. Again.

  “Todd, I’m not…I still have a lot of baggage, I think.”

  He nodded. “Me, too. As was obvious from my reaction the other night when you mentioned Brandon asking you out.”

  “I’m still sorry I hadn’t given much thought to your, um, previous situation.”

  “You mean my ex?”

  “Yes. Mona filled me in a little. I hope you don’t mind.”

  He shrugged. “Pretty common knowledge. So…?”

  Well, as long as he’d already mentioned the “M” word.

  “I’ve already figured out I’m not a very good wife.” There. I’d said it.

  “Hmm.” He arched an eyebrow as if thinking about that, then grinned at me. “Maybe you had the wrong guy.”

  Oh, boy. This was getting too deep, too fast. “Let’s take it slow, okay?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I can do slow.” He lowered his face to mine and kissed me gently. “I won’t hurt you, Callie,” he murmured.

  No, of course he wouldn’t. Not on purpose, anyway. But I was tired of my heart aching. Was it worth it to open up to Todd?

  I drove home by myself, shaken.

  ’Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all, Tennyson wrote.

  Was it?

  I thought back over my relationship with Kev…with Jason…with my parents…with Aunt Dot…with Mona and Houston and Lonnie. It was certainly true that I, at least in part, was who I was today because of our common bond of love. How could I conclude love wasn’t worth the pain? Did I imagine that by barricading myself from others that I would protect myself somehow?

  Risk. That’s what it was, and that’s what I was fighting against. I was fighting against it not because I didn’t know myself well enough, but because I knew myself too well. I knew if I committed myself to Todd that it would be all or nothing. I would burn my bridges behind me and set my face forward—and open myself up to the pain of betrayal again.

  Betrayal? I had never labeled it that before in my mind. But that’s what it was—to me, at least. I had married Kev, believing he was a godly man. Not perfect. I had no illusions of that. But I realized after a few months that the man I married was an irresponsible fool. I had racked my brain many a time, trying to remember what I had been thinking while we were dating. How had I not noticed his self-centeredness? His careless expenditure of money? Our lack of communication? Had I even prayed about our relationship? Maybe I was the one who was a fool.

  I shook my head and climbed out of my van, only to climb in again. I had forgotten the envelope on the counter at the shop. In all of the commotion with Brandon and then Todd, I hadn’t had a chance to show it to him. I wanted him to read Aunt Dot’s article.

  I pulled up in front of the shop I had left five minutes ago. “Maybe it wasn’t Aunt Dot. Maybe Harry stuck the envelope in my purse,” I said out loud, trudging up the front stairs of the shop. He was pretty proud of my aunt, after all. Maybe he—

  “Callie! Wait!”

  I turned to see Houston waving at me across the parking lot. After my phone conversation with Todd at Willowbough yesterday, I hadn’t been in the mood for talking to Houston. Or Aunt Dot, for that matter. I guess I owed both of them an apology.

  Houston strode toward me, startling me. He usually kind of ambled wherever he went. “Don’t open your door,” he panted.

  “What?” I paused with my key in my hand.

  “I saw that guy trying to sneak into your shop when you pulled out a minute ago.”

  “What guy?”

  He rubbed the top of his head, making his sandy hair stick out in crazy ringlets. “The one who’s been hanging out around here. I thought you knew him.”

  “Todd?”

  “No, not Todd. Brandon.”

  Would I have to get a personal bodyguard? If Todd had his way, I would. I should at least take his advice and buy a can of pepper spray. “What do you mean, trying to sneak into my shop?”

  Houston stuck his finger in the collar of his dress shirt and worked his neck. “He was messing around with the windows in the back. I can see back there from my office, you know.”

  I sighed. “But you didn’t actually see him get in?”

  “No, I started over here and he must have seen me, because he took off running.”

  “You didn’t call the sheriff, did you?” That was all I needed today—a confrontational meeting with Ridiculous Earl.

  “No. But Callie, I—”

  “Thank God. Will you walk in with me?” I unlocked the door. “I’m sure everything is okay if he didn’t actually enter the store.”

  “Okay, but—”

  I pushed the door open. Everything looked fine. I’d grab the envelope and newspaper article off the counter…

  “They’re gone.”

  “Who is gone?” Houston asked.

  “Some papers. He must have taken them.”

  “But he didn’t go through the window, so how could he have taken something?”

  He must have grabbed them and taken them with him earlier. At least he hadn’t taken me, thanks be to God.

  “It’s a long story. Do you want a cup of tea?”

  “I would love a cup of tea. Do you have Earl Grey?”

  “Of course. I only drink it in the winter but
…” I paused in mid-sentence as I focused on my friend for the first time today. “Are you sick, Houston?”

  He slumped down onto a stool. “No.”

  I made a face at him, then turned to grab two mugs. “Is there something terrible going on at the church?” I hadn’t heard anything from Mona, but maybe she just hadn’t told me yet.

  “No. Everything at church is fine.” His voice was weary.

  “Houston. Something is wrong.”

  “There are a lot of things wrong.” He held his mug out for me to fill it with boiling water.

  “Is this why you were going to call me the other day? To talk about stuff?”

  He nodded.

  I was a fool. Here I’d thought he had romantic intentions, and the poor man was weighed down with life’s burdens. “I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk then. But I have time now.”

  “It’s Nicole.”

  Wow. Talk about getting straight to the point.

  “Nicole Grant? My neighbor?”

  “Yes. I don’t know what else to do.”

  I’d better tread very cautiously here. Did Houston know? Or rather, what did he know?

  “I wasn’t aware you were acquainted with her,” I said.

  “I’ve known Nicole for a long time.” He stared down at his hands. “We…I…”

  We? I studied his face again. Oh.

  “You love her.”

  He met my gaze. “Yes.”

  I closed my eyes. God, give me wisdom. I opened my eyes to meet his again. “Do you know…?”

  “I know. I just didn’t know you knew.” His face was ashen.

  “I guessed. I had some suspicions after I went to the seminar at SCCC, but then when she left the baby and I watched that guy come pick her up…”

  He nodded.

  “Sooo…what? Why?”

  He dunked his tea bag up and down in the mug. “I’ve always loved her, Callie. After her mother died, I asked her to marry me, but she said she didn’t want to be a preacher’s wife. She left for Dallas shortly after that.” He took a swallow of tea. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to get trapped into this. She always was one to take risks, though.”

  “And?”

  He looked at me steadily. “She always comes back.”