by Jayne Blue
“Don’t do a thing. I’m imposing on you. I’ll sleep on the couch.” I was serious about that. I already felt like a group of strangers with no reason to help me had upended their entire lives and businesses to make sure I was okay.
As much as I was suspicious of the world and the people in it, I had to admit that these bikers, though they sure didn’t look it, were the kindest of strangers.
“You’re not imposing.”
“I am, uh, kinda hungry and do you have a washer and dryer?” I had been in the same clothes the whole crazy day, and I wanted to wash them before whatever came next. And my stomach had started to growl.
“Shit! Of course. I’m going to grab a frozen pizza from one of the guys. We’ll make that, have a few beers. The bathroom is back there, freshen up, or nap back there. Whatever you need. The washer drier is here. I don’t have fancy shampoo, it’s like body wash actually, so, uh, you want me to see if one of the guys does?”
“No, soap is soap. I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Okay, I’m going to lock the door behind me. No one comes in but me. We’re safe here on the GWMC property, but it’s not Fort Knox.”
“Got it.”
Steel looked at me for a moment.
“And don’t worry. I shouldn’t have kissed you before. I’m sorry. You’re vulnerable and don’t need assholes coming on to you. It won’t happen again.”
“I don’t know how you can promise that.”
“Honestly, you’re safe. I won’t try it again.”
“Well, I’m the one who kissed you. And I’m not making any promises.”
Steel gave me a look that I could only describe as sexy as hell. I knew there had to be something sinful going on behind them and I wondered what that meant with a man like this.
“You’re going to have to stop looking like that.” I had been a self-imposed Rapunzel in a tower up to the last few days. And while I’d run into my share of monsters, I knew, without a doubt, that Steel was the opposite.
I wanted to be in his arms again. He took one step forward, and we were so close that, if I blinked, my eyelashes would brush against him. But I didn’t blink. I held his gaze. I looked into his eyes and him into mine.
And he flinched. His Adam’s apple moved up and then down. There was a war going in on inside him. I didn’t know what the war was about, but I felt like not touching me was a part of it.
“It was wrong, me taking advantage of you, in the heat of the moment.”
I wasn’t sure if he was talking to himself or me. But he stepped back. He turned away and left the trailer in a hurry. I felt hurt and embarrassed. I had misread his signals. The craziness we’d been through had me doing and saying things that I had no business even thinking.
I felt like a fool. Of course, this man had no interest in an awkward, skinny, freak of nature. Steel was smooth, tough, worldly and handsome as hell. I must seem like the biggest weirdo in the word. And my attempts to be frank or flirt. I wanted to throw up replaying what I must seem like to someone like Steel.
I shook it off. I had been through the wringer, and man problems were not what I should be worried about. I looked around the small space. It was so different to Uncle Reid’s. My closet was the size of this entire trailer. But it was a closet of clothes that I didn’t wear or care about. Uncle Reid had furnished the house we lived in with the fanciest stuff. But none of it felt like home.
Steel’s place was small. There were random dirty clothes strewn on his bed, there were a few dishes in the sink, and there was just a general disorganized vibe about it. I supposed this was what bachelors, other than Uncle Reid, were like.
I decided if Steel was going to help hide me here for a bit, I could at least do a few dishes. The idea that I would lay down and sleep right now was crazy. I had energy, the kind of energy that flowed through a person when you think something dangerous could spring out at you from anywhere.
I kept thinking about the abduction, the basement, and the men in the dining room. All of it replayed in my mind. So, I started picking up the random laundry. I found a clean t-shirt, traded it out with the stuff I was wearing, and threw all of it into Steel’s stacked washer dryer. Steel’s t-shirt was like a dress on me, so my bottom half was covered as my clothes agitated in the machine.
I decided to wash the dishes next. After that, I wiped down the table Steel had in front of the built-in couch.
