by Sue MacKay
It wasn’t enough to be held against him. Her lips sought his mouth, tasting, touching, soaking him up. Her body reacted instantly, the heat and desire returning in a flood, softening some places, tightening others. Blinding all reason, drowning any warnings from the sane side of her brain. She wanted Max. Had done so since first seeing him again. It was something she needed to do, to have, to share. But she couldn’t bear it if they stopped this time. ‘Max?’ she squeaked around the rock of need blocking her throat. So much for not getting close.
* * *
‘Max?’ He’d heard his name between their mouths. Drawn out and filled with hunger. Sexy beyond measure. She could not be wanting him to haul on the brakes. But he wouldn’t continue if she didn’t want to. Lifting his mouth away, feeling the loss instantly, he locked his eyes on those green ones so close.
‘Yes?’
‘I want you.’
Relief poured through him. Then it stopped. ‘Lily, I can’t promise anything more.’ But he wanted to, more than ever.
Stiffening, she leaned back in his arms. ‘I understand, and I say to hell with that. It’s one night, Max. One step. Let’s see where it leads.’
Those alluring eyes dragged him into her understanding and longing. ‘Are you sure?’ Because he was falling, falling into her, into the emotions he hadn’t had for so long. One night? Was that even possible? But walking away now wasn’t either.
‘Absolutely.’
In one movement their clothes were torn off. Lily held his hands as she sprawled across the bed, pulling him with her. Covering her with his roused body, his mouth trailed kisses over any skin he could reach. Lily bucked beneath him. Her lips covered one nipple, her tongue flicking back and forth, hot and sharp, driving him to the edge. ‘Slow down,’ he gasped against her stomach. He wanted to pleasure Lily first, only it had to be fast because he was near breaking point.
‘Can’t. Don’t want to.’
Phew. Reaching between them, he found her throbbing need.
Instantly she was pushing up into him. ‘Now. Max.’
As she cried out his name he lifted up and entered her heat.
She climaxed immediately, pulling him to join her straightaway.
Her body was his, hers. They were together and he never wanted this to end.
It seemed for ever before he was breathing anywhere near normally. Lying on his back, Lily sprawled along his body, the rate of her breasts rising and falling slowing down, he knew nothing but happiness. It had been fast and amazing. It had been what he’d needed, and had hoped for since coming face to face with Lily for the first time again after all he’d been through. ‘I know I’ve said it before, but I’ve really missed you.’ Staying away from love might be the worst choice to make.
Lily jerked against him. ‘What? Did I hear right?’
Did I really say that? He had, and now an explanation was required. If possible. Lily wouldn’t let it go. Why did he feel he’d missed her? Because she hadn’t bowed to what he’d wanted, had expected to get as good as she got, and while that had bruised his ego it had also made him enjoy her. He’d never forgotten a moment of their fling, whereas other women had come and gone and he struggled to recall very much about them. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but there was no getting away from it. ‘Nothing wrong with your hearing but, then, we are entwined.’
‘Very funny.’
He tugged her sideways and pulled her over his body. His hands slipped under her jersey and found her full, warm breasts. Pushing the jersey up, he covered one nipple with his mouth and tongued her until she writhed with need. For him.
Then Lily’s hands caressed, stroking him. Blocking his mind to everything but her body, her fingers, those lips. Lily.
Together they left talk behind and rose on a wave of passion that shook Max to the core, had him wondering how he was ever going to be able to call a halt to this second fling with the most amazing woman he’d had the luck to get to know in bed. And out of it.
* * *
Max laughed as he ran around a gathering of people waiting for the Saturday market to open. The air was crisp and smelled of fruit from the stalls just inside the gate. His head was light, his body bursting with energy, and even his stomach had given the aches a miss. He was happy.
Lily had kicked him out of her bed just after the sun had peeped in around the curtains. She was heading to the farm to spend the day with the family. She would miss the first breakfast because he’d fallen back into bed and tucked her under him to make love again. Making love was so much more special than having sex. Care was involved, love, laughter, sharing.
