Three Times Torn

by Felisha Antonette

  “You’re going to get in so much trouble tonight.” He looks me over, bathing me with his ocean-blue eyes as he licks his lips. “Remember how I’ve mentioned that I’m not going to take it easy on you anymore?”

  I nod.

  He sits up, chest-to-chest, and only centimeters from my face. “Well, you’re going to be jelly in twenty-five minutes. Stay quiet.”

  I’m bare to the bone before I can blink, and easing down on him before I can breathe. Gripped by trimmers, I scrape my nails against his chest, feeling them leave abrasions on his skin.

  “Too much?” he asks.

  I chew on my lip, half-nodding, half shaking my head. But it is. It always is at first.

  He flips us over. “That’s your fault. You know? No one told you to be this fucking attractive.” He drifts deeper, finding the center of my galaxy. “Or feel this good.”

  The lack of a barrier between us, and my never feeling him this raw has me deluged in a state of euphoria. I’m not floating, I’m not sinking, I’m not stagnant, I’m not drifting to some far off planet. I’m simply living . . . and spontaneously combusting every time our hips meet.

  His head dips beside mine, and in my ear, he croons, “You are such a bad influence, Sparks.”

  A soft purr slips past my lips, which was supposed to be words. Words I would’ve liked to say, no you are, or maybe blame him for my irrational obsession, but my lips can only part, and a crooning purr is the only sound I can expel.

  “You’re used to it yet?”

  I nod and return his kiss, feeling him ready to lose all the control he’s containing.

  And with my permission, he does. We’re a celestial death storm, sending planets and comets colliding in our bound universe. I’m all over the place, quieted by him silencing my brash sighs and riveting moans. My bodies just as he wanted, jelly, needing him to hold me up when I lean my back to his chest, as he continues to blast through my galaxy.

  His roughened breaths thrash against my neck and cheek as he gives instruction in his ravishing language. It translates to, “say it, Sparks.” I bite back the words he requests. Slowing, he peaks me, and himself I assume, as he grunts low and enticingly. He draws another line of linguistics that translates to, “I need to hear you say it,” and he lures the words from me.

  I turn my head, and against his jawline, I mumble exactly what he wants to hear, exactly how he wants to hear it.

  “AND IF YOU HAVE a dream, chase it. If you have a passion, use it. If you believe in you, that is what matters. After today, we’re responsible for putting our best foot forward. The only person who’s going to hold you back is you. So let’s make a vow today, right now, before you walk across this stage, that you will not stop you from accomplishing your dreams, you won’t stand in the way of your heart’s desires, that you will stand for you! Love the loves of your life and congratulations! We rocked this year! Woo!” I woot, raising my fists and am matched by those of my peers cheering.

  Leaving the podium, I take my seat next to Scott. As the band plays, we’re allowed to leave and sit amongst our friends. I’ve never been more nervous and excited at the same time in my life. But I’m happy the worst part is over.

  We sit alphabetically, strategically sat, so our blue and white gowns create our school’s logo—a blue falcon in a white circle—when looked down on us. Principal Hollander gives a final word and then the names are announced.

  The people in my row stands, veering my attention back to the awesomely amazing fact I’m finally graduating high school right now. In a few more feet, I’ll be walking across that stage, flipping my tassel, and grabbing my diploma.

  Rachel stands behind me, giving me the you’re a bad friend spill. “Are we at least going to hang out this summer since you kicked us to the curb at the end of school?”

  I look over my shoulder. “Yes, Ray. I promise.” I face front, knowing that was a flat out lie.

  “Tracey Warren,” they announce. I smile, hearing my friends and family cheer me on as I walk up the two steps, cross the wood stage, to Mrs. Kimble for a quick hug, then right up to our principal. I shake his hand and grab my diploma with the other, smile for the camera as I switch the side of my tassel, and then run the rest of the way off the stage to Glen. We hug, jumping up and down, shaking our rolled up paper in each other’s faces.

  Rachel’s right behind me, hugging the two of us. “You two, please don’t blow me off this summer.”

  “We won’t, Ray. We’ll be around,” Glen promises.

  “I’m holding y’all to it.”

