The Penance List

by S C Cunningham

  It served her right; she shouldn’t have gone with a married man anyway, let alone fallen in love with one; it was asking for trouble. If they don’t leave the wife straight away, they never will.

  They finished their relationship in a grown-up manner, with her pretending she didn’t mind, it was cool, she understood. Bullshit… she cried for months, a year. She hadn’t been with anyone since; she’d not met anyone to fill his shoes, until Franco.

  Eventually, the wound of not being chosen had begun to heal; it was a slow process. He was not a bad person; he just didn’t value her enough to choose her over the wife. Hey, she’d broken her fair share of hearts in her time; shit happens. Finding two people where the love is equal is not an easy task. She tried to see the philosophical side, they had great times together, it was magical while their lives crossed; now learn and move on. Blah, blah, blah….. yeah, easier said than done, he was a bastard!

  Actually, he may have done her a favour; did she really want to be with an unfaithful little shit? Him choosing her would have left a vacancy for the next dumb blonde that believed his words and filled her heart with hope. She guessed he would always be an adorable rogue; it was best to keep him as a friend.

  “What the hell do you want? You gave me a fright!”

  She giggled at him, surprised at how nice it was to see him again, at how the cloud had lifted. For the first time in ages she didn’t feel the pain she associated with him. She wondered if time had been the healer or she’d been released by having Franco in her life.

  “I left a voice message, you dizzy mare; didn’t you get it? I’m in town for the night needed a couch to crash on. Can’t believe you’re in, what a stroke of luck.”

  He stood, hands on hips, catching his breath from the stairs, his cheeky eyes appreciating her state of undress. She pulled the gown tightly around her waist, noticing his shoulder bag.

  “Nope, Ed, I’m crashing, promised myself a quiet night in. I haven’t enough energy to be polite company to anyone, not even lovely old you. Isn’t there some floozy somewhere you can stay with? Why do you only ever contact me when you need something, you little shit?” kicking herself for having ignored her answer machine; forewarned, she would have ignored the bloody doorbell. She hated people turning up uninvited, it was bloody rude.

  “Please, please, T!” he whimpered in a little boy voice, shocked at being told no.

  “I won’t be any trouble. I’ll get a takeaway and we can reminisce over old times,” he grinned enthusiastically. “Go on… live a little.”

  “Nope, another time, I am shattered,” she shook her head, pulling the door to. “Another time, now piss off!!…nicely!!” she smiled, blowing him a kiss.

  Wow, she was turning away the guy that she’d dreamed of being with for the past year…fan-bloody-tastic. Seeing she wasn’t moving on it, he blocked the door from closing with his foot.

  “Ok, ok… just let me in to use your phone, mine needs charging, and I’ll find somewhere else to stay.”

  “Yeah yeah yeah, you think I’ll fall for that old chestnut, no phone, you have dozens of the buggers, at least three on the go, one for your ladies, one for work, and one that the wife gets to see…now scoot, I’ve got a bath getting cold,” she would never have talked this bluntly to him before; it was exhilarating… thank you Franco, even if we never see each other again, you have been the stepping-stone off pining for Ed.

  “Err….. got caught out on the multi-phone usage; gave the mother-in-law the wrong number, caused a bit of a rumpus, so now only down to one. Rather relieved actually, too much hard work all that espionage. Honest T, am out of juice, look,” he held out his phone in cupped hands, Oliver Twist asking for more.

  “Ok, ok, but just a quick call, hurry, I’m getting cold standing here.”

  She pulled the door open for him to enter. As he brushed past, his aftershave sent a tingle of memory running through her. They had always been good together. He used to say it was because they screwed each other mentally as well as physically, whatever that meant.

  Bloody hell, it’s like buses; she goes without a man for months and then a load come at once, turning up on her doorstep.

  He knew his way around her flat, dumped his bag in her hallway and wandered into the living room, asking if she was ok, how was life treating her, small talk, just like old times. She half listened, anxious to get him on his way.

