Filled!

by Lexi Hots

  “Sorry father, I’m cooking your dinner for you.” She looked down at the food she was cooking, a piece of fatback and some cornbread. She didn’t dare to let his food get burnt; she had learned that lesson many times in the past.

  “Hurry up and finish, if you’re going to feed me slop, it shouldn’t take all day to make it.” She had lived with him long enough to know that he liked her food, but just didn’t care for her. She knew the food must smell good, and it was an important day for her, she wanted to make something he liked to put him in….a less bad mood. She quickly finished and made his plate and something to drink for him, and carried it the table, putting it in front of him. She stood beside him, waiting in case he needed anything.

  He took a bite of his food, then turned and looked at her, his usual frown at the taste. “Grab something to eat and sit down, today is a very special day for both of us.” She was stunned, and a smile came to her lips, despite herself. She quickly made herself a plate and sat down at the table, waiting before eating any of the food she made for herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten with her father at the table, but it being her 18th birthday, she was overjoyed. He had remembered, and he had good news. This was more then she had dreamed.

  “You know old George Foster that lives a bit down the way?” He kept eating as he talked. It was clear that he wasn’t sitting in good company, and his interest was in saying what was on his mind, not on how it was received. “The one that breeds horses?”

  She nodded silently and quietly ate her food. She knew him, and older man that looked like he’d never taken a bath and probably slept with the horses he bred. He had eaten dinner with her dad on many occasions, and gotten into the moonshine together. He had always reminded her of her dad, same type of attitude, and he was always looking at her.

  “He’s got a good breed of horses lately. Some of the finest mares I’ve ever seen, some that are worth a good bit of money.” Her dad had always talked about George’s horses. Adele didn’t know much about horses, but according to her dad, they were the finest in the county. “And he’s just made me a deal that I can’t believe. He wants to trade me four of his finest for my most worthless foal.”

  She nodded quietly again at her dad’s words. She didn’t dare say anything unless she was asked something. She didn’t know what her dad meant about giving his worthless foal; her dad had long wanted a horse but could never afford one. Regardless, she just quietly ate her food, looking closely at her dad.

  “How old are you now, girl?” Her dad was looking at her, and even rarer, he was almost smiling.

  “Eighteen today, Father.” She stopped eating when she heard a question, and she spoke quietly. She waited before eating again, in case he had any more questions for her. He might not care about his own table manners, but he would get very angry if she made the slightest mistake.

  “18……Hmmm, that’s perfect.” She waited but he had turned his attention back to eating. He seemed to be thinking about something, so she quickly finished her plate of food, and sat, waiting until her father was finished. When he was done eating, she waited for him to get up so she could clear the table, but he sat there and looked over at his daughter. Finally, he asked her, “Do you have any nice dresses?”

  She nodded slowly. “Yes father, I am wearing my best dress tonight.”

  He scowled at her. “I said a nice dress, not those rags you call clothes.” She blushed hard, as this had been a gift from her grandmother on her last birthday. “Doesn’t matter, tomorrow morning we’ll go into town and buy you a nice dress, maybe I can get him to give me more if I can hide you in something fancy looking.”

  She suddenly understood that he was trading her to him for the horses. She felt sad that her dad cared so little for her, and that she was going to be living with someone just like him. “You ain’t never been with a man before, have you?” She didn’t understand her dad’s question, and wasn’t sure how to respond. “I don’t want him trying to return you because you don’t know what you’re doing. When he takes you to bed, just lay there and keep your mouth shut. Do what he tells you.”

  She was shocked, and couldn’t stop herself from speaking. “F-father?” It was all she could manage to utter.

  He glared at her. “A good wife doesn’t speak unless spoken to. I don’t know why he would want something as worthless as you, but he knows all about breeding, and maybe he thinks there’s something you’d be good at. Just keep your mouth shut so he doesn’t find out how useless you are.” He was smiling, and got up from the table. He got up to head outside, and knew he was going to out to celebrate his success with a few drinks. He stopped at the door and said to her, without even looking back, “Get your bags packed. I want to get you out of this house as soon as possible. “He then walked out and left her alone to clean up and prepare for what was to come.

  ***

  She lay in bed that night, not even sure what was going through her own mind. Her father had come home drunk but in an almost good mood. When he found out that she was still packing her bags, he had quickly gotten mad and hit her in the stomach. She knew it was her fault that it had happened, she should have finished long ago, but she couldn’t seem to get started packing the few things she owned. She kept stopping for no reason, and staring blankly. Something inside of her just seemed to keep stopping. Regardless, she had finished after her father had motivated her, and now she lay in bed, looking into the darkness, and feeling nothing.

  She tried to think of her fantasy, of one day being out in the world, of seeing a cowboy and their nobleness, but she couldn’t focus on it and it kept slipping from her mind. All that was inside of her was the same darkness that her eyes saw. The sound of crickets kept the night from being silent, and she tried to listen to the sound, to try to sleep, to end another day. Yet nothing happened, and she lay there, so used to being silent that it was all she could do. She didn’t want to get out of bed for fear that she might make a sound, and stir her father. Finally, she took a deep breath, and thought to herself, “This is the last night I spend in this house.”