He’d been utterly bonkers to think he could walk away. There was nothing wrong with a little bit of madness. It added to the fun. Life was good. Lily was his heart’s desire. And brought on a whole lot more longing just by standing in front of him or touching his arm with one of those perfectly manicured fingers or smiling mischievously.
Beyond the market he picked up his pace. After last night’s time with Lily his body ached in places he’d forgotten were there and he felt good. He loved her. It was hard to believe when he’d stuck to his determination not to get into a relationship for so long. He had sure dropped that fast. Too fast? Would it come back to bite him? If it did, he’d get up again. Lily gave him the confidence to let go the fears that had charted his life for too long. He was strong, had survived a bumpy childhood, and did have love to share.
Could he do this? Really? When he’d always been motivated to save his heart? He could still hurt Lily, be hurt himself. So far he only knew Lily was happy to spend time with him. He had no idea what she felt beyond that. She was always willing to spend time together, had said she wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but did that mean she might eventually love him?
Jogging on the spot while waiting for the pedestrian crossing buzzer to go, he shook his head. He’d just have to make the most of the time they had together and see where it led.
He could use the time to think hard about whether to offer her the chance to have the baby she so longed for.
He tripped, straightened, walked across the road and into the park beyond. Sure, the idea had crossed his mind often, but he hadn’t really believed he was serious. Was he now? Was this just so Lily could have a child, or was he beginning to accept he could be a parent? If that was the case, he’d want to marry Lily, have a proper family.
I’m getting way ahead of myself.
This needed time to get right. But it was starting to feel perfect, as though he’d found his reason for being, which always came back to Lily.
* * *
Lily tried to pay for dinner.
Max refused to let her. ‘I like spoiling you and intend to do it often.’ His eyes slid to the gorgeous woman walking at his side towards his car, which was parked outside the restaurant. Yes, damn it, he wanted Lily. In his life, at his side; sharing the future, parenthood, everything.
She was looking up at him with a cheeky smile and those big eyes sparkling as though the sun was behind them. ‘I’m allowed to spoil you, too.’
As he pulled out into the traffic, he said, ‘One day I’ll let you.’ He was having too much fun giving to Lily. Four weeks of time spent together, both in bed and out of it, and he’d done a complete about-face. To the point of falling in love. He loved Lily, no ifs or buts. He completely accepted it. They shared meals at their homes or in restaurants, they talked and laughed, and made love.
‘We’ve just sat through a green,’ said the woman screwing with his head. And obviously with his ability to see green when it was right in front of him.
‘Thought I heard some tooting.’ Speeding away, he tried to laugh. It came out sharp and not at all funny. This was serious. For a moment the old fear of getting too involved popped up. But either he was or he wasn’t. Which would it be? Having accepted he loved Lily, it meant there was only one way to go.
He had to admit it. He was already on the way to a full-on relationship with her. She appeared just as eager. So when would the questions stop bothering him?
Lily leaned close, scrutinising him. ‘Are you all right? You suddenly looked exhausted.’
Right on cue, he yawned. ‘I am feeling a bit tired.’ Shattered best described the way his aching body struggled to remain upright and his head to think clearly. That might be why he had all those blasted questions trotting around his skull. He’d been fighting exhaustion all day. ‘I did nearly suggest another night for dinner, but I didn’t want to miss seeing you.’
Lily gasped. ‘Did I hear right?’ She smiled briefly, before surprising him. ‘Max, we are getting on really well, aren’t we?’
That sounded like she had some doubts. About her feelings? Or his? ‘I think we’re doing fine.’
‘That’s a relief. For a moment there you sounded strained.’
‘Probably because I hardly slept a wink last night.’ Too busy thinking about Lily.
‘As long as you’re not coming down with something. That flu’s still knocking people over all around the city.’