I transferred the clothes into Steel’s dryer and then decided he might be right. Maybe I should rest, just for a moment. I didn’t want to go into his bedroom, to take his bed. So, I sat down on the couch. The hum of the dryer was the white noise I needed.
Before I knew it, my eyes felt heavy.
And I dozed off.
I don’t know for how long. But I was chilled. My bare legs were cold. I curled them up tight to my body and slept.
It was real sleep, born of total mental and physical exhaustion.
I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. A hand, oh my God! NO!
I bolted upright. Someone was after me again.
“Shh. No. It’s me, you’re safe.” Steel was next to me on the couch with his hands up as though I had a gun to him.
I swallowed, tried to ramp down my heartbeat, which had rocketed to a ridiculous rate out of a dead sleep.
“Oh, oh, okay.” I ran a hand through my hair; it had come loose from my ponytail. I had come loose when he’d touched me.
“I’m sorry, I thought you were cold, so I put a blanket on and, well, obviously scared the shit out of you.”
“No. It’s okay. It’s just…” I didn’t want to be vulnerable anymore with him. But I couldn’t help it. I was terrified.
“What? Do you want me to take you to a hotel or something? This place is a dump, though it’s looking very nice all of a sudden.” Steel looked around and must have just noticed my handiwork.
“No, I like it here. It feels cozy. Like a cocoon. I hate the house I live in.” I blurted it out.
“That place is a palace.”
“It’s cold all the time, and I’m alone all the time. But I’m afraid to leave it because I’m so nuts.”
“Stop saying that. You’re not nuts.” I shivered. I was cold and felt shy that I had borrowed one of Steel’s t-shirts and not something to wear on the bottom.
Steel put a hand on my ankle.
“You’re freezing.” He quickly wrapped me up in the blanket he’d brought and pulled me in close to him.
“You’re like a human radiator.”
“Yep, never cold.” His warm hands softly rubbed my shoulders. He shifted us on the couch, and I lay down on top of him. I tried not to shake, but it was involuntary.
“I got you,” he said, and I let myself sink into his body, his warmth. I lay my head on his chest. He’d enveloped both of us. I liked when he said, “I got you.”
I felt warm, safe, and something else. Steel stroked my hair, and I pressed against him. His hands moved from my hair, and slowly down my back. His touch was doing something to me that I knew I needed.
He pulled me up, and we were face to face. I pressed my lips to his.
“This. I shouldn’t do this to you.”
“I want you.” And there it was. I had said what I was feeling. I had gone so far out on a limb that crashing and burning was the inevitable outcome. But I didn’t care.
“I’m not the kind of man for—”
“Shh.” I kissed him again, and this time my kiss was answered by his. His hands pressed me close, his lips were hot on mine.
I wore only the thin t-shirt and my undies as I felt his hard body. His hands slid under the t-shirt and were on my skin, rough callouses awakened every nerve ending on my flesh. Our kisses went from sweet to passionate, to two people grasping for each other as if the other was the only way to get air.
He pulled the t-shirt I’d borrowed over my head. With it came the last semblance of the ponytail and my hair tumbled down around my bare shoulders. He set me up, leaned back from me
and just stopped.
“Don’t stop,” I said, hoping he wasn’t having second thoughts again.
“I have to look at you,” he said, and I knew I was blushing from my cheeks to my breasts. I was practically naked now, but for the white cotton panties that were the last barrier between my virginity and what I imagined I would experience with Steel. I had waited a long time to go from the sheltered girl, to woman, and somehow, now, I was impatient.
Steel moved up and put his lips on my nipple, a delicious feeling shot through my body, and he sucked hard on the bud while capturing the other with his fingertips. I moaned and felt myself moving against him.
He was unlocking a new part of my body, my consciousness, that I didn’t know existed. He leaned me back, and I felt his hands explore my breasts, the flat of my stomach, my hipbone, and then he hooked his finger on my panties, and they magically disappeared.
I was sinking into every sensation. My mind, which normally spun itself out with second-guessing, felt open, free, and alive. I felt alive.
