Whiskey Flick

by Ryan Ringbloom

  “You weren’t just outside, were you?” I ask, trying to control my voice.

  “No, I’ve been back here.” His eyes stay locked on me. “Why?”

  “I just thought maybe you were looking for me.” I grab my things and slide my coat on. “I have a headache. It’s throbbing,” I explain, rubbing my head and taking the keys from my purse.

  “Then you should go,” he says simply, but a lump still forms in my throat.

  “Are you sure everything’s okay?” He’s acting strange. I’m nervous he knows, but if he’s been back here the whole time, then how could he?

  “Everything is good. You better go home and take care of that headache.”

  “I will.” My lips are dry, my whole mouth is. I give a wave and begin to exit the room. “Happy New Year, Henry.”

  “You too, sis.” He pauses. “Although, I have a suspicion that your headache might only get worse.”

  “What do you mean?” I stop walking and twist to face him.

  “Just that I had a headache like that once too.” He leans back into the cushions, tenting his fingers. A chill rolls its way up my spine. “And even after I thought it was gone, it kept coming back, hurting me over and over again.”

  Sorry Not Sorry

  “Sasha, I’m so sorry, but we need to release you from the Faulkner project.”

  When my boss had called me into his office, I assumed it was to praise me for my work, not tell me that we were being let go.

  “I don’t understand. Everything is coming out exactly as planned. We’re well within the budget. They can’t fire us.”

  “We’re still on the project,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But we received a call from the group earlier, requesting that you be released.”

  “Just me? Did Mr. Clayton call and make that request?” I had just seen him. He was thrilled with how things were progressing. Edie had personally reached out to applaud the updates.

  “No, it was another partner at Faulkner. He stated that you weren’t open to discussing different options and,” he rubs his forehead, hiding his face from me, “and he claims that there was some unethical conduct.”

  Henry.

  Unethical. I’ll tell you what’s unethical. Firing me because I’m a lesbian and broke up with you three years ago.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Taylor. I think I know what happened, but don’t worry, I can fix this.”

  “I hope so. You’re one of my top workers,” he says.

  “I’m going to handle this right now.” All of it. Once and for all. Henry Barclay is no longer going to be an obstacle in my future.

  In no time at all, I’m wrapped up in a black trench, my black boots clicking down the polished marble floor toward Henry’s office. My knock is more of a pound, and I’m told to “come in.”

  Shutting his office door, I take a deep breath, filling my lungs, ready to unleash.

  “My sister,” he says before I even utter one word. “You left me for my sister?”

  Whoosh. His words nearly knock me on my ass. Jenn told me after an awkward moment on New Year’s Eve that she thought he might know. I didn’t believe her. I was wrong.

  “I saw you,” he says, again before I can speak. “You were outside my parents’ house. You... kissed her. My parents’ surveillance system is hooked up to my phone. I saw it all.”

  What the hell is with this family and capturing intimate moments on film?

  “I love Jenn,” I say.

  “You love Jenn,” he repeats with a guffaw. “That’s funny, because you also claimed to love me.”

  “It’s different.”

  “Is she the one?” he grits out between his teeth. “The one you claim you fell in love with?”

  “She is.”

  “How could you?” He slams a fist on his desk. “My little sister.”

  “I told you I’m in love with her.”

  “I’m sorry but...no. Just no.”

  “Yes. I know it’s crazy but yes.”

  “So all this time you’ve been together?”

  “No. After you and I broke up, and we figured out our feelings for each other were mutual, she wouldn’t see me. She was too racked with guilt.”

  “So if she wouldn’t see you, how is it that you are together now?”

  “I didn’t see her again until the night of the gala.” I watch his face twist in discomfort. “And all those feelings we held on to were just too strong to fight. We had dinner shortly after. It led to... more,” I say carefully.

  “Oh my God, oh my God, this isn’t happening.” He covers his ears. “The woman that I lived with, that I was going to marry is not telling me that she’s in love with my little sister.”

