by Mercy B
“So, what’s next? With us?” she questioned him.
“What’s next?” Rafeeq repeated inaudibly. Hampsher waited patiently for him to conjure an adequate answer for her. If he said the wrong thing she’d be gone so quickly he’d question whether she ever existed. If he said what she needed to hear then he could have all of her. Dark secrets and revenge be damn. Hampsher wanted love. “Nothing,” Rafeeq finally answered.
Hampsher fought hard to not cry again. She was tired of the act. It left her with sore eyes, throbbing migraine and trembling hands. Pulling her knees up so that her feet rested on the bed, Hampsher placed her forehead on top of them. She didn’t want Rafeeq to see her cry again. She didn’t want him to feel bad although she did. He didn’t want her anymore and she would have to find a way to live with that.
Rafeeq noticed the change in Hampsher and regretted the response that he gave her. He didn’t know what else to say. It seemed unfair to fill her head with promises that he potentially wouldn’t be able to follow through on. Hampsher deserved better than that. He loved her enough to keep it real with her. Even when it hurt them both.
“Every time I picture you in my future I see your body, your hair. I can hear your laugh and know that you’re smiling, but your face is blurred. The truth is I don’t know who Hampsher is. I can’t understand you saying you love me when you turn around and keep shit from me.”
Hampsher laughed to herself. Lifting her head she asked, “So, was I supposed to tell you that I hated your father and couldn’t wait for the opportunity to kill him? Should I have told you that every time I saw him I wanted to vomit because my body was full of so much toxicity from my desire to make him suffer? What about how loving you made me feel like a disgrace because I felt as if I was failing my mother?” She shook her head as her voice grew small. “What was I supposed to say? Please tell me. Help me understand what I could’ve said to make you still want me.”
Rafeeq didn’t immediately have a reply to her. The war waging within him was growing stronger every time she spoke. He was even more confused and it didn’t help that he kept hearing his mother’s voice in his mind. She encouraged him to forget about what happened until he understood why Hampsher felt it necessary to kill Rahmeek. Rafeeq wanted to heed her advice but it wasn’t something that he could do on his own. If he wanted to truly understand, Hampsher had to be willing to talk to him. She hadn’t mentioned wanting to open up to him yet and he knew it was the only way he could consider them being together. Hampsher had to be willing to give him all or he wanted nothing.
“I can’t begin to understand where you’re coming from because you’re still protecting yourself. Hampsher,” he called her name to get her attention. At a snail’s pace, her crown rose until she was peering at him. “I love you. That’s never been up for debate, but I can’t move forward unless you’re real with me. I don’t want a part of you. I don’t care that it’s a part that you’ve only shared with me. I want the whole damn Hampsher or I don’t want her at all. You understand?” She nodded her head slowly. “I can’t make you talk to me. You have to want that for yourself. Until you can give me that, I can’t give you me. I did that shit before and it nearly broke me. So, if we do this shit again, we’re going to do it right.” Rafeeq wanted to give Hampsher space to get her thoughts together so he began to walk towards the door. “If you’re here when I come back that means you’re ready to talk. If you’re not, then I understand and I won’t hold it against you. Just make sure I get to see my baby and we’re good.” Right before Rafeeq got ready to leave the bedroom he stopped and walked back to Hampsher. Bending in front of her he placed the tenderest kiss right in the center of her forehead then bent down to place one on her tummy. Hampsher’s heart was full as she stood to his full height again then left her alone.
She contemplated on her next move. Rafeeq opened the door, all she had to do now was walk in. But could she? The fact that Hampsher even had to ask herself as such worried her. All before she’d been confident that Rafeeq was who she wanted and that she was willing to do whatever it took to be with him.