I was naked now, underneath this man who had saved me, this man who had protected me like a lion, this man who I wanted to take my virginity. I knew that without a doubt. I knew that whatever happened after today, I wanted this to be my first time. I wanted Steel to be the man. I wanted that memory to always connect to him.
I should have told him, I supposed. I should have said that this was my first time. But I didn’t want him to stop. I didn’t want him to think this was wrong in any way. I wanted to be with him, and if my first time was with this man, well, I’d heard from other girls, that I could do a lot worse. A LOT worse.
And even though he was the one with all the experience, I was in control. No one was pushing me. It wasn’t anyone’s decision but mine. I pulled Steel down and kissed him deeply. It lasted for a long time, forever maybe. I felt my legs wrap around him.
“Hold on.” From somewhere he produced a condom. This was right, this was what I wanted, not some high school inexperienced fumbling boy. Steel knew exactly how to do this. I followed his lead.
I felt Steel’s hot fingers trail down to my core. My body was grabbing for him, in every way, trying to get more. His fingers slid into me. It was the way things were supposed to be; it was my body opening for whatever he wanted. Whatever I wanted.
Slowly, I felt his hard cock, first a little, and then more. I was ready, moist, I wanted this, but I cried out. There was a sharp pain as he pushed in. My gasp stopped him. He was statue still all of a sudden.
“Are you? Jesus. I didn’t realize.”
“I am, please, show me, do this with me,” I said, and he searched my eyes. I didn’t know if he found what he was looking for in them. I did know I found what I wanted in his.
“You’re too good,” he said, and I didn’t know what he meant. But he didn’t pull out. Slowly, he slid further in. For a second, I thought it might be impossible. I thought there was no way the size of him would fit. I would be ripped in two. But he moved us, together, slowly, in a rhythm my body recognized instantly. It was a rhythm we made together.
He was gentle and slow, and while I let him in, he kissed me, sucked my nipples, raked his teeth on my neck. He produced sensations everywhere, all at once, until the only thing I could think about was his cock, hot, hard, and now moving a hell of a lot faster inside me. How I wanted to meet the pressure he was creating with my own. I matched his hips with mine. I held on to his broad shoulders as he almost lifted me off the little couch.
“I can’t be gentle much longer,” he said. It was a warning or a chance for me to stop it all, and that was the last thing in the world I wanted.
“Go, please,” I said and felt myself driving our bodies together.
He put his hands on my hips and pounded into me. I was a goner with the first thrust. I gave over to a wave of pleasure that I didn’t know what possible. My legs were wrapped around his thighs, his powerful arms held him up and gave him the perfect position to go deeper, harder, and as fast as we both wanted.
I cried out, and I heard him make a barely human noise, more beast than man. My soft voice was like the mew of kitten compared to his growls.
I had no idea how the trailer even stayed upright with all the motion we’d produced. The force of Steel’s body against mine had it rocking with us.
“God, Jesus,” he said, and I hoped that meant he felt that same sweet ecstasy he’d just given to me.
He leaned down and cradled my head with his hands. Our breathing was heavy, and we were both covered in sweat. His skin slick against mine gave me the idea that I’d want to do this again and again, with him.
Steel feathered soft kisses all over me, on my neck, my breasts, and my nipples, which were bright pink, and raw, from his teeth.
He slid me on top of him and pulled the rumpled blanket tight around us.
After all that had happened, after all my imagined fears had come true, I should have been more afraid than ever. I should be curled up in a ball, with medication as my only defense against the insanity I felt was around the corner.
But it was the opposite.
I was calm, satisfied, and right where I wanted to be. Maybe for the first time in my life.
I felt safe in Steel’s arm. And I never wanted to leave them.
Twelve
Steel
* * *
I had never been more afraid in my entire life. This was insanity, and I’d been powerless to stop it. I knew it was wrong to let myself kiss her, touch her, and now, there was no going back.