  She wasn’t sure why, but she felt herself smiling at the thought of that. She thought it to herself again, this is the last night I spend in this house, and her smile grew. She realized that she felt happy, not where she was going, but where she was leaving. She looked over where she had put her few belongings, packed, and thought to herself,” I should be able to carry these few things easily. I can carry all of this out of the house right now.”

  She considered these words carefully for some reason, as if there were a hidden meaning in them that she couldn’t see. She was still smiling to herself though. She kept thinking to herself, “As father said, he wants me out of the house as soon as possible. This is my last night here.” She savored those words, their meaning a sweet taste to her. “I may not like where I’m going…..” She was hit with a sudden yawn, breaking her train of thought. She thought about what she had just been thinking, and saw the words as something else. “I may not like where I’m going… so maybe I should go somewhere else.” She suddenly started thinking of where else she could go, and there was only one answer, one thought that had given her comfort over the years. “I could run away…go west and make a life for myself. I could leave right now.”

  The words hung in her mind as she weighted them, almost like the words were a trap. If she left, how would she get anywhere? How could she even feed herself? Everyone that she knew was friends with her father, except for her grandparents. Would they help her to escape? Or would they take her back to her father, and tell him everything? Her father would be very mad with her if that happened, he might even kill her.

  And in those words, she found freedom. She smiled once more, and silently spoke those words. “If he finds out, he’ll kill me.” She spoke so quietly that she barely heard the words. She could do what her father wanted, and give herself to a man who was just like her father, or she could take a chance and try to be free. If she failed, s
he would most likely die, and that was more desirable then marriage to that man.

  She slowly got up, being as quiet as she could, and grabbed her few possessions. She slipped out of the window and into the night, each step afraid that she would hear her dad’s voice, or feel him reach out of the darkness to grab her. When she made it to the road, she paused for a moment before stepping onto it, terrified that her dad was awake and knew what she was doing. But she took that step, and walked away to one of the few places she knew how to go to. Each sound she heard made her heart beat faster, from the wind rustling the leaves, a lone howl in the night, or even the sound of her own footsteps. She kept looking behind her, sure that at any moment she would see or hear her father running towards her, ready to drag her back home.

  And then, after an eternity, she stood in front of her grandparents’ house. She was surprised that she had made it, but she didn’t know what would happen next. It was still dark out, and she wasn’t sure what to do. Should she knock and wake her grandparents? Would they be mad at her, for running away, for being there, or just for waking them up? She stood there for a long time, unsure what to do.

  What finally broke the stalemate in her mind was looking up at the sky. She knew the sun would be up soon, and that her father would wake up and expect his breakfast, and would be furious when it wasn’t ready. It wouldn’t take him long to realize that she wasn’t there, and where could she go? She had no choice but to leave or try to knock on the door.

  The first time she knocked on the door, it was so quiet that no one would have heard it. The next time she knocked, it was louder. The fear inside her of being caught kept growing and before she knew it, she was beating on the door frantically, and soon after she heard the voice of her grandpa. “Hold yer horses and quite that dang beating!” She immediately stopped and swallowed hard, he sounded upset. Maybe this was all a mistake.

  The door slowly opened, and she saw the butt of a shotgun pointing out at her. She stared at it for a moment, and then looked up to see her grandfather standing at the door. He was squinting at her, trying to make out her out in the darkness. She wasn’t sure what to do so stood there, mute. After a moment, the barrel of the gun dropped a little. “Adele….is that you?”

  “Yes, Grandfather.” The door was quickly opened as she spoke, and her grandfather quickly grabbed her and gave her a hug.

  “What’s wrong, darlin’? Why are you making such a fuss in the middle o’ the night in your nightgown?” She looked down and realized that she was still in her pajamas, and blushed.

  “S-sorry grandfather. I…..” How could she even begin to explain what was going on in her mind?

  “Don’t just stand there, come on in.” She obediently walked inside, and heard the door close behind her. “Honey, its Adele. She looks awful shook up. “Her grandfather called out loudly, and there was a stirring in the other room. It seemed her grandmother was also awake and quickly came into the room, and gave her granddaughter a big hug.

  “What’s wrong, honey? You look as white as a sheet. Come on, let me make you some hot tea.” They went into the kitchen, and sat her down at the table. After a few minutes, her grandmother poured her some hot tea, and sat down with her. Both of her grandparents looked concerned, but they waited for her to drink some before asking questions. It was her grandmother who finally spoke.

  “Did something happen to your dad? Is that why you came here?”

  “No Ma’am.”

  Her grandmother looked confused, and asked, “Why are you here, dear? What’s wrong?”

