Don't Let Go

by Willow Winters

  Motherfucker. I’m so angry and hurt and upset.

  I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself and grip the door harder so I don’t slam it over and over again like I want to out of frustration.

  I’m just going to leave. I don’t need this shit right now.

  If he really wanted me, he knows where to find me, I think as I step outside and walk to the garage. But then I stop cold in my tracks and remember that Khloe drove. Looks like I’m walking home.

  I unzip my clutch to make sure I have my keycard to the dorm. I do, but I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to deal with her. For all I know she called the cops on me. It sounds like something she’d do.

  I zip it shut and just start walking. I'll figure something out on the way.

  I walk down the long, winding driveway and onto a busier road with street lights. It’s a little chilly, but still warm considering the time of year. There’s a permanent frown on my face that I just can’t stop making. I hate that this part of the road is empty, but farther down there are more houses and a development. I try to walk quickly, but I don’t want to. I don’t have the energy, and I’m sure as hell not in a race to get home.

  I didn’t really want to go to that party anyway. I just wanted to see him, and I was too scared to go to the shop. I waited for him to come to me, and I can do that again.

  I wrap my arms around my chest and rub my forearms to heat them up.

  That’s not going to happen. I already know it. He left me before, and now he’s doing it all over again. If I want to see him, I’m going to have to go to him.

  How pathetic. I feel so damn pathetic. I’m like some lovesick child who can’t get over her crush who’s probably not even into me.

  My eyes go glassy and I don’t care. The hot tears run down my face and I angrily wipe them away.

  He was going to kiss me though. I know he was. But for him it was probably something else. A one-time fuck.

  It hurts to think that, but it’s true. I know it is.

  I wipe my face again and look down at my hands. Shit, I forgot about the makeup. My hands are covered in black eyeliner with a smear of bright pink lipstick.

  I quickly hunch over and scrub my face with the bottom of my tank top, feeling a cool breeze blow across my midsection as I angrily rub off as much as I can. As I do, the bunny ears slide down my face and I rip them off and throw them on the ground like a petulant child.

  I stare at them for a second and decide to pick them up. I can’t just leave them on the side of the road, even if right now I hate them. I see a trash can on the side of someone’s house and walk quickly to it to throw tonight's offending evidence in the bin. Now it's right where it belongs.

  I take in a staggering breath and keep walking. I have a good twenty to thirty-minute walk ahead of me still. But I need it. I must look like a mess. I’m sure my face is red and puffy from rubbing at it. My hair is all tangled, and I don’t even have a hair tie to pull it back like I want to.

  I hear trick-or-treaters squealing as they run on the sidewalk across the street. They’re going in the opposite direction, and their parents are behind them chatting while the kids run ahead.

  I look like a wreck, and I feel pathetic and disappointed with everything.

  I just need to sleep, but I don’t want to go back to the dorms.

  Fate doesn’t care about what I want though. That much is obvious.

  She brought Ryker into my life again, only to dangle him in front of me one last time before snatching him from my grasp.

  Fate’s a bitch.

  I close my eyes and shake my head. No, it’s my fault. It was my fault back then for not doing everything I could to help him. And it’s my fault tonight for not pushing Khloe away faster and leaving with him. I wish I’d seen him go. I would’ve gone with him.

  Fate gave me a second chance, and I blew it. That's no one's fault but my own.

  Ryker

  I can’t fucking run away every time I get pissed. But running is better than snapping. I can't afford to let my temper get me into trouble. My mouth is still slammed shut. I slow down as I approach a red light and look down at my hands to examine them. It’s a habit of mine that helps me calm down. There’s usually oil somewhere around my fingernails even if I scrub them clean. I don’t see anything though.

  I look over to my left at the kids in their little fairy and skeleton costumes screeching with delight, and then to my right at a 24/7 convenience store and gas station. I shouldn’t be driving right now, not in this state. I just need to calm down for a minute. I pull in and park my bike, but I don’t get off.

  I’m not very good with conflict. I’m better than I used to be. Back then it was fight, fight, fight. Not that I wanted to fight that bitch.

  I don’t know what her problem was. It’s been years since someone’s talked to me like that. It still fucking hurts though. It wasn’t even to my face, but at least it wasn’t behind my back.

  I thought I’d changed. I have changed. I know I have. I’m good enough for her. But either Catherine can’t see it, or she doesn’t want to.

  He needs to leave now. I remember Khloe’s words and they get me all pissed off again. That’s when the memories hit me. Khloe’s the chick who was dating that IT guy I hired.

  I groan and cover my face with my hands.

  Her being a bitch tonight is definitely because of me, but it has nothing to do with who I am.

  She came into the office of my shop awhile back. I knew she was with him. I think his name was Joey. I can’t even remember. I only hired him for a week to set up the new system. She came in at lunch to see him every day. And each passing day she showed me more and more attention. So much so that I felt bad for the guy.

  And then she came into my office and closed the door behind her. I can’t remember what she said verbatim, but she basically offered me a quick fuck.

  All I said to her was, You can leave now unless you want me to call your boyfriend in here and repeat what you just said. I never saw her again. Not that I minded. But now her little rant makes sense.

