by H. M. Ward
“Oh! My! God!”
“Wait, there’s more,” I say in an infomercial voice with a plastic smile on my face. “My mother is coming to visit this weekend, and she’s bringing her new boyfriend. To sleep in the bed across from me.” I nod too much and blink swiftly, inhaling while I do so.
Beth just stares at me with both hands pressed firmly to the table and her jaw dangling open. After a moment, she snaps it shut and jumps up. She grabs a bottle of liquor from a counter and two tall glasses. She pours clear liquid into both and raises her glass of vodka. “To having a fucked up, overprotective family, and being unintentionally celibate.”
“Damn straight.” I tap my glass to hers and slam it back as Beth does the same.
Chapter 10
Beth and I are laughing and burning cookies when Josh wanders in and starts yelling at us. I have no idea why he’s mad. “Kerry! What the hell did you guys drink?”
Beth shows him the half-full bottle on the counter, and giggles as she rests her head on the table. “I’m sleepy.”
“My eyelids feel like concrete. What was that?” My words start to slur, and it’s getting harder to sit up in the kitchen chair.
Josh rushes to look at the bottle. He holds it up, sniffs it, and then rushes out of the room. There’s yelling, a lot of it, and then he comes back in with Justin and Jace.
I smile at them. “You look like paper dolls, all the same, side by side.” That’s what it sounds like in my head, but what comes out of my mouth is mostly drool. Why am I wasted? I didn’t drink that much.
My head dips forward, and Josh catches me before it hits the table. “Shit! I can’t believe this is happening.”
“You were the one who kept the extra liquor!” One of the clones yells back.
“Check the rest, get Beth to bed, and get Kerry out of here. Now.”
A handsome blonde man is pointing at me. I take his finger and kiss the tip gently. “You're pretty.”
“Oh, shit.” The guy next to him closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose before looking at me again. “She thinks you’re me.”
“Because she’s licking me?”
“No. Because she said, ‘you’re pretty.’ It was a conversation we had earlier. Forget it. I’ll take her home.” Josh loops my arm around his neck and gets me to my feet. The room spins and I can’t focus.
I lean into him, “Dance with me.”
“Not right now, Kerry. Come on. I’ll take you back to the dorm.”
When we’re outside the cold night air hits me hard. The events of the day that hurt me most spin like Beth’s electric beaters. I can't pull my thoughts away from them for fear crap will go flying everywhere.
I’m half-asleep in the passenger seat of Josh’s car. We’re going so fast it feels like we’re flying. He’s talking to me, asking me about stuff I can’t remember.
“Did Beth mix your drinks? That bottle was from the study group. Did she add something else?”
I shrug, not understanding what he’s asking me. I tilt sideways and rest my head against the window.
“Kerry, stay awake. Talk to me.”
I swallow hard, noticing my mouth is abruptly dry. “I’m awake.” The words run together more. If I said anything to him, I doubt he’d understand me.
“Okay, keep talking. What’d you do last night?”
“Nate. I wanted Nathan, but he said no.”
His eyes are on the side of my face and, for a moment, I think the harshness that is Josh fades. But I’m totally smashed, so, who knows? I’m probably imagining it. My eyes start to close again, and I feel his hands on my shoulders.
“Kerry, stay with me. I need you to walk.”
“We’re here?” I lost some time—either that or Josh is secretly Harry Potter, and we apparated to my casa. “That was so cool. I can’t believe I missed it.”
“Okay...” He draws out the word, and his inflection rises at the end like he’s asking a question. His hands remain on my shoulders, and when I manage to open my eyes, he’s so close. His breath is sweet, like mints.
The remorse and guilt inside my chest surface in a wave of remorse that nearly crushes me. I lean forward to rest my head against his shoulder. “I messed everything up. All of it.”
“This isn’t your fault. It shouldn’t have happened, and, believe me, when I find out—”
I lift my head and lean in. I don’t think. I don’t want to. This guy has been trying to be with me since I met him. I feel so lost, so horribly low, and he’s right there. His face is in the dictionary next to the entry for "fuckbuddy." It’s Josh all the way.
