Midnight Snack and Other Fairy Tales

by Diane Duane

  SCARED DRIVER

  Hello? Hello!

  EXT. ERICKSON BLDG. MAIN ENTRANCE—DAY

  Outside the entrance, Harry hurls himself from a cab, throws money at the cabbie, runs in the front door.

  INT. ERICKSON BLDG. MAIN ENTRANCE—CONTINUOUS

  Security is in chaos. Harry spots the stuck elevators, guesses what’s happening, heads for the STAIRS and VANISHES down them.

  INT. ERICKSON BLDG. CLEAN ROOM—DAY

  The main group of dead people now MEETS in the clean room. Some run to the TECHNICIANS handling the machinery and (by their clothes, which they can touch) drag them away: the dead have force of numbers (and shock) on their side. Others pull away any people who’re near the pentagram. Any dead person who gets too near the pentagram is SUCKED TOWARD IT and must struggle to stay clear. Those who’re armed MOVE IN, ready to do something about it.

  INT. ERICKSON BUILDING HALLWAY—DAY

  Elizabeth and Joy hurry down it from the elevator.

  JOY

  Which way now?

  Gunter SLIDES out of a wall ahead of them, GESTURES at it.

  GUNTER (O.S.)

  This way, ladies.

  JOY

  Oh, yeah, sure.

  Gunter INDICATES a spot just past where he’s standing.

  GUNTER

  And for the ectoplasmically challenged among us, a door.

  But another door SLAMS down the hallway. All three REACT nervously… and then see it’s Harry.

  HARRY

  Joy! Gunter.

  GUNTER

  Gruss Gott, Harry! So far, so good.

  HARRY

  This is good? Let’s try real hard for better.

  (to Joy)

  You all right?

  JOY

  I’m fine.

  HARRY

  We need iron or steel to short it out.

  GUNTER

  We know. Come on.

  Elizabeth goes through the wall. The nearby door OPENS for the live members of the party.

  JOY

  Gunter, one question.

  GUNTER

  Ja?

  JOY

  How do we get out?

  Gunter considers, but plainly hasn’t reached that point in his planning yet.

  GUNTER / JOY

  …We will / Yeah, yeah, we’ll

  (both)

  Burn that bridge when we come to it.

  HARRY

  I’ve done a fair amount of that already. If they catch me here…

  Joy hugs him. Gunter nods, understanding.

  GUNTER

  Not all the heroes are dead, mein freund.

  HARRY

  Let’s keep it that way.

  INT. ERICKSON CLEAN ROOM—DAY

  As the four ENTER. Doris, seeing Harry and Joy, hurries to them. Elizabeth moves out into the situation as if she runs it. She looks at the pentagram and nods in recognition.

  ELIZABETH I

  ‘Tis much as my court magician drew it. But when it had served its purpose, he destroyed it, for fear what merely frightened away the dead might then be used to bind them.

  (to the dead around)

  Swiftly! Use what you have brought!

  The dead THROW the pieces of steel they’ve brought onto the pentagram, one piece after another.

  But every piece FALLS onto the pentacle WITHOUT EFFECT. The attack team, living and dead, STARE in horror.

  ELIZABETH I (CONT’D)

  There must not be enough! More —

  More of the dead THROW what they have. No effect!

  Then SECURITY GUARDS APPEAR and GRAB Joy, Harry and Doris.

  A wall of RAINBOW LIGHT springs up around the outer walls, floor to ceiling. A separate light-wall, the FORCE FIELD seen earlier, APPEARS around the pentagram. Some of the Dead run for the outer wall, but the outer force field BLAZES with power and they’re FROZEN in place. The living Erickson staff BREAK FREE.

  ERICKSON (O.S.)

  Throw everything you’ve got. It won’t work.

  Erickson walks out among the Dead, accompanied by a group of armed SECURITY GUARDS.

  ERICKSON (CONT’D)

  (to the Dead)

  By holding the metal long enough to make it solid-permeable, you’ve also made it non-conductive. It takes a minute and forty seconds. After that, you might as well throw tomatoes.

  (to one of his people)

  Clean that hardware up before the effect wears off.

  (to the Senior Technician, by the main power console)

  Contract the outer barrier when they’re clear.

