by Iris Trovao
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she blurted, hands still in front of her clad in neon green oven mitts as if she didn’t even realize she wasn’t holding the pan anymore. “Get out.”
“Jo!” the man, presumably her supervisor, barked.
Carson swallowed hard. “Please don’t be angry with her,” he said hoarsely. “I shouldn’t have come in here while she’s working.”
“No, you shouldn’t have!” she cried shrilly, eyes round as doubloons.
He didn’t know why she looked so scared. In this situation it would seem natural for her to glare at him, but she looked terrified, bloodshot eyes wide.
“Is this…?” Her supervisor waved a flippant hand at Carson.
“Get the fuck out!” Jolie cried, and yanked off her gloves, throwing them on the floor.
“No,” her supervisor snapped. “No. That’s enough. I’ve carried you through a lot, but now you’re really messing with my business. Go home.”
It was then that Carson realized that every single customer had turned to stare at the ordeal. A flush crept up the back of his neck. What have I done? He wanted to leave, undo the damage, but bailing now would be even worse. His presence agitated her, but he’d walked in here and fucked everything up—walking back out again and abandoning her would be even worse.
“Janos,” she choked, finally tearing her gaze away from Carson to stare at her boss. “I’m sorry. I reacted without thinking.”
“That’s what you do,” he muttered. “Go home. People are filming us.”
She looked around frantically, her brow furrowing, and Carson knew that look. It was determined yet unhinged. Before she could tear across the counter and start reaming out anybody holding a phone, he lunged into her field of vision.
“I’ll give you a lift,” he said.
Now she’s glaring at me, he thought, imagining that he could see smoke coming out of her ears.
“I don’t want a lift,” she hissed, and practically tore her apron off, storming into the back room and emerging with her coat. She shoved past Carson, bursting outside, and though he felt like he should apologize to Janos, he didn’t want her to disappear on him again.
I can’t lose her.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Jolie burst outside, the frigid air smacking her in the face. I disagree, he’d said. He fucking disagreed. And then showed up at her job to throw her life into chaos.
How had everything spiralled out of control so quickly?
“Jolie!” Carson cried breathlessly as he barrelled out the door behind her.
Every instinct in her told her to run. To sprint away from him, away from Janos, away from everything that was scary because it was so fragile and could shatter at any moment.
But I’ve already shattered it, she thought, blinking back tears. I’ve already fucked it all up.
“Hey,” he said, his tone gentle as he touched her arm.
She hadn't realized she'd stopped, her feet rooted to the ground, his all-consuming presence behind her. The presence she associated with comfort, with happiness.
“Talk to me,” he said.
She whirled around, a fire blazing in her. Anger was easier than sadness.
“Talk to you?!” she hissed. “I tried talking to you, and you blew me off for your obsessive ex!”
He recoiled as if she’d slapped him, and guilt twisted her stomach with brutal force.
“Are you honestly angry that I have to speak with her?” He shook his head. “She’s the mother of my children and we have to co-parent together.”
She threw up her hands. “Yeah you have to speak with her about the fact that she’s trying to get back together with you!”
“Why does that matter?” he shot back, brow furrowing as his cheeks reddened. “What she feels is her own problem. I’m with you!”
“Are you?” she spat. “It doesn’t fucking feel like it.”
“What does that mean?” He scrubbed his hands down his face. “How could it not feel like it? We’ve only been seeing each other in person for a few days. I thought we were navigating this together.”
Her chest constricted. He was right. She knew, deep down, that he was right. They should be working together on this. She should have given them that chance.
The chance for her to inevitably fuck it all up.
“I thought so, too,” she snapped, the venom in her own tone flooring her. “But I don’t remember inviting her into our relationship.”
He blinked at her, mouth opening and closing in shock. “I thought you were more mature than this, Jolie.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” She resisted the urge to stamp her foot like a toddler, further proving his point. “You’re going to play my insecurity against me? The fact that I’m too fucking young for you?”
