by Iris Trovao
He took his seat as Rose finished a round of hugs and congratulations and sidled in next to him.
“You think that’ll get people donating?” she asked, raising a victory fist.
He grinned, pulling out his phone and ignoring the pang of disappointment that there was no text from Jolie there. He opened the app for the fundraiser and turned the screen towards her.
“Jumped seven thousand dollars in the last five minutes,” he declared, and she squealed, clapping her hands. His heart swelled with pride, and he leaned over and kissed her forehead.
When the last performer had finished, a string quartet took the stage as mood music for the remainder of the night. Drinks flowed, but most of the families began to filter out, considering it was a Monday night and the performers were all school-aged kids.
Carson stood with the three teenagers near the door as they waited for Gina, who was mingling with a few art gallery colleagues near the stage.
“I'll go grab the car,” Nick said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “It was good to see you again, Dr. Wessex.” He held out his hand, and Carson shook it with a smile.
“You too. Golf day soon, huh?”
Nick grinned at that. “Sure thing, sir.” He waved and headed outside.
“Did he drive your mom too?” Carson asked.
Lily shook her head. “No, she came by herself. We’ll meet her at home.”
He forced a smile. “Well, drive safely. Text me when you get home, okay?”
“Yeah yeah, Dad,” she drawled, and gave him a hug.
Rose curled into his other side, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Thanks for coming, Dad.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it.”
“I hope next time Jolie can make it,” Lily said, her voice a little louder than before.
“Me, too,” he replied, brow furrowing.
The girls left, calling I love you's over their shoulders.
“She was wonderful, wasn’t she?” Gina said from behind him. “Our daughter.”
He sighed and turned to face her. “Aren’t you driving home?” He motioned to the wine glass in her hand.
“Not now I'm not.” She smirked, swirling the wine before taking a sip.
The nauseated feeling was back. He had a sinking feeling he knew what she was trying to orchestrate, and he wanted no part of it.
“I’m heading out,” Carson said stiffly. “Say hello to Thad for me.” He turned away from her sour expression and exited the hall.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Jolie spit popcorn out of her mouth as she burst out laughing. “Ohmygod.” It came out garbled through a mouthful of the puffy snack, and she gagged a little as she struggled to swallow. “You’re kidding!”
“No, man, not kidding. The guy was so drunk!” Alicia declared, raising her palms for emphasis. “Like it would have been creepy if it wasn’t so hilarious.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a dude actually refer to his junk as a one-eyed monster.” Jolie wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes and shook her head.
Her friend flopped back on the couch. “I hadn’t, either. No wonder the dude can’t get laid.”
“So gross.” Jolie set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. “So fucking funny.”
“Right?” Alicia giggled. “So, what about you?”
Jolie swallowed hard, the lightheartedness suddenly sucked out of her like a vacuum. This would be the opening she was looking for to break the news that she was seeing someone…but she couldn’t force herself to say the words. Especially with how awkward things were with her and Carson at the moment. She didn’t want to go through the trouble of breaking Alicia’s heart if he didn’t even want to be with her anyway.
“Any good fucked-up customer stories from the cafe?” Alicia continued, completely oblivious to her friend’s discomfort.
Jolie’s muscles relaxed. Thank fuck she isn’t asking about my sex life. “Not really. Janos keeps me in the back baking most of the time ‘cause I’m a gnarly bitch.”
“Aw, but you’re such a cute gnarly bitch,” her friend cooed.
“Speaking of baking,” Jolie said, getting to her feet, “I have cinnamon buns.”
“Are you trying to turn me on?” Alicia moaned. “Fuck yes cinnamon buns!”
Jolie chuckled and headed to the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a container of baked sugary dough.
She popped two on a plate, microwaved them until they were gooey again, and brought them back out to the living room.
“Ugh, have you seen this bitch?” Alicia asked, sliding closer as Jolie put the plate down and sat.
“What bitch?” Jolie asked, reaching for a bun.
“A bunch of these newsy bloggers keep yapping about this artist that cheated on her husband with a guy half her age,” Alicia said.
Jolie froze, fingers digging into the cream cheese oozing down the side of the bun. Icy tendrils licked her spine as her friend turned her phone screen and a photo of Gina and Carson smacked her in the face.
“Now she’s out and about with the ex-hubs, as if she didn’t have a baby with another dude last year,” Alicia continued, but her voice sounded far away, obscured by the roaring in Jolie’s ears. “Fucking shameless, right?”
They looked perfect. Gina had her arm linked through Carson’s, a natural, gorgeous smile on her face, as he looked on at their two natural, gorgeous daughters. Their daughters. A perfect happy fucking family.
“Anyway,” Alicia said with a sigh, pulling her phone back and setting it down on the coffee table, “lemme at this delicious thing.”
Jolie blinked, finally coming back to herself, and raised her bun to her mouth to avoid looking like a total space case. She took a bite, but what would have been a delectable treat just tasted like ash.