I don’t have to wait. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t make excuses—he kisses me back. His hands tangle in my hair, and it’s nice. It’s not Matt. It’s not Nate. There’s no intense pull like with Nate, but it’s still nice. Nice enough to stop thinking, so I close my eyes and fall into him, letting the kiss devour me. He holds me, says my name, and I know they’re words I’d want to hear, but they mean nothing. I feel like I’m lost in a dark tunnel. The next thing I know, Josh’s hands are on my face, cupping my cheeks, and he’s talking to me.
“Kerry?” He leans in and pecks me, nipping my lips before he pulls away.
“You bit me?” The action confuses me. I blink at him and realize my eyes must have been closed for a while.
“Don’t tell me Matt never bit you? Nipped your neck, dragged his teeth over your nipples?”
I shake my head. Did we talk about Matt? I don’t remember. “No. He didn’t do stuff like that.”
“Then he’s a jackass, and you deserve better.”
My lips twitch as something inside of me shorts out. Smiles turn to tears on a dime, and no amount of blinking makes them stop. Josh leans in and kisses me again, softly, slowly, deeply. I whimper into his mouth, and when he pulls back, he’s looking at me again.
“It’s time for bed, come on.” He releases my head, but it’s too heavy, and I can’t hold it up. It flops back against the headrest, and I’m lost for a long time. At least it seems like a long time. Golden light pours into the car when he opens the door. There’s a streetlamp and a door. Josh lifts me, and the rest of the world fades away as I fall asleep against his chest.
Chapter 11
My head is throbbing. I groan and roll onto my side. As I open my eyes, I glance around, not recognizing where I am. I’m staring at a tan wall and ugly curtains with a huge floral print—the kind you’d find in a hotel room.
The last thing I remember is baking cookies with Beth. I sit up slowly and grab my head, putting pressure on my temples. I’m wearing a t-shirt that’s not mine and am aware of my bare bottom against the sheets. Damn it! What did I do? I squint and glance around the room.
That’s when I see my clothes on the chair across from me, and a thin sliver of light spills out beneath the bathroom door. I try to stand up and wish I hadn't, but I need to know where I am, and who’s here with me. I wrap the sheet around my waist and pad toward the bathroom. Before I get there, the door opens, blinding me with light.
I cover my eyes and clutch my sheet.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to be shy now, not after last night?” Josh comes into focus, and I freeze.
What did I do? Did I seriously sleep with this guy? My throat is so tight I can’t speak. He smiles at me, glances at the sheet, then says, “You refused to keep wearing your pants. There’s only so much a guy can do when a girl gets like that.” He leans in, kisses my forehead, then walks around me into the room. “I admire you even more now. I didn’t think that was possible.”
I swallow hard and stare at him. “What happened?” It’s the two words no woman ever wants to ask. Did I do this? I don’t remember. Tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I can’t fall apart in front of him. I won’t.
The corner of his lips tugs up a little. “Don’t tell me that you forgot everything?” He pulls on his shoes and then walks over to me. He places his hands on my sheet-covered hips and continues. “
The begging, the passionate pleas for more, the way you insisted on being on top? Come on, Kerry. You forgot all of it?”
I pull away and step back as fear rushes up my throat like acid. “I didn’t. We didn’t.”
I can’t fathom the look he’s giving me. It’s lost between sly and somber. “We didn’t do anything you didn’t want to do. It was all you. I just laid there.”
Oh, God! I want to die. I can’t look at him. How am I supposed to face Beth? He’s her brother. She’s going to kill me. I find my voice. “Nothing happened.”
“Exactly.” He’s completely cool and collected. His hair is damp from the shower, but he’s already dressed in what appears to be the same outfit as yesterday, but it’s clean. He notices my gaze and presses his hands to his shirt. “I had our clothes sent out. Yours are also clean. Flour-free and everything.”
