Child's Play

by Danielle Steel

  * * *

  —

  The phone rang next to Kate’s bed at eleven o’clock one night in July, while she was looking over some depositions. Her heart always skipped a beat when her phone rang at that hour. With three children out in the world, she was always afraid that something would happen to one of them. She picked it up and answered with an anxious hello. It was Claire, and she didn’t sound as though anything terrible had happened. She sounded happy and in good spirits, and had told her mother only two days before that things were great with Reed. They’d been dating for three months now, and she still hadn’t told the firm, and didn’t see why she should. She disagreed with her mother.

  “Are you okay?” It was Kate’s standard opening question.

  “Of course,” she said blithely. “Can I come and see you tomorrow after work? Will you be home?”

  “Yes, I think so. I don’t have any plans. Why?” She hoped Claire wasn’t coming to tell her that she and Reed were getting engaged. It was much too soon for that.

  “I just want to come by for a visit.” She never did that, and Kate was instantly suspicious.

  “Nothing’s wrong?” Maybe she was getting fired and Claire wanted to tell her in person. She hoped not. Kate couldn’t guess what it was.

  “Everything’s fine.”

  “Okay. Do you want to stay for dinner? I’ll pick something up on the way home.”

  “No, it’s fine. We’re going to the Hamptons for the weekend. We’ll leave after I see you.”

  “All right, see you then.” Kate had a feeling of trepidation. Something was up, but Claire didn’t sound upset, so she hoped it was nothing too bad. But it gnawed at her, and she had trouble falling asleep. Whatever it was, she’d have to wait until the following day to hear it. Claire obviously wanted her advice about something. She finally drifted off to sleep, after realizing that she hadn’t heard from Anthony in a long time. She promised herself she would call him over the weekend. She wondered when one stopped worrying about one’s children. At what age did they really take flight and take off? Whatever age it was, it hadn’t happened yet, and she still worried about all of them most of the time.

  When she woke up in the morning, she remembered her appointment with Claire that night after work, and she still couldn’t guess what it was about. Maybe she had decided to break up with Reed after all. His time had come. But they were going away for the weekend, so that didn’t add up. Kate put the depositions she’d been looking at the night before back in her briefcase and headed for the shower. Whatever Claire had to say, it could wait until that night. Her workday had begun.

  Chapter 5

  Claire showed up at Kate’s apartment at six-thirty, five minutes after Kate got home. It had been a long, stressful day, full of irritating surprises, difficult clients, and a minor argument with the managing partner of the firm. She took a cab home so she wouldn’t be late for Claire, and felt rumpled and tired when she kicked off her shoes, put away her briefcase, and the doorbell rang. The doorman had let Claire come up without announcing her, since he knew her so well.

  Claire was wearing white denim shorts and a pink T-shirt and sandals to go to the Hamptons, and she dropped her purse near the front door. It was a big Balenciaga tote.

  “How was your day, Mom?” she asked casually.

  “Honestly, lousy. I had arguments with everyone. I’m going to fire a client who’s lying to me and I can’t defend him, and don’t want to. And the air-conditioning was broken in my office. I’ve been sitting in a steam bath all day.” The outside temperature had reached a hundred at noon. “How was yours?” She smiled at her daughter, took off her lawyerly suit jacket, and tossed it on a chair, as Claire sat down on the couch and looked at her.

  “My day was okay,” Claire said, as Kate sat down across from her, trying to guess what would come next. She figured she was either going to break up with Reed, or having problems at work. “There’s something I want to tell you,” Claire said, without further preamble. “I’m pregnant.” The words hung in the air as Kate wondered if she had heard correctly. She couldn’t have. That had never happened before to either of her girls, nor with any girl Anthony had gone out with. It wasn’t possible. But the look on Claire’s face said it was true. Kate felt like she couldn’t breathe for a minute. Then she took a breath to speak.

  “Are you going to have an abortion?” She could hardly get the words out. She had her own views on the subject, but it was obviously the first question in a situation like this. She made no move toward Claire. She was too shocked to do anything except sit there and stare at her daughter in disbelief.

  “Of course not. It’s Reed’s baby. We love each other.” She made it seem obvious and normal. She didn’t seem frightened or upset, nor in the least apologetic. Claire looked even more shocked than her mother that Kate would even ask the abortion question. She acted as though she was married and this was the result of careful planning. For an instant, Kate wondered if it was.

  “How pregnant are you?” she asked in a hoarse voice.

  “About six weeks.” She said it almost proudly, which was a jolt to Kate. But at least it wasn’t too late to do something respectable about it, if she was going that route. It wasn’t what Kate wanted for her, but the questions had to be asked now. She wanted to know Claire’s plans. “I’m having the baby, Mom,” Claire said, to make it clear to her mother. Kate could feel her stomach turn over and a chill run down her spine. In her whole life, it had never occurred to her that she’d be living a scene like this with one of her girls. It was like bad reality TV.

  “What does Reed say about all this? Does he know yet?”

  “Of course,” Claire said, looking deeply offended. “We did the test together. He’s ecstatic.”