  The guards pick up the flatware, dumping it on the floor outside the pentagram. The outer force field CONTRACTS inward, SWEEPING the Dead with it until they’re all on the pentagram. (It has no effect on the living people it passes over.) Once the boundary stabilizes again, the Dead THROW THEMSELVES at the forcefield, trying to escape, but they’re trapped.

  ERICKSON (CONT’D)

  It’s an interesting anomaly. I ran into it with the first residual I caught. Tired old boy named Dee.

  (To the guards)

  Search the other three.

  Joy shakes free of the Guard holding her and PULLS OUT her piece of flatware, looking for a way to dodge past the guards.

  JOY

  Look out! I have a knife!

  ERICKSON

  It’s a butterknife.

  JOY

  It wasn’t very lucky for the butter. How lucky do you feel, punk?

  Erickson gestures to two Guards, who DRAW GUNS and cover Joy, Harry and Doris. A Guard takes the knife from Joy. Others grab Doris and Harry. They’re all roughly SEARCHED.

  HARRY

  You sons of bitches, get your hands off my wife!

  Two Guards PINION Harry as others SEARCH Joy. Harry watches intently to see exactly what they remove from her. The three have everything metallic confiscated, and these and the steel utensils on the floor are REMOVED. But when the search is finished, Harry shoots a satisfied GLANCE at Joy. She doesn’t understand it, and no one else sees.

  GUARD

  They’re clean.

  ERICKSON

  Good. Harris, freeze the residuals. Put these three in with them.

  The Senior Technician does something at the console. The Dead momentarily FREEZE again. The pentagram forcefield’s color briefly CHANGES as as Joy, Harry and Doris are pushed through, then returns to normal.

  JOY

  You can’t do this!

  ELIZABETH I

  She is right, necromancer! We dead may not be your downfall, but soon enough my living servants will!

  ERICKSON

  We’ve had spies from Microsoft and Apple in here and they couldn’t work out what was going on. You think the government will? Dream on.

  (to Harry)

  You’ve ruined your chances of promotion, though. Pity. You did a ton of units the other day.

  HARRY

  That’s because I thought I was selling artificial intelligence, not human souls!

  Erickson strolls up to the barrier with that charming glib smile.

  ERICKSON

  Why spend billions developing artificial intelligence when the real thing is free? It’s been all around us for years, just waiting for someone smart enough to take it. I figured out how.

  (beat)

  And it’s in such a good cause. What matters is life and the living. Our children, and their children. If we can make the world a better place for them —

  Joy comes toward him. Her anger has gone cold: she actually looks dangerous. Erickson steps back as she approaches.

  JOY

  By stealing dead people’s souls and making them into slaves forever, or until the plastic breaks down, whichever comes first? That’s better? That’s your idea of a good future?

  (shaking, furious)

  This is just plain evil!

  ERICKSON

  Such a judgmental term.

  JOY

  What would you rather I called you, m
ister correct? “Ethically challenged?”

  Erickson paces away, then back, trying to regain his cool.

  ERICKSON

  On the contrary, there are ethics I’m very partial to. Particularly the work ethic.

  (beat)

  The dead simply aren’t cost-effective. They don’t contribute anything to the economy. They’re not productive! And there’s no room for dead wood in this market.

  HARRY

  Now I’ve heard everything.

  GUNTER

  I have heard these ideas before in a different form. They were no better for the living than they will be for the dead.

  ERICKSON

  (enthusiastic)

  But now we’re making the dead productive. Think of it! You die, and suddenly you’ve lost all the physical difficulties that go with bodies. No more illness. You don’t need to eat. You don’t need to sleep. You don’t even have to take up space. The perfect work force! No sick leave, no absenteeism, no maternity leave, no retirement….

  HARRY

  No rights. No independence. No freedom.

  Joy looks at Elizabeth and Gunter, then moves toward Erickson again. He walks away from Joy; she pursues him around the barrier. The others follow.

  JOY

  And what about heaven?

