“I didn’t have to tell him that. He figured that out on his own.”
My eyes narrowed. “I did not take advantage of you. I’m not a monster.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“But you certainly didn’t deny it when Daddy dearest found out his sweet little girl wasn’t quite so innocent,” I sneered. “Did it make it easier to paint me as the bad guy?”
“I didn’t do that,” she argued. “I was young and confused and terrified.”
I ran a hand through my hair once again. “I could have helped. I could have offered financial support. That would have helped take off some of the burden. It was my responsibility to help. I’m a lot of things, and you can say what you want about me, but I never would have ignored the needs of my own child.”
She shrugged. “I wasn’t sure about that. I was financially independent and didn’t need your money.”
“But I could and should have been a part of the child’s life,” I insisted.
She cocked her head to the side, studying my face. “Have you ever thought about having children? Did you want children?”
“I’m not going to lie and say I wanted kids, but I don’t know if you can say you wanted kids in that moment either, can you?”
“I was twenty-one,” she said with a smirk. “I didn’t know what I wanted, but I don’t regret her for a second. I had to learn very quickly what it took to be a mother.”
I slowly nodded. “Exactly. That’s what you took from me. Maybe I didn’t know what I wanted. You got the chance to have your mind changed. I didn’t get that chance. I didn’t get the chance to be a father and figure it out.”
“Devin, I get it, but I knew you pretty well.”
“And I didn’t know you at all,” I replied. “The man you thought you knew wasn’t real. It was colored by who you thought I was based on what your father had told you over the years. It’s no secret Ron and I go back a long way. I know he hated me long before you ever waltzed into my office.”
“You did know me,” she insisted. “The person you knew was who I really was. My lie was why I was there. Everything else, that was me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Elly, everything I knew about you was called into question. I questioned myself, my judgment. I thought about that night in my office and had to wonder if you purposely seduced me. Did you?”
“No!” she protested. “That was not planned.”
“Are you sure? Was it your way of getting back at me? Were you hoping to learn about more of the deals I was working on?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t plan on that happening. Whatever you think of me, I didn’t intend to sleep with you that night. It just happened.”
I took a second to digest what she had said. I couldn’t help but think her plan had been to sleep with me from the very beginning. I had to tell myself to think the worst of her because every time I turned around, she was hitting me again with another lie or betrayal. I felt like I had been beaten repeatedly. I needed to guard myself against whatever else she was going to throw my way.
“Do you understand it’s hard for me to believe anything you tell me right now?” I asked her. “I want to believe you didn’t purposely steal away my child in an effort to hurt me further, but how can I not?”
The guilt on her face didn’t make me feel any better. “I didn’t do it to hurt you. I truly didn’t think you would want anything to do with a child I was carrying. I expected you to tell me to get out. I expected you to laugh in my face when I said the baby was yours. Like you said, why would you believe anything I said at that point?”
“I’m not going to tell you I wasn’t pissed. I was. I was furious with you, but you thought so little of my character that you felt it was best to never tell me about a baby I fathered? Why not tell me after things settled?”
She grimaced. “I didn’t think little of you. It just seemed easier if I left town.”
“I would have been there for you, for her,” I told her, looking directly into her eyes. I said the words that tore at my heart. “What’s her name? I don’t even know my daughter’s name.”
“Lizzy,” she said softly. “Her name is Lizzy.”
“How old is she?”
“Just over two,” she answered with a smile.
I nodded. It was more information than I had started with, but there were so many more questions. “I want to know her. I want to be a part of her life. I’m not going to accept no for an answer. It’s nonnegotiable.”
The teakettle started to whistle. She spun around and quickly turned off the burner. I didn’t move. I wasn’t about to back down. I had made up my mind in that moment. I was going to be in my daughter’s life. If I had to get an entire team of lawyers involved, I would. She’d stolen two years from me, and I wasn’t willing to settle for another two days lost.
She poured water into a cup before she finally turned back to face me. “I suppose you’re right.”
“You suppose? Elly, I want to see her. I’m not going to go away. You can’t run back to California and hide from me. I will find you.”
“Don’t threaten me,” she snapped.
“I’m not threatening you. I’m trying to make sure I have a spot in my daughter’s life. Where is she?” I looked around, wondering why I hadn’t heard her. Kids made noise. I hadn’t heard a peep. “Is she here?”
“She’s taking a nap,” she finally answered.
“She’s here?” I gasped. The idea I was in the same apartment with my child I didn’t know existed was mind-blowing. I had to fight the urge to go find her. I was desperate to lay eyes on her. I wanted to meet my daughter.
“She’s sleeping. Devin, this needs to be done right for her sake.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?” I blurted out.
“What? What does that have to do with anything?”
“I want to know if another man has been raising my child. I want to know if she thinks of another man as her father.”
She had a small smile on her face. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend, and she has never been around a man.”
That was oddly satisfying. “I want to see her.”
“I understand. She’ll probably sleep another hour, maybe two. She was sick—”
“What?” I asked with alarm. “The phone call. It was her.”