  Not sure what to say, Adele just started talking, trying to explain everything as fast as she could. “I….I left. I just….I don’t know what I was thinking, but I couldn’t be…traded for horses…..I don’t want to live with that man, and if I’m going to leave, I just wanted to be able to….to try to go somewhere else, somewhere far from him, where I never have to see him again. Somewhere that I can be free.” She looked at her grandmother, who was confused by the outburst.

  “Calm down honey, and tell me nice and slow.” He grandmother considered about the outburst. “What do you mean, traded for horses?”

  Over the next hour, her grandmother slowly worked the story out of her. She then looked to her husband, and frowned at him. “Can you believe this? I’ve told you for years that he was a horrible dad, but trying to trade his daughter like that?”

  The grandfather nodded. “Horses are always useful though.”

  The grandmother glared at him. “I don’t care, this young dear has been through enough.” She turned back to her granddaughter, who’s heart was pounding in her chest, scared of what was about to happen. She spoke softly to Adele, “What is it that you want to do, honey?”

  There was no turning back now. This somehow gave her confidence to speak, though meekly. “I want to leave. I want to go somewhere he can never find me.” She stopped, and tried to bite her tongue, but couldn’t stop herself. “I never want to see him again.”

  Her grandmother looked over at her husband, a worried look on her face. “Dear, we need to help her.”

  “He’ll come here looking for her, ya’ll ought to know that. What do you expect me to do about it?”

  “We can keep her safe here, let her find her own way.”

  Her grandfather thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. “No, it ain’t right to lie to our boy about his daughter, and he’ll want her back. He’ll win out, eventually.”

  “So what do you suggest that we do?”

  Her grandfather thought for a moment. “Make me some coffee, let me think for a bit.” Her grandmother nodded, and made the drink for him. They sat around the table for a while, before he eventually admitted. “Things haven’t been easy round here for anyone. I can’t think of anyone who would be able to take her in.”

  Her grandmother frowned at him, and then looked back at Adele. “What do you want to do, dear?’

  Adele, who had calmed down some by this point, looked back at her. “I want to go far away, somewhere where I can’t be found.”

  “Harold, what about that Franklin boy? Didn’t you say he was leaving town?”

  Her grandfather nodded, slowly. “Ayup, he just got married and he’s going out to Oregon. His brother lives out that ways and going to put them up and help the new couple get some land to live on. Why?”

  “Well, do you think maybe she can go with them? It will be a way for her to get away from her dad, and maybe live the life that she deserves.”

  Her grandfather thought on this for a long time, and finished his coffee. “Well, I reckon if she wants to. They were askin’ me for some help before they went on the road. Maybe if we give them a little money for the trip, they’d be willin’ to look after her.”

  Her grandmother looked back at Adele, and the few things she had with her. “What do you think dear? We’ve never liked the way your father has treated you, and if we can’t take care of, maybe we can give you a chance to find your own way.”

  Adele looked at her grandparents, surprised and a little excited. She would have a chance to go out and see the west, like she had always dreamed. She felt bad that she was putting her grandparents out, but she didn’t know what to say. Finally, she started crying, and hugged her grandmother tightly, speaking into her chest, “Yes. Yes, please.”

  From there, they talked about the details, and her grandfather got a little bit of money together. Adele already had all of her possessions, and her grandmother gave her the new dress she had made for her birthday. Knowing that time was short, Adele and her grandfather quickly set out to try to make the arrangements after she had said her goodbyes to her grandmother.

  Franklin and his new wife were more than happy to have the extra company, and the money that they were given sealed the deal. They promised to let her live with them until she found herself a husband or her own place. The grandfather wished them the best, and after a few arrangements, they left later that night.

  The trip was expected to t
ake about a month, and at first, Adele didn’t speak very much, and every time she heard a male voice, she jumped. The new couple let her have the time she needed to sort herself out. About a week after they left, she started to relax, and spend time with the new bride, Sarah. Adele helped her with the daily chores, and helped her to carry water and wash clothes and cook dinner whenever they stopped. Franklin very much enjoyed the food that Adele cooked, so she began to teach Sarah some of her recipes. At one point on the trip, after about 15 days, Adele realized that she had started to smile for no reason. She wouldn’t have said, if asked, that she was happy, but for the first time, she didn’t feel like she was a burden.

  When it rained, she and Sarah would sit in the back of the wagon and talk about life, or books, or where they were headed. Adele started to experience some odd feelings that she wasn’t failure with, such as hope. She enjoyed being around the new couple, and Franklin was always kind to her. Sarah herself was only a year older then Adele, and told her many things about being newly married. She could only marvel at the difference between her and Sarah’s life.

  It was about 24 days into the trip when disaster struck. For the past ten days, whenever they stopped in a town or an outpost, they were warned to be on the lookout for Indians. They were known to attack caravans, and the further west they went, and the further from the ‘civilized world’, the more often they would hear stories about it. Sometimes they would pass by broken or destroyed wagons, once or twice they had seen a group of wagons that had been burnt to the ground, but Franklin always assured that that Indians only attacked wagons after dark. He also carried a rifle with him, “Just in case” He said.