Kilo : being the love story of Eliph' Hewlitt, book agent

by Ellis Parker Butler

  CHAPTER XVIII. Another Trial

  When Eliph' stepped out of the butcher shop he saw T. J. Jones acrossthe street, returning from his interview with Mrs. Smith, and the bookagent hailed him and crossed the street. The editor wore a harassed lookas Eliph' stepped up to him, and it deepened when Eliph' asked him if hehad acceded to Mrs. Smith's request.

  "Hewlitt," he said, "I couldn't do it. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Theman was willing but the editor had to refuse. The press cannot sink thepublic welfare to favor individuals; once the freedom of the press islost the nation relapses into sodden corruption. I told Mrs. Smith so.And besides, I have the whole article in type, too. I like Mrs. Smith,and I like Miss Sally, but the hissing cobra of corruption must becrunched beneath the heel of a free and independent press. The TIMESmust do its duty, let the chips fall where they may."

  "'The pen is mightier than the sword,' page 233, Apt Quotations for AllOccasions," said Eliph', "this being one of three thousand quotations,arranged alphabetically according to subject, as 'Bird--in the hand,Bird--of a feather, Bird--killing two with one stone,' et cetery,including 'Leap--look before you,' and 'Sure--be sure you're right, thengo ahead.' What do you mean to print?"

  The editor told him all he had been able to gather regarding the matterof the fire-extinguishers, and as he talked Eliph' saw the butcher leavehis shop and enter the drug store--he was after chemicals. He turned tothe editor with fresh assurance.

  "See page 88, 'Every Man his Own Lawyer,'" he said, "giving all that itis necessary for any man to know regarding the laws of his nativeland, including laws of business, how to draw up legal papers, whatconstitutes libel, et cetery. This one division alone being worth thewhole cost of the book, showing among other things what a paper shouldprint and what it should not. Jarby's Encyclopedia of Knowledge andCompendium of Literature, Science and Art is a marvelous work, includingas it does the chapter on 'Fire--Its Traditions--How to Make a FireWithout Matches--Fire Fighting--Fire Extinguishers, How Made,' etcetery, containing directions by which man, woman or butcher canconvert lung-testers into approved fire-extinguishers at a cost of onlytwenty-six cents. It is a good book. I just sold Mr. Skinner one."

  He watched the editor's face as the meaning of his words dawned on it,and added:

  "Miss Briggs has a copy, morocco binding, including among ten thousandand one subjects 'What Constitutes Libel.'"

  "Then those fire-extinguishers will be all right, after all?" said theeditor. "You want to look out how you trifle with the press. The pressnever forgives nor forgets."

  "Those lung-testers, prepared according to Jarby's Encyclopedia ofKnowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science and Art, would put outthe flames of the fiery furnace prepared for Shadrach, Meschach andAbednego, mentioned in 'Bible Tales,' Condensed and Put into Words ofOne Syllable for Children,' page 569, Jarby's Encyclopedia," said Eliph'airily. "They would satisfy an investigation committee of imps, or otherexperts."

  The editor thought for a minute and Eliph' looked at him and smiled,gently combing his whiskers with his fingers.

  "That's all right," said the editor. "That lets Miss Sally out, and itmay satisfy Skinner, but it don't do away with the bribery. Mayor Stitzwas bribed and he admits it. He says he was, and he brags about it.Guthrie bribed him, and I've got enough left to give Stitz and Guthrie agood shot. I'll leave Skinner and Miss Briggs out, but I'll go for Stitzand Guthrie. I'll show them that in Kilo the press is alert, wide awake,and not to be trifled with. I'll teach them a lesson."

  "So do!" said Eliph'. "And make Miss Sally mad. And make Mrs. Smith mad.And make Miss Susan mad. And me. So do, and have Tolle tell them that hedid not want you to print it, and that he went up and fought you to getyou not to print it. So do, and instead of having Miss Sally and Mrs.Smith and me your friends, have us run you down to Susan. Instead ofhaving hit Toole by printing the thing sooner than he wanted, asyou did, print more, and do him a favor. Make him a favorite of MissSally's. So do, if you want to. Or--have me go to Miss Susan and say youwill not relent but that there is one chance--that she shall plead withyou herself."

  He stepped back and looked at the hesitating Jones.

  "Jones," he said, "the way you are acting, the way you hesitate,would tell anybody that you have not a copy of Jarby's Encyclopedia ofKnowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science and Art, in your office.No man who has read that book would lack wisdom, that work containingunder one cover all the wisdom I the world, price five dollars, twodollars off to the press. Buy a copy and be sensible."

  Jones looked far down the street toward his office as if the matter hehad there standing in the galley was begging him not to desert it.

  "Courtship--How to Make Love--How to Win the Affections--How to Holdthem When Won," said Eliph'. "See Jarby's giving advice to those inlove, those wishing to win the affections, et cetery. 'If the object ofthe affections can be placed in a position where she will be compelledto ask a favor, the granting of it, however slight, will advance thecause of the eager suitor."

  "I don't care!" said T. J. Jones suddenly. "I'd lose Skinner's ad if Iprinted that article, and he pays cash."

  "Mine too," said Eliph', "and I was just thinking of doubling it.Jarby's deserves----"

  "That's all right," said the editor, with a sigh of relief. "You needn'thave Miss Susan come begging me. Just tell her I gave up printing thearticle because you said she wouldn't like it."

  "Don't throw away a chance," urged Eliph' putting a hand on the youngman's arm. "Be wise. Do as Jarby's says. Be urged. I followed Jarby'sadvice."

  "Why are you--are you, too?" asked T. J., beaming upon him.