  We head back to our seats. Glen should be up there with the ‘R’s, but instead, she’s sitting on my chair with me, a white gown in a group of blues, throwing off the logo. It poorly stands out on the recording of our ceremony they’re broadcasting live on the screen in the rear of the gymnasium. A drone’s been hovering over our heads and around us the entire time.

  Principal Hollander gives another speech about how we are now growing into our adulthood, and it’s time for us to begin putting away childish ways. Concluding, he announces our class of twenty fourteen, and we each jump up, throwing our caps in the air.

  I can’t avoid hearing the shouting, laughing, crying, and crap talking from my peers, teachers, and our families. My friends join Glen, Rachel, and I and we sadly say our goodbyes and give what I believe will be our last hugs. We each make broken promises about how we won’t forget each other, and we promise to keep in touch. I wish it were true. I love these girls, and I’ll try to do my best.

  Nathan and Scott come over, stealing the girl’s attention. One day, ogling at my mate will get old, and their eyes will fall out of their heads and onto the ground of a busy street.

  “Sparks,” Nathan calls, laughing. “It’s okay. They don’t matter.” Hugging me, he praises, “Congratulations. You did amazing. I thought you were going to cry.”

  “Thanks.” I kiss his cheek. “Me too for a minute there. But I held my ground. You know I hate crying in front of people. Mom, Dad!” I chime, accepting their hugs when they make it to me.

  “Congratulations,” they sing and express how proud of me they are.

  “Oh, look.” I nudge Glen, nodding toward her mother and sister who decided to make an appearance for once in Glen’s life.

  She rolls her eyes and leaves me for Scott. The two of them cross the freshly waxed floor to Mrs. Richards and Gabby, her sister. Glen avoids their bogus hugs but is kind enough to introduce them to Scott. Unlike Nathan, Scott doesn’t encourage Glen to converse with her family; he hates them about as much as Glen does. Avoiding her mother’s scrutinizing scowl and harsh cusses, Glen averts, coming back to us. Mom hugs Glen and praises her for meeting this grand day as a mother should. Glen blinks away her stalling tears and thanks her. Dad joins in their hug, and a light takes over Glen’s eyes as I assume she’s feeling something she’s missed out on for a long time now. When they part, Glen comes to my side, asking, “What time are we leaving?”

  “Where are you four going?” Dad asks.

  “Taking Sparks to my house for a celebration,” Nathan answers.

  “Okay. You four stay safe. Check in, Tracey. You did a great job up there. I’m very proud of you. Let’s plan a celebration dinner tomorrow. The six of us. It’s on me.”

  “Awesome!” we say. “Thanks, Dad.” I hug them once more before getting pulled to take a few more pictures with my teachers and friends.

  We leave for Nathan’s car after my convincing we have to go. Glen and I blow kisses on our way out the door, and I’m convinced she, too, knows we may not be seeing the majority of our friends to whom we’ve blatantly lied.

  “Did you figure out what the plan is?” Scott asks Nathan, closing the back passenger’s door.

  “We’ll leave in a couple of hours before it gets dark. Go to Lunis’ place where I’m hoping they still have him. And play it by ear when we get there.”

  “That’s not a plan,” Glen objects.

  “We play it b
y ear, darling,” Scott sweetly counters. Darling? His attitude’s way different since they got back together. He’s happy and a lot more patient with her.

  “IT WAS NICE OF Nathan to buy you all these clothes,” Glen says, pulling another blouse from the rack. The four she’s chosen not to wear she tosses on the floor instead of hanging back on the hanger. “Why’s his closet this big?”

  “It was,” I agree, pulling on my jeans. I’ll never get over peeking in this closet and seeing the wall aligned with clothes for me. “It’s pretty big. The answer Nathan gives, it came with the room.” I shrug, snatching a gray, long-sleeved shirt from the shelf.

  “I’m sorry again, Tracey, for the way I’ve been acting.”

  I take from her the sixth blouse she’s snatched off the hanger, and hand her a simple t-shirt. “Don’t apologize; it’s okay. I understand how you felt a little. But it wasn’t your fault.”

  She pulls the shirt over her head, asking, “It wasn’t?”

