Forever Reasons (10,000 Reasons Book 4)
Page 7
Many of Larry’s words were correct, but many were not. If he couldn’t be happy for me, I couldn’t stay his friend.
“I was hoping you’d understand that people make mistakes, and if we’re fortunate enough, we grow up from those mistakes and make positive changes. Xander and I both made mistakes—lots of them—but we’ve forgiven each other and have decided to become a family with our daughter. Is that impossible for you to understand?”
Larry was still upset. “What I don’t understand is how you can trust him again. He’s failed you too many times to count.”
“Complete trust will come with time, Larry. But, I need to start somewhere.”
“How can you marry someone you don’t completely trust? What if he hurts you again?”
I sighed. It’s not as if I hadn’t worried about that myself. “I don’t believe he’ll knowingly hurt me, Larry. However, I don’t know what’s to come, so I need to live this day by day.”
“It’s an awful big chance you’re taking, Jenna. I don’t know that I can be happy for you.”
“Maybe this isn’t the place for me, then. I think I’ll reconsider working here.”
My friend didn’t stop me from leaving and that hurt.
*******
I heard my family walk in, so I naturally bolted from my office to greet them. After having had them home to greet me daily, it was odd walking in to an empty house. I didn’t know how I’d done that for so many years.
“Hello, Family!” I kissed both my girls on the lips with the older girl getting a little more lip action. “How was your outing?” I asked both girls.
“Daddy, I want a typer.”
I looked to my wife for translation. “She’s in love with an old typewriter—the kind where the keys push all the way down. Thanks to her new favorite toy, she learned her ABCs today.”
“You did?” Alex jumped into my outspread arms, and I took her to my computer so she could show off her newfound knowledge. “Which one is the A, Alex?” She pushed down on the A, then I asked her to find the B. By the time we arrived at the C, she lost interest and told me that this was not a “typer.” So I told my daughter that I’d buy her a “typer” as soon as I could find one online. With a satisfied grin, she ran to play in her room.
“You can’t just buy her everything she wants, Xander. We’re going to have a monster on our hands.”
“She’s my baby girl. I want to buy her the world.”
“You’re the problem. You need to stop.”
“All right, but after I’ve purchased her ‘typer’ since I’ve already promised my daughter.”
Jenna couldn’t decide whether she should laugh or maintain her not-so-stern demeanor. “How was work?”
“Come,” I motioned for her to sit on my lap. “You tell me, first, how your day was. Obviously, our daughter was fine in her new surroundings. How did Momma do?”
“I think I should look for a new place to work.”
“What? Why?”
She proceeded to tell me what was bothering her. I didn’t like what Larry had said, but I liked that we were sharing and discussing problems with one another.
“What do you think, Xander?”
“I think that asshole is hurt that he lost his chance with you and will probably come apologizing real soon. When that happens, you can either stay friends with him or kick him to the curb and find a new job.”
“You’re actually suggesting that I stay friends with him?” she asked with much surprise.
“All I want is for you and our daughter to be happy. If nursing and working with that asshole makes you happy, I’m good with that, believe it or not. If I had to pick, I’d love for you to be barefoot and pregnant, at home, with our gaggle of kids. But, I lost you once because I couldn’t bend. I don’t want anything to come between us again.” Jenna had an undecipherable look on her face. “Did I say something wrong? I can’t tell what you’re thinking, Sweet Jenna.”
“I’m only wondering if this is too good to be true.”
“What is too good to be true?”
“You. Me. Our family. I’m still a little unsure—no, unsure isn’t the right word, maybe surprised, on edge, wondering when this will come to a crashing end—those are the right words.”
“Oh ye of little faith.” My wife had the decency to look ashamed for her doubt in me, in us. “For your lack of trust, I think I’ll have to show you how we will not come to a crashing end.” I stood up with Jenna in my arms and walked toward our bedroom. After taking a peek at our daughter who was happily playing with her kitchen, I plopped us on the bed and proceeded to prove my point.
*******
“Xander, we can’t do this in the middle of the day with our daughter next door!” By the time I had finished my sentence, this man had succeeded in taking off half my clothes.
“Sure we can. We can do anything we like.”
“We can’t. Please. Don’t do this now. What will we say if she walks in on us?”
“That Momma and Daddy are loving each other.”
As if I had a choice—my husband was on a mission to obliterate my good senses. However, our daughter was on a mission to ruin his fun.
“Daddy!” Every word that came out of her mouth was an exclamation. “What are you doing?” she asked as she climbed up on our bed and attempted to lie between us.
What Alex was trying to do was impossible since Xander’s body was already on top of mine and he was inches, seconds, away from doing the deed.
“There’s no better birth control than a two-year-old,” my husband muttered. “Can you entertain her until I can contain my hard-on?”
“Come here, Baby.” I reached out my arms and placed Alex atop the comforter rather than under. “Did you need something? Are you hungry? Thirsty?”
“I want to play outside. Let’s go to the beach.” She kept squirming to get under the blanket with her father and me.