  Eliph' coughed behind his hand.

  "Yes," he said, "Miss Briggs. I followed Jarby's advice--and won."

  "Congratulations!" said the editor. "Have it your own way then. I'll beat Miss Sally's after supper, if Sue wants to coax."

  They parted, and as Eliph' walked happily toward his boarding househe did not realize that he had not won, nor that his appeal had beenrejected by Miss Sally, for he had regained his faith in Jarby's and ifhe had not yet won, he felt that he would, and that was the same thing.

  After his supper Eliph' felt that the time had come to arrange thingswith Miss Sally. There was no longer any cause for delay. He hadarranged the matter of the fire-extinguishers; he had settled the matterof the TIMES, and he felt that Skinner and the Colonel must have hurt bytheir actions their causes with Miss Sally. They had, indeed, far morethan Eliph' guessed. He repaired to his room and brushed his whiskerscarefully. Never had he appeared smarter than when he went out of thegateless opening in Doc Weaver's fence, and turned his face toward MissSally's home.

  His way led him past the mayor's little car, where Stitz was on hisplatform smoking and evening pipe. The mayor halted him with a motion ofhis pipe stem.

  "Mister Hewlitt," he said, "you know too that joke, yes? About thoselung-testers was not fire-extinguishers?"

  "That's all right," said Eliph', seeking to pass on, "It is all fixed upnow. They ARE fire-extinguishers."

  "Such a fool business on Skinner," said the mayor with enjoyment. "Andon Stitz, too. I thinks me I am the boss grafter, and I ain't!"

  He chuckled.

  "No-o!" he said cheerfully. "But next times I makes no more such foolmistakes; I make me a real boss grafter. I am now only a boss-fool, butboss grafter. So says Attorney Toole. Money is grafts, and houses andlots is grafts, and horses is grafts, and buggies, but," and he pausedimpressively, "apples isn't, and potatoes isn't, and peas isn't, andchickens isn't. Nothing to eat is grafts. If it is to eat it is notgrafts. So says Attorney Toole. Things to eat is no more graftsas lung-tester is fire-extingables. So says Toole. So nobody won'tprosecute me. I stick me to the mayor business yet a while. Klops on thehead is nothings much; all big men gets them. So says Attorney Toole."

  Skinner was locking his shop when Eliph' passed, and the stopped Eliph'too.

  "Works fine," he said. "I tried a tomato canful on a bonfire in the back
yard, and it put it out like a wink. That's a great book; I'm glad youspoke about it. I wish you'd told me about it sooner."

  Miss Sally was not on the porch when Eliph' arrived, for she was stillin the kitchen at the supper dishes, but Mrs. Smith and Susan werethere, and they greeted him eagerly. The little man smiled as he walkedup to them, and waved his hand in the air.

  "You fixed it?" cried Mrs. Smith. "It is all right now?"

  "Fixed from A to Z," said Eliph', as he took a seat on the porch step."All right from the allegorical frontispiece in three colors to the backpage. Jarby's wins, and error don't. Miss Sally in?"

  He heard the click of the dishes as Miss Sally laid them one by one onthe kitchen table, so he knew well she was in.

  "It might relieve her mind if I told her," he suggested, and Mrs. Smithsmiled and said it might.

  "Go right in," she said, and Eliph' did.

  He went into the hall and coughed gently behind his hand, and Miss Sallylooked up. She wiped her hands hastily on her blue gingham apron, andcame into the hall.

  "Jarby's fixed it," he said, and rapidly related what he had done, withillustrations in the way of quotations from the titles and sub-titles ofJarby's. "When you have a moment to spare," he added, "I would like tospeak to you. I want to tell you something about Jarby's Encyclopedia ofKnowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science and Art, a copy of whichI see lying on your parlor table, forming an adornment to the home bothuseful and helpful."

  "Well, I don't want no books," said Miss Sally, "I've got one copy, andthat ought to be enough to adorn any home. And I've got to get thesedishes washed sometime. I've let the fire go out, and the water will becold. If there's anything important you want to say about that book, youcan go out and wait till I get the dishes done."

  "It's about how to get the best use out of it," said Eliph'. "I'll goout and wait. It's something everybody that has a copy ought to know."

  He went out as she said, and found Susan alone on the porch. Mrs.Smith was at the gate, and he could see her white dress in the eveningdarkness. Susan sat with a knitted shawl about her shoulders, forthe evening were already growing chill, so long had Eliph's courtshiplengthened out. He could not have had a better opportunity to speak toSusan alone, and he warned her of the "piece" T. J. had threatened topublish in the morning, and of the disgrace and sorrow it would bringto Miss Sally. The girl listened eagerly and her indignation grew as hewent on, so that he had to veer, and expatiate on the virtues of T. J.and the right of the modern press to meddle in private affairs when itwants to.

  "And can't anything be done?" asked Susan. "Why don't somebody dosomething? I didn't think Thomas was like that."

  "He isn't," admitted Eliph' heartily. "But he needs coaxing. If you wereto coax him he might see how wrong he is. I shouldn't wonder if hewould come up here to-night, looking for me, being interested in Jarby'sEncyclopedia and anxious to get a copy at the reduced price of twodollars off, offered to the press only. If he does, try to move him."

  "I will," said Susan. "And if he publishes that piece, I'll never speakto him again."

  Eliph' was still sitting there when T. J. came, and when Susan proposeda walk down to the corner he knew that it would be all right with T. J.Jones. A light coming suddenly over his shoulder from the parlor behindhim told him that Miss Sally was ready to receive him, and he took hishat and went into