by Jayne Blue
I slid out from under her, and I swear it felt physically painful losing contact with her. It would never be the first time like this for us again. Shit, there wasn’t an ‘us.’ I had to stop thinking like this.
I had meant to scrounge some frozen food from Bucky, but he was smart and directed me to the Den’s kitchen. There was always a hearty soup or something hot to grab. I found a fresh loaf of bread, a container of home-made beef stew, and I even grabbed some cookies.
I didn’t want to look over at Darby, but I couldn’t help it. I meant to leave her there, a little cold, but a lot more realistic about who I was. The sight of her wrapped up on my couch obliterated those plans. I crouched back down and scooped her up.
I kissed her, hard, on those soft pink lips of hers, and I wanted her again, fuck. This was not the plan.
“Steel,” she said, and I ran my hands down her back and squeezed her perky little ass. Shit, there wasn’t an inch on her I didn’t want to touch.
“Yeah, sorry. I am supposed to be feeding you, but I fucked up and looked at how delicious you look, and food went out of my mind.” I wasn’t doing such a great job pushing her away.
She wrapped her hands around my neck and let me do what I wanted, but no. I had to take care of her, not just give in to my desire to fuck her again.
“Okay, sorry. You need food.”
“I suppose,” she whispered between kissing me back. And as I pulled up, she hung on for a beat and then let go and plopped back down onto the couch. This time I didn’t look back, now fully aware that knowing she was naked and willing on my couch meant getting anything else done was next to impossible.
“Do you think I could use your shower?”
“Yep, right through there. There are a few towels on the rack.”
I dug out a pan and got going on heating up the food. The tops of her breasts poked out of the blanket as she stood up. I was grateful she decided to stay wrapped in it, because if she walked through this trailer naked, Jesus God.
I put a laser focus on my kitchen tasks.
“You did the dishes?” I was in complete shock now.
“I know right? I’m pretty useful.”
She slid past me to the shower, and I thought it might be a good idea to shoot ice water at my dick while I was making our food. Otherwise, my plans to be cool would continue to be thwarted.
She showered, and I heated the food. Before long, Darby emerged with wet hair, wrapped in a towel now, and looking like something out of a Playboy magazine, except no makeup, or nothing fake. Just sexy, and unaware of it.
“Wow.”
“Why wow?”
“I said that out loud?” I shook my head at my own bullshit.
“Yeah, and wow back, that smells good.”
“We have a decent kitchen in the club. Sit.”
Darby did as I asked, and I put a bowl of stew in front of her. I brought a bowl for myself and the bread, and we sat, and ate, a lot.
“I’m so hungry!” she said and spooned the hot stew in. I did the same.
“Good. It’s good to see you eat.” And it was good to see her nourished, instead of depleted. I knew they had drugged her when she was nabbed in the mall, and then, with the shit that went down at her Uncle Reid’s, she’d been through physical and emotional trauma. It was good to see her eat, it was good to do something human. She had healthy appetites, and I love that. Though I wondered how often she was allowed herself to express them. It had to be healthy to put new memories over the bad ones that piled up in the last few days.
“So how did you get into the M.C.?”
I wasn’t a big talker. I didn’t like sharing my story, but I wanted to now, with Darby.
“Ridge. You saw him, he found me when I was in the pen. I was learning to weld on the inside, and then when I got out, he helped me get a job.” I didn’t tell her that, in those early days, the jobs were on the other side of the law. Those were the only jobs an ex-con could get. Today it was a different story. Welders were few and far between, so I could pick my gigs. And the club was clean, more or less. Things were different, and better, now.
Those were stories for another time. Here I was thinking we’d have another time.
“The M.C., how does it work?”
“Well, we’re brothers, we run businesses together, we ride together, we rescue hot as sin babes. Shit like that.” I saw that smile come out again and felt a little victory.
She stood up, and I watched. She came over to me and didn’t say a word. I made room. I knew that was what she wanted. Darby sat on my lap and kissed me. I swear this woman was going to be the death of me.
“I’m fucking trying not to take advantage of you.” I was honest.
“You’re not taking advantage of me. I’m taking advantage of you.” Her towel slipped down an inch, and then another when I put my arms around her. Only the hard little points of her nipples held it up.
“Fuck it.”
“No, fuck me, Steel.”
Shit, I’d said, “fuck me,” out loud. I pulled the towel down, and her breasts were there for me, so ripe, so fucking pink. I licked and then sucked her nipple into my mouth. I ripped the towel away from her. I had her naked on my lap, and I was on fire.
She straddled me, and I felt her hand at the waistband of my sweats. She pulled me free, and it was clear my attempts at staying in control had completely failed.
“Are you okay with this, because gentle isn’t my normal?” I said. The words were rough; I was rough.
“Yes, please. I won’t break. I promise,” she said, and it was music to my ears. I wasn’t slow this time. My cock found the heat of her so fast, so hard, that I was in danger of performing like a fucking hormonal teen. Except I wasn’t. I knew how to make this last for her, and for me.