“No, that’s not what I mean at all,” he huffed, a groan of frustration quickly following. “I just… You knew what you were getting into. You’ve known this whole time that I have kids, that them and my ex are going to be a part of my life. I thought you understood that.”
She scowled. “I do understand that, if that’s all it was. But it was a real fucking wake-up call when she showed up at your door in the middle of the night begging for you back, and a nail in the coffin seeing you two being all big happy fucking family at that charity thing.”
He shook his head slowly, the disappointment in his eyes like a punch to the gut. “So you were too busy to come with me, but not too busy to stalk me on the internet and jump to conclusions?” he muttered, swallowing hard.
“I’m not interested in being the thing you waste your time on while you waffle over that manipulative bitch,” Jolie said, and her heart was breaking, cracking, shattering apart, and she knew she needed to shut up, part of her knew that this was all wrong, that the words coming out of her mouth weren’t truth, that she was hurting him on purpose, but she couldn’t stop.
“I am sorry I gave you that impression—” He stopped abruptly at buzzing in his pocket.
Jolie tongued her cheek, crossing her arms. “Gee, I wonder who that is.”
Carson pulled his phone out, sparing it barely a glance before declining the call. “Does that make you happy?” he asked, his voice strained and desperate.
She hated it.
“Sure, yeah, I’m super stoked about it,” she said. “I’d be happier if you were actually over her.”
“And I’d be happier if you were more understanding and mature about this!” He narrowed his eyes.
She sneered. “Yeah, right, because you wanted more than a quick fuck with a chick half your age before you go running back to your glamorous wife?”
His phone buzzed again, and she jutted out her chin.
But he didn’t make a move to pull it out this time. “Is that really what you think you are to me?” he asked hoarsely.
She glared at him, and the pull to run was even stronger now. She couldn’t handle the hurt in his eyes, those big, expressive eyes. Her body shrank away from him, shrivelling and withering as if his disappointment and pain were tangibly crushing her.
His phone stopped buzzing, but a beat later, started again.
“Jo?”
The small nickname coming out on a familiar, feminine, shaky breath made Jolie’s blood run cold. Of all the people to show up at this exact moment.
She clenched her fists and turned her head, eyes closed, willing it to not be real, willing it to be an auditory hallucination.
“What the fuck is going on?” Alicia snapped. “Is that…is that the guy from the tabloids?”
Carson clenched his jaw as his phone buzzed again.
“Just fucking answer it!” Jolie screeched. “Tell her to fuck off or tell her you’ll be with her, just answer it and get it done!”
He shook his head, blinking rapidly over glassy eyes before heading down the sidewalk, putting his phone to his ear as he left.
“Jolie what the hell?” Alicia demanded, stomping in front of her. “Is that guy ch
eating on his wife with you?”
“No!” Jolie shook her head vehemently, crossing her arms tightly around her chest as if to shield her heart from judgment. “No, there was no cheating.”
“Does he know you’re still married?” her friend hissed.
Jolie clenched her jaw, taking in a deep, ragged breath through her nose. The frigid air burned her nostrils, any moisture in there like daggers in her capillaries. I’m not still married! She wanted to scream. My husband is dead, and our marriage was dead long before that.
“What are you doing?” Alicia demanded, reaching out and grabbing the shorter woman’s arms. “What are you doing with him?”
“I can’t…” Jolie squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will back the tears, but they pricked out the corners anyway.
“This isn’t funny!” Alicia cried. “Are you seriously cheating on my brother with married dudes?!”
Something snapped inside of Jolie, and she shoved her friend away from her. “It’s not cheating. John is fucking gone!” she cried. “I can’t sit around in limbo not living my life because your brother up and died on me before I could fucking divorce him!”
Stars exploded behind her eyes and she staggered backwards, not registering what had even happened until Alicia’s boot heels clicked away down the sidewalk. She shook her head, flexing her jaw and rubbing her chin where Alicia had struck her with numb fingers.