Climbing deeper on his bed, she curled up thinking about her life. She wondered what her mother would want for her to do in her situation. Without having to give it much thought she knew what her father would want. He probably already despised her for falling for the enemy’s son. The fact that she still hadn’t heard back from him worried her, but not enough to track him down. He’d done her wrong. She still needed time to process after recognizing all the life he’d stolen from her. It was his fault that she was in the predicament that she was in. He should’ve been like a normal person and left well enough alone, but he couldn’t. He had to drag Hampsher down with him as he’d done her mother.
Hampsher began to wonder next what her mother would think of her and then her relationship with Rafeeq. Hampsher felt he was good for her. He made her feel real and alive. She hadn’t felt that before and it scared her. She didn’t want to revert back to her old ways. That was the only other outcome to not opening up to Rafeeq because Hampsher was sure that if it didn’t work with him, it wouldn’t work with anyone else. Since she didn’t want just any man, but her man instead, she knew she had a tough choice to make.
Outside in his car Rafeeq felt like he knew what would come next. Hampsher had always shown who she was proudly. This was the most complex situation they had to deal with to date and if she ran for all the other stuff he saw no reason for her to stick around. Putting his car into drive he drove towards his bar already mentally preparing himself to be disappointed. Rafeeq vowed to himself that Hampsher would be the first and last woman to have that much power over him. There wasn’t a thing she could do that wouldn’t affect him. It hurt knowing that she’d run, but he felt proud of the fact that he took a step back and allowed her to choose for herself. It hurt like hell, but eventually Rafeeq felt he could learn to live with her decision.
Chapter Ten
Rafeeq stayed at his bar long enough to make sure money was counted correctly and orders were placed in a timely manner. It’d been another busy money making night for Rafeeq. The rush kept him from thinking about what would happen when he made it back home to find Hampsher gone and himself alone.
Throughout the course of the night he’d thought about Lynn, but didn’t care enough to check on her. He could only imagine how she managed to leave his building both naked and bloody. She’d set herself up with that one. Hopefully in the future she learned to leave taken men alone.
Rafeeq made his way out the club the minute he kept finding it hard to keep his eyes open. The drive home was short and sweet which he was thankful for. As Rafeeq inserted his key into the door he felt a little bit of hope regarding who waited on the other side. When he entered to find all the lights off, he knew. His body deflated as his heart began to sting.
After running his hand along his face he made his way towards the bedroom. His bed had already been calling his name, but now it was calling it in falsetto. He already felt his thick king sized pillow top bed surrounding his aching body after he took a long and hot shower.
Rafeeq stepped into the room ready to turn the light off, but paused when he heard her voice. “You wanted to know who I was so I’m going to tell you.”
Rafeeq’s urge to turn on the light disappeared as he felt his way through the room until he was sitting on the bed. From the sliver of moon light shining through his curtain he saw that Hampsher was positioned just beside that window overlooking the city.
“I’m Fida Babette, daughter of Floyd Babette. My mother was killed in the line of fire due to my father’s transgressions. Since I was old enough to leave my grandparents’ sides without worrying them too much, I’ve had a single mission: RahMeek Jones. I’ve been infatuated with your father since I learned that he put out the hit on my father.”
Hampsher continued to look out the window after taking a short breather. She dumped a lot on Rafeeq already, but it was like once she started she couldn’t stop un
til it was all out. So far she’d only cracked the surface. There was so much more he needed to know. So much more that she had to tell him. Hampsher was determined to see it through to the end so she began again.
“My father became paranoid after my mother was killed. He expected your father to send more of his people after me. He would say that I was all he had left which made me an easy target. So, he kept me prepared. I took years of combat and weaponry training. There isn’t an item that you can sit in front of me that I can’t turn deadly. I wanted to make him proud so I always strived to be perfect or damn near close to it. Sometimes he was satisfied, but other times he pushed me to work harder.”
