Three Times Torn

by Felisha Antonette

  “Did you not hear anything I said to you this morning?”

  “I did.”

  “And you care about none of it?”

  “What, Glen?” I shrug, figuring she needs a serious reality check. “To be honest with you, I agree with him. You think what you felt for Monahan was real and it wasn’t.” She looks at me as if I’ve insulted her. “And if you would like me to prove it to you. . .” I lower my voice. “Whose chest does your heart beat in, his or Scott’s?” There’s no argument as to with whom we’re supposed to end. It’s already written and planned out. It’s only confusion, but the answer is right here, in the chest of our mates. So our pointless, annoying, god-forsaking love triangles should be voided, forgotten, and incapable of happening ever again.

  “I don’t trust that,” she responds serenely.

  “Well, that’s you, not me. I know what I want, and I know what I have. I know what and who makes me happy and it for damn sure is not Roehl. Any man who needs to steal you away and try to convince you your own heart is lying is a snake. I know when Nathan wraps his arms around me I’m filled with peace and reassurance that that’s where I need to be. I don’t need to question it. Yes, things in our life are messed up right now. But the messed up part is only temporary until we can figure out how to fix it.”

  She rolls her eyes, peeping her dispute, but I throw my hand up, continuing, “And to be honest with you, the things that are messed up have absolutely nothing to do with you. You just got caught in the crossfire. There should be no real reason that you doubt you and Scott’s relationship. And considering all the efforts Nathan and I have put into trying to make you two happy, all for you can go off choosing some other guy, just shows you didn’t appreciate it.” She tries to speak again, and I continue, “Do you not remember you begging me to talk to Scott for you? Crying over him when you thought he didn’t want you. He may not have wanted the whole bonding thing and obligation, true. Hell, neither did Nathan. But Scott has it, and he loves you. He jumped off of a freaking mountain for you not knowing if both of you were going to live, and you still doubt his love.” I shake my head, frustrated. “Scott’s caring. He’s just battered and bruised because every time you two take two steps forward, you’re backing out, drawing him ten steps back. He’s done some really messed up stuff, but I’ve watched you battle him, battle us, I’ve had to witness him try and try again to tell you his secrets, to reveal to you every side of him, but you don’t want him just as bad as you may think he doesn’t want you. You two belong together. Fine, take your break, wait for the reality of all this to settle in. But you will not be disrespectful. If you don’t like Nathan around, then you can leave. Not him.”

  Her wide eyes stare me down for a long time before she turns up her nose in disgust. “No!” She points. “You’re still blind.”

  “No, Glen, I am far from blind.” And with these eyes. “I see more than I need to. Including that, it’s time for you to go.”

  “So you would choose Nathan over me? And we’ve been friends as long as I can remember.”

  “You would choose that guy over Scott, someone you don’t even know. And we have known Scott for as long as we can remember.”

  “I can’t believe you, Tracey!” she blurts too loudly.

  “Then come back around when you can.” I know that’s harsh, but she’s crossed a line saying what she did to Dad. She, of all people, knows that’s not something you’d say to Tracey’s father. He’s just turning back normal, and she’s willing to throw me under the bus because of her animosity toward Nathan and Scott.

  She stands. “What are you getting at?”

  I stand. “When you get your crap together and realize what’s really going on. I’ll still be your friend.”

  Through her thick lashes, she glares at me, asking, “So we are no longer friends? And you are going to side with them instead of backing me up?”

  I sit back down, crossing my legs, redirecting my attention to the TV.

  “You are such a bitch, Tracey.”

  That hurt coming from her. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Glen. Call me when you get over yourself.” I meet her evil eyes glowering at me as if she wants to hit me or maybe shove me with her wind gusts. She flips her hair and barges off.

  Honestly, I feel bad. I didn’t want to make her feel worse, but I know I did. It’s just a little tough love, and we’ll make up later.

  “Don’t leave the house, Glen,” Nathan advises from the living room.

  “You’re not my dad, Nathan!” she shoots back.