She nodded. “It was just a little tummy bug. She’s fine, but I want to make sure she gets plenty of rest.”
“Okay. When?”
“How about the park tomorrow?” she offered.
I didn’t care for a public meeting, but clearly, she didn’t trust me. It was a little offensive, and I wasn’t going to hide it. “You don’t trust me?”
“About what?”
“You’re arranging a meeting in public because you don’t trust me to be alone with the two of you.”
“No, I’m suggesting the park because she’s been cooped up in this apartment and could use some time at the park. She’ll be in a good mood and having fun.”
I couldn’t really argue with her. I didn’t know the child. I didn’t know what made her happy or sad. I didn’t know what she liked and didn’t like. I knew absolutely zero about my own kid.
“Fine. Don’t pull any shit, Elly. I’ll do this your way, but if you fuck with me, I will not stand by and let it happen. Not again.”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “Do not threaten me,” she warned again.
“I’ll be at the park tomorrow,” I said, shooting her once last look before leaving the apartment.
The moment I was away from her, I released the breath I felt like I had been holding since I had first heard about my child on the street. I knew it was going to take some time for me to get my head around it. First, I wanted to see Lizzy. Once I finally laid eyes on my baby, I could start planning my next move. And there would be a next move. I wasn’t going to roll over and play dead for the Savage family anymore.
Chapter 22
Elly
My eyes felt like sandpaper
had been rubbed over my corneas. I could feel the puffiness under my eyes and hoped I didn’t look like total hell. I had used some eye drops to hide the redness, but I knew my lack of sleep was evident. I hadn’t slept a wink. My mind could really conjure up some wild scenarios given the chance. With a sleepless night with nothing to do but think, my brain took full advantage.
I didn’t know what to expect from Devin. I was terrified he would try and get custody. I would not let it happen. I had no delusions that I would have to share her with him, but I wouldn’t let him take her. I wasn’t even sure he would want that, but I had to be prepared for anything. He would want to hurt me like I had hurt him. He would want to exact some kind of revenge. Taking my daughter would gut me.
He was a powerful man with means. That was a dangerous combination in an enemy. Jane’s warnings had filtered into my subconscious, and I had decided at some point last night I would become a fugitive if that’s what it took. I would not allow him to use my daughter as a pawn to hurt me.
I checked the time on my phone and scanned the park. I had shown up early, wanting to scope out the place. One of the many scenarios that had crossed my mind was that Devin would try to snatch my daughter. Rationally, I knew that was ridiculous, but I had come early, wearing a baseball cap pulled low over my eyes with dark sunglasses hiding my face. I had strolled through the park looking for police who might arrest me for kidnapping or hired kidnappers.
I was losing my mind.
My stomach growled. I had skipped breakfast. And dinner the night before. I was too worried to eat. I had debated jumping on a plane last night and fleeing the city. But I couldn’t do that to him, me, or Lizzy. I wouldn’t make her pay for my sins or the sins of her father. She deserved the chance to have a father in her life. If he walked away, that would be that. I would never let him toy with her or hurt her.
“Hi.” I heard Devin’s voice.
My head shot back as I looked up at him from where I was sitting on the park bench. I had chosen a bench away from the bulk of the other parkgoers, just in case things got ugly. “Hi,” I replied. He was dressed in his usual expensive suit with a dark-colored shirt, minus the jacket. He was holding a stuffed pink-and-purple unicorn with a shiny horn. I immediately knew Lizzy would love it. “Is that for me?” I asked, trying to lessen the tension.
He looked terrified. “No, I uh… is it not age appropriate?” he asked. “The lady at the toy store told me it was safe for a two-year-old.”
“It’s perfect,” I assured him, actually appreciating the gesture. “Have a seat.”
He sat down, his eyes focused on Lizzy, who was sitting in the grass in front of me. “Is that her?” he whispered.
I smiled. “Lizzy, someone wants to say hi.”
She popped her head up and immediately saw the unicorn. Her hazel eyes lit up as she got to her feet. She stared at the stuffed animal in Devin’s hands. He was staring at her, not moving or saying a word. He almost looked afraid of her.
“Unicorn!” she exclaimed.
Devin nodded. “Unicorn. It’s for you.” He held out the stuffed toy, and she eagerly took it, snuggling it against her face.
“What do you say?” I prompted.
“Thank you,” she answered with a big smile on her face.
“You’re welcome,” Devin answered.
“Play,” Lizzy said, pointing to the playground.
“Let’s go play,” I answered.
She took off running for the playground equipment with her unicorn in hand. I followed behind her with Devin beside me. “Isn’t she too little for that?” he asked with concern.
“She loves to slide,” I told him.
He watched as she managed to climb up and run for the slide. She dropped to her butt and slid down the big slide, her face filled with joy. The moment her feet hit the soft rubber material below the slide, she took off running to do it again.
