Three Times Torn

by Felisha Antonette

  “You honor their relationship, Karen?”

  “Some of it. They are good kids, and his parents have raised him well and with respect. You have seen the way he treats Tracey.”

  “That means nothing, Karen.”

  “When I caught them in the bed together this morning, they were both clothed, and there were no signs of sex. Tracey was even honest about his being here.” She casually informs in the most convincing voice possible, as if she didn’t just swat at a swarm of wasps.

  Aw, crap. I rise, knowing the stinkiest shit is about to hit the fan.

  Dad’s brows touch his hairline, and though I’m expecting it, I still jump when he shouts, “What! What were you two in here doing?!” He’s on his feet, enraged.

  “Dad. Sleeping, clothed, nothing else. Did you not hear what she said? We weren’t doing anything.”

  He looks from me to shocked-faced Mom. However else she expected him to respond, I don’t know, but apparently pissed wasn’t one of her top three. He’s already on squad No Nathan. This should’ve seriously been the reaction she was expecting. “And what did you say about this?” he blares, a thick coat of anger lacing his staggered voice.

  “I wasn’t as mad as you are,” she defends.

  “How could you not be?” he shouts louder, voice high-pitched. The confusion and befuddlement are thick on his face.

  “She told me the truth.”

  “How could you be so sure it’s the truth?”

  “Because I trust our daughter!”

  “Even after all the valuable information she provided in the kitchen. You still trust her?”

  “What would you like me to do, dear?” She folds her arms across her chest and puts all her weight on her right foot. “Scold her for telling the truth? How would you like me to respond, James?” she clips, hitching her eyebrow. “Yell and demand she never be truthful again?”

  “Get her a goddamn chastity belt and keep her from seeing that boy! Stop allowing him to come over here, and you three sit around like he’s a part of the family!”

  “Tell me what’s wrong with him, James. And I will.”

  “Tell me too.” I stand from the chaise. I know if he comes up with nothing, he will drop it.

  Sparks, I’m outside. Take your time.

  K. Give me ten.

  Dad eyes me, saying nothing for a moment. “There isn’t anything wrong with him. Something with him and his family doesn’t sit well with me.”

  “Well, Dad, I’m sorry to hear that. But he’s here, and I’m leaving. When you’re ready to have a reasonable conversation, let me know. And maybe we’ll hug and say we love each other.” I pass him to Mom and hug her. “Thanks, Mom. Sorry again.”

  “I know, Tracey. Be careful. We do love you and want the best for you.”

  I don’t look at Dad as I head out of my room. I hear them sit on the bed.

  The LED lights of Nathan’s truck slice across me as he pulls in the driveway. He gets out and meets me at the front of the truck. “Hey.”

  “You got your truck back!” I cheer without raising my voice.

  “I did. How’d your talk go?”

  “It’ll be better after we leave.”

  His lips press into a thin line. “That bad, huh?”

  I hug him around his middle. “No, but my dad is an asshole.” I pull back, meeting his eyes. “Said you were only using me for sex. And you can’t love me.”

  He smirks and his dimple winks. “I might be.” Backing away, he adds, “But considering you do all the convincing and making me do things I’m not ready for us to do, I’d say you use me.” He licks his lips. “Once again, our parents have it wrong.”

  “What are you trying to insinuate, Nate?”

  He smirks. “Nothing, Sparks. You ready?”

  “Tracey?”

  I roll my eyes at the sound of Dad’s voice. “Yes, I’m ready to go,” I answer Nathan, turning to face dad.

  Dad charges out of the house and off the front porch. “I’m not comfortable with you leaving with him.” He throws a point, finger waggling in our direction.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Do not do this in front of him,” I threat with a look of warning.

  Stopping a good few feet from us, Dad crosses his arms. “Tracey, let’s go back in the house.”

  “Erm.” A familiar voice sounds behind Nathan and me. I feel Nathan’s defensive shield harden his body. Mine pricks with the harder he gets. I don’t have any kind of shield, but feeling him on me makes me believe I do. “I wouldn’t be interrupting something, would I?”

  I resist the urge to veer right and look past Nathan. But I know the voice. One I dream to hear, but dread to listen to at the same time. Roehl.