  “You’re right. Just make sure you don’t leave this house,” he follows coolly.

  “Why can’t she leave?” Dad asks.

  “It’s not safe for girls to walk around alone at night, sir. You know that.”

  “Yes, that’s true. It’s not safe for anyone to walk around at night for that matter.”

  “I agree.”

  I hear Glen’s footsteps walk from the tile by the front door back over the wood floor to the stairs, up them, and then my room door closes. “Whatever,” I mutter, looking around the family room for the remote.

  Mom takes the seat next to me. “Hey, honey.”

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “What’s wrong with Glen?”

  “Long story.”

  “Make it short.”

  She’s going to force me to talk about this. I don’t know how to put it in non-Sephlem terms. How do I try to make the situation human? “Um.”

  “Whenever you’re ready.” She pushes.

  “She and Scott are on the rocks.”

  “Is this permanent or temporary?”

  “Temporary.” I hope.

  “You don’t sound too sure about that.”

  “I’m not.”

  “What do you and Nathan have to do with her and Scott?”

  “I’m not exactly sure. I just think Glen wants me to be upset with Nathan because she’s angry with Scott. And I think because Nathan and Scott are cousins she doesn’t want to be around him either. But she’s forced to be around Nathan because both of them are around me.” I pause, before adding, “Everything is just really complicated.”

  “So, you choose Nathan over Glen?”

  I sit forward, defending, “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m trying to convince Glen that there is no need to choose between the two of them. She needs to get over herself and realize she is meant to be with Scott, not some other guy she doesn’t know.”

  “How could you be so sure she is not supposed to be with this other guy?”

  “You wouldn’t understand, Mom.” This conversation isn’t going to end in my favor, and it makes me look bad that I’m choosing my boyfriend over my best friend.

  “Help me understand.”

  Dad and Nathan walk in saving me from answering that question. “What’s wrong with Glen?”

  I grumble, throwing my head back. Just why, Dad? Why?

  “We were just discussing that,” Mom answers. “Tracey?”

  “Glen wants to be with somebody else, and none of us wants her to.” Period! That’s as far as I’m going with this.

  “Why not? She can be with whoever she wants,” Dad defends her.

  “Okay, Dad.” I will not get into that argument. I close my eyes, leaning back against the couch. Remembering Dad’s “private” talk, I sit up asking, “What were you two discussing?”

  “I’m sure Nathan will fill you in on that later.”

  Nathan nods with a smirk.

  “I’m turning in, Ladybug. I have to be up early in the morning for my flight. You two be smart. I’ll be back for your graduation.”

  “Okay, Dad. See you when you get back.”

  “I’m going to bed as well.” Mom follows after him.

  Nathan sits beside me, and I rest my head on his shoulder. “How are we supposed to convince her she is supposed to be with Scott?”

  “She has to kill Monahan.”

  “That would be even harder to convince.”
/>   “Maybe.”

  “How is it that you don’t have to convince me that you are who I want?”

  “I cheat, and you’re not that confused nor have I given you a reason to doubt us. Like you said, the answer is in the beat of your heart in my chest.”

  My brows relax, and I glare at him. “You are always listening in on my conversations.”

  “Sometimes.”

  “Do you even know what my dad was talking about?”

  “Not really. Something about not having sex. Then he said something about making sure you don’t get hurt, and I remain respectful.”

  “As long as you were talking, that’s all you got?”

  “Yeah.” He nods once. “The important stuff.”

  I chuckle, leaning against him. “You said you cheat?”

  “Yes.”

  “How?”

  “No.”

  “I thought we just agreed not to keep secrets from each other anymore,” I say with my feelings catching up with me.

  Nathan breathes. “Once he’s out of the way, we’ll start on that.”

  I let that settle and accept this no. A deep pull in me wants me to push him to tell, and that’s why I’m choosing not to. It may be him. Leaving it alone, I ask, “What is it with you lately and this don’t leave the house?”