  A smile creeps up on my face. She’s just holding a grudge and jealous I was giving Catherine attention.

  I feel a small bit of relief, but only for a moment.

  Catherine’s gonna be pissed at me for leaving maybe. But she still didn’t stick up for me.

  That’s what really matters. She could have, but she didn’t.

  She turned me down. Well technically she didn’t, since I never even asked.

  I went there to finally get the girl I’ve been lusting after. The girl I've been working hard to be good enough for. It's been two years, but I've been working steadily toward that goal. And as soon as it got rough, I walked away.

  Fuck. I run a hand down my face. I can’t believe I fucked this up.

  My forehead pinches and I kick my bike back to life. The loud rumble fills the air as I make a left out of the gas station and head back to the party.

  I’m tired of not being good enough. I want her.

  I’m going to make sure she knows it.

  As determination sets in and I rev my bike up, I almost crash the damn thing.

  Catherine’s alone and on the left side of the road. Her arms are crossed like she’s cold, and she looks upset.

  My heart sinks in my chest. What happened?

  I have to wait to make a U-turn at the next light and pull up behind her.

  I left her, again.

  I need to make sure she forgives me. I need to make this right and most importantly, I need to get my girl.

  Catherine

  I hear the dull roar of a motorcycle, and I have to close my eyes and push out the image of Ryker on his bike. I don’t think I’ll ever not see him when I hear a motorcycle.

  The rumble gets closer and closer, but then softer as whoever it is pulls up close to me.

  My heart thuds in my chest, and suddenly I’m scared I’m here alone at night.

  This is a good area o
f town, but crime happens everywhere. I’m too scared to even turn around as I walk quicker and closer to the edge of the sidewalk. But then I hear his voice.

  “You need a ride.”

  My head whips around at the sound, and I stand dumbfounded.

  “Ryker?” My blood heats, and anxiety washes through me. I take several steps closer to him, gripping my clutch tight in my hands.

  My blood surges with adrenaline, and the exhaustion that was weighing me down before vanishes.

  Fate gave me another chance. I can’t blow it.

  I walk to his bike and prepare to just put it all out there. Taking a deep breath, I say, “Ryker, I’m sorry.”

  “Catherine, I’m sorry,” he says at the same time as me.

  My breath stops, and my mouth opens slightly. I don’t know what he could possibly be sorry for. He looks at me as though he’s thinking the same thing.

  He throws a leg over his bike and walks in front of me. A car’s coming, but we’re safe here on the sidewalk. He looks over his shoulder as the car drives by and watches as it drives away.

  He takes a step closer, looking me in the eyes. I know how I must look; I’m a mess and I hate that, but all I see in his eyes is desire. It’s like that night all over again.

  He starts to talk, but I don’t want to hear it.

  I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion, the thought of losing him again, or the fact that he came to get me when I was so down on myself, but something pushes me to wrap my arms around his neck, get on my tiptoes and push my lips against his.

  I kiss him with the desperation I feel. I can’t lose him again. I can’t let him leave again without him knowing exactly how much he means to me.

  I catch him by surprise, and at first his lips are hard. Then they soften and mold to mine. His hand splays across my lower back. My tank top has ridden up some, and the feel of his warm hands on my bare skin is heaven. He pulls me closer to him as his other hand cups the back of my head, angling my head so he can kiss me back passionately.

  I keep my eyes closed and moan into his mouth. My body arches of its own accord and my pussy heats for him.

  I’ve waited years just for this kiss, but it isn’t enough. I want more.

  As the sound of another car approaching barely registers, Ryker breaks the kiss and moves us backward and onto the sidewalk.

  He looks down at me with his chest rising and falling, and lust in his eyes.

  My lips feel slightly swollen from his bruising kiss.

  “You need a ride?” he asks in a low voice.

  I start to answer, but then my eyes fall. I clear my throat. I don’t want to go back to the dorm. I don’t want him to just drop me off.

  But I’m not going to tell him no.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, searching my eyes before I can even answer. He cups my chin in his hand and forces me to look at him.

  “I just want to go home with you tonight.” I say each word slowly and carefully. My heart races in my chest.

  I’ve never gone home with a man. I’ve never done anything with a man beyond kissing. And even then, it was nothing like what I just had with Ryker.

  Ryker cocks an eyebrow and an asymmetric grin pulls his lips up.

  He leans down and quickly plants a kiss on my lips.

  “I’m not gonna say no to that, kitten.” His rough voice sparks the desire in my core once again. My heart flutters in my chest as he reaches behind him and grabs a helmet off the back of his bike.

  Ryker

  I rev the engine a little more as we get closer. Catherine lets out a small squeal of delight, and her arms squeeze me tighter.

  Her cheek is pressed against my back, and it’s everything I thought it’d be.

  We ride in silence as her warmth molds to my back and her arms hug my waist.

  As we pull up to a red light, her hands slip down lower. She starts to slide them past the waistband and down farther. Her fingertips tickle my pelvis, and my dick jumps.

  Fuck, I need to control myself. I wanna get off this bike and bend her ass over. She’d have it coming to her, teasing me like this. Instead I grip her wrist and put her hand back where it should be.