Hampsher traced her finger lightly over the window to distract herself. Condensation had built on the outside giving her something to focus her energy on while she talked. “By the age of nineteen I was deadlier than a military grade bomb. There wasn’t a thing that I couldn’t do. I feared no one, but everybody feared me. I just had so much anger pent up inside. I missed my mother and my father hardly noticed me unless I was successfully taking out one of his supposed enemies. I had to bury myself deep down so that I didn’t lose focus on the task at hand because it was all the mattered. Everyone had to suffer at my hand for what they’d taken from me.” Hampsher began to turn around to face Rafeeq. He sat deathly still on the bed, but he remained quiet giving her his undivided attention.
“When I returned to Philly, I had a list. On that list was every worker affiliated with your father during the time of my mother’s death.” Hampsher feared Rafeeq’s reaction to what she was about to tell him, but he deserved to know. She couldn’t move forward on lies or half-truths. He’d ask to know it all so he would. “Crimson was on that list,” Hampsher admitted.
Rafeeq’s head began to spin as he tried to connect the dots. “That was you?”
Hampsher nodded her head. “Yes, it was.” She looked away again unable to maintain eye contact with Rafeeq glaring at her. One by one I crossed names off. Every single one of them were there that day. They’d come in guns blazing snatching away everything I had in the blink of an eye. Crimson was number two on my list. After killing him I felt like I was on top of the world. I’d slayed all my enemies but one. The biggest of them all. The reason men came into my childhood home and dragged my parents from their bed while they were sleeping.” Hampsher shook her head, “Oh, I wanted him so bad I could taste it. I had my entire life banking on finding and murdering Rahmeek Jones. His death was supposed to set me free. He was my final mission. Now he’s the only mission that I’ve ever failed.”
Hampsher stood to her feet wrapping her arms around herself. “The worst part is I’d rather have killed him then to have learned the truth that my entire life after my mother’s death was a lie. My father stole everything from me and now I can’t even get him on the phone to question why.”
Hampsher fell backwards into the wall. Rafeeq hadn’t spoken a word since hearing that she’d murdered Crimson. There was so much to consider to him. If he stayed with Hampsher he would truly be dating someone who’d done serious damage. Hampsher wasn’t a damsel in distress. She was an assassin in cute clothes. He was shocked to learn her truth. He figured she was comfortable with a gun, but never knew it was due to extensive training birthed from the desire to murder his father. Hampsher had only been quiet for less than thirty seconds and his head hurt badly from trying to process it all.
After five minutes Hampsher began to take Rafeeq’s silence as rejection. She didn’t expect otherwise after admitting how much damage she’d done to his father’s business and men he’d looked up to or saw as an uncle. Of all the deaths, she knew Crimson’s would affect him the most because they worked so closely together. Hampsher didn’t regret purging herself because now she felt lighter. No matter which way the pendulum swung she would be free. It was a new feeling that she looked forward to experiencing.
Standing to her feet she paused to look at Rafeeq, but he paid her no mind. After Hampsher decided that she would tell him everything, she took the initiative to pack her bags. She didn’t know where she was going to go, she only knew that she would. Hampsher walked out of the room into the living room where she’d placed her belongings for easy removal. At least there wasn’t any yelling or screaming. There would be tears, but only after she made it to her car and began her drive to wherever she decided to end up. With Rafeeq in shock, Hampsher could make her departure swiftly and quietly. They didn’t need to hurt any more than her truth had already caused.
Just as Hampsher lifted the handle on one of suitcases she heard the sound of the safety being released from a gun. In every scenario of how the conversation would play out she never thought it could potentially end with Rafeeq shooting her. It literally never crossed her mind. Now that she was in the moment she chastised herself for expecting the best of him. After everything she laid out there it was more surprising that Rafeeq killing her wasn’t the very first outcome she entertained.
Frozen in place Hampsher waited for him to speak. She didn’t want to move prematurely and cause him to pull the trigger. Since her back was to him she couldn’t tell what state of mind he was in based off the expression on his face and rigidness of his body. All she could do was wait for him to use his words.
“If you’re not here with me, then you’re nowhere else in the world. Aren’t you tired of running?” his voice finally broke through the silence to ask her.