  Wonderful. “Could it be a false positive? Home tests aren’t always reliable,” Kate said, clutching at straws.

  “I had a blood test too, to confirm it. Reed said the same thing, and we wanted to be sure. I’m definitely pregnant.” She said it like it was a victory, not a tragedy or defeat. Claire smiled and Kate was fighting back tears.

  “Are you going to get married?” Kate said, and Claire looked her mother in the eye and shook her head.

  “We talked about it. Reed wants to, but I’m not ready. I love him with all my heart, but I don’t feel ready for marriage and all it entails.” Kate looked as though someone had slapped her.

  “Wait a minute. You don’t feel ready for marriage, but you’re ready for a child? Do you know how crazy that is? You can undo a marriage if you make a mistake. You can’t undo a child. A child is forever, for the rest of your life, and you’ll be tied to Reed, whether you’re married to him or not, if you have a child together. If you’re not ready for the commitment of marriage, how can you possibly be ready for the responsibility of a child? Explain that to me.”

  “Marriage doesn’t mean to me what it does to you, Mom. It’s not this big voodoo, have-to, all-important goal in life. It’s fine if it’s what you want. But I don’t. What I feel for Reed is much more important to me and our baby. That’s all I care about. I don’t need to be married to him. That’s so yesterday, Mom. This is now. No one gets married anymore.” She looked cocky as she said it, which made Kate angry.

  “Oh yes, some people do. The usual order is marriage, then babies, not the reverse, or babies and no marriage. That’s insane, or not very respectable at least. And have you thought of your career? You work for a very conservative Old Guard law firm. They can’t fire you for having a child out of wedlock in today’s world, or you could sue them. But they can certainly pass you over for partner for the rest of your time there, or for a very long time.”

  “If they do, then I’ll switch to another firm. They don’t own me. There are plenty of more modern law firms who wouldn’t consider it a problem.” Kate knew that was true, but she hated what Claire was saying and wan
ted to do. Her children had grown up with traditional values, and now Claire wanted to be avant-garde and be an unwed mother. The thought of it broke Kate’s heart. What part of her upbringing had she not understood, and why was she rejecting the most basic morality that Kate believed in profoundly, and expected her children to embrace too?

  “So you’re not getting married?” she said in disbelief.

  “That’s right.” Claire looked belligerent as she said it. She knew her mother’s views on the subject and didn’t care.

  “And you feel ready to be a mother at twenty-six? A single mother?”

  “I’ll be twenty-seven when the baby’s born. It’s due in March.”

  “You have enough time to get married now, and cover it up,” Kate said desperately, “and have it look respectable.”

  “I don’t need to get married. It already is respectable. Reed and I love each other and I won’t be a single mom. He’ll be with me. He said he’ll marry me anytime I want if I change my mind in a few years. I’ve always said I didn’t want to get married till I was over thirty.”

  “Was having an illegitimate child at twenty-seven part of that plan?” Kate said angrily. She was furious with her and wanted to shake her. She hardly recognized the brash young woman facing her, totally oblivious to all propriety and the traditions she’d grown up with.

  “There’s nothing illegitimate about this baby, Mom. I’m having the child of the man I love.”

  “Whom you’ve known for three months. You don’t even know each other. And he says now that he’ll marry you whenever you want but he may feel differently about it later. I don’t think there’s anything cool or trendy about having a baby out of wedlock. I think it’s disgraceful and irresponsible. If you got pregnant and want to keep it, at least have the decency to get married. I’ll give you a wedding.”

  “I don’t want a wedding. I have everything I want, a man I love and his baby.”

  “I can’t believe you’re saying this to me, as blithe as can be. You have no idea what you’re taking on.”

  “Yes, I do. I watched you with us. You did it alone. If I have to, so can I.”

  “I was married to your father when all of you were born.”

  “That was thirty-three years ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. Hardly anyone gets married to have a kid. And I’m not going to hide it now like it was some crime we committed. We’re thrilled. I’m sorry if you’re not, Mom, and you think it’s such a disgrace. That’s sad for you. You’re having a grandchild. You should be happy.”

  “Not in these circumstances. How could I be? You’re doing something that goes against everything I believe in and you were brought up with. I’ve never pushed any of you to get married, but if you’re having a baby, I think you should. It’s the least you can do, out of decency and self-respect, and for the child.”

  “We owe it to the child to be good parents. No one will care if we’re married. And yes, you did push us into marriage, by the way. What do you think you’re doing to Anthony? Encouraging him to marry that airhead because her parents are a big deal socially and have a big house.”

  “That’s not why I want him to marry her. I think she’ll ground him and be a terrific wife.”

