The Play Maker (The Sideline Series Book 1)

by L. M. Carr

  “I wish I could take it all away, but I can’t. I have to live with what I did to you every damn day of my life.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Julian. I found ways to cope.”

  His forehead wrinkles, but I choose not to elaborate. What happened when Julian and I were apart can’t be changed, despite my wishing it could.

  After dinner, I place the dishes into the sink, then Julian and I move into the living room. I deliberately sit in the chair as he sits on the couch, smirking.

  “Why are you sitting over there?” He brushes his hand over the soft leather cushion next to him. “There’s plenty of room.”

  “I’m good right here.” I stand my ground, knowing the physical proximity to him clouds my mind and judgment.

  “Why do I get the feeling things are different than they were the last time I was here?”

  I offer a contrite grin. “I’m processing everything.”

  “Okay… If you don’t want to talk about the past, let’s talk about the present.”

  Ever since the interview, my anxiety has been high. I feel as though Julian and I had taken one step forward but three steps back.

  “Talk to me about the interview. How do you think it went?”

  I shrug. “It was good. Sorry if I was a little tough on you.”

  A smile tugs at his cheeks. “Actually, I was expecting you to be a lot tougher.”

  “Really?”

  “The Addison Hamilton I remember didn’t take shit from anyone. You were a lot like your dad.”

  I ignore the comparison to my father and counter with a question of my own. “Besides my brother, who else are you trying to bring to Houston?”

  Tilting his head, Julian reaches for the nape of his neck. “I’d love to get Tyreek Smith.”

  “If he could just get his personal life in order, he’d be a great player. Anyone else?”

  “Alonzo Richie is interested, but I’m not too sure about him yet. He’s too inconsistent.”

  “Why do you want Rence then? Even though he made the Pro Bowl this year, his stats aren’t what they used to be.”

  Julian exhales, then smiles. “Sweetheart, I didn’t come over to talk football with you, even though I love that you are knowledgeable. Most women just talk about how a certain guy looks in his uniform.”

  I laugh, remembering how good he looked in his uniform in high school. Even as an eighteen-year-old, he had the well-defined body of a man. “Well, there is that.” Lifting my hand to my mouth, I stifle a yawn.

  “You look tired.”

  I smirk. “Thanks for noticing.”

  “I didn’t say you looked bad, Addison. Just tired.”

  I nod. “It’s been a strange few weeks. I ran into this guy I used to be crazy about. I haven’t seen him in years, but now he’s back, talking nonsense about loving me again.”

  His eyes darken. “It’s not nonsense, Addison, and I didn’t just suddenly realize I love you. I have always loved you.”

  “Okay, J. Mack.” I clench my teeth and roll my eyes, unable to hide the sarcasm in my voice as I walk to the bathroom and call over my shoulder. “I’m sure you weren’t thinking about how much you loved me back then.”

  After I take care of business and return to my seat, Julian seems agitated, arms on his knees, head hanging, hands clasped.

  “Did you know I had offers from two other teams?”

  I take a sip of water. “No, I didn’t.”

  “The Panthers and the Steelers wanted me. You have no idea how much money they offered!”

  My eyes widen.

  “Do you know why I didn’t accept either offer?”

  Shrugging, I display indifference, even though I’m secretly curious.

  His head shoots up to look at me. “You, Addison. I came here to Houston because of you.”

  Julian quickly stands and walks past me to the window overlooking the bustling city. Still facing away, he rubs a hand over his cropped hair. “Truthfully, I had hoped now that I have my shit together, you would consider giving me another chance. I was such a selfish asshole when I left, then I became an even bigger one in college.”

  I listen intently, tears forming in my eyes.

  “There I was four years later, a rising star in the NFL. I was on top of the world, then…” His voice trails off.

  I force myself to swallow past the boulder in my throat.

  Julian looks over his shoulder, his expression hopeful. “Can I show you something?”

  “Sure.”

  He walks over and extends a hand. “Come with me.”

  I narrow my eyes, cautiously taking his hand. “You’re not going to try and show me your dick or something, are you?”

  He laughs. “No. Besides, you’ve already seen that.”

  “Actually, it’s been a while.”

  He chuckles, remembering he refused to have sex with me last time he was here.

  “Where are we going?” I tug on his hand, making him stop. “I can’t go anywhere dressed like this!”

  “You’ll be fine. I promise.”

  That one word forces memories of a young Julian into my mind.

  Promise you’ll always be with me.

  I remember all the times he begged me to promise that I would never leave him, but just a few short months later, he left me.

  “Trust me,” he says, opening the door and leading me to the elevator.

  “Julian! I can’t go downstairs like this!”

  When the elevator pings, he pulls me in, then presses a circle marked with two letters…PH.

  “Why are we going to the penthouse?”

  “You’ll see.”

  The elevator dings when we arrive at the highest floor and we exit, walking to the only door in the hallway.

  Julian turns the doorknob and strides in like he owns the place. My eyes scan the vast room, which boasts a beautifully decorated living area with a massive fireplace as the focal point. Stepping to the side, he gives me an opportunity to continue my perusal of the leather furniture and dark wood, seemingly designed to give the dwelling a homey feel.