  “Yeah yeah, I’m fine, now you know where the phone is…”

  “A beer would be nice, if you’ve got it…You got mice?” he asked, nervously looking down at the traps scattered across the floor.

  He followed her as she walked into the kitchen. Thank God she’d cleaned up psycho. He came up close behind her as she scanned the fridge for a beer.

  “There’s one,” he pointed. “At the back.”

  He leaned in over her body, his chest warm against her back, to grab one of the elusive beer bottles hidden behind the out-of-date hummus and taramasalata tubs (lazy fodder for busy girls). She was grateful for the rush of cold air from the fridge. Maybe it was not a good idea to have let him in. She may be over him, but he was still fucking sexy, and he knew it.

  He knew where the bottle opener lived and automatically reached to grab it… good memory, she noted. Closing the fridge, she spotted an old picture of the pair of them in a passionate embrace beneath one of the many magnets that held all manner of trivia to her cluttered fridge door. The photo was something she’d pathetically held onto along with dreams of them getting back together.

  Nonchalantly leaning back against the fridge, she managed to hide it; she didn’t want him to think she was pining after him, which she may have done for the past year but not for the past week… fuck, timing in life sucks.

  “Pour me a glass of wine, would you?” she asked, although she had one in the bathroom.

  The bottle was open on the side; he dutifully obliged, knowing exactly which cabinet to grab a wine glass from. He looked so comfortable in her kitchen, too comfortable. She guided him into the living room. Reaching back to snatch the picture off the door and stuff it into the cutlery drawer, he hadn’t noticed, phew! Girls are so much brighter than men, she grinned to herself.

  “I see you kept that picture then,” he said as he flopped onto the sofa.

  “What picture?” she asked innocently, going pink.

  “The one you’ve just hidden…T, I think its sweet you kept it, we had fun together; it’s good to have memories. Now come and sit down, tell me what you’ve been up to. You look really well. I know that look. Someone must be popping your cork, who is he?”

  There never was any messing with Ed, he always got straight to the point. He knew her so well. She sat down beside him, laughing. Maybe they could just be friends. She relaxed.

  “Ed, I have missed you, nothing gets past you,” she clinked his beer bottle with her glass, toasting their friendship.

  They chatted away for hours, catching up on old times, her bath cold and forgotten. Tara had missed his easy, relaxed manner. His story telling had her in stitches, he’d been a good friend and listener as well as a lover.

  “How is whatsername, your poor long suffering wife, I was always so jealous of her, you broke my heart you know, choosing her over me… you had babies yet?”

  Feeling safe in his company, she cuddled up beside him, pulling her legs under her. He went quiet, contemplating her question… oops! shouldn’t have brought up the wife. A stupid move; it would shift the convo into heavier territory. That was the wine for you, she’d nearly finished the bottle. He was on his fourth beer. Both were getting deliciously light-headed.

  “Yeah, she’s still around, but no babies. I’ve been faithful for a while now, nearly a year, that’s bloody good for me you know… nothing since you, T,” his face clouded over, becoming serious.

  “You hurt T, must have been mad letting you go, never thought I was quite good enough for you though, probably did you a favour…you don’t want an old rogue like me…have
missed us though, missed this.”

  He reached out and softly stroked the side of her face, leaning forward, out of habit; he gently blew strands of fringe out of her eyes, something he would often do when they were together, when he owned her body. She closed her eyes and let the cool air caress her skin; time went into slow motion. She felt familiar feelings come tumbling back, feelings that had been drowned with tears. This was not a good idea. She knew where it would lead. Fuck, how dare he want her, just when she’d stopped wanting him, well almost!

  Jumping up, she moved swiftly to the furthest point in the room, the window. Trying to get some space between them in her tiny living room. Facing him, she leaned back against the cold window pane, letting its coolness wake her up. He watched her. She knew that look, knew what he was thinking.

  “No, no, no… Ed, don’t go there,” she raised her arm between them in mock self-defence.

  Taking a large gulp of wine, she looked at him pleadingly.