He’d invited her to that event. He’d asked her to go. She blew him off and then he got all buddy-buddy with his ex. A rational part of her brain, a tiny part, argued that photographers could have captured any moment out of context, that it was a whole night and of course they’d be seeing Rose perform together, they were her parents.
But fuck, she was hanging on to him like she meant it… After Jolie had verbally bitch-slapped Gina the night she’d showed up at the door, she’d felt so empowered, like a victory had been won. She’d thought Carson felt the same way. But what if Gina was getting to him? What if she was able to convince him that they should be together for their kids? What if she was able to wear him down? They’d been married for decades—she knew him better than Jolie did, knew how to influence him… What if, what if, what if…
“Oh god, this is so good, I can feel my ass growing,” Alicia groaned through a mouthful of dough.
Jolie forced a smile, stuffing her face again to avoid using her voice. She didn’t trust it to be calm, to not sound like she was panicking.
He invited me to that, and I blew him off, she thought. I might as well be driving him right back into her waiting arms. Fuck!
Alicia reached over and unpaused the movie they’d been watching before they had stopped to chitchat, focusing on the screen.
Jolie resisted the urge to reach for her phone, see if Carson had messaged her. Or the sudden urge that came over her in a wave to ask him if they were still on for tomorrow, if they were still on at all. She didn’t want to be a needy simp.
But she didn’t want to lose him. Especially not to his manipulative bitch of an ex-wife.
Blowing him off due to insecurity and awkwardness was not an option. She had to show him that she was in this, that she was with him.
She finally gave in and slid her phone discreetly over from the couch cushion beside her.
Carson: We still on for tomorrow?
Her heart swelled a bit, and she tried to squash down the panic and fear gripping her chest. Yeah, we’re on, she sent back. Before she could talk herself out of it, she added a heart emoji and shoved her phone between the couch cushions, curling her legs under her and focusing on the mo
vie.
Jolie and Carson ended up at a poutinerie downtown after she’d confessed she had a wicked craving for gravy and cheese. Really she’d just wanted to go somewhere more chill than the first restaurant he’d taken her to, but not as chill as street meat. Middle of the road. Relaxed.
This wasn’t to say she wasn’t always in the mood for poutine, however, and this place was one of her favourites. It had a pub vibe without the booze, thankfully, and a Canadian musician theme, giant photos of famous bands overlooking the tables from the walls.
It was all of this she paid attention to, to avoid the awkwardness between her and Carson. They’d been friendly, polite, but their relationship had always been more than friendly and polite. She wanted to ask him about the benefit, how it went, but she was afraid that crap about Gina would pour out of her mouth, and she didn’t want to talk to him about that. She knew she should, that he would be able to allay her fears, but she just couldn’t bring herself to.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Us?
When they ran out of food, the silence between them became even more awkward without the mutual excuse of chewing.
This is so stupid. She took a sip of her pop. I’m supposed to be reminding him why he should be with me, and instead I’m acting like a cold moron.
She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, to suggest they clear the air, but his phone buzzed.
“Sorry,” he murmured, and pulled it out of his coat pocket.
She didn’t have to guess who it was. The furrowed brow told all.
He shot her an apologetic look. “Sorry, it could be about the girls, I’ll be right back,” he said, and slid out of the booth, putting his phone to his ear. “Hello?”
Jolie blinked slowly at his back, as if moving through water.
“Look, you can’t just—” Carson hissed as he moved farther from the booth, his shoulders tightening. “I know you’re hurting and confused, but…”
Jolie lost track of what he was saying when he got too far away. Why doesn’t he just hang up on her? If he knows now that it’s not an issue with his daughters, why even continue talking to her?
Her jaw clenched tight, until her teeth squeaked together. Her face grew hot. How was she supposed to compete when he was insistent on giving Gina his time?
Fuck this. She snatched up her coat and got up, storming out of the restaurant before he could turn around and notice that she was gone.
She cut into an alley halfway down the block to throw him off if he decided to chase her, and she was only a few steps into it before her phone buzzed. She cursed under her breath, digging for the pack of cigarettes buried in her pocket. She lit one and took a deep drag before working up the balls to look at his message.
Carson: Where did you go?
She swallowed hard. She didn’t want to answer. Her knee-jerk reaction was to lie and say she wasn’t feeling well, but she didn’t want to do that, and he’d see through it in a heartbeat.
Carson: I’m sorry I took so long on the call.
She scoffed and took another drag, waiting as his three little dots showed up again.
Carson: Things are awkward and we need to clear the air. I had been hoping we could do that tonight.
“Me too,” she muttered. She turned her phone off and shoved it back into her pocket, picking up the pace for her long walk home.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Carson didn’t want to answer the phone. Jolie had been just about to say something, and no matter what it was, it would break the tension he'd been too chicken to break.
Jolie had suggested this place but asked to meet him instead of him picking her up. She’d said she was already in the area, though after the quiet awkwardness between them he suspected it was because she hadn’t wanted to be in the car with him.
But he couldn’t ignore Gina, just in case it was an emergency with one of the girls. Even though something in his gut said that it wasn’t.