I guided her on my lap and watched as this new position gave her a whole new appreciation for the possibilities we could enjoy together. Her body was stunning, and I had a very good view. I let my tongue lap her up, from her breasts up to her neck. I devoured every inch of skin I could reach.
I slowed us both, for a minute, for two, and I pulled her hips down on me as I watched her face. Her eyes closed, her head thrown back, and her lips were parted into the shape of an ‘O.’ It was so damn sexy. How had this person been hidden away? I felt like I’d found some sort of precious gem. It was crazy.
While I watched her enjoy herself, and how I made her feel, my thoughts were replaced by something lower, baser, primal. I lifted her up and leaned her back over the table. She braced herself; good, she’d need to.
I buried myself in her. I got lost in her smell, the sounds she was making, the feel of our bodies together, and I forgot myself. She was hanging on, and I slammed into her with force. I didn’t hold back. My fingers were hard on her soft flesh. Her body shook with the force of everything I was giving her.
I came with a roar, and I felt her shudder against me.
“My God, what? That was different than the first time,” she whispered in my ear while trying to catch her breath. I was spent but realized I’d fucking taken her a lot rougher this time. Shit, that would likely get her to run out of here faster than any of my boring ass speeches about being bad for her.
“I’m sorry. You do something to me, that’s…I don’t know.” I stood up and helped her do the same.
“I’m glad you fed me first. I needed the stamina.”
I felt like shit. I was her first, and I was half insane when we fucked.
“Shit. It’s just…”
“No, I’m not complaining. I just think you’re ruining me for anyone else.” And she put her arms around my neck. We were skin to skin. Every ounce of sense I had was telling me this was going to end in my heart in a fucking pile on the floor. But I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want to.
I put my arms around her, closed them tight around her body, lifted her up, and pressed her close.
“Good. I don’t want you with anyone else. Ever.” It was selfish. I was selfish.
But it was the truth. I may as well have just pissed in a circle around her, it was the same damn thing. And I was serious as hell about it.
I’d deal with the damage this was going to cause her or me later. For now, and as far as I could see, she was going to stay mine.
Thirteen
Darby
* * *
No matter what had happened up to this moment in my life, even the last few moments before I met Steel, which were no doubt a horror, I was all of a sudden grateful.
It was the first time I ever felt that. I used to think, if I was with my parents the night they died, maybe they’d be alive. I’d blamed myself. Then I’d worried that if I’d never gone out for that meeting at the mall, maybe I wouldn’t have been kidnapped.
And maybe, I should have just had Steel take me right to the police and not home. All of those things would have been safer, maybe. All of those things would have brought me to a different place, a less dangerous place.
But I felt grateful for every minute now, every small choice because somehow, they’d brought me here, to Steel, to this little piece of heaven on wheels.
I showered again, ate again, and slept again, all in the space of a few sweet hours. I slept in Steel’s arm, and even though it was brief, it was deep and peaceful. I hadn’t slept well in years. I always had nightmares if I could fall asleep at all.
Steel was my protector, and my heart knew it.
He put me on a pedestal, but also stripped me down, and found the bravest part of me. I needed that bravery; it had been gone since my parents.
I felt safe enough to talk to him about who I was. It was more naked than I had been standing there after we’d made love. It was the raw part of me that kept me at Uncle Reid’s, kept me from going to school, and kept me from life.
“I need to explain something.”
“Shoot.” Steel had indulged me, or it felt like he had. We were here overnight, and as the sun rose, he hadn’t pushed us to leave or do anything outside the small sanctuary of his tiny trailer.
“Soon, we’re going to be going out, I am guessing?” The thought of it immediately reminded me of who I was. Of my challenges with the outside world.
“Not if you don’t want to, but I will have to do a few things. We need to figure out who the other girls are, how they got kidnapped, and where they are going.”
“No, it’s not a matter of me not wanting to. I want to. I want to help you. I need to help you. It’s just my condition.”
“You said you had, arachnophobia, spiders? No problem. I’ll fucking kill ‘em.” Steel winked at me, and I couldn’t hold back a belly laugh.
“You’re teasing me.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty much going to have to be the guy that tells jokes now.”
“Why?”
“Because you smile, laugh, giggle, it’s like a drug, and I’m addicted. It’s almost better than that ass.” I slapped his shoulder and hid my blush behind my hand. He was really good at making me feel better.
“I’m trying to be serious,” I said and put on a serious face. Steel did the same. I happened to notice how lush his eyelashes were as he focused on me and gave me space to explain.
“Say what you need, or not, it’s all good.”
“I’m agoraphobic, and it’s a pretty advanced case.”
“Can it kill you?”
“No, it’s uh, a mental illness,” I said it and felt a wave of fear. Who in their right mind would take on someone like me? Even in the best of circumstances.
“Anxiety, right?”
“Yes, I’m an emotional shit show when it comes to trying to leave the house. I actually don’t leave the house.”
“And when you finally do? Wow. You must be so fucked up right now.” He put out a hand, and I put mine in it.
“Ha, yeah, well, I’m always fucked up.” It was a relief to say it, to own it.
“Were you always this way? Like as a kid?”
