Falling Again (A BWWM Interracial Novel)

by Tina Martin

  “No. I guess not.”

  He takes the ring from the table and heads out of the restaurant, leaving me sitting there. He doesn’t even offer me a ride back to my father’s home, not that I would want to be stuck in a car with him anyway. The awkward tension would be way too much for me to bear. While I sit at the table alone with his half-eaten food still on the table across from me, I feel happy that I finally told him the truth. But then there’s something nagging inside of me that I don’t like. Something I can’t quite understand because I know I did the right thing. So I call the one person who knows how to convince me of that – Stacey.

  When I take my phone from my purse, I see that Wyatt has called me five times in the hour that I’ve been away. Five times. I text him, tell him that everything was okay and I would be home soon, then I immediately call Stacey.

  “Hey. You. How’s it—”

  “Stacey, I broke off the engagement.”

  “What!” she shouts in excitement.

  “I broke it off.”

  “How? When? Where?”

  “Just a few minutes ago.”

  “So Darnell actually came for the little ceremony you had for your father?”

  “No. He didn’t show up. The day of, he called me that morning and said he would be hittin’ the road, but then, I called him back like an hour before I was going to scatter the ashes and he told me he couldn’t make it. Said he got held up at work again.”

  “Girl, please. A man can only use that excuse but so many times.”

  “Exactly. So he showed up unannounced this morning...we went to Panera Bread for breakfast, well he went for breakfast because Wyatt and I had already eaten, and I gave him his ring back. I told him that he didn’t love me and he didn’t make an attempt to convince me that I was wrong. He just looked at me like I was the crazy one.”

  “I’m so glad you broke it off.”

  “I knew you would be…I just can’t marry someone that I don’t love, let alone someone who doesn’t love me.”

  “I agree. I can’t believe he didn’t show up for the ceremony. No, wait...take that back. Yes I can. Darnell was the type to only show up when something benefited him.”

  “I see that clearly now.”

  “And did I hear you say that you and Wyatt had breakfast together?”

  My lips forms to a smile. “Yes, we did.”

  “So he came back?”

  “Yeah. He came back the day of the ceremony...said he wanted to make sure I wasn’t alone.”

  “Wow. Now that’s what I’m talking about right there. A real man.”

  I nod. I can only agree. “Yes, he is a real man.”

  “Do you want to be with him, Geneva?”

  “Yes. I do.”

  “Then while you’re on a roll with straightening out your life, I think it’s time you came clean with him.”

  “Stacey, I—”

  “You owe no loyalty to his mother...not after what she did to you. If Wyatt is the man you love, the man you intend to be with, you owe him the truth. You can’t go into a relationship with him holding this secret. It’s not possible.”

  “I know,” I say, and just the thought of telling Wyatt the truth has my palms sweaty. “Listen, I’m going to go so I can figure out how I’m going to do this. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Okay. Later.”

  CHAPTER 28

  Time passes quickly today. After I broke off my engagement to Darnell and spoke briefly to Stacey, I ended up staying out for a while, giving myself time to put my thoughts in order. I tried to run a scenario through my head of how the conversation would go if I told Wyatt that his mother didn’t like me, or that I was the wrong skin color for her son. How would he react? Would he even believe me? If he confronted his mother, would she lie about it? Would she hate me even more?

  I catch a taxi home and glance at my watch. It’s a little after five and Wyatt’s jeep is still here. My heart is pounding heavily. I’m not sure what I should do. Should I tell him or not?

  I hand the taxi-cab driver his fee and then walk to the front door. When I open it, the house is quiet, but upon listening more intently, I hear the TV in the family room. So I walk there, but Wyatt’s not there. I head to the kitchen and there he is, sitting on a barstool at the island, slumped over.

  “Wyatt?”

  He turns to look at me with distressed eyes and his face is flushed. He’s upset. I know this look well. Very well.

  “Wyatt, what’s wrong?”

  “You tell me, Geneva,” he says calmly.

  “Tell you what?”

  “Why do you think I’m sitting here? What do you think is wrong with me? You’re an intelligent woman. Tell me.”

  I swallow hard and say, “You’re upset because I left with Darnell, but Wyatt—”

  “I stood there, watching him drive away with you and I thought to myself how a woman who loved me wouldn’t do this to me.”

  “Wyatt—”

  “Did you sleep with him, Geneva?”

  I glare at him. “Did I sleep with him?”

  “You left here at 11:42 a.m. and now it’s after five. That would give you two ample time to sleep together, wouldn’t it? Did...you...sleep...with...him?”

  “You know what, Wyatt. I’m not going to justify that question with an answer.”

  He stands up and walks on the opposite side of the island so he’s not close to me, putting space between us. “I can’t believe I did this again,” he says. He turns to head out of the back door, but he quickly stops in his tracks and comes back, walking up to me eerily slow. “You know what? I’m not running away this time. I want to know why. I deserve to know why.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say. “You deserve to know what?”

  “A lot of things,” he says with a frown. “I want to know why this stupid locket you wear around your neck means more to you than I do,” he growls, then snatches it from around my neck and keeps it balled up in his fist. “I want to know why it’s so easy for you to leave this house with another man when you claim to love me and I want to know why you left me all those years ago.”