  “Sparks, come on,” Nathan calls, cutting into our conversation. “How many clothes are you putting on?”

  “Impatient?” I yell through the door.

  “Yes,” he replies. “Get your butt out here.”

  Glen rolls her eyes, chucking her thumb at the door.

  I giggle, pulling on my sneakers. I’ve dressed warm enough in case Olar’s in a mountain and in loose enough clothing in case I need to maneuver quickly.

  I hang up the clothes Glen’s tossed on the floor and make sure she’s ready to go. It’s right for us to go after Olar. He’s looked out for me many times, and I’ve grown used to him always being around. So much, that I take a huge notice of his absence.

  Changed out of their dress clothes, Nathan and Scott sit around Nathan’s room waiting for Glen and me. I pull the door closed behind me, leaving the closet.

  “We need to talk to our family and let them know where we’re going, get something to eat, and then we leave.” Nathan lays out the plan.

  Watching him stand, I stare and am reminded of everything I love about him. Like a plunging waterfall, it showers down on me. Not drowning me, but saturating my being with what I yearn for even when I don’t realize it. “Hey.” I smile, watching him watch me.

  “Hey, Sparks.” Nathan’s arms comfortably wrap around my middle. “What are you up to?”

  “You just keep getting better. I’m not—”

  His hand clamps down over my mouth, and he shakes his head.

  We lock eyes. His swirl into a deep green with that same brown around his pupils. It’s a radiant color filled with affectionate intentions.

  “Wow,” I utter, captivated in their beauty. They’re almost as if I’m falling from the sky, looking down onto a forest of trees. “Those are new.”

  He focuses on me and says, “They are.” Breaking out of a sweet kiss, he adds, “They show you what you do to me, and how you make me feel. Stop doubting your significance. As good as I feel to you, to me you feel better. Just like I take your breath away when I’m close to you, you stall mine.” He smirks. “But it’d be weird if I walk around gasping every time you touch me.” I giggle. “I don’t just cherish and protect because if you go, I go. But because if you go. . .” He places his hand on my chest, and my heart speeds up. “I’m going.”

  “What are you saying, Nate?”

  “I love you. And the moment you’re taken away from me. Shit will get real for this world.”

  “Good thing you’re not in this by yourself.”

  “You asked for all of me and that’s what I’m giving you. A lot of stuff I make you go through is because I don’t know how to deal. This relationship stuff is new to me so thank you for your patients and for holding on to me. Even beyond the bond, I can tell you’re with me because you want to be, beyond being forced.”

  “You got it,” I say, keeping his gaze, watching his eyes, now, swirl to bright orange-brown. “Your eyes are amazing.”

  “You are amazing. Let’s go.”

  We turn to leave, halted by the impatient glares of Scott and Glen.

  I forgot they were here. “Maybe you two shouldn’t be so quiet.”

  “Or, maybe you should be more aware of your surroundings.” Smart-ass Glen.

  “These are my surroundings. Maybe you should’ve gotten a head start.”

  They leave, and we’re out shortly behind them. We enter the great room, and a few eyes look back at me I’ve never seen before. I turn into Nathan, feeling uncomfortable.

  He moves from behind me to my side as we head to the couch on which Little Nathan, Scott, and Glen sit.

  Roseland rises, hands clasped in front of his hips. It’s his introductory stance I’ve grown familiar with over the past months. He also does a nod before he speaks no matter the news. “I’ll start by congratulating Tracey, Scott, and Glen on graduating today. We would celebrate, but under the current circumstances, that will have to wait.” He looks for Nathan and questions him with a slight squint to his eyes and crane to his neck.

  Nathan shakes his head and stands. “The plan for Roehl has been pushed off. Olar’s been taken by Lunis. I’d get into the details, but they’re pointless. We’re going for him later.”

  “We?” Natalia bursts, appalled.

  “Sparks, Scott, I think Glen, and myself.”

  “Why would you take Tracey with you to Lunis? How do know Olar is still there?” Roseland asks in a way that implies Nathan’s decision is that of stupidity.

  “I have nowhere else for her to go. And I don’t know. I won’t know until I get there.”

  Roseland’s brows furrow. “Leave the girls here. You two go.”