  “Wow! This place is gorgeous. Who lives here?” When he’s silent, I glance over at him.

  “I do.”

  “Wait... You bought Paolo’s penthouse?”

  “Not exactly. I’m only renting it for now.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Julian, I don’t understand. You could live in any building in Houston. Why not move to the condos on West University? Why would you want to live here?”

  “Because you live here, and I want to be close to you. To prove to you that I’m serious about us.”

  I throw my hands into the air, exasperated. “Julian! There is no us.”

  He ignores me, gesturing for me to follow him as he gives me a tour of his new home.

  I maintain a safe distance as he shows me all the rooms, fully furnished with teak furniture, the soft hues of reds and browns comforting adding comfort.

  “I guess there was a pretty wild party here right before the guy moved out. This area was pretty trashed.” He raises his hand and slides it over the smooth, repainted dining room wall.

  “Paolo sure did know how to throw a party.”

  “Did you know him?” Julian inquires hesitantly. “Did you guys hang out?”

  Understanding the unspoken question, I shake my head. “Paolo and I were just friends, Julian. He was one hundred and ten percent gay.”

  His shoulders relax as he blows out a small breath. He nods and continues to lead me down the hall to his bedroom.

  The décor is simple, yet masculine with its combination of navy blue and gray. A king-sized bed occupies the middle of the room, and a massive television hangs on the wall opposite it.

  “When did you do all this?”

  “The realtor found the place. When I realized it was your building, I jumped on it.”

  I walk over to the window and look at the lights of the city filling the night sky. “You’ve got quite a view from up here.
No obstructions. Just open sky. It’s beautiful.”

  I feel Julian’s presence before I feel his breath on my ear.

  “So are you.”

  My eyes drift closed.

  “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

  His hands slide over the thick material covering my arms.

  I sigh and turn slowly, opening my eyes as I slide my hands to his face. Holding his cheeks in my palms, I give him a soft kiss. One kiss turns into two, then three, before a passionate frenzy ensues and I find myself in Julian’s arms, my legs wrapped around his waist.

  Like a mantra, he whispers my name in between kisses as he walks me to his spacious bed.

  He raises the hem of my hooded sweatshirt and pulls it over my head, exposing my heavy breasts and taut nipples.

  “Absolutely beautiful. Even more beautiful than I remember,” he confesses as he lowers his head and takes my sensitive skin into his mouth.

  The pressure of his teeth and tongue shoot electricity directly to my throbbing core, causing it to dampen with my arousal.

  My legs widen as he settles in between them, his erection begging for release. My fingers claw at his shirt until he finally reaches behind him and yanks it off.

  Kneeling between my legs, Julian stares down at me, then reaches out to caress a path between my breasts. He stops at the waistband of my yoga pants. I sense his apprehension.

  “Addison, I need you,” he whispers.

  Gazing up into his sapphire-colored eyes, I see a love so profound it nearly takes my breath away. With a quivering chin, I nod, giving Julian permission to enter not only my body, but my heart.

  I raise my hips as he slowly removes the black cotton barrier. I’m completely naked, vulnerable, but when I see the adoration in his expression, I reach out to unbutton his jeans. Not hesitating, he quickly removes his clothing and reclaims his position between my legs.

  Lowering his head, he spreads my sex and blows gently, awakening my sensitive bud before sucking on it.

  “Oh god!” I cry out as my fingers grip the luxurious duvet.

  “Sweeter than I remember.”

  A sensual and erotic dance begins with long licks, then tiny nibbles. Continually brought to the brink of an orgasm before being pulled away from the edge, I desperately chase my climax, knowing I’m so close.

  When he glides two fingers into me, I gasp, encircling his shoulders with my legs. With deliberate motions, he searches for the spot only he has ever found. It’s as if he’d staked his claim there years ago.

  The climax hits me like a truck. “Julian!” I scream. My muscles clench, then quiver with release as the rest of my body convulses. Every nerve ending tingles with energy.

  Julian slithers up my body, the rounded tip of his length seeking entry. He pushes in on a moan, then pulls out slowly.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” he says, repeating the motion. “Are you ready?”

  I offer a small smile. “Ready for what?”

  “Everything I’ve got.” Julian thrusts in hard.

  “Oh god!”

  My grip tightens around his arms as I savor the feeling of him stretching me, filling me, ravaging me. To be reconnected with Julian in this way not only affects my body, but the binding that held my broken heart together disintegrates, leaving it exposed and unprotected.

  With methodical movements, Julian fucks his way back into my life. And I let him. For years, I wanted this. For years, I dreamed of this. For years, I tried to find this with other men, hoping it would erase the memory of him. But there is only one Julian MacIntyre.

  Needing an even deeper connection, I slide my hand around his neck and pull him down to me. I kiss his mouth feverishly, hearing his regret and his promises to make things right between us.

  “Holy fuck, baby. I’ve missed this so much,” he groans, pushing in deeper. “I will never leave you again.”

  “Don’t stop... Feels so good…”

  Then he stops.