Hampsher ignored everything else he said to present a question of her own without turning around. “Are you going to kill me and our child?”
Rafeeq chuckled as he walked closer to her. Hampsher felt the gun press into her back. He leaned forward until his mouth hovered just beside her ear. “The offer still stands. I can hit you where it hurts and still manage to keep you alive long enough to bear my child,” Rafeeq leaned even closer. His lips tickled Hampsher’s ear as she contemplated what he’d stated. She believed he very well could shoot her in a place that caused damage, but not enough to harm their child. She surely wasn’t the only one that’d been trained to go, and since she was still recovering from being shot, she saw no point in testing how much of a shooter he was or wasn’t.
“So, what does this mean?”
Rafeeq chuckled then lowered his gun. “It means I want you.” He stepped closer wrapping his arms around her waist. “Yeah, you did some fucked up shit but you’ve suffered enough Hampsher. You have me now and we have him,” he referred to the baby. Though they’d yet to find out the gender, it was the second time Rafeeq had suggested that she was carrying a baby boy.
“But what if I don’t want to be with you?” Hampsher teased.
“The door is right there, but I don’t know how far you’ll get baby girl.”
Hampsher smiled softly before spinning around to wrap her arms around Rafeeq’s neck. She inhaled his scent feeling right at home. Since she’d woken up in the Jones’ residence all she wanted was to be held by Rafeeq. He had a way of making her feel safe. He prioritized her in a way that was foreign before he entered her life. Hampsher felt like she could be happy for the rest of her life knowing that she had him. Cautiously their lips connected. Until that very moment it felt as if they’d been drowning. The kiss was them coming up for air. It symbolized them deciding that they would figure out how to whether the storm as long as they did it together.
In the midst of their kiss, Hampsher felt movement coming from her core. She gasped as she pulled her lips away from Rafeeq. Rafeeq got worried as he palmed her face, “What is it? What’s wrong?” Hampsher’s eyes grew moist as she grabbed one of Rafeeq’s hands and placed it on her belly. Their baby kicked again causing Rafeeq’s eyes on to grow wide. Hampsher laughed as they stood there enjoying the show being put on.
To herself she whispered, “Nothing’s wrong. Everything is right.”
Epilogue
Hampsher’s eyes popped open as a flush of liquid pushed between her legs. She’d been in the living room stretching as best she could with
a huge medicine ball to help alleviate some of the tension in her body. In her eyes she was now the size of a whale and steadily gaining. Her due date wasn’t for another week and everything ached. Hampsher had to do something.
Rafeeq was positive that the baby would be stubborn and wait it out. It was the reason he’d taken a quick trip out of town with his father. Hampsher felt herself begin to hyperventilate because she didn’t want to give birth without him. The rest of her pregnancy had been a dream. Rafeeq was there every step of the way confirming what Hampsher already knew about him: he would be a great father.
Hampsher attempted to rush to her phone to call him, but the pressure building up stopped her ability to move swiftly. In no mood to talk because of the simple fact she told him not to go, she opted to send a group message to everyone important who’d also been waiting for the delivery day to arrive.
After being sure the message was sent she was on the phone with her midwife. Bella had completed extensive research on home births and convinced Hampsher that it was the right way to go. Everything about the home birth was intimate and sacred. Once Hampsher looked into it herself she agreed that it was best. Rafeeq had to be the easiest to convince. He looked forward to seeing everything unfold and being one of the first people his baby laid eyes on.
Hampsher confirmed that Reba was on the way just as a call from Rafeeq came through. “I told you not to leave,” she fussed as soon as the call connected through.
Rafeeq chuckled knowing Hampsher was in her feelings. “Relax baby. I’m already here,” he informed her as he let himself into their home. Hampsher spun around with the biggest, most contagious smile on her face. In less than ten huge steps Rafeeq made it over to Hampsher. He leaned to peck her lips before bending down to kiss her belly. “The next time I kiss you it’ll be a real forehead kiss,” he told their baby.