  I shake my head and it angers him even more.

  “I want to know why!” he erupts, yelling louder than I’ve ever heard him yell before. “I’ve always been there for you! I was in love with you and you packed your bags and without so much as a goodbye, you left me like I meant absolutely nothing to you, Geneva. You married me, then left me. Tell me why?”

  Tears spill out of my eyes. “First of all, has it ever crossed your mind that it hurt me to leave you? That I was heartbroken, too?”

  “Why? Why would it cross my mind when you single-handedly made the decision to leave me? Why tell me that you love me? That you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Why marry me if you knew you didn’t want me? Hunh?”

  I wipe tears from my eyes and watch him pinch the corners of his eyes.

  In a calmer tone, he asks again, “Why did you leave me, Geneva? Is it...is it because I’m white? Is that it?”

  I nod and say, “Yes. It’s because you’re white.”

  He looks shocked by my words.

  I continue, “But it’s not because I have a problem with it. I could care less about the color of your skin, Wyatt.” I dab my eyes again. “But your mother, your precious, pillar-of-the-community, Sunday-school-teaching mother is the one who has a problem with it.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “A few days after we married, she came up to me in the mall, told me if I cared anything about you that I would leave you alone and let you have a normal life. Do I need to translate that for you? She wanted you to be with someone of your race...someone you could have a normal life with. You wouldn’t have to worry about people giving you funny looks and making rude comments behind your back if you had a white woman on your arms, versus me, a brown-skinned woman walking next to you with our three little mixed babies. Apparently the idea of that was too much
for her. I wanted to tell her where she could go, but she told me that she had connections in the justice system and had dissolved our marriage already. Told me it was for the best. So there...that’s why I left. I never told you because I didn’t want you to know what kind of person your mother really was.”

  Through the wetness in my eyes, I watch him sit on the barstool again, with his head hanging low, trying to absorb all of this.

  “Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life because I knew what we had was real.” I wipe tears from my eyes so that I can see him clearly. “And that locket in your hand...why don’t you open it, Wyatt?”

  He doesn’t seem to hear me. He’s too busy processing all the things I told him.

  “Open it, Wyatt!”

  He listens this time and pops the heart-shaped, silver locket open. A ring falls out, one that, by the look on his face, I can tell he recognizes because it’s the one he gave me, our wedding ring from ten years ago. “That’s what I kept close to my heart. You. After all these years.”

  I sniffle and dab my eyes more when I see a tear roll down his face. “And in answer to your question, no, I didn’t sleep with Darnell. I broke up with him. I broke off our engagement and gave him his ring back because I don’t love him. I love you.”

  I leave the kitchen and run upstairs, lying on me bed with my face buried in a mess of pillows. It’s weird how you can be so in love with someone but yet so angry with them at the same time. I love Wyatt, but I don’t like him very much right now. And I don’t like these circumstances that we’ve found ourselves in. All these old feelings that I had when his mother had first approached me are coming back and I feel sick, like I’m going to puke because I know Wyatt is going to confront his mother about this. And that would only give her more ammunition to hate me.

  Then I think about what this means? How can Wyatt and I ever be together when his family doesn’t approve of us? My parents are deceased. If Wyatt and I were to work things out, his parents would be the only grandparents of our children. And I don’t know if Agnes McDowell would accept little light-skinned, curly head grandbabies since, in her eyes, it’s not normal. Maybe Wyatt and I should just call it quits…

  The thought of ending what we’ve rekindled sends sharp pangs through my heart, but if his parents don’t come around, what would that mean for us? Wyatt shouldn’t have to turn his back on his family to be with me. Even if he was willing to do so, I wouldn’t allow him to. I love him too much to ever let him do something like that.

  CHAPTER 29

  After spending most of the evening in bed, curled into a ball, I hear noise downstairs. Wyatt must be back. After we argued, he left and now, it’s close to nine o’clock at night.

  “Geneva!”

  I hear him call out for me but I don’t want to move from this bed. I want to stay nice and snug in my own misery. Besides, I’m afraid that, if I move, I’ll end up sicker than I already am.

  “Geneva!”

  His voice is getting closer. I know he’s coming up the stairs, and then I hear him fiddling with the doorknob.

  “Geneva, can you open the door, please?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I need you to.”

  He needs me too...

  I pull myself up from the bed, unlock and open the door and he immediately takes my hand into his and says, “Come with me.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Just come with me.”

  We descend the stairs together and when we get the bottom, my heart stops. I see his parents sitting on the couch. I immediately tense up, turn to Wyatt and whisper, “I can’t.”

  “You can. We’re doing this together.”

  We continue walking hand-in-hand until we’re standing in front of his parents. His mother looks up, sees me and immediately, she begins to cry. Her hands are trembling.

  His father looks at his wife and tries to comfort her. I can tell he doesn’t know what’s going on. He looks at Wyatt and asks, “What is this about son? And who is she?” he asks, looking at me.

  “This is my wife, Geneva.”

  “Geneva? The girl you couldn’t stop talking about when you were in high school? The one that came over to the house a few times to study with you?” his father asks.