  “Well, I think you’re wrong on that score. I think she’ll be a lousy wife and a huge bore and dead weight for him. And I don’t want to be a wife right now, just a mother.” Claire’s cellphone buzzed and a text came in. She glanced at it and stood up. “It’s Reed. He’s downstairs. He went to put gas in the car and he’s back. I have to go. There’s going to be a lot of traffic. It’s Friday night.” She had been there for exactly thirty-five minutes, just long enough to tell her mother that she was pregnant, wanted to have the child out of wedlock, had no intention of getting married, and leave. In Kate’s mind, it was like Hiroshima. She felt as though Claire had dropped a bomb on her. But there was nothing left to say. Claire had made it clear that her plans weren’t open for discussion or negotiation. She had come here to announce them, not compromise. She had no intention of doing anything differently from what she wanted and it was up to her mother to adjust to it. Kate didn’t even have the luxury of being happy about a grandchild. The whole thing felt like a tragedy to her. “I’m giving up my apartment and moving in with Reed. I was going to anyway before we found out about the baby. At least he’s happy about it, even if you’re not.” Claire managed to look both angry and disappointed. She expected her mother to be supportive and thrilled. But how could she with the way Claire was going about it? Kate wouldn’t have been happy if Claire was getting married this quickly, but a baby and not married was too much for her to swallow all at once, and to expect her to be delighted on top of it was completely unreasonable.

  “I need time to digest this,” Kate said in a grim voice and stood up too. “You’re expecting a lot if you want me to be happy about this the way you want to do it.”

  “Marriage is an archaic tradition, Mom. No one sensible does it anymore.”

  “Well, some do, I’m just sorry you don’t want to be one of them. It may be archaic, but it’s the right thing to do.”

  “In your opinion, not mine.” Claire started to walk to the door, as Kate followed her. She tried to put her arms around Claire to hug her, but she pushed her away. “Don’t bother. I know what you think of me. I’m the family disgrace now. You love all of us as long as we do exactly what you want, get a great education, find a terrific job, work our asses off, and do everything ‘properly,’ your way. You may be able to con Anthony into that, but not me. I know what I’m doing is right for me. I’m sorry you don’t think so.”

  “I’m not banishing you. You’re not being fair. This is a hell of a shock for me,” Kate said quietly.

  “This isn’t about you,” Claire said coldly. “It’s about me and Reed and our baby. And if you can’t get on board, and don’t want to be part of it, that’s up to you.” She was being incredibly nasty and immature about it, and every word she said cut through Kate like a sword. It was the first serious problem she had ever had with one of her children, and it was a big one. Kate wondered if the wounds between them would ever heal. She couldn’t even think about the baby, she was so hurt and shocked by her own daughter.

  “I love you. I’m sorry this is hard for both of us,” Kate said in a sad voice. She felt as though she had just lost her youngest child, but she couldn’t be dishonest with her. Claire had spoken her truth, and Kate had a right to speak hers, but apparently Claire didn’t think so. She wanted her mother to tell her it was great news and go along with everything Claire was doing, and she couldn’t. She had to at least speak up and try to reason with her. And even if Kate was angry, even furious, she loved Claire and wanted to make that clear to her.

  “It’s not hard for me,” she said as she opened the front door. “I have Reed. I don’t need you if you don’t want to be part of it.”

  “I didn’t say that. What I said is that I think you should get married and do this respectably.”

  “By your standards.”

  “And I didn’t say I didn’t want to be part of it. This is a hell of a shock you’ve just dished out while Reed was putting gas in the car. I need to sit with this for a while and think about it.”

  Claire started to walk out and turned back to her mother then. “Oh yeah, and Reed says he wants to meet you.”

  “I want to meet him too,” Kate said quietly. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” Claire was being a brat about a very adult situation, and Kate didn’t feel ready to meet Reed yet. She was deeply hurt by everything Claire had said and the way she had handled it.

  “I’ll call you,” Claire said, and slammed the door behind her. Kate stood staring at it, and burst into tears.

  * * *

  —

  She cried for an hour and was awake all night. She called Claire on her cell to tell her she loved her, bu
t Claire didn’t pick up. She texted her the message and got no response. There had been skirmishes with her children while they were growing up, over parties they couldn’t go to, or minor restrictions for homework they hadn’t done, but there had never been anything like this, with Claire rejecting their family values, aggressively insulting her mother, and doing something that would affect her life forever, and the child’s. A baby and no marriage was huge, with a man she’d known for three months, and who might or might not stick around. At least he had offered to marry her, and Claire had refused, but much of what she’d said to her mother was cruel.

  Kate sat nursing her wounds all weekend. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, and didn’t hear from Claire. Bart called her from Washington, but she didn’t pick up and texted back that she had the flu. She wasn’t ready to tell him about it. They had a good time together, but Kate’s soul felt raw, and she didn’t want to share it with him. Her children and her relationship with them had always seemed so perfect compared to his. He always talked about what a good mother she was, and now her youngest was having a baby out of wedlock. She felt deep shame over it, and she couldn’t tell him, or anyone.

  She went for a walk on Sunday morning, and without thinking, she ended up at her mother’s building, and called from downstairs.

  “I’m sorry to show up without calling first,” Kate said, sounding distressed. “Are you up?”

  “I was reading the paper. Is something wrong?” She was worried. It was so unlike Kate not to call first and just show up.

  “Nothing dangerous. Everyone’s fine.” Kate was quick to respond. After Tom’s fatal accident years before, they were both sensitive to what could happen. This was serious, but not tragic, even if Kate felt like it was.