  Dad cracks a smile that hits each ear. “Now, here’s a young man of whom I approve. Oscar, I was wondering when you would come around to meet my daughter.”

  A younger version of Roehl struts past me. He’s costumed in more youthful skin, and his twenty-five-year-old looking image is gone. He looks to be my age; skin glazed in a beautiful, deep golden tan.

  Nathan pulls me closer to him.

  Dad notices. “Don’t handle her that way. She isn’t yours and is free to speak and become acquainted with others.”

  I touch Nathan’s hand to calm the rage revving him up.

  Roehl walks to Dad’s side, smiling. His teeth aren’t sharp but are perfectly straight and white. His bright golden eyes have taken on a dark tint that makes them look honey.

  It hits me like a boulder smashing against my skull. I knew something was off with Dad! It’s him! He is so evil―influencing my father!

  Mom peeks out of the door. “Who is that, dear?”

  “Come over here, sweetheart, I’d like you to meet someone.”

  Mom looks to me, and I shake my head for her not to come, begging her with my eyes. She shows understanding with a nod. “Tracey, are you leaving?”

  My eyes stay fixed on Roehl, as I say, “In a minute, Mom.”

  Roehl’s eyes lighten as he smiles at me. I suck in my bottom lip to keep my mouth from curling into the grin I’d prefer to form.

  “Okay, honey. Dear, cut this short. It’s getting late.” She walks back in the house, leaving the door cracked.

  Dad turns from looking at the closing door. “Tracey, come over here and meet Oscar. You’re not tied to Nathan.”

  “No, Dad. I’ll stay bound to Nathan.”

  “Let her go, Nathan,” Dad tries to instruct.

  “No, sir. She’s fine where she is,” Nathan replies.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize Tracey was seeing someone.” Roehl sounds honest, playing his part.

  “Well, I am. So maybe you should leave. I’d never be interested.” I say, firm and hostile.

  His eyes narrow. “Really? I wouldn’t say that, sweet Tracey,” he leers, voice lowering seductively. My name is sweet on his lips, releasing with ease as if he were bred to speak it.

  I try to shake it off, moving closer to Nathan. His forced smile is small but apologetic. What do we do? We can’t leave them here with him, I say.

  I know.

  “Excuse her. She’s been shy lately. Tracey, don’t be rude,” Dad pushes.

  “No, Dad, don’t be cupid. Stay out of my business. This is really low for you.”

  His glee-filled face falters. Those thin eyebrows pull together, forming a fold between his squished skin. The corners of his mouth turn down, and by the looks of it, he’s unsure of what’s going on. “Well, Tracey, I just thought I’d show you there could be other interested guys that you may want to get to know instead of settling on Nathan.”

  Settling?

  “There will only be me. No other man will take her nor replace me. Her interest lies with me, no one else,” Nathan states.

  Roehl smiles. “I wouldn’t take her, Nathan. She’d come willingly. Like she shows she’s interested in doing now.”

  I look myself over. Do I? I couldn’t. . . I check my facial expression to mak
e sure it’s a scowl and not a smile.

  “Oscar, I think you should take your exit, your short welcome has been worn.”

  “Nathan, you don’t come to my house and tell my guest when to leave.”

  A deep rumble sounds in Nathan’s chest.

  “No. That’s alright, Mr. Warren. It’s getting late. I stopped by wanting to see if what you were saying about your daughter was true.” He makes three long strides in my direction. “She’s more beautiful than you described.”

  As he nears us, Nathan pushes me to his side, restraining from moving me behind him.

  Roehl extends his hand for me to take it. “Nice to finally meet you, Tracey. I hope to see you again.”

  For me to do so, I’d need to step out of Nathan’s grasp, away from his controlling touch. I breathe deep, inhaling and exhaling as I fight with myself to not close the small distance between us and meet Roehl’s hand. To let my fingertips graze over his, soon find his palm, and then our anxious hands will clasp, and I’ll be able to fill this bit of space inside me where it feels like he is missing.