I should have known she was a virgin, except, I didn’t know any virgins. I had never been with a woman who was so vulnerable, so open, and so trusting that I would live up to something.
Darby fit with my body like she was made for me, or I was made for her. Her soft skin next to mine drove me fucking crazy. I wanted her again, right away, but at the same time, I was also satisfied and in awe. It felt like a big fucking deal that I’d been her first.
And the thought that I would be the only one with her wanted to move into my brain and stay.
But I couldn’t think that way, not with the life I had, not with whatever was still out there to figure out.
I had this beautiful creature in my arms, in my bed. And I had to just be careful with her; I had to be sure that with all the things in the world that wanted to hurt her or had hurt her, I wouldn’t add to that list.
“Are you doing okay?” My lack of experience with women who had no experience made me somewhat worried that I had been too rough. I had gone as slowly as I could, but in the end, I’d lost my damn mind. She was so hot, tight, ready to please me, and to be honest, trusting. There was no bullshit, and all of it turned me into the animal I knew I was in the end.
“I’m more than okay,” she said and nuzzled into a spot on my chest and shoulder. I fucking wanted her there all the time. Jesus, I had turned soft overnight with this woman.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, I mean for that one second. But it was amazing. I’m pretty sure most ‘first times’ are supposed to be horrible. Mine was the opposite.” She kissed my chest, and I reminded myself that once was enough with her. I had to keep my attraction in check. I couldn’t let myself do what was on my mind with her now. This was all new for her. Shit, it was new for me too.
“Good. You deserve for it all to feel good, baby.”
“Steel?”
“Yeah.”
“Was I okay? I mean I really just let myself improvise.” She giggled, and I swear I was gone from that more than anything else. When Darby smiled, laughed, and now giggled, the first I’d seen her do that, I knew I was feeling more than lust. I was addicted to helping her smile, to seeing the lightest parts. I knew she was scared, anxious, and worried. And the world had done everything possible to make her fears come true. When the opposite showed itself, when the happiness she truly was bubbled up to the surface, all I wanted to do was everything I could to keep it there. Fuck. I was so fuck
ing fucked.
“You are a goddess. I never felt anyone so fucking perfect in my life.” I lifted her close and kissed her. She tasted so good.
“Oh, well, I’ll get better. I’m a fast learner.”
“Better. I don’t know if better is even possible.”
This time she kissed me. She propped herself up on me and stared down at me. I wondered how I looked through her eyes.
“What’s this from?” She kissed a small scar under my left eye.
“Knife fight in prison.”
There, I did it. I ripped the bandage off fast. She should know that she did not have a prince here. And I suspected she thought I was a whole lot of something that I wasn’t.
“Prison?” She didn’t flinch, or recoil, but she did ask. I’d think she was a fool for not asking. Women had to be careful and being with me was the opposite of careful.
“Yeah, assault. My dad, he is an abusive asshole. One day he’d gone too far with my stepmom. And I put a stop to it.”
“He deserved it.”
“He sure fucking did.”
“You saved your stepmom? I’m not surprised.”
Shit, this story was making her think I was the hero.
“Look, my dad is an evil asshole, who abused my mom and then, after she left, my stepmom. A braver person would have stopped it long before I ever did. And a smarter one wouldn’t have gone to prison for it. Don’t put me on a pedestal for it. I’m a thug, or was until the M.C. took me in.”
“Oh, okay.”
She sat up and that giggle I’d coaxed out of her a second ago was gone. I’d smashed it with my ham fists.
I wanted to go back, let her think I was a hero, even if it was for tonight only.
“You hungry?” I figured I’d feed her if I couldn’t talk to her without fucking this shit up.
“Uh, I guess so, actually yes.”
It had literally been hours since we’d eaten. I’d gotten us some food and then come back to find her sleeping. Seeing her naked, touching her, all of it had put the food that I’d been dying for a few hours ago on bottom of the list. But now, I realized it would be smart if we both got something in our bellies.