  “Yes. This is her.”

  “And she’s your wife?”

  “Yes. She’s my wife.”

  “Forgive me if I’m slow,” his father says, “But I don’t know what’s going on here. When did you get married?”

  “Dad, I didn’t tell you or mom this, but after we graduated from high school, Geneva and I got married. Mom somehow found out and confronted Geneva about it...told Geneva to leave me alone and that she had dissolved our marriage. So Geneva left me, the only woman that I’ve ever loved left me.”

  “I’m sorry, son,” his mother cries out. “I’m so sorry, Wyatt.”

  “Why did you ruin my life, mother? Why would you do this to me? All these years, I was angry at Geneva for leaving me and it’s all your fault. You’re the reason she left me? The reason I felt empty for all these years? Why, mother?”

  I squeeze Wyatt’s hand tighter when I hear his voice crack.

  “Why!” he yells.

  “I just thought you would have had an easier life if—”

  “If I married a white woman?”

  She nods shamefully.

  “Gosh, dear. What have you one?” Wyatt’s father asks her.

  “I’m sorry. I see how wrong I was now. I’ve watched you pass women by and I knew it was because of Geneva. I knew it. I was wrong and I beg of you to accept my apology, son. I beg you.”

  Wyatt frowns.

  She continues, “You are my only child and I want you to be happy. I want you to have a happy life and I see now that, without Geneva, your life has been miserable. And I’m sorry.”

  “I want you to apologize to my wife,” Wyatt finally says.

  His mother gets up from the couch and walks over to us. She stands directly in front of me and says, “I’m sorry, Geneva. Can you ever forgive me?”

  I wiggle my hand free from Wyatt’s grasps and close my arms around his mother. I love Wyatt too much to hate the woman who birthed him into this world, so I decide to forgive her. Decide to love her and see her as the future grandmother of my children rather than the woman who ruined my life.

  When we separate, she wraps her arms around Wyatt, and at first, his arms remain straight at his sides, but then, he closes them around her. And I hear the slightest whimper escape his mouth. I know he needs this as a part of the healing process, but to hear him so emotional puts pressure on my heart that’s unbearable. I have to sit down to keep from falling over.

  “I promise to make this right, son. I promise you I will,” his mother says. “I promise.”

  I don’t know what her promise means, and I don’t know what she’ll do to make this right but I know it’s a start, and you have to start somewhere, right?

  She dabs her eyes, then looks at me and says, “Can I talk to you alone, Geneva?”

  “No,” Wyatt answers.

  “Wyatt, it’s okay,” I tell him.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks.

  “Yes. I’m sure.”

  I grab my jacket and follow her out of the front door. We sit on the bench-size porch swing and for a moment, she says nothing. It’s dark. I hear the faint sound of dogs barking as the hinges on the swing squeak.

  She sniffles.

  I sniffle.

  “Wyatt was never the same after you left,” she says. “I thought he was in a funk...that eventually, he would settle down, but he never did, and I knew it was because of you. Then he became bitter. He didn’t talk much. He just ran his business and went back home. He wasn’t the same...like his soul was gone and I knew…I knew that I’d made a mistake. So I tried to find you, but I couldn’t track you down.”

  She wipes tears from her eyes, and so do I.

  “I was so ashamed of what
I did to you that I couldn’t tell Wyatt. I just watched my son suffer for years and I finally thought he was over you until I found out that he’d made your father’s acquaintance. He was very fond of your father, even took him back and forth to his AA meetings and did all of his yard work. All of it. It made him feel closer to you. Made you real to him again.”

  I dab my eyes.

  “I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

  I swallow hard. This is one tough pill to swallow. Even though I feel sorry for her, I still feel a level of betrayal. “I love Wyatt very much.”

  “I know.”

  “And I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to have a family and I would like very much for you to be a part of that.”

  She dabs her eyes. “I would like that, too.

  “Okay.”

  We stand and embrace before heading back inside.

  CHAPTER 30

  “You okay?” Wyatt asks when he sees me come inside.

  “Yes. I’m okay. I’m going to run upstairs for a moment.”

  “Okay. I’m going to walk my parents to the car. I’ll be right back.”

  I nod and continue on upstairs. I sit on the bed for a minute and, finally, I can catch my breath. My heart is still beating uncontrollably fast like I’d just ran a nonstop mile. I don’t really know how to feel. I mean, how do you get over something like this? How do I truly forgive and forget what his mother did to us? How could I look at her without thinking about that one time…?

  I hear Wyatt jogging upstairs and when he opens the door, I turn to look at him. Our eyes connect.

  He walks over, lowers himself to his knees in front of me and with sad eyes, he says, “You’ve been keeping that secret for ten years?”

  I nod. “Yes.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Geneva? Why? As close as we were, you should’ve come to me?”

  “I know, Wyatt. I was young. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “And you thought leaving me was a better solution? Geneva, when you left, it nearly destroyed me. You don’t know how many times I questioned why, wondering if I did something to make you leave...wondering if I hurt you when we made love, or if something bad had happened to you. Gosh, you don’t know the anguish I went through.”