  “Okay, first of all, you may have planned on proposing but marriage was never going to happen for us. You and I, we weren’t in love, Henry,” I remind him even though I know he doesn’t need reminding. “We were going through the motions of a relationship, but there was never a true romance between us.”

  “And you’re telling me it is romantic with her?” His jaw stretches, his eyes darken. I don’t let it intimidate me.

  “Yes, it’s romantic with her. It’s completely different.” I take a breath before elaborating. “Jenn, she sees a rose at the gas station and gets it because it makes her think of me. Her small gesture comes right from her heart.” My left hand rises and rests on my chest. “She and I jumped out of a plane together. A plane! She makes me laugh. She makes me crazy. She’s my every morning, every night.” I look down at the pointed toes of my boots. “Sometimes, she’s my twelve o’clock meeting.”

  “I really can’t do this.” His head crashes into his palms, mashing against his eyelids, probably trying to erase the images I’m putting into his mind. “I’m such a fucking fool.”

  “No, you’re not a fool. I am, for not talking to you right away. I really wish that I could turn back time and do everything right, but I can’t. But maybe we have to look at it as, if we didn’t do things all wrong then I would never have met Jenn and maybe you wouldn’t have met Tina.”

  His face softens ever so slightly at the mention of his girlfriend. Hopefully, this helps him understand, to put things in better perspective. A few minutes of quiet pass while he processes; knowing him, analyzing.

  “Okay.” He sits up straight, his professional face back on. He’s ready to talk business. This is the Henry I know. “So what’s the end game here, Sasha?”

  “I’m with her, you accept it, and you let her know it’s okay.”

  “I don’t know that I can do that,” he says. “How do I know you won’t hurt her?”

  “I know it’s hard to understand, but what I have with her is different. We’re in love. And what’s hurting her is not being able to share our relationship with you or anyone else.”

  He inhales sharply but collects himself. I know how hard this is on him.

  “This means you’re a couple?” he asks. I nod. “You’ll be at family events, dinners, holidays?”

  “I hope to be.”

  “Jesus Christ.” He brings a fist up to his lips and mutters into it, talking to himself more than me. “What will everyone think when they see my ex turn back up?”

  “That’s the thing, Henry. This isn’t about you or us. I won’t be there as your ‘ex,’” I say. “I’ll be there as Jenn’s girlfriend.”

  Keep it in the Fam

  “So, you and Sasha,” he begins.

  He now officially knows.

  Good. Bad. Awful. Awkward. We may never make eye contact again.

  “I never expected to have such strong feelings for her or for any of this to happen.” My voice is low. My brother and I met for coffee, somewhere public. I was too scared for a place with no witnesses.

  “But you do, and it did,” he says. He’s looking left, I’m looking right.

  “After your break up, we talked, things happened. I felt awful. I hated myself. And then I didn’t see her again.” If I’m not careful, I’m going t
o twist my fingers off. “I thought it was over and I never wanted you to know. But then we saw each other again and....” I swallow, choking on my saliva, coughing before continuing. “I still had so many feelings for her. What was I supposed to do?”

  “You had to follow your heart. I understand,” he says. Normal words, anything but normal tone. “It’s not the most ideal way for you two to have met, but I guess most situations aren’t always how we imagine they’ll be.”

  “I’m sorry. I never would have thought... me and you... the same girl.” The words all stick in my throat. More coughing. Do we really need to discuss this?

  “So, you’re, uh, you’ll be taking her home to meet, well not meet, but see Mom and Dad soon, then?” he asks, reminding me that yes, we do.

  “I mean it’s serious, so yeah. I did plan on taking her soon,” I say nervously before backtracking. “But if you want me to wait or need more time, just tell me. It’s okay.”

  “No, she’s your girlfriend.” A small fit of coughs roll up his throat. “You take her home whenever. Don’t worry about me.” He coughs again. “But maybe I won’t be there right away. Give the family some time to process it all without me there.”