I’m horrified. “This is yours?” I pluck at the white t-shirt.
He nods. “Yes, sorry. You really wanted it. I’d been wearing it and then you—”
I shake my head and close my eyes. “I remember.” It’s a lie. As far as I know, last night didn’t exist.
His gaze narrows. “You do?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
“Fuckbuddies, right? That's what you wanted?” He’s behind me, not touching, standing too close.
I’m horrified, unable to speak, but I find myself nodding. I grab my clothes and rush into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Tears are threatening to fall when I hear him sigh from the other side of the door.
“Well, it’s nice to know what you really think of me. Nothing happened, Kerry. You kissed me in the car, and I was a little slow to stop you, but I did. I carried you up here—after your bitchy roommate refused to let me in—and you stripped. I put the covers over you, and you passed out.”
I have my back to the door, and I don’t know if I should believe him. I open the door and am shocked by the expression on his face. It’s beyond somber like he’s sick to his stomach and completely disgusted. “How’d I get this?” I pull at his shirt?
“I was wearing it. You wanted it. I put it on you, and you fell asleep. End of story.”
“We didn’t do anything?”
“What kind of asshole would fuck an unconscious girl, even if she did ask for it? Kerry, I’m not like that.”
My jaw is stuck. It won’t open enough to speak, but it won’t close either. “I don’t know you. I don’t know what you’d do or wouldn’t do. You’re always hiding behind over-the-top bravado. I have no idea what you really think about anything—including a situation like this. Plus you tried to make me believe we did something.” I look at him, trying to sift through the layers of shit he coats on everything.
For once that false front is gone. He’s just a guy, plainspoken and sincere. “I was teasing. I thought you remembered getting up here. You were funny, except for the stripping part. You told me all this stuff. We talked. I thought you’d remember some of that. You seemed to be coming out of it, but then you took my shirt and went to bed.”
“We talked?” He nods, blue eyes wide. “About what?”
He runs his hand through his hair and down his neck. “I don’t know. About life, family, sex, and things not going the way we’d thought they would.” He laughs lightly after a moment and glances at me. “I’m glad you don’t remember that part. I mean, lying on a bed next to a beautiful naked woman and talking? My reputation would be trashed.” He laughs nervously, and I wish I remembered what he'd told me. This isn’t the jackass version of Josh that I know.
Worry still pinches my brow, and he sees it. “I swear to you, nothing happened. I stayed with you because you were saying crazy things. I didn’t want to walk away and find out someone mistreated you.”
“What kind of crazy things?”
He smiles. “Stuff about a teacher, Carter, and Matt. You also talked about some guy named Nate. At one point you wanted to find him. Despite your lack of clothing, I think he would have been happy to see you. Had I not known what happened, I'd have said yes if you came to me.” He presses his lips together nervously and glances up at me from under dark lashes. “Kerry, I know we don’t belong together—actually, I’m pretty sure we usually hate each other—but I hate seeing you cry. If you ever need a shoulder or a dick, I’m here for you.”
I snort. “You are a dick.”
“Then we both agree.” He opens his arms and offers a hug. I step into his embrace convinced nothing happened between us. It’s weird, but all that emotional turbulence fades and I don’t doubt him. At some point, I started trusting people again. I have no idea when that occurred, but I’m glad. Life’s too short to be alone.
I can’t help wondering what happened to Nathan. He has no one.
Chapter 12
It turns out Beth was more affected by whatever got added to that bottle of vodka. The problem is everyone brought identical bottles, so there’s no way to tell who did it. At first, I suspected one of her brothers, but that doesn't add up. It would mean one of those overprotective siblings of Beth's drugged her on purpose, and I can’t believe that. Especially considering how pissed off they are now that the whole thing has passed. They seem madder now than when it happened. Instead of cooling off, they're hell-bent on finding out who is responsible.