“Don’t ever talk to me again, you heinous bitch!” Alicia called over her shoulder before disappearing between two parked cars.
Jolie stood there for a moment, stunned, unable to move, unable to blink. Everyone. All at once. Despite the busy city street, silence crushed her skull like a dark void.
Bam, bam, bam, she thought. Just like that.
Gone.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Carson walked away from Jolie, leaving her to deal with the shocked-looking woman he assumed was Alicia. He couldn’t bear to look at her another second. Not with the hurtful shit that spewed out of her mouth.
He stared at the phone screen. Gina. Gina, Gina, more Gina.
It went to voicemail.
And then immediately the screen lit up again, but it wasn’t Gina.
It was Rose.
His heart leapt into his throat and he swiped to unlock the phone, bringing it to his ear.
“Dad?!” she gasped, voice thick with tears and panic. “Why weren’t you answering? Mom’s been trying to call you!”
“What’s happened?” He practically dove into his car, firing it up. “Where are you?” He hit the button to switch the call to bluetooth as he pulled out of the parking spot.
“We’re at the hospital, um…your old hospital?” she stammered. “Lily and Nick got into an accident and they won’t let us see her!”
“She’s in surgery sweetheart, that’s why we can’t see her,” Gina’s soothing tone came through in the background, and Rose dissolved into sobs.
Fuck, Carson cursed himself, slamming his palm down on the steering wheel. I ignored her. The one time I ignored her and my daughter…fuck…
The tears overflowed then, the emotions that had been swirling in his chest all day, the confusion and fear and panic and heartbreak and now this. “I’ll be there soon, okay?” he said hoarsely, trying to keep his voice steady. “Rose? I’m on my way, okay? Tell your mom.”
“O-okay Dad,” she gasped, hiccuping a little, and he ended the call.
He swiped at his eyes, making a left turn, scrolling through his contacts on the console screen until he found the office. He let the receptionist know that he wouldn’t be back because his daughter was in the hospital, and after many assurances that yes, he was okay, he finally told her he’d keep her updated and hung up the phone.
He pulled into the parking lot, one he hadn’t been to in a while. Memories came rushing back, flooding him, every pained cry, every thump of his heartbeat in his ears as he performed some kind of emergency procedure. The lives he’d saved…and the lives he’d lost.
Now his daughter was in there.
He scrambled out of the car, shoving his phone into his coat pocket, heart hammering. His mind reeled with who would be in the ER today, who was assisting, if Patricia was there or if she was working later… He bypassed the triage desk with his eyes glazed over, nearly leaping out of his skin when somebody took his arm.
“Dr. Wessex.” Dr. Sahir’s voice rang through the fog, and he whirled on her.
“Who’s overseeing Lily?” he demanded.
“She’s stable,” Kamala replied, raising a hand. “They called me in early so we could operate on both at the same time, but surgery wasn’t necessary for Lily, she’s okay. Concussion and a wrist fracture, but otherwise fine.”
His mouth went dry. “I want to see her,” he rasped.
Dr. Sahir didn’t even bother to argue with him, simply waved for him to follow her to the elevator.
“And Nick?” he asked as the doors opened, rubbing his forehead with one hand as he repeatedly mashed the door close button with the other.
“We’re optimistic,” she replied.
Carson turned towards her as the doors slid shut with a ding. “I’m not a patient.”
“Today you are,” she said firmly. “And I don’t have all of the information. I’m not in the operating room, am I? So you’re going to have to wait with your family until we know more.”
He bit back a retort. He knew what it was like, being on the other side. And just because he’d been a doctor here didn’t mean he was justified in throwing a tantrum to try to get the information he wanted.
“Did they tell you what happened?” he asked instead, rubbing the back of his neck as he willed the elevator to go faster.
“Guy ran a red light and t-boned them,” she said, shaking her head. “Paramedics checked him out at the scene and he’s in police custody.”