  “Okay.” I agree and appreciate.

  “Okay, then.”

  We both pick up our untouched coffees and start drinking. Hot coffee and big gulps don’t go hand in hand, but anything’s better than more talking or uncontrolled coughing fits right now.

  This is hard. How could it not be? He’s my brother. But things will go back to normal for us eventually. Right?

  “I should get back to work.” He stands up, grabbing his empty coffee cup.

  “Yeah and I have a twelve o’clock meeting,” I say, then catch myself using my secret Sasha code. “I mean client,” I correct, not that it matters. He doesn’t know what that means anyway.

  He inhales sharply, rubbing the top of his nose. His eyes shut, and it takes a while before he finally exhales.

  “I think I’ll be on my way now,” he says, looking over my head. “But I’m glad we finally had this talk. No more secrets.”

  “Me too. No more secrets,” I say, staring down at his feet. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just never knew how.”

  “Yeah, well.” He plays with the empty cup in his hand. “I know now, and we move forward. It’s okay.”

  “I never meant to hurt you. And I never would have—” I break off. It’s hard for me to continue. To keep explaining. “I know we’re talking and saying we’re okay, but are we really? Do you forgive me?”

  “Yes,” he answers immediately. “Of course, I do.”

  I can’t stop myself from reaching out to wrap my arms around him for a hug.

  “Thank you.” I breathe the words against his chest with a giant sigh of relief. “And promise it won’t be weird.”

  “That one, I’m not so sure,” he hems, sucking air through his teeth. “I’m thinking it might be weird for a while.”

  “Oh God, I know.” My parents, Adam, my aunts, my cousins, everyone who knew Sasha from before, all finding out. Weird times are most definitely ahead. “But I mean with us. Please don’t let it be weird.”

  I step back from our embrace, and we momentarily lock eyes. Okay, nope, not there yet. His eyes dart up, searching the ceiling, and mine start counting tiles on the floor.

  “I think it might be weird for a while,” he says, but follows it up with an infectious chuckle. We both laugh. No eye contact, but at least we’re laughing.

  It’s weird now. It will be tomorrow and the day after that...

  But we’ll get there.

  Re-entry

  I don’t want to go inside. I thought I was ready, but maybe I’m not.

  Tonight, it’s the whole family. All three siblings, all three significant others.

  We had eased in slowly, dipped a toe by having dinner with just her parents a little over a month ago. They are truly delightful people, and if the new arrangement was awkward for them, they never let it show. Now we’re taking things up a notch.

  “No, no, no.” Jenn undoes her seat belt, turning toward me. “I can see it in your face. You’re freaking out.” She shakes her head. “You’re supposed to be the calm one. We can’t both go in there freaking out.”

  “I’m not freaking out,” I assure her and then mentally assure myself. It’s all out in the open and everything is as it should be. I got the girl. He got the girl. She got the girl. She got the guy.

  I glance out into the dark and see Henry’s parked car. He and Tina probably showed up nice and early, unlike Jenn and I who are now a full ten minutes late. He’s probably sitting inside with his game face on, ready to approach the night calmly with an organized plan of action. My stomach twists. I don’t have a plan, and try as I might, my face has no game. Since Jenn, the collection of masks I used to wear have been tossed in the garbage. That’s what love does.

  “We need to go in,” Jenn says, but like me, seems attached to her seat, unable to move.

  “I know. But maybe just two more minutes?” I ask, and she nods in agreement. Happy ending—amazing. Post happy ending—not so much.

  The porch lights flicker on, and Mrs. Barclay’s silhouette fills the doorway. Her hand shields her face as she looks to my car and with the new stream of light can surely see the two of us chickens still seated inside. Before I can hang my head in shame, her gaze travels over to Henry’s car, where to my shock the shadows of two heads are framed in the light as well. I’m not sure if it makes me feel better or worse to know we’re not the only ones scared to go inside.