We're sitting on a concrete bench in a courtyard outside the English building watching the doors. Josh seems to think he’s been invited. Today his hair is a mess. Since the night of the incident, he started styling it in a rumpled look. He’s wearing a clingy, deep-blue t-shirt and hip-hugging jeans with a frayed knee. They’re a brand I’ve never heard of, but when I accidentally brushed the back of my hand against his leg, it was impossible not to notice the buttery soft texture of the denim. I’m guessing those jeans cost more than my bus.
I've been hoping Josh will wander off, but he seems intent on staying. It’s been difficult to go anywhere without him, particularly if Beth is coming. He hasn’t let her out of his sight for an instant. It’s slowly driving her nuts, but the incident frazzled her, too. I’d be shocked if it hadn't.
I don’t like to mix worlds, especially since there’s a hugeass chasm between Carter and Josh, but if someone is drugging women on campus, it makes me feel a little better to have him around. I keep hoping one of us will remember something useful we can take to the cops. The cops need to know what's going on. This wasn’t a one-time thing.
Josh has been making fun of the French Lit majors for the past ten minutes. He’s talking with his hands and has a sexy smirk on his lips. “I mean, what are they going to do with that? It’s a self-serving degree. There is literally nothing they can do with it when they’re done. It’s as helpful as a lobotomy after a colonoscopy.”
I cringe and stare at him. “Wow," I say, feeling my eyebrows inch up my face. Art eludes him. Like seriously, he’s got no clue. Still, it’s funny to hear someone so pragmatic try to make sense of something like French Lit.
“I know right?” He glances over at me, gesturing to my outfit. “What’s up with the endless track suits. I mean, I love P.E. as much as the next guy, but most women like to mix things up. You seem to be bipolar when it comes to attire—either smoking hot dresses or sweats. Do you have a problem, Kerry? Should I schedule an intervention?”
“There was an incident with my clothes.”
“Obviously.”
“And I’m financially challenged, so I bought a few outfits—”
He cuts me off, “From the campus store. Kerry, I can loan you money. Although, I wouldn’t mind seeing you walk around naked.” He leans back and studies me with a smirk.
I elbow him in the side. “I’m fine, but thanks.”
“If you change your mind, let me know. Seriously, though. No strings. No one ever pays me back, anyway.” He has a vacant look in his eye like he’s remembering something that didn’t end well. Then he flashes a smile my way and slaps his knees, “So, back to Useless Majors 101.”
I tap his knee to
shut him up and change the subject. “Well as much fun as this is, there’s something I wanted to tell you—about the drugged booze.”
The grin on his face fades and tension spiders through his body until his fingers ball up. He takes a deep breath, trying to hide his reaction. His fingers go limp again as he rubs his palms on the tops of his thighs. “What about it?” He glances down the courtyard, avoiding my gaze.
“That wasn’t the only incident.” My face pinches as I say it. I felt like we should have told someone when it happened last time, but Emily wanted to pretend it never happened. Telling Josh is a betrayal, and I know she’ll be pissed if she finds out. The thing is, this isn’t funny. Someone isn’t doing this to make girls act silly. It’s not all in good fun, and there’s a nefariousness quality about it that pisses me off.
“What are you talking about?” He turns toward me.
“I was at a party a while back, and the same thing happened to a friend. It was like she was schnockered after smelling her drink. I noticed, and we got her out of there.”
“We? Who helped you?”
“It doesn’t matter. The point is that this has now happened to three women that I know of.”
Josh is quiet for a moment. His eyes cut to the side, and he tents his fingers together, tapping the tips and leaning forward onto his elbows. “So you were with Carter. I’m assuming he helped you get her home?”
I nod. “Yeah, and I know what you’re thinking. It wasn’t him. Carter wouldn’t do something like that.”
“You’ve known him for five minutes. You have no idea what Carter would or wouldn’t do. Although we all know how much I love the guy,” his voice drips with sarcasm, “that pussy wasn’t at my house the other night. So we’ve either got a repeat offender or someone selling GHB, Special K, or some similar shit.” He stops talking and looks up at me. “You were there both times.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Ever wonder if someone was aiming for you?”