“Can you make Daddy some eggs with your new frying pan? After you feed him, then we can go to the beach.”
Those were the magic words. “OK, Momma. I go cook now.” She hopped off the bed and ran to her room, excited to cook for her father.
The second she was out, Xander rolled on top of me. “What the hell, Xander Blane? Did you not learn your lesson?”
“Nope.” My husband gave new meaning to wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. He was done, dressed, and playing with our daughter while I lounged naked in bed, attempting to bring myself back to reality.
Life was good.
*******
“Any chance we can head to London next week for about five days, or longer if you’d like to see more of Europe.”
“Where did that come from?” My wife asked, mid-bite.
We’d had the quickest sex known to humankind, threw a meal together, and were already halfway through dinner. Our daughter ate quickly and occupied herself with the new pots and pans that Lex had given her while we were on our honeymoon.
“Johnny, Marcus, and I have business out there and I’d like for our family to go. I don’t want to go alone.”
“What about my work?”
“We can leave after work and come back the following week so you won’t have to miss a day.”
“What about your cranky daughter? After Hawaii, I realize she’s not meant to be a world traveler, yet. Time-change is not her friend.”
“As usual, I’ll deal with the cranky women in our family.” I answered with a grin.
Being the good-natured woman that she was, Jenna laughed at my statement.
“Marriage has changed you.” Marcus’ offhanded comment was never truer. “It’s softened you in a good way.”
“I like being married. I love having a wife and child at home. It grounds me. I never expected stability to feel this good.”
Marcus laughed. “The great Xander Blane is off the market.”
“I think I was off the market the moment I met Jenna. I was a damn fool for waiting this long to get her back.”
I agreed. “Damn woman never would follow without a fight. However, I think we are doing well now. The past few days have been heaps of happiness, even with Jenna starting work again and my daughter attending preschool one day a week.” By the time our lunch was done, Marcus was caught up on the Blane household soap opera.
“So the family will join us in London?”
“Yep. Got permission from the wife,” I answered with a grin. “Beth agree, too?”
“She did. How long will you stay?”
“Just shy of a week. Jenna’s starting work in a few days and she doesn’t want to ask for time off already.”
“Got it. See you at the airport, Friend.”
“See you, Marcus.”
*******
“How was your first day at work, Sweet Jenna?”
“Good. Tiring, but good. Alex did well, too.”
Xander and I didn’t have much time to talk as he picked us up from the hospital and drove us straight to our flight.
“You enjoyed your day, Alexandria?”
“No!”
“How is it that she’s a contrarian with a smile?”
“I don’t know, Xander. She’s an enigma at times. She keeps telling me that she doesn’t like the school, but when I secretly visited her during my break and lunchtime, she was having a ball. Her teacher told me she was all smiles when she was there.”
“Does age two-going-on-twenty-two equate to being ornery?”
“Ask your mother. Maybe she takes after you and Lexie,” I answered with a giggle.
We soon met up with Marcus and Beth and it was chaos on the plane with three little ones. The people sitting around us were not pleased to be with three boisterous children. Fortunately, the kids fell asleep after dinner and by the time they awoke, we were in London, headed to Johnny and Maggie’s flat.
“Are we all staying here?” I asked my husband.
“Yes. They insisted we stay with them. They have a great home in the middle of the city. You’ll love their backyard. It’ll remind you of Marcus and Beth’s Oregon retreat, amidst the busy city.”
Xander wasn’t wrong. The house and its backyard were large, stunning, and inviting.
“Hello!” Maggie and Johnny welcomed us all. “I have all your rooms ready and I’ve prepared a special room for the kids just in case they might want to have a sleepover with one another.”
Maggie had outdone herself with the décor in the large, kids’ room. She had created a campout scene with tents, sleeping bags, flashlights, lamps, and lots and lots of cooking utensils for the pretend-fire. The kids gravitated toward that room immediately.
“What a wonderful place you have, Maggie. Why would you want to live in LA when you have all this?” I asked while sitting in the backyard, having tea. “Thank you for inviting us here and for making all the arrangements. It wasn’t necessary to hire three nannies for the kids while we’re here, but it’s much appreciated.”
“I want all the details of the wedding. I’m sorry we couldn’t be there. We’d just arrived in London when we received the news. Had Xander given us even a week’s notice, we would’ve done everything in our power to watch scores of women crying, knowing Xander Blane was getting hitched.” Maggie teased.
Xander said, “If I’d known a week earlier, I would’ve invited all those crying women. It was touch and go until the very last minute. This woman of mine didn’t show up at the altar; I had to go beg her to live the rest of her life with me.”
Everyone laughed.
“So you’re settled now?”
“I think so, Maggie. I’m working one day a week, Alex is at the hospital preschool on my workday, I’ve moved into the main house, and...” I felt embarrassed about expressing my feelings in front of the other two men.
“I think it’s time to part.” Maggie caught on immediately. “Johnny, didn’t you say you needed to work as soon as Xander and Marcus arrived?”