  Nathan’s grip tightens on my waist as he pulls me back the couple of steps I didn’t realize I’d taken. Appalled and embarrassed, I turn into Nathan and inhale deeply, washing away the remnants of the want I shouldn’t have.

  “Don’t push it, Oscar,” Nathan warns.

  “Just trying to prove a point,” Roehl condescends.

  Hoping to convey I’m exactly where I want to be and with who I want to remain, I step closer to Nathan, turning my back on both, Roehl and Dad. “Or waste your time,” Nathan responds.

  Footsteps near us as Roehl chuckles. “Not entirely, brother,” he quietly scoffs before loudly stating, “Have a good evening, Mr. Warren.”

  “You too, Oscar.” A long pause passes and I hear a car start and drive off. “I can’t believe you treated him like that. And Tracey, you wouldn’t even say hello. I raised you better than that.”

  I whip around. I see the fire in my eyes, and before it can surf through my body, I blink it away and calm my anger. “No, Dad. You crossed a line. That was unacceptable. I can’t believe you would treat me like that. And in front of Nathan. That was beyond low.” He prepares to speak, and I cut him off, “Enough, Dad. Just . . . enough.” Disappointed, I turn away from him and start for Nathan’s passenger’s door. I flip the handle and the door clicks open, swinging past me. Climbing the mountain to get in his truck, I realize, at this point, my anger isn’t with my father. And knowing this is all some grand scheme, I should be more patient. I just can’t. I buckle my seatbelt, avoiding meeting Dad’s eyes as he stands in the driveway, half-scolding us and half-blankly staring at us. His confusion is evidence it’s all been some scandal set up by Roehl, and we’ve all, unknowingly, played into it.

  In the driver’s seat, Nathan turns to me, his face cold and expressionless, eyes dark and swirling darker. He doesn’t have to say it. . . I already know.

  Dad heads for the door when Mom pokes her head out, telling him to come in. He tells her, “I don’t understand what’s wrong with her. She’s wrapped up in that boy.”

  “James, you cannot force her not to be with him. Why would you try to push another boy on her if you don’t want her to be with the one she has?” They close the door. “That was very low,” she adds.

  I don’t hear him respond.

  Nathan has his head laid against the headrest as he waits.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No, Sparks.” He leans forward with his hand on his keys to crank the ignition.

  “They’ll be okay, right? He won’t come back after them or anything.”

  Nathan shakes his head. “Roehl wants you. He won’t do anything that will hurt you.” The words leave his lips like syrup was made of acid, slow and burning. It might’ve stung him to say that, to realize that. And, it burned me to hear.

  He starts the truck and pulls out of the drive.

  I know he’s upset. I just don’t know if he’s upset with Dad, Roehl, or myself. Maybe all three of us. I sneak a few glances at him, trying to get some kind of feeling. He’s blocked off, so guarded I can’t feel him like I’d usually be able to. But I know him well enough to discern silence associated with the midnight swirl in his eyes is a bad sign.

  “WHY WOULD HE GO after her father? That doesn’t make sense. That’s not like him at all,” Roseland says. He paces the floor; hand cuffed at his waist. His shoulders are slumped as he strides back and forth in thought, other hand cuffed at his chin. “This isn’t making sense.”

  “No,” Nathan says, forcing him to still. “That’s exactly like him. Using anyone to get what he wants.”

  “What do you think he’s trying to do?” Scott asks.

  Nathan lets the question hang around. He shifts his gaze to me, and I cross the living room to his chair. His body is hard, and I can feel his anger as I sit on his lap, taking his hand in mine. I kiss his cheek, and he wraps an arm around me, furthering his comfort. Subtly, his tenseness eases away like melting snow. Sighing, Nathan answers, “He wants Sparks to go to him willingly. He wants to be accepted by her, and me to be okay with it.” His forehead’s pressed against my shoulder. Heavy breaths pound against my naked arm, and he works his words out in a way a crank would oil. “But what makes it worse is. . .” Despair crawls over him, and he grits his teeth, containing the sudden discomfort. “. . .She wants to go,” he whispers, but the words explode in my ears.

  My heart drops, and for the first time being with Nathan, I feel a heartbreak that strikes me silent. He slides from beneath me and leaves.