  “That was a long time ago. We are just friends now. You’ve got whatsername and I am just starting to see someone, finally. Someone who could take the place of you, its early days but I like him…I don’t know…I think he likes me…” she was blabbering rubbish… fuck! He was making her nervous, she didn’t trust she could hold back if he touched her. She continued.

  “Whatever, whether I am or not, it would kill me to go through all that pain again with you. Now get on the phone and find somewhere to stay, there are plenty of hotels around the corner.”

  He ignored her. Putting down his beer, he slowly pulled himself up from the sofa, walked over to the window, and placed his hands above her shoulders, either side of the window frame, trapping her. He stood legs apart, standing strong in front of her inappropriately attired body. Oh God, that delicious smell of his was wafting into her senses again. She felt the warmth of him, he was too close.

  “Ed,” she stuttered. “This is not good for me. You can’t just bounce back into my life and pick up where we left off, it’s not fair. You made your choice a long time ago (he wasn’t listening) and before you do anything, (she raised her voice in slight panic) don’t even think about touching me or I will scream, I’ll kick you in the balls…”

  He repositioned his leg, placing it firmly between her thighs, pinning her even more against the window. She groaned, feeling the pressure of his body pushing against her.

  “You know T, I always know when you say no and mean no and when you say no and mean yes. On this occasion, you mean yes.”

  He smiled cheekily, moving in close to her face, his eyes locked on hers. He was always so bloody confident, so bloody right; she hated him. Hated herself more, she was weak. The old pangs of wanting him came flooding back, those familiar feelings he created deep inside her were working their way out. She guessed he knew it, but didn’t care, he was just horny.

  In that moment, she knew she would make love to him one last time, have closure on him and the sadness he’d left in her, clear a place for someone new. She would say goodbye through the only language they knew, sex.

  Resting the empty wine glass on the window ledge, she caught him off guard, grabbing the front of his shirt with both hands, she tore it open, ripping off buttons in the process. He yelped, looking down aghast at his very expensive favourite bird-pulling shirt.

  “Shit…T…what th…”

  She slapped her mouth onto his, forcing lips open with her tongue, probing deep. Her hands, having made fast work of his shirt, pounced on his fly, rubbing his shocked cock into life and grappling with the zip. In one swift movement, she pushed both jeans and boxers to his knees.

  Looking down, she remembered why she’d nicknamed him ‘Ed the Head’.

  He pulled back for air, away from this flailing banshee, shaking his head, laughing. Being twice her size, he calmly took her arms and held them tight at her side to keep her still.

  “T…T baby, wait a minute, what the hell are you doing? Trying to shock me, eh? Teaching me a lesson…you are something else.”

  She relaxed back against the window, catching her breath, her dressing gown draped open. Her breathing heavy, her hair over her face, she looked so fucking sexy. She had that hazy turned-on gaze in her eye that he remembered so well, he’d missed this.

  Back in control, he ran his hand down her body to the top of her legs. She watched quietly as he pulled on the belt of her silky gown and eased its soft material aside, exposing her nakedness. Tucking his hand between her legs, he immediately found the place and slid long gentle fingers up inside her. Her body jerked. She was wet. He began to rub her slowly backwards and forwards, enjoying the look in her face as she closed her eyes with pleasure and dropped her head back. He was gonna enjoy this…let the games begin.

  A few feet above them, the whirring sound of the recorder filled the room. David watched in awe, poor Franco, he would not enjoy this. But, when the time was right, he would get to see it. Bad, bad girl.

  He watched them drive each other to the edge and back, time after time, their bodies moving from room to room like a violent ballet. These two were good.

  They were against the wall of her bedroom now, her legs up around his waist. Holding her buttocks, he rammed her up and down, faster and faster, he felt his legs would give way; she was building, panting, pulling at his shoulders, his arms, anything she could hold tight.

  “Don’t stop, please don’t stop!” she cried. “I’m coming!”

  It was all Ed could stand, he was ready to explode, he’d been holding back, waiting for her. Her body was shaking out of control as she got closer and closer, faster and faster he pumped, meeting her rhythm, until she let out a long wail.