“Hello?” he asked as he walked away from the booth.
“Carson,” came the breathless reply, “I need to see you.”
He sighed. “Look, you can’t just—”
“I can’t do this,” she pleaded. “Being all together last night like that, it—”
“I know you’re hurting and confused, but this isn’t the way to deal with it,” he said, lowering his voice. “You have a baby with another man, a man that loves and adores you. We’re both living our own lives now.” He straightened his shoulders, a surge of courage thrumming through him. “That’s it. Our only correspondence should be about Lily and Rose, and that’s as far as it goes.” She had to understand. He had to make her understand.
“You can’t just throw away our marriage—”
“You threw it away,” he snapped. “You did. And just because the outcome isn’t what you expected doesn’t mean you get to take it back. Our relationship is over. And if you have any respect for our children and their feelings, you’ll stop this and move on. Goodnight, Gina.” He ended the call and jammed his phone back into his pocket.
That was it. He wasn’t going to worry about her anymore. He had to focus on Jolie, smooth the awkwardness between them, and tell her that he wanted her to be his girlfriend. Tell her how he really felt about her.
But when he turned around, their booth was empty.
Had she gone to the bathroom? He glanced over his shoulder and spotted the restrooms, past him from where she’d been sitting. He’d have noticed her walk by him.
His heart pounded as if it were trying to punch out of his chest, and when he reached the booth he realized her coat was gone too.
She’d left.
He reached into his wallet and frantically jerked out a few twenties, tossing them on the table before bolting for the door.
He burst out onto the sidewalk, looking around maniacally for her. She couldn’t have gotten too far, yet.
Fuck! He couldn’t see her. He wasn’t sure if she would have gone in the direction of home, or picked a different one to try to shake him, and his heart sank. She clearly didn’t want him to come after her.
Was this it? Had she taken off on him because he answered a call from his ex-wife? There had to be more to it than that. Things had been tense between them already, and he’d been so ready to clear it all up, really ask what she was thinking, and tell her what he was thinking.
He pulled out his phone, unlocking it and tapping with rapidly freezing fingers. Where did you go? He hit send, and not even bothering to wait for a response, added I’m sorry I took so long on the call. But that wasn’t good enough. Things are awkward and we need to clear the air. I had been hoping we could do that tonight.
He had been. And he’d been stupid to wait so long, to let their silence stretch on, and on. Now his fear had driven her away.
He didn’t want to lose her.
She didn’t reply. She didn’t even type anything. He didn’t know if she was even reading them.
Please talk to me, he typed, and drew his bottom lip between his teeth as he stared at the screen, willing her to start saying something back. After a full minute of nothing, he hit send.
After another five minutes of nothing, his hands were numb, and he got into his car, slamming the door behind him.
All the while, his mind chanted, Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Carson checked his phone multiple times throughout the night, between bouts of restless sleep. He checked his phone in the morning in between each step of getting ready for work. He checked it before going inside. He checked it when he got to his desk. He checked it between patients, even though he knew she’d be working by then.
It wasn’t until twenty after eleven when it finally buzzed, and his hands flew from the computer keyboard to scramble for his phone.
Jolie: I don’t know what you expect me to talk about.
He put a hand to his mouth. Were they really going to do this over text? He supposed they’d had all number of intense conversations via texting. It was only after
they’d met in person that things had gone horribly wrong.
He sighed. Before he could reply, another message popped up.
Jolie: It’s fine, we’re not compatible. We tried.
He blinked at the screen, his eyes suddenly tight in their sockets. What the hell was she talking about?
“Dr. Wessex?” the receptionist poked her head into his office. “Your eleven-thirty cancelled… Do you want me to try to get someone to fill it or…”
“No, that’s fine, go ahead for an early lunch,” he replied vacantly, and she grinned before scurrying off.
He rubbed his forehead as he stared at his phone. He reread the message three times. Was this how she really felt? Or was she just hurting and lashing out?
I disagree, he sent back, and got to his feet. He grabbed his coat and strode out to his car with purpose.
There was no response, not a single buzz the whole drive to the cafe, and as he pulled into the miraculously-empty space out front, he paused.
This was a bad idea. It would be impulsive to show up at her workplace.
But he couldn’t make himself put the car into gear and leave. He opened his messages, just in case she’d replied and his phone had malfunctioned, but there was nothing.
He took a deep breath. Maybe she’d have a break soon. He’d just get a coffee and wait.
He got out of the car and entered the cute little cafe. It was fairly crowded, lots of people filling the cozy spaces presumably for lunch.
He approached the counter where a well-groomed and friendly-faced man stood smiling at him.
“What can I get for you?” he asked.
Before Carson could respond, Jolie emerged from the back. She looked gaunt almost, pale with red-rimmed eyes. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of him and dropped the hot pan of muffins she’d been holding on the floor.
Carson blinked rapidly. Is the sight of me really so shocking and horrifying? he thought.
“Jesus, Jo!” the man behind the register exclaimed as tendrils of steam rose from the crumbled cake on the floor.