  My lids fall over my eyes, slowly. As though I were one of those baby dolls, where, if she’s laid down, the lids close, pick her up, they open. They just drop over my eyes, and maybe I hope for a second, the darkness will erase me. Maybe, I’m hoping when I reopen them, I’ll be somewhere free from the . . . the . . . this. Free from the this.

  But deep down, beyond the denial, I know what Nathan said was true. I want Roehl in a bad kind of way. I’m not supposed to. I’m supposed to only want, desire, and crave Nathan. I’m meant to require only one man, one Sephlem, one beast. And yet, here I am, stuck in this stupid freaking love triangle I can do absolutely nothing about because, well. . . I want them both.

  I get it. I’m somehow tainted, but knowing that. . . Is this supposed to make it better, easier? Should I be able to control it? Can he have that much power over me where my will is extracted and now, my desire’s held in a stranger’s hand all because of this bonding? I understand the only reason I’m attracted to Roehl is that he’s somehow copied Nathan. But knowing that does nothing for my situation. I can’t use it to help me. I can’t convince myself that he’s not as diabolically entrancing, attractive, and exciting as my other half is leading me to believe.

  The room’s silent. Only soft breathing sounds in my ears. I’m stagnant, unable to avert my eyes from the corner of the chair as it blurs from the hot tears clouding my vision. I swallow hard, trying to push down the lump building in my throat. It’s stuck. No way am I going to let these people see me cry. My cheeks may flush, and my eyes may water, but I won’t let a tear fall.

  “Tracey,” Taylor calls. She was the only other person who knew my secret. Until Nathan just broadcasted it to everyone. I’d hoped to keep it between us, him and me, so his family wouldn’t think badly of me. So much for hoping.

  Cold hands rub my shoulders, and a figure takes up the space in front of me. “Come on, Cey. Let’s go somewhere. Scott, take us somewhere?” Glen’s soft and sympathetic voice.

  There is shuffling before Scott says, “Okay, we’ll go out with Olar. If that’s okay with you?”

  “Yeah, I’ll tag along,” Olar says.

  Glen pulls me up by my arms. My legs are limp as I apply my weight to stand.

  “It’s okay, Tracey, we’ll take care of it,” Taylor assures, brushing her hand across my shoulder. Someone smacks it away.

  “Don’t touch her!” Glen snarls.
“This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for you.” She wraps her arm around my shoulder, coddling me close to her. “This shit is all your fault!”

  “Glen, calm down. It’s okay,” Taylor tries to reassure her.

  There is no reassuring Glen. Once she has her mind made up about who you are or what you’ve done, you’re on her ‘A’ list of hate. Glen’s voice scratches as she yells, “No. It’s not O-kay. Don’t try to comfort my friend knowing you did this.”

  “Glen, I’ve explained I was sorry. Tracey knows that,” she fires back, strong and direct as if she’s threatening Glen with kind words.

  “That means nothing,” Glen spits.

  “Glen, let’s not go there right now,” Scott cuts in. “We can go.”

  I’m able to find my calm, although the hurt I brought to Nathan doesn’t lift. He won’t admit it, but I know it pained him. I can’t explain what it is. I don’t understand it. Even if I weren’t with Nathan, I wouldn’t be the least bit interested in Roehl.

  Unless I would. . .

  He is fascinating, though. Very . . . captivating. His elegant voice and the alluring way he moves. A glimpse of him, from earlier, brings a timid rise to my cheeks. Those radiant brown eyes, straight, white teeth, and lack of sun made him so much more attractive. None of that golden stuff, just a man of pure normality, his beast at bay. I loved seeing him like that. I should’ve gone to him, touched him, felt his hand on my waist, and maybe kissed his lips as I looked into those glimmering eyes.

  I roughly shake my head. Stop this, Tracey! We’re supposed to hate him. We freaking hate him. Get him out of your head! Nathan. Remember! Not Roehl. Remember Nathan, Tracey.

  I blink away the remainder of the tears burning my eyes. Nothing will get solved if I sit around moping and crying. “I need to see Nathan,” I tell them. I need to let him know I’m sorry and that I don’t know why this is happening, that I try to control it but I just can’t.