We watched her go down the slide a few more times without speaking. Lizzy tripped on her way back around. Devin sprang forward, walking across the padded playground, and helped her up. “Are you okay?” he asked her, brushing off her knees.
She looked at him like he was crazy. “Go more!” She grinned before running to the ramp to go up for another turn down the slide.
He followed her, watching as she walked across the wooden bridge to the slide’s opening. He moved to stand at the end of the slide and reached down to scoop her up as she slid down. Lizzy squealed with delight, clearly enjoying the new twist in the game.
I watched the two of them play. Devin followed her around as she tried some new things. He kept his hands on her with the unicorn under his arm as she attempted the climbing wall. Watching the two of them together softened my heart toward him. I had expected him to be cold toward her, stiff, and the kind of guy that didn’t actually want to hear or talk to his kid but just pull her out and dust her off when it was time to give his image a boost.
That wasn’t the case at all. He was a natural with kids, it turned out. Some of the other kids on the playground asked him to push them on the swings. I couldn’t help but laugh as he walked down the row of swings, gently pushing each of the children. They all squealed whenever it was their turn. I watched the other moms watching Devin. I knew exactly what they were thinking, and I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.
After a lot of swinging, Devin carried Lizzy on his hip back to where I was on the bench. “I should probably get her some lunch,” I told him.
“Why don’t we go across the street and grab a bite?” he suggested.
“You don’t have something you need to do?” I questioned.
“Nope. I’d like to have lunch with my daughter.”
“Okay, lunch it is.” I packed up the diaper bag I still carried even though she didn’t technically wear diapers.
Devin carried Lizzy as we left the park while Lizzy carried her unicorn. It had quickly become her favorite. I had a feeling it would be sleeping with her that night as well. It was thoughtful of him to bring her a gift. I was truly impressed and surprised at how attentive he was to her.
We got a table at the casual dining restaurant with Lizzy in a booster seat. I ordered her chicken pieces and fries and a burger for myself. I was starving, and now that the initial meeting was out of the way, I felt like I could relax a little.
“Does she eat by herself?” Devin asked curiously.
I shrugged. “Yes and no. I still have to cut her food and make sure she eats and doesn’t just play with it.”
He nodded, seeming to file away the information. When the food was delivered, he focused more on making sure she was eating than eating his own meal. I was actually able to eat my burger while it was still warm.
“Does she like ranch?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure.”
“Lizzy, do you want to try some ranch on your chicken?” he asked her. His voice was filled with excitement, making the idea sound enticing.
She was eager to do anything her new best friend asked of her. He showed her how to dip the chicken in the ranch before taking a bite. She intently watched him as he did it again, taking a bite of the chicken piece and making sounds of pleasure.
She grinned and grabbed her own chicken piece and copied him. When she obviously enjoyed it and went back for another, Devin looked at me. “You’ve never given her ranch?”
I shrugged. “It’s not something I usually eat.”
He frowned. “You can’t eat chicken nuggets without ranch.”
I laughed. “Ranch is messy.”
We looked back at Lizzy, who had proven me right. It was all over her fingers and face. Devin grabbed a napkin and gently wiped the sauce away. “I’ve heard you can wash these things.”
“Kids?” I asked with a puzzled expression.
He smiled. “Yes, kids.”
I burst into laughter. Seeing him like this was making me rethink my decision three years ago. He was a good father, or at least, he would be given the chance
. He was good with her. He changed when he was with her. The usual serious look on his face was gone. He looked happy and completely at ease with her. I had not expected it.
I watched the two of them talk about ranch. He showed her how to dip her fries in at as well, which rocked her world. I wondered if he had been right. Would he have been around even though I had betrayed him? Seeing him with her now, I had a feeling I had made a hasty decision.
I couldn’t help but wonder how my life would have been different if I would have stayed in New York. If I would have told him about the baby. It had been a hard two years. Raising a baby on my own had been lonely, and there had been many nights I cried myself to sleep out of pure exhaustion. I realized now it didn’t have to be like that. He would have shared the responsibility. He would have been there to support me and take her off my hands when I needed a break.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I blinked. “What? I’m fine.”
He gave me a nod before turning his focus back on Lizzy. I noticed he had barely eaten his own burger. She had captivated him. It was like there was nothing and no one else in the world just then. My heart squeezed as I realized I had been depriving my little girl of the attention from what was obviously a very doting, loving father.
I vowed to make it right. I didn’t know where we went from there, but I would have to try and work something about with Devin. I owed it to her.
Chapter 23
Devin
I couldn’t take my eyes off the little sprite. Her eyes were just like mine. Her fine hair was a dark blonde/light brown color that was the perfect combination of light and dark from Elly and me. She was the prettiest little girl I had ever laid eyes on and I was instantly in love with the child. I knew from the moment I saw her, she was mine. There was no way in hell I would ever leave her.
“Go ahead and eat,” Elly said. “I’ll make sure she finishes her lunch.”
I looked down at my plate and realized I hadn’t eaten. Elly’s burger was almost gone. “You did this on your own,” I said aloud, but more to myself.
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