  “Okay, and Scott and I will come back, and this time Glen and Sparks will be gone,” Nathan states sarcastically, yet oddly peaceful.

  “Nathan, what happened to Glen was an accident,” Roseland counters.

  Nathan speaks, and Natalia cuts him off. “That is a conversation for later. Roseland, we will talk.” Roseland gives her a nod but doesn’t seem to want to drop the conversation that easily. “Nathan,” Natalia continues, “it’s not safe for Tracey and Glen to go with you.”

  “I know that. But I, unfortunately, have no other choice. She’s safer with me than she is here.”

  “Nathan, you should invest more thought into this,” Roseland suggests pungently. His disapproval is written in the crossed look on his face. He’s sat now and leans over on his knees; hand clasped around his chin. Out of all the Newcomb men, he’s the only one without facial hair.

  “I’ve thought about it, and juggling killing my family for allowing harm to come to my heart, or taking her with me and killing someone who tries to hurt her.” Nathan pauses, tipping down the corners of his mouth. “I think you’d prefer not dying.”

  “Who’s to say something will happen?”

  “How many have come over here in the last couple weeks?”

  “A lot.” Little Nathan emphasizes. “Too many. You would think we did something serious with how many Sephlems and Mulens have been trying to get in here looking for Taylor and Tracey.”

  “They aren’t staying here.” Nathan closes it, and he and Roseland leave the floor open to Natalia.

  Natalia stands. The etched expression of her disapproval couldn’t be clearer. But, she says, “Alright, son. All of you leave, each of you come back, plus one. Be careful and keep your mates close. As close as possible. Try not to break contact at all. Lunis and his entourage do not ask questions; they don’t talk. They only act, and I need all of my children to come home tonight,” she emphasizes. “Lunis and your father used to be very close and I’ve witnessed the ruthlessness of that man, Nathan. Don’t blink if you can help it. And don’t take a risk not using your maximum potential. You hear me?”

  “Yes, Mother. I have us.”

  “Scott, don’t take your eyes off Glen. They’ll assume the ladies you show up with are your mates and are aware of the loss of one; they steal two. Shield her.”

  We nod and everyone i
n the room chatters.

  “Those two,” Nathan speaks low, pointing toward two the guys to our left who I noticed when I walked in. One waves and the other puts up two fingers. “They’re our cousins. They came to that party with us.”

  I nod and give a quick finger wave. The chatter grows louder, and it seems this meeting is over. “Can we go?” I’m not comfortable sitting here. And Taylor keeps giving me the I’m sorry eyes.

  Nathan nods and rises, saying, “Excuse us.” We leave, followed by Scott and Glen. “Want me to make you something to eat?”

  “Yes. Please? But nothing heavy. It’ll just put me to sleep, and I want to be as attentive as possible tonight.” Natalia has kind of rattled me. I’m not backing down, but I’m nervous.

  “You got it,” he assures, a little calmer than I expect him to be. Usually, calm is good. But not for Nathan, a modulated tone, skulk steps, and relaxed demeanor means he’s upset about something.

  He looks down at me from the corner of his eyes. “Why are you trying to read me?”

  “Am I right?”

  “Yes.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  He looks over his shoulder then back. “No. Maybe later.”

  Glen and Scott aren’t far behind us. I nod, understanding why he doesn’t want to tell me now. “Okay. When we get back.”

  Nathan cooks a batch of fries, enough for the four of us. I listen to the house as I eat, unable to avoid doing so. The kids laugh and play with Little Nathan in the backyard. He’s been trying to put up a swing set for the past week, but it’s been a fail. Either the slides upside down or the poles are backward. The children are having more fun playing with the pieces than they would the set anyway. A deep discussion’s going on between Natalia, Roseland, and Ann. I block them out as not to be nosey; I don’t want to invade anyone’s privacy.

  “But you don’t mind invading my privacy,” Nathan mutters, attention seeming to be totally on his phone.

  “You’re one to talk.”

  Nathan puts the phone down on the counter and comes around the island to me. “We need to go.” He’s been on it for the past hour and a half, texting and talking. “I was finding out what I could about Olar. Do you not like me on my phone?”