  Beautiful blue orbs stare down at me, searching my face. Julian murmurs, “I love you, Addison. I will always live with the regret of leaving you. But I’m here now, and I hope to fucking God you’ll take me back.”

  My chin trembles as my emotions threaten to seep from my eyes. “Julian, I—” I quickly clamp my lips together, silencing my traitorous mouth before it could confess my love for him.

  I close my eyes and turn my head before the dam breaks and tears fall. The moment I hear him suck in a breath, probably thinking I’ll reject him, I place my lips against his neck, showering the damp skin with tiny kisses.

  “Just make love to me,” I plead.

  As Julian drives harder and faster, I wrap my legs around his waist tightly, as if this were the only opportunity I would ever have to be this close to him again.

  The vulgarities spewing from Julian’s beautiful mouth as he picks up the pace excite me, and I can feel the pressure building deep in my core.

  Screaming his name, my entire body tightens with an incredible, mind-blowing, finger-gripping orgasm. “Oh, my god!”

  My muscles tightening around him is his undoing. He explodes in a violent orgasm, filling me with his hot release. Growling through every deities’ name, he slows his pace, then finally stops.

  “Jesus Christ, woman. You damn nearly killed me,” he says, collapsing on top of me. Panting, he nuzzles the crook of my neck as he works to regulate his breathing.

  I laugh. “I don’t think anyone your age has ever died from sex.”

  His warm breath tickles my ear when he chuckles. “Well, if I gotta die young, that is definitely the way to go.”

  Sated, Julian eventually rolls off me and stares at the ceiling as silence hovers over us.

  “I know you don’t trust me,” he finally utters, rolling onto his side and resting on his elbow. “I know it’s going to take some time.”

  Mirroring his position, I look at him and grin. “You always did have a way of reading my thoughts.”

  “And I’m pretty sure I know what you thought when I left.”

  I swallow, not trusting myself to speak.

  “You thought I didn’t love you, but you were wrong, Addison.”

  I shake my head and blink away the tears.

  “When my mother died, I felt like my world was shattered. She was everything to me. When she was gone, nothing else mattered.”

  His words pierce my heart, reminding me that I wasn’t enough. When several tears fall down my cheek, I jump off the bed and swipe at them angrily.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I reach down and pick up my hoodie, slipping it on over my head before I slide on my pants and head for the door.

  “Addison!” he calls, running after me, pulling on his pants at the same time.

  I spin around when he grasps my arm. “Can we not do this?”

  “Do what?” Confusion riddles his face. “Talk about what happened?”

  I glare at him. “That was almost twenty years ago. We’re different people now. We have different lives.”

  Julian raises his hands and moves them succinctly.

  This is me asking for forgiveness.

  This is me telling you how sorry I am.

  This is me giving myself to you.

  This is me promising to love you just as I always have.

  I choke out a sob and throw my arms around his neck as the floodgates open. “I’m terrified, Julian.”

  He holds me close as he rubs circles against my back. “And you don’t think I am?”

  I shake my head against his chest.

  “Addison, you hold my heart in the palm of your hand. You have the power to destroy me. But I love you so much that I’m willing to surrender myself to you.”

  “Promise you won’t ever leave me again.”

  “You will have me until the devil drags me back to Hell.”

  I stiffen and pull back to look up at him. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because from the moment I left you,
that’s where I’ve been.”

  I kiss his lips softly. “Then don’t leave me again.”

  Moving quickly, he scoops me up into his arms.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, my nose buried in the crook of his neck.

  “Back to bed.”

  §

  An hour later, I’m once again back in Julian MacIntyre’s arms just as I had been so many years ago. He pulls me against his side as my fingertips dance over his bare chest and the sprinkling of dark hair. My body is satiated and weary.

  I sigh. “I should head back down. I’ve got an early morning.”

  “I’d much rather you just stayed the night.”

  I kiss his chest. “Just a little longer, then I do have to go.”

  Julian inhales and releases a slow breath as he gently pulls at the long strands of my hair. “I’m leaving for Honolulu on Thursday. Come with me.”

  I kiss his chest again to hide my smile. “I can’t go with you.”

  “Why not?” he asks, rolling me over and positioning himself on top of me. “We could spend a few days together in Hawaii doing this.”

  “Is that what this is all about? You just want to have sex with me?”

  He laughs. “No, although sex with you is amazing.”

  His cell phone rings, but he ignores it, kissing my neck.

  “Could be important,” I offer.

  “Nothing could be more important than this moment with you.”

  Laughter rips through my belly. “Oh, my god. That’s the worst line I’ve ever heard in my entire life.”

  “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “What?”

  “I always thought my mother was everything to me, but I was wrong. It’s you. You are my everything. Now I just have to convince you of it.”

  “I still can’t go with you on Thursday.”

  “Give me one good reason why,” he demands.

  “Well, for one, I have a job.”

  He scowls.

  “Two, I’m flying out on Wednesday. I’m working the game and have to be there to cover the pre-game events.”

  “I didn’t realize you were leaving that early. Where are you staying?”

  “The Hyatt. You?”

  A smile spreads across his face. “Me, too. How convenient.”

  “I probably won’t see you much since I’ll be working from dawn to dusk.”