“This woman is always pushing me to make more money. All right, Woman. I hear you.” All three chuckling men stood up to go work.
“I love you, my sweet Jenna,” my husband whispered before giving me a full-blown kiss.
“That was hot!” Beth announced even before Xander left me red in the face. “I see the honeymoon stage is alive and well.”
Now that the men were gone, I felt the need to share. Maybe need wasn’t the right word. Never having had close friends, I wanted to become friends with these ladies who had always welcomed me into their fold.
“Xander and I are enjoying marriage and all its benefits. It almost seems unreal to me at times and all this happiness is scary.”
“Why?”
“Because, Beth, I don’t know when it’s going to end. I can’t get over my insecurities. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but I still wonder if what’s happening is real.”
“Do you doubt Xander’s love?” Beth asked.
“It’s really more me than Xander. It’s hard to gloss over three years of pain.”
Maggie said, “When I first met Xander, he was always kind to me since I was Johnny’s wife, but you could feel a coldness in him. He was the type of man you might have a one-night stand with, but never the type of man you could imagine marrying. Something about him didn’t make you think he’d kiss you in front of a group of people and tell you he loved you.”
“You’re dead-on, Maggie.” Beth agreed wholeheartedly. “I even asked Marcus one time whether Xander Blane had a heart. He was always respectful to the women he dated, but I knew when the date was done, he was done.” I understood that feeling, myself. I’d never felt so alone as the night of our first “date.” “However, Xander became human after he met you.”
“Early in your dating, Xander had come to London and was pissed about something that had happened between you two. I don’t remember the details of what made him mad, but I remember Johnny coming home telling me that the mighty Xander Blane had fallen. After their lunch, Johnny had concluded that Xander was in love.”
Beth added, “I remember moments before meeting you at that charity dinner. We were seated next to one another, chatting away when suddenly, he bolts out of his chair to chase after you. I had no idea how he knew you were running away when he had his back to you, but he did and he was a man on a mission. Marcus told me how you had tied Xander into the most complicated knot and we had a good laugh before you came back with him.”
“And I thought those were difficult days,” I commented. “Thinking back now, those were joyful memories. I wished I could’ve reveled in them rather than wondering when we were going to be done.”
“You see how the glass-half-empty theory doesn’t work? Even back then, you only waited for the car to crash and burn rather than enjoying the ride.”
“I guess no amount of speculating could’ve prepared me for the broken heart. I was a mess after we parted. Overwhelmed with sadness, there were too many days I couldn’t function. It was a good thing that I had nursing school and that I was pregnant with Alex. Otherwise, I would’ve sat in a dark corner for more days than I’d like to imagine.”
“You weren’t the only one hurting, Jenna. After you two went your separate ways, Xander was in London for about a month and he was a mess. Johnny forced him to stay with us, and I saw, firsthand, how broken he was.” As much as it pained me to know that Xander hurt, this conversation helped alleviate my own hang-ups. “He was always polite and a perfect houseguest, but he was hurting inside really badly. Johnny and I tried many times to get Xander to reconnect with you, but we were unsuccessful.”
I explained to the ladies about our misunderstandings concerning the embrace Xander witnessed between Larry and me, and the woman’s voice I’d heard in Xander’s room. That went far in answering many of the questions in these ladies’ minds.
“What had happened after you and Xander met at t
he Downtown Club? Marcus came home excited to tell me that the two of you were finally meeting again. He said that though Xander sounded angry, he could see the relief in his eyes. Deep down, Xander was desperate, as well as thrilled, to see you.” This time, I told them the ugly truth of our fateful meeting that night. I also did my best to explain how Xander hadn’t meant what he’d said. Those few words still haunted him to this day.
“Oh my gosh, Jenna. Now I understand why Xander went completely dark on us for months. He refused to see anybody unless it was business-related. We’d never seen him that withdrawn. Marcus told me he was depressed, but wouldn’t divulge why.”
“Johnny told me the same thing. Neither man could get him out of his funk. They were scared for him.”
“I guess he and I both went through some dark days. It’s over now and I pray to God neither one of us will ever experience hurt like that ever again.”
*******
“You know you had Marcus and me very worried when Jenna left you.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t easy to live with during those years.”
“What exactly convinced you to seek them out finally?” Marcus asked.
“The idiot that I was, I believed that doctor was still in Jenna’s life. Lex finally cleared up that misconception and implored me to go see my daughter.”
“What we never understood was why you waited so many years to see her. Jenna couldn’t have had it easy raising a child on her own. It’s not like you to watch your woman suffer.”
“You want me to bare my soul, huh, Marcus? Here goes.” I told my friends everything.
“Shit. Did you seriously say those words to the woman you loved?”
“Guilty.”
“You were a world-class dick, Xander Blane.”
“Don’t I know it, Johnny. Despite all that, Sweet Jenna has agreed to spend her life with me.”
“Is she happy? Are you doing your damnedest to make her happy?”