  Finally he let it go, joining her, somewhere right up inside her, over and over again…Why did he ever leave this woman?

  They fell to the floor in giggles, out of breath. “Shit, I forgot how good it is with you, T,” he said in between gasps.

  “Yeah, yeah, bet you say that to all the girls,” she teased, digging him in the ribs.

  A little brown mouse popped out from under the bed and did a panic run across the floor, past their feet and out into the hallway.

  “Oh fuck… what the…”

  Ed jumped to his feet, pulling her up beside him. Leaping from one foot to the other, frightened to touch the floor. His shrunken cock bouncing pathetically up and down like a little sausage, bungee jumping on acid. For all of his enormous size, he didn’t do mice.

  “Oh shit, there’s another one…urrrgh!” moaned Tara, hand held to her forehead. Psycho-mouse had a bloody wife.

  She looked over at Ed making a fuss, he looked so funny, he was more scared than she was, typical…men!

  “Don’t worry, it’s gone. I’ll look after you, big boy,” she giggled.

  Once she’d managed to calm him down by placing four different types of traps across her bedroom doorway (heaven help him if he went for a pee in the night), they crawled under the covers of her bed and cuddled the night away. Reminiscing the old days, stroking and caressing.

  She fell asleep with tears in her eyes. She wondered why he’d come to her that night. Had he just been horny? For old time’s sake? Whatever the reason she was grateful, he’d released her. She knew she wouldn’t see him again, this was goodbye, time for her to move on, learn to love and trust again. She was now free. She guessed he knew that too.

  There was a tender thoughtfulness about him that she hadn’t seen before, he was saying goodbye also. Some things were just not meant to be. He could never commit to her; they both knew that, it was just the way he was. They had had some lovely times, she was pleased he’d been in her life, but it was time to go in another direction… how very grown up.

  Franco crept into her thoughts, she smiled, if he ever found out about tonight, she hoped he’d understand.

  Franco crept into David’s thoughts also.

  He closed up for the night. Turned off the equipment and labelled the discs. He flicked off the light switch, locked the doo
r, skipped catlike down the stairs to the hallway and out onto the street.

  Walking home, the new discs tucked safely into his top pocket, he was happy with the footage he’d caught, but angry with Tara for being unfaithful…again! He looked up into the night sky, his angel had fallen but he and the Devil would have fun, as they had before. He winked up at him.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  12:55 p.m., lunchtime. Cellini’s was already full of the hustle and bustle of a busy lunch hour. The girls had booked for 12:30, but as usual were late.

  Sunlight poured in through the large windows and bounced off the pale lemon walls and white tablecloths, giving the restaurant a sun-drenched Mediterranean look, one of the reasons the girls loved it, it had a holiday feel, a chilled sunny place to take timeout from hectic London.

  Josie had arrived first; sitting at the high barstool, bored; she crossed and uncrossed her long legs, playing the game of how much attention she could get. She leaned into the bar and sucked seductively on the straw of her drink. Bright red glossy lips exaggerated in their action… suffer, babies, suffer, she teased, enjoying the knowledge that all eyes were on her, both male and female.

  She winced with pain, as she sat back upright; not such a good idea. Her client last night had been a bit heavy on her; the vertebrae in her lower spine had been fused together from overenthusiastic pummelling. She’d wanted to tell him to stop, but knew he was on the edge, wanting to get it over and done quickly, she’d put up with it.

  Her upper arms had thumb and finger bruises where he’d held her. Shit, those marks take ages to go, she would have to drape a cardigan over her shoulders for a few days to hide it…. oh well!… goes with the territory.

  She tried to lightly brush it aside, but didn’t like to be reminded of Josephine’s activities.

  She sighed, at least the girls would take her mind off things, where were they? Almost time for another drink. She seemed to be doing a lot of that recently. She must watch it, she was at the age where it wasn’t so easy to hide a booze-bloated face, which she couldn’t afford in her game.