  “You’re going to have to wait, kitten,” I tell her over my shoulder. I watch as she gives me a sexy little pout.

  Now my dick is hard, and my girl is horny. Thank fuck my place is right around the corner. I can’t wait any longer.

  She’s a good girl the rest of the way, but feeling her body pressed against mine and knowing she wants me has made my dick impossibly hard. Fucking her tight pussy is all I can think about as I pull up and climb off as quick as I can.

  I help her off the bike, making the bike bounce slightly. She almost stumbles, but I right her and keep the bike from tipping. My little kitten is not graceful.

  “Thank you,” she says as I help her with the helmet and set it back on the end of the bike. I got that just for her. I wanted to make sure if she was there, she wouldn't have any excuse not to come back with me tonight.

  “You live here?” she asks with slight disbelief. I take a look at the condo and second-guess myself. It’s a nice little place, but it’s basically a bachelor pad. I mean, it’s not huge or in an upscale, gated community, but it’s a nice place. A sense of insecurity runs through me. This never fucking happens. But with her it’s different. I crave her approval for some unknown reason. If anyone else questions me, my belongings, or anything I do, I shrug it off. I don’t give a fuck. But with her, knowing she approves is important to me. I don’t think that’ll ever change.

  She pulls her hair over her shoulders and points over to the dorms behind the condos.

  “I live right there,” she says as she looks up at me with a small smile. “So you’re still the bad boy next door.”

  I smirk at her and nod my head. Both my shop and my place are close to campus. A lot of business comes from the students. A bike is cheaper than a car.

  “I could literally walk back to my place in like two minutes if that fence wasn’t there,” she says comically. I know right then I need to tell her what’s up. I have to give her a chance to go, cause if she stays, she’s mine.

  “I’ll take you back to the dorms if you want. But if you come home with me, I want you, Catherine. I’ve wanted you for years. And if you walk through that door, I’m not holding back anymore.”

  “You want me?” she asks with slight disbelief.

  “That’s putting it mildly, kitten.”

  “You never--” she starts to say, but doesn’t finish.

  “I never what?” I ask her, taking a step closer to her. “I never acted on it, no. But I wanted to. Every walk through those woods I thought about stopping and pushing your back against a tree and lifting you up. I wanted to feel that sweet, lush ass of yours in my hands. I dreamed about you wrapping your legs around me while I kissed you and fucked you out there where no one would find us.”

  Her chest reddens with a blush, and her breathing comes in pants. I see her thighs clench, and I know she’s turned on as much as I am.

  “But you didn’t,” she barely whispers.

  “I wanted to do that back then, but I couldn’t. I want you now though. And there’s nothing holding me back. Tell me you want me.”

  “I want what you want, Ryker.” Her whispered words make my dick hard as steel.

  I’ve waited a long time for this.

  “Get your ass inside, kitten.” Her eyes heat, and she instantly turns on her heels. I smack that cute ass of hers, making her jump.

  I’m gonna make sure she doesn’t regret this.

  Catherine

  I should tell him. I keep thinking over and over that I should tell him I’m a virgin. But I know what he wants, and I know what he’ll think.

  I can’t lie that a part of me has always wanted to wait for him to be my first.

  He closes the door to his condo and locks it with a loud click. I turn around, standing in the middle of his living room. Suddenly it become
s all too real. My body tingles with excitement, but also fear. What if I’m not good? What if it’s not what I’ve conjured up in my head?

  I start to feel anxious and my nerves threaten to get the best of me, but then he turns around and reaches for his belt.

  My pussy clenches with need when I see him unbuckle it and reach for his zipper.

  My breaths come in pants as I drop to my knees.

  He gives me a sexy grin and walks slowly to me.

  I’ve never done this. But I want to. He shoves his pants down and his dick springs free.

  It’s so big. Oh my god. That’s never going to fit in me. “Open up, kitten,” he says as he strokes it. I place my hands on his bare thighs and I stretch my jaw as far as I can. He brushes the hair off my shoulder and pulls it into one hand, gripping at the base of my skull.

  “You have no fucking idea how sexy you look right now.” I look up at him as he pushes his cock into my mouth. I shield my teeth with my lips and try to push him as far back as I can. I barely get half of him in.

  He groans with satisfaction as I push him deeper. I pull back and hollow my cheeks as I bob my head on his cock, each time trying to shove him down deeper and deeper. My eyes burn as I push him down my throat. I try breathing through my nose, but it’s hard.

  Just as I start thinking I can’t do this, Ryker pulls away from me. “Fuck, you feel too good. I’m gonna cum before I’m done with you.”

  His confession makes me feel a little better. I nervously scoot backward and wipe my lips as daintily as I can as he steps out of his jeans and pulls off his shirt.

  My eyes travel along his body. He’s a fucking sex god. My panties are practically soaked as he crouches down in front of me and lifts me into his arms.

  The movement is sudden, and I let out a small shriek.

  “You’re wearing too many clothes, kitten.” Ryker slips his hand up my shirt and pulls it off of me as he carries me to the bedroom.

  My heart beats faster and I try to soothe my nerves by crashing my lips against him.