‘It’s a nasty one this year. Affecting the elderly the worst, though.’ He’d better not be getting it. One, he’d spent enough time being unwell to last for ever. Two, it was busy at work with staff away with the flu. But his head was beginning to pound. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.’
Lily gave him one her heart-twisting smiles as he pulled up outside the apartment block. ‘You want to come up for a celebratory coffee? Or drink?’
Of course he did. But he wouldn’t be much fun. ‘I’d love to but I’m going home to take some pills and get some sleep. Do you mind?’
‘No.’ She smiled. ‘It’s fine, truly. You look terrible and sleep is probably the best remedy.’ She leaned in to kiss him and he turned his head so her lips caressed his cheek. The smile slowly faded. Placing her hand on the door handle, she said, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.’ And she was out and closing the door behind her.
Damn it. He hadn’t wanted to give her whatever was ailing him. He should race after her and explain, but that would take too much energy, and energy seemed to be rapidly disappearing. He’d phone when he got home. He waited until Lily had let herself in and the front entrance door clipped shut behind her. Another yawn dragged at his body as he pulled away from the kerb. There would be plenty of time for talking later.
* * *
In the morning Max groaned as he tried to roll over. The pain was crippling. Eventually he crawled out of bed and under the hot shower, his head feeling as though it would explode any moment. Every muscle in his body ached, and there was a dull pain in his gut. Near where the tumour had been removed.
Nausea soared. He leapt out of the shower to sit down, head on his knees, until the feeling passed. No bloody way. Not now. Now when he was getting his life in order. Not when he’d decided to love Lily. It couldn’t have come back. There’d been no warning signs. As if there had been the first time.
He’d been too busy being happy with Lily to notice any minor health problems. Thinking back over the weeks, he realised the tiredness wasn’t new, had been growing for some time, and the ache in his gut was real. It wasn’t psychosomatic. Prodding with his fingers he couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary but, then, a tumour wasn’t that easy to find.
Pulling himself upright, he dried off and picked up the razor to shave for the day, aiming for normality. He was overreacting. If anything, he had the flu. This was a hypochondriac’s reaction, and he wasn’t one of those. But what if...?
Stop it. Get on with the day.
His hand was shaking, and by the time he’d removed his whiskers there were two nicks on his chin. If this was flu he had no right to go into work and spread it further. Great. He could stay at home and talk himself into any illness he liked. Wrapping himself in the thick, navy bathrobe that had been hanging on the back of the bathroom door, he went into his bedroom and sank down on the bed, all energy gone, and swallowed some more headache pills and half a glass of water, and stared at the floor between his feet. Just a few minutes and the pills would kick in and he could get up and ring Devlin about tests to make sure the cancer hadn’t returned. Because his gut was saying it had.
* * *
The phone ringing on his bedside table woke Max. The time showed nine ten. As he snatched up the phone he leapt out of bed and slammed his hand against the wall to prevent crashing to the floor. His head was going round and round, his legs barely held him upright. Sinking onto the edge of the bed, he pressed the phone icon. ‘Hello, Lily.’
Lily. Darling Lily. He had to call it off with her. This was the wake-up call he needed to make him see sense. He could not get serious with her, couldn’t marry her and have children together. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he let them fall onto his chest.
‘Max? Are you all right? Where are you? The office tried ringing you, then Devlin. You haven’t had an accident, have you?’ Lily sounded frantic, full of concern.
Well, she would, wouldn’t she? His heart warmed, and for a moment he dared to dream, then his stomach squeezed painfully, shattering the hope. He snapped, ‘I’m fine.’ Glancing at the phone, he saw what he hadn’t noticed before. Three missed phone calls. ‘I was asleep.’
‘Max, you were tired last night. Have you got the flu despite having the vaccination? Or something else? Food poisoning from those scampi?’