  “It’s not safe. And since Scott is not looking out for her, I have to. But understand, I’m only doing it because she’s your friend. I, personally, don’t care.”

  “Don’t be like that, Nate.”

  He gives me a look that says, ‘I’m not bullshitting’ then turns back to the TV.

  I yawn. My eyes grow heavy. “I’ll see you later, K. I’m going to bed. Go keep Scott company and make sure he doesn’t do anything crazy.”

  “Okay. Come walk me to the door.”

  GRADUATION’S LESS THAN TWENTY-FOUR hours away. Since my talk with Nathan, we’ve gotten much better. But Glen and Scott are still on the rocks, and they look horrible. Their parting is physically weighing on them. Glen could use a major makeover and Scott looks as if he’s been put through the wringer. They’re both being stubborn. Sometime last week, they stopped stealing glances at each other, and they’re now ignoring the other’s presence completely.

  Glen hasn’t been speaking to me either, even though she’s been living with me since she decided she didn’t want to be with Scott. She can’t go to her house because her mom is a bitch and told her that since she wanted to move out to be with a boy, she needed to stay with him. It was the worse fight I’d seen between the two of them. I try to talk to her, but she just gives me the cold shoulder or ignores me.

  We haven’t been back to Nathan’s house, and I’m missing his bed. I’m missing him. . . He’s been gone most nights with Glen sleeping over. On a lighter note, being home is a good thing. There have been no Roehl appearances. Although, a few of his minions have been stopping by Nathan’s house in search for Taylor and me. Those who’ve come are dead now.

  Though Roehl’s missing in the physical sense, he is very much present mentally. It’s getting worse, but often when I’m around Nathan, I try to keep my head clear. Though, now, when I’m not around Nathan, I find myself not fighting the unseen forces that pull me to Roehl.

  I throw my bag on the floor and climb onto the barstool next to Glen. She leans her elbows on the counter top, looking away from me.

  We’re just making it in from graduation rehearsal. Our class was supposed to be practicing in the school’s gymnasium, but it turned into a senior party when someone cranked up the music on their phone. “One last party for old time’s sake isn’t going to hurt anyone,” said Principal Hollander. The teachers even joined in. I’ll miss my school, my friends, but I’m ready to move on. I look forward to starting this new chapter of my life, college, a part-time job, living alone. It’s so exciting; it starts a little squirm in my stomach.

  “Are you two excited about graduating tomorrow?” Mom asks, walking into the kitchen.

  “You can say that,” I answer.

  “Will your mother be there tomorrow, Glen?”

  “I’m not sure,” Glen’s short.

  Mom notices but ignores it. “Did you invite Nathan’s family, Tracey?”

  “Yes. Most of them are going to be there with Scott graduating too.”

  “Oh yeah, that’s right. I keep forgetting about him.”

  I huff. “Yes, I guess he’s easily forgetful.”

  Glen snorts. “You’re pushing it, Tracey.”

  I ignore her. “Where’s Dad?”

  “Getting you a graduation cake. We figured we would celebrate today.” She beams a smile that relays her excitement. “We got you something.”

  Giddily, I ask, “Ooo! What’d you get me?”

  “It’s a surprise. You’ll see when he gets back.”

  Glen stands. “I’m going to take a nap. I’ll be down later.” She’s been sleeping a lot lately. I understand why; sleep’s the only thing that relieves us from that heart-wrenching pang we get from not being around them. And I guess she’s getting hit double time because she misses both, Scott and Monahan.

  Once the door closes to my room, Mom asks, “Is Glen feeling okay? She does a lot of sleeping.”

  “Yes, she’ll be fine.” Subject change! “Can you give me a hint of what it is?”

  She laughs. “No, Tracey! You’ll see when your dad gets here.”

  Pinching my lips to the side, I stare at her for a moment, pretending to be upset she won’t budge. “If you insist.” Sitting back on the barstool, I peel an orange. I don’t plan to eat it; it’s just something to keep my hands busy. “I’m going to miss you, Mom,” I say, thinking about her moving away. I’m used to Dad always being gone, but Mom is always around.