  ERICKSON

  Pointless place, if it exists. A waste of valuable human resources. Sitting around forever in a state of total joy experiencing the oneness of the universe or whatever…

  (makes a face)

  So bourgeois. Like spending eternity at a football match. While here we have a vast pool of previously wasted energy, the post-living, finally finding a useful role! Harnessed to state of the art electronics, spending a useful and fulfilling eternity in the service of humanity.

  JOY

  You are a very bad person!

  ERICKSON

  But a very good businessman. I’ll settle. Meanwhile, time is money, and we need to get the line rolling.

  (to one of the guards)

  Clear out the floor staff.

  (as they go, sotto to his Senior Tech nearby)

  Leave these three on the pentagram when it powers up and use their residues right away. They can make up some of what we lost last night.

  JOY

  What? We’re still alive!

  ERICKSON

  A condition best described as “temporary” once the pentagram gets going at full gain. Dead or alive, the machinery knows what a soul is, and it’ll take it quite happily.

  (to the remaining techs)

  Get moving. I’ve got a press conference in an hour.

  All potential witnesses to Joy’s, Harry’s and Doris’s impending murder are now gone. The Senior Tech returns to the control console; the pentagram starts “heating up” again.

  HARRY

  (to Joy)

  I forgot to call, earlier.

  JOY

  That’s okay…

  HARRY

  You forgot something, too.

  (hint, hint)

  She stares, uncomprehending.

  HARRY (CONT’D)

  I don’t even get to die in a clean shirt!

  And Joy finally GETS IT.

  The pentagram BRIGHTENS and the HUM increases. Erickson and his Senior Tech are occupied with one of the control consoles. Joy starts hurriedly going through all her skirt pockets.

  HARRY (CONT’D)

  Joy!

  JOY

  Yes, yes, I know!

  HARRY

  Whatever else it’s been… it hasn’t been boring.

  Their eyes lock. But there’s no time to waste. Joy rips open that last “secret” pocket, comes up with the hotel room key —

  Just as the switch is thrown at the control panel.

  The living people in the pentagram are FROZEN IN PLACE like the Dead earlier. Their expressions are of awful frozen pain. The key is stuck in Joy’s hand.

  One by one, the dead trapped with them FLARE into columns of SOULFIRE, are SUCKED into the pentagram and routed to the “assembly line”. Erickson and his Senior Tech glance at this, then turn back to the machinery.

  Many Dead in the pentagram RUSH back and forth in horror. But with great effort and pain, one is MOVING TOWARD JOY, avoiding “stepping on the lines” as he comes up behind her. It’s Gunter. Without being seen by Erickson and his tech, he TAKES THE KEY from Joy’s hand.

  GUNTER

  (painfully)

  Now, I think, we burn a bridge or two.

  Covered by the other panicking Dead, Gunter MOVES to the side of the pentagram forcefield where Erickson and his tech are standing. Erickson turns from the console once more and strolls idly to the edge of the pentagram. There Gunter is HAMMERING with one fist on the forcefield, splashes of light going up where he hits it. Erickson steps a little closer, watching idly, knowing Gunter can’t get out —

  Gunter brings up the hand with the steel key showing between two fingers of his fist and PUNCHES THROUGH the forcefield. The forcefield FLARES. Gunter GRABS Erickson by one lapel and DRAGS HIM ONTO THE PENTAGRAM.

  They STRUGGLE. Erickson is trying to stay off the lines so he can keep moving and not freeze like Joy and the others, but also trying to push Gunter onto them. Gunter is doing the same. It’s a battle against time, for Gunter’s starting to GLOW as the pentagram’s power gets to him. If this goes on much longer, the steel of the key will be no use.

  But Gunter keeps dragging Erickson toward the heart of the design. Erickson, realizing he can’t stop Gunter, loses it and starts SCREAMING for help. The sound is lost amid the other SCREAMS of the Dead. His senior tech doesn’t hear it happening —

  ERICKSON

  Harris! Harris, help me! Harris!

  GUNTER

  (in great pain)

  One night—late. One night—too many. But at last—I know how—to say—I’m sorry!

  He PULLS ERICKSON DOWN with him onto the pentagram at its center, raises the key and SLAMS it down into the glowing heart of the pentagram’s circuitry.