That possibility had never crossed his mind and the symptoms didn’t stack up anyway. ‘Not food poisoning. Possibly the flu. I slept all night after downing some pills, and have just taken some more.’ Say anything to keep her from asking too many questions. He was going to hurt her but he’d prefer to be on his feet when he did that.
‘Stay in bed. Janice is back, Andrew’s called in sick. The medical centre’s not immune.’
‘If I don’t come in you’ll all be a lot busier.’ Shut up. There was no way he could stand up for more than a few minutes. Trying to work with patients was definitely out.
‘Then we’ll be at risk of catching whatever you’ve got. I’ll get you a prescription for the tablets we’re all prescribing and drop them off at lunchtime. If you’re really nice, I’ll bring some lunch to go with them.’
The thought of food didn’t do him any favours but there was a remote possibility he might feel a bit better in a few hours. ‘The spare key is in the peg basket attached to the washing line around the back.’
‘Anything else you need?’ Lily asked.
‘No. Thanks.’
‘Right. I’ll see you later. And, Max? Don’t spend the morning stressing about what’s wrong with you. It doesn’t help, and will only prevent you getting much-needed sleep.’ She hung up.
‘Yes, Doctor.’ As he dropped back against the pillows and tugged the duvet up to his chin, he wanted to shout at the world for doing this to him. Not now, not when Lily read him too well, and he liked that. She understood he’d be worried sick about what was ailing him. She wouldn’t laugh at him, but she’d sure as hell make sure he didn’t spend his time carrying on like a hypochondriac. She also wasn’t going to be happy when he told her they really were over this time. Because he had to. For her sake.
Damn it, he was medically trained, knew about symptoms, and understood how some people could overthink their situation until they made themselves ill. Not once had he ever thought he’d be one of those, and yet here he was, acting stupidly. The fear was back, ramping up fast. If only the cancer hadn’t returned. That’s all he asked. Not when he’d finally decided to make a go of the future, to stop worrying about letting others down. Was the fact he’d taken a step towards a future with Lily putting him in his place for hoping for too much?
Coming back into his life, Lily had tossed all his post-cancer beliefs out the window like they didn’t mean a thing. She’d woken him up so that for the f
irst time ever he wanted a permanent relationship, to be married to the woman he loved, and to have a family. He wanted to love and be loved, and he was halfway there, so now all he would’ve had to do was make her fall in love with him. But not any more. He was backing off.
First he’d ring Devlin. The man was his GP, and a friend, and understood his fears.
* * *
‘Hey, how’re you doing?’ Lily leaned against the doorframe of Max’s bedroom and took a good, long at him. Dark shadows stained his upper cheeks, while traces of red filled the lower half of his face. His eyes were spewing exhaustion. ‘Looks as though you’ve got yourself a fever.’
‘The sheets and pillows are soaked.’ He shuffled up the bed to lean back against the headboard, looking everywhere but at her. Like she wasn’t welcome.
She’d ignore that for now. Devlin said Max had called for a prescription, when she’d said she get him what he required. That had stung, but there was no point in making a mountain out of it. ‘Don’t go getting cold. I’ll take your temperature then put the kettle on if you want a hot drink.’ She got the thermometer out of the medical bag she carried and moved across to the bed.
Max obliged by turning his head to show his ear. ‘This is crazy.’
She managed a laugh. ‘It sure is. But it shows you’re human. The flu’s doing the rounds of the medical centre.’ She read the scanner. ‘Slightly high. To be expected.’
‘You be careful. Don’t want you getting sick.’ His smile was lopsided, and a little sad.
Punching him lightly in the arm, she shook her head. ‘I’m tough. I’ll be fine. Right, what do you want to drink? I’ve brought sandwiches and a sweet muffin for your lunch.’
‘Hot water will do. Not sure I want to eat.’
‘Too bad.’ She got him a large mug of hot water and a plate with two sandwiches. Then she got a mug of coffee and some sandwiches for herself and went to sit on the end of the bed. ‘Did you go back to sleep after I rang?’