  I see the sadness in her eyes as she sighs. “Tracey, I know. I’m going to miss you too.” She reaches over the counter to hug me. “You know you don’t have to stay here. You can always move with us.”

  “I’m okay with staying here.” I pull out of our hug, nodding. “I’m comfortable.”

  “You and Nathan are going to try to get your own place instead of moving in with his family?”

  “If I don’t get a place on campus, we’ve brought up that idea.”

  “Cut the crap, Tracey. We both know you have no intention to move on campus. That may slide with your father, but I know you two.”

  I smile bashfully. “Maybe.”

  She chuckles. “You two just be responsible and make wise decisions.”

  “Of course, Mom.”

  “And tell him to keep his shirt on.”

  I laugh out loud. “Good one, Mom.” That probably won’t happen. I like Nathan without his shirt on. He’s doing better although he is still under a lot of pressure. A lot of which, I have been putting on him. I have made it his obligation to make things right and fix my messed up situation, although, I know there’s nothing he can do. But I feel like there should be.

  “How would you feel if your father and I got you your own place? A small apartment near the school. Make it, so you’re not living off Nathan or living with him. And you’ll get a little part-time job to cover some bills. It will prepare you for being out there on your own.”

  “Something to consider, I guess.”

  “I think it will be a good idea. Let’s make some time to look at a few places next week. We’ll want to move quickly to snag you a place before they’re all rented out for the school year.”

  Loud knocks sound against the front door.

  “Who could that be?” Mom asks.

  I shrug, getting up from the barstool. “I’ll get it.” I know it isn’t Nathan, he’s at his house trying to stop Little Nathan and Taylor from fighting. Then he’ll check on some things with Olar dealing with some guy named Lunis who’s apparently out to kill Olar.

  I feel Scott before I make it to the door. Lately, Scott has an insecure presence; it’s draining and depressing when it overtakes me. I’ve been trying to avoid him. I open
the door, speaking extremely quietly, “Hey, Scott.”

  “Hey. Is Glen here?” he asks in a normal tone.

  “Yeah. Where else would she be?”

  “She’s not answering me. I want to talk to her for a minute. At least make her feel better.”

  “Come in.” I move from the doorway, letting him pass. He looks horrible with deep, dark bags under his eyes and his eyes have been black, and bloodshot red since last week.

  “Who is it, Tracey?” Mom calls from the kitchen.

  “It’s Scott, Mom.”

  She comes around the corner. “Hi, Scott. How are you?”

  “Hi, Karen. I’m well. You?”

  “I’m fine, thank you. Are you here to see Glen?”

  “I am.”

  She nods and heads back to the kitchen.

  She’s upstairs, I tell him. Supposedly, she’s sleeping. If she’s still sleeping and she wakes up mad that you’re here, please don’t get loud or wreck my room.

  Okay.

  “Come on, let’s go get her,” I encourage, hoping this won’t go sour.

  Scott follows me upstairs, and I crack open my door. Glen’s laid across the chaise asleep, but it doesn’t look like she’s resting.

  Scott grabs my arm, keeping me from crossing the floor to her. “Don’t wake her,” he says. “I just want to touch her and take the pain away. At least make her look better.” The plea for her coats his anxious tone and the desire swirls in his eyes that's turned deep gray. At least they’ve changed from the empty black they’ve been.

  Nodding, I say, “You want me to stay or leave?”

  “Up to you.” Scott baby steps across the floor.

  I think to say, she won’t bite, but then again, we’re talking about Glen here. The garage door rumbles, rising. “Dad just got home. Make it quick. I’m leaving.”

  “Okay.”

  I leave my room, closing the door. If Glen wakes up, I hope she doesn’t have a fit seeing Scott or want to blast her wind gusts at me for letting him in. They just needed each other, and I know she’ll feel better if she just lets him near her once.

  Sitting back at the breakfast bar, I snatch an apple from the glass bowl and toss it in the air.