“No. I, uh, it showed up when my parents died. I had to identify the bodies, and then at the funeral home…I had a bad time.”
“Of course, you did, Jesus.” Steel put his other hand on mine. But he didn’t crowd in or try to enclose me in a hug right then. He knew that wasn’t what I wanted or needed. I needed to explain.
“I got through the funeral, and then the plan was after a week, go back to school. I was sixteen, I had one more year to go. I was on the soccer team.” For a second I was lost in that memory, in that desire to make things normal. I thought maybe it was possible if I was back at my school with friends.
“A week is pretty fast,” Steel said, and he was right. But it was also my only outlet, school, sports, being a normal teenager.
“I know, but I wanted to try to find a piece of my life after they died that wasn’t all connected to grief and loss. High school moves forward right? Always. And I thought, well, I don’t know what I thought. But I headed to school in my car. I have this really cute purple Jeep they bought me for my birthday. The drive was okay, normal. I parked. I walked in, but then…” I had to stop for a second. I had to remind myself that I wasn’t reliving this, I was in the trailer with Steel. This was me telling a story, not me having it happen all over again.
“Look, you tell it your way. Do you need water?” Steel asked me, and I shook my head no.
“Once I got into the hall, I felt a pain in my chest. I was sure I was having a heart attack. Or that something was fatally wrong. I couldn’t breathe. I fell to the floor, and there were a bunch of kids around me. I was the kid whose parents had just died, and now I was the freak that was croaking right in front of them.”
“Not cool, eh?” Steel said and gently rubbed my arm.
“No, not cool at all. I was a mess. I went home that day and tried to press through it the next day. But this time it was worse. I got out of my car and froze on the steps of the school. My legs gave out. I wanted to die and was afraid I was dying all at the same time.”
“You were living with your uncle by then?”
“Yeah, he did all the adult stuff that needed to be done. The third day, I drove to school and couldn’t get out of my car. That was it. I drove back to Uncle Reid’s, and he pretty much took over, thankfully.”
“What do you mean?”
“He closed up our old house, made sure my stuff was in my new room, brought in a tutor and a doctor, whatever I needed.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah, except, I haven’t been able to leave that room, that house until all this.”
“Baby, you’re safe here, do you feel safe?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Good.”
“It’s weird. I was trying to make progress. I had been driving to the mall and then walking to the door. When you saw me that day, sitting in the food court, I wanted to have a meeting like a normal adult. I was going to meet with this book dealer. That’s my other thing. I was able to start a book sales business all online. High-speed internet is an agoraphobic’s best friend and worst enemy.”
“Sounds a lot like PTSD too.”
“What?”
“A couple of the guys in the M.C., they’re vets. They have PTSD from what they saw when they served. You saw something terrible.”
“My parents’ crash. No, I wasn’t there. I didn’t see it. I have no excuse for the way I have reacted, for my weakness.”
“Hey, this isn’t weakness. It’s a totally reasonable response to the shit you’ve been through. Identifying your parents is fucking trauma, there’s no doubt about that.”
Steel was mad when I called myself weak. Uncle Reid always agreed that it was my weakness. He never protested when I called it that. Maybe that was the wrong way to think of it?
“Whatever you call it, I’m embarrassed. I want to be like other people, normal people. But…I’m stuck.”
“Normal people suck. And there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m embarrassed.”
“You?” The idea that Steel could be anything but confid
ent or cocksure was impossible.
“Yeah, you saw my dirty sink, laundry, all of it.” He pulled me in and now it was the right time. A hug, nothing more. He made me think that maybe normal wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
“How do you handle the attacks that you have, manage your anxiety, whatever the right words are?”
“I usually take medication, but, well, I don’t have any now.”
“I want you to think about something. You did have the worst happen to you. You were fucking nabbed in broad daylight out of a public place. That is, no two ways about it, a nightmare. And you didn’t fold. You fought. You helped us get some names, and maybe some faces, to help get those scumbags off the streets.”
“I wish I knew more. I wish I could remember more or saw the guys with the masks.”
“Staying alive in the situation you were in is like winning a World War. You did everything right and way more than most people.”
“Because of you.”
“No, because of you. You need to seriously focus on how you handled yourself. And I’ve been watching you like a hawk, you don’t have any medication in you, right?”
“That’s right, it’s not like I planned this trip. Or uh, packed.” I thought about when I grabbed Uncle Reid’s money. I was in full flight mode and didn’t even think of grabbing my medications. And I hadn’t thought of it since.
“I took you all over town on this hog, you fought a fucking pop up fire at the gym, and I didn’t see you panic at the gym. All totally new experiences, right?”
“Right.”
“And some right out in the open in the world.”
“And some behind closed doors,” I said, and I couldn’t help it, but a smile broke out on my face. Along with a blush remembering what we’d been up to in here since yesterday.
“I think you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
There was a knock on the trailer door, and I did jump, but it was because it was out of the blue, not because I thought I was going to die at any moment. I had forgotten for a moment that there was a world outside these doors, people that had lives. The last few hours were like a magical bubble that I didn’t want to be popped.