  A huge display of SPARKS AND SUPERNATURAL LIGHTNING erupts from the spot. The Senior Tech now REACTS with shock, but it’s too late for him to do anything. Erickson, TRAPPED by the pentagram’s power, STRUGGLES to get up. Gunter PUSHES HIM DOWN, then turns his head for one last look at Joy and DISSOLVES IN SOULFIRE like the others. Erickson is OBSCURED by more lightning.

  Harry and Joy and Doris UNFREEZE and COLLAPSE. They stagger to their feet and help each other RUN off the pentagram.

  Just in time! A BLAZING SPHERICAL PULSE runs to the borders of the pentagram’s forcefield and REBOUNDS like a ripple from the edge of a pool back to where Erickson lies trapped at the center. FIREWORKS of released power and magic go up. ANOTHER PULSE of this power FLAMES down the conduits and cables to the assembly line.

  Its machines BLOW in multiple small explosions, then one BIG ONE. Lots more SMALLER EXPLOSIONS OF LIGHT come from packing cases, boxes stacked up on pallets, and the computers around the room (all Ericksons of course) as every Erickson chip with a soul in it now gives up its dead. The room fills with LAUGHTER and CRIES OF JOY as all the imprisoned souls are released.

  Joy and Harry watch in astonishment. Across the room, GEORGE is released and Doris RUNS TO HIM. Both LAUGH AND CRY as they’re reunited. Not being able to touch doesn’t matter…

  The pentagram’s light is DYING. The FIRE at the middle of it, where Erickson was, now FADES. But OTHER LIGHTS now appear as here and there the Dead are ILLUMINATED by an increasing light from somewhere else. Faces transfigured with joy, one by one these Dead turn and walk away, GLOWING BRIGHTER until they VANISH. It’s all that can be seen of each individual “tunnel of light” experience.

  HARRY

  What is it…?

  JOY

  They’re going on. Some of them must be real overdue…

  The last fires die out of the pentagram, which is MELTED and SHATTERED by the energies that have flowed through it. There’s no sign of Erickson. Only one brigh
t thing remains: a man’s shape—Gunter. The light of him grows constantly BRIGHTER as he slowly gets to his feet.

  Harry and Joy walk to him. He smiles as they come.

  JOY (CONT’D)

  Are you all right?

  Then they all LAUGH at the absurdity of the question.

  GUNTER

  Never better. But I have to go. My crew is waiting. And more than my crew. So much more.

  JOY

  (in glad tears)

  Be careful.

  GUNTER

  Don’t worry, schatzi. I’m not driving.

  He reaches out to touch her face. A glimmer of light clings where he touches her, for a moment. Gunter raises a hand to Harry in farewell, a gesture half military, half friendly: then turns and walks away into the light, VANISHING.

  All other lights but the normal ones have died away now. The place has cleared quickly: very few of the dead are left. But Pario and Elizabeth rejoin Harry and Joy.

  JOY

  (to Pario)

  I know you’re okay here.

  (To Elizabeth)

  But you’re still hanging around?

  HARRY

  I’d have thought you’d want to get while the getting’s good.

  ELIZABETH I

  My people need me now more than ever, living or dead. Don’t you read the papers?

  SIRENS are heard approaching outside.

  JOY

  What do we do now?

  HARRY

  Over here, the term is “assist the police with their inquiries.”

  He glances with mixed humor and threat at the Senior Tech.

  HARRY (CONT’D)

  I think there’s been some kind of industrial accident. Don’t you?

  SENIOR TECH

  Uh, now that you mention it, yes.

  He hurries off to start making it look that way. Harry GESTURES at George to get lost. Smiling, George EXITS through a wall. Joy and Doris and Harry all wipe their eyes and HUG.

  INT. ORMONDE HOTEL BREAKFAST ROOM—MORNING

  The next day. Joy, Harry, Doris, George, and various other Dead who’ve remained are sitting together.

  HARRY

  Well, looks like I’ve got a few days free.

  JOY

  What about the show?

  HARRY

  Erickson’s stand is shut down. No point in trying to sell hardware that doesn’t run. Besides, do I even work for them any more?

  JOY

  You weren’t fired.

  HARRY

  The boss tried to kill me. That doesn’t count? I think I’ll quit.

  JOY

  What will you do instead?