Carson’s fists clenched. “Good,” he muttered, though there was a part of him that wished the asshole was here. Banged up enough to be in the hospital but alert enough to understand why an angry father was pounding his face into pulp.
Kamala led him to the left down a row of rooms, and plucked a clipboard from the wall, handing it to him wordlessly.
“Thank you,” he murmured as he flipped through Lily’s file, raising his gaze to his ex-colleague’s. “Really, thank you.”
“I’ll let you know as soon as there’s news,” she promised, and walked to the nurse’s station.
He entered the room, his heart tentatively stitching itself back together at the sight of Lily with colour in her cheeks. Her arm was in a plastic air cast as opposed to plaster, and there weren’t any visible bumps or open wounds on her. Seeing her breathing and in one piece, awake, alive, cut the straps of panic that had been gripping his chest since he answered Rose’s call.
“Dad!” both girls exclaimed, and Gina leapt up from Lily’s side, throwing herself into his chest.
He patted her back once, twice, then gently pushed her away from him so that Rose could get in for a hug. He skirted the bed and sat down next to Lily, reaching out to grab her non-casted hand.
“How are you holding up?” he asked.
“I’m fine. I keep telling everyone I’m fine,” she huffed. “I’m so glad you’re here. You need to go operate on Nick.”
He pressed his lips into a thin line, and offered her an apologetic smile. “That’s not something I can do, honey.”
“Bullshit,” she hissed, ripping her hand out of his.
Gina gasped. “Sweetie—”
“You’re the best doctor in this whole city,” Lily continued, her voice cracking as she stared intently at her father. “They won’t tell me what’s going on. I need you to get in there and save him.”
Carson took a deep breath and grasped her hand once again, holding it between both of his palms. “I can assure you that I’m not the best doctor in the city,” he began slowly, and her bottom lip trembled as she seemed to struggle to continue glaring at him. “They
don’t have any secret information for me either. I tried to get it out of Dr. Sahir. But she said they’re optimistic, and she would never lie to me. All we can do is wait as patiently as we can. I trust this team, and so should you.”
“Why can’t you just go in there and see?” she asked hoarsely, her shoulders slumping.
“You know that would breach all kinds of protocols,” he said gently. “And I don’t want to distract anyone from their job, either. He’s a tough kid, don’t worry.”
She leaned against him, nuzzling into his chest. He kissed the top of her head.
Rose tugged on Gina’s arm. “Can we go get some hot chocolate now that Dad’s here? Lily needs sugar.”
“Yes, please,” the bed-ridden girl mumbled into Carson’s shirt.
Her mother hesitated, then slowly got to her feet. “We won’t be long,” she said, and linked arms with Rose as they left the room.
Carson brushed a tuft of hair back from Lily’s forehead, sliding an arm around her shoulders so she was more comfortable against him. So many times over the years he’d been terrified of something like this happening, of walking into a hospital room and having one of his family members laying there.
The last time had been that Jane Doe last year who had drunk herself into unconsciousness in an alley and had her stomach pumped at a clinic. He remembered she’d looked so young, and it had been like a gut punch thinking of how easily it could have been Lily or Rose in that bed.
Something niggled in the back of his mind as he recalled that night, the bony, pale woman who’d slept through his shift. Such a familiarity there, and he couldn’t…place…
Oh my god. It suddenly clicked. That woman had been Jolie.
Thinner, more gaunt, sick-looking, but so clearly Jolie that he couldn’t believe he hadn’t recognized her the second he laid eyes on her in the restaurant.
“Are you okay, Dad?” Lily asked, leaning back against the bed to look up at him.
He hadn’t realized his muscles had stiffened so much until he relaxed them, and he shook his head. “I’m fine, honey. Just a hard day.” She’d confessed that her husband was in a coma and she felt like it was her fault that day…then she ignored me when I tried to reach out and eventually insinuated she’d been on a bender…