  Mrs. Barclay waves us in. The car doors open, and slowly, with only the sound of crunching gravel under our feet, we all walk to the doorway.

  “Did you guys all come together?” Adam questions as we go single file into the dining room.

  “Of course not.” Remi smacks his chest and talks through her teeth. “They were all sitting in their cars for like twenty minutes.” The way she’s talking leads me to believe she thinks she’s whispering and that we can’t hear her.

  She is heard loud and clear by all. And the awkwardness begins.

  It’s taco night in the Barclay house. The two lazy Susans on the table spin with toppings. Everyone loads their tacos. No one talks. Everyone chews.

  Whereas I used to sit at Henry’s side, I now sit beside Jenn, which actually gives me a better view of Henry. We’ve now made accidental eye contact and smirked politely at each other four times.

  Tina hasn’t taken her eyes off me once. She’s got the whole Harry and Meghan PDA thing going on. One of her hands rests on him at all times. She’s extremely possessive, and her baby blues have been shooting me death threats ever since I sat down. I’m not threatened; if anything, I’m happy. It shows how much she genuinely loves him.

  Remi stares too. I met her briefly at the salon one day when I went to visit Jenn at work. She’s... interesting. But as the infamous Whiskey Chick, I guess she’d have to be. She clears her throat to speak, and everyone quickly gives her their attention, desperate for someone to say something that will break the ice.

  “Sasha, what do you think of Jenn’s new color?” Remi nods toward Jenn’s freshly dyed hair. It’s now a striking shade of turquoise from roots to tip.

  “It’s gorgeous,” I respond, all eyes on me. “Did you do it?”

  “I did,” she says proudly, and all eyes bounce to her. “I mixed colors. Absinthe with Aquatic.”

  “She looks beautiful,” I say, and when Jenn smiles at the compliment I absently lean in to kiss her, stopping myself just short of her lips, pretending to wipe away an errant eyelash on her cheek instead.

  “No. Go ahead!” Remi exclaims. “Don’t worry about us. Kiss her. That way we can all stop trying to picture it.”

  “Remi!” Jenn barks, glaring at her friend across the table.

  I want to die, and from the looks of it, so do the others seated at the table. Jenn did use the word “filterless” to des
cribe Remi. I get it now. That didn’t take long.

  Jenn and Remi have a silent war across the table. A quick peek at Henry shows he is just as uncomfortable as I am. The stoic expression I was prepared for him to wear all night is not there. He’s softer, readable, and more real than I’ve ever seen him before.

  “I visited Henry at work the other day, Sasha.” Tina addresses me, redirecting the attention away from the dueling duo. Fabulous move. “Everything looks beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” I reply, and turn to Henry. “Did you show her the new glass in the conference room?”

  “He did show me,” she answers for herself. Sweet and assertive. “I love the cloud effect it gives for added privacy.”

  Henry doesn’t speak for her. He doesn’t put food on her plate. Pour her wine. Or try and feed her. His masks are gone too. The new expression on his face, I’d never seen it before now. It’s love.

  I sigh into a relaxed exhale, and this time when I make eye contact with Henry, it isn’t as awkward. There’s a smile of understanding exchanged between us.

  I take a bite of my taco and without all the added tension actually taste it. This situation is not as bad as I thought, and although I know it will take time, it’s definitely only going to get better from here. I have the privilege of already knowing this family; they’re all terrific. Warm and welcoming. There’s really nothing to fear moving forward.

  We turn our attention back to Jenn and Remi still caught up in their little exchange.

  “Oh my God, Jenn.” Remi rolls her eyes, exasperated. “You’re acting like I told the whole table about the turquoise merkin you have stashed away.”

  Correction.

  No matter how terrific the family. It’s still family. The harshest f-word of all.

  There will always be something to fear.

  A Whiskey Ending

  “A toast.” My dad stands and raises a glass. All the glasses have been filled with whiskey. “To my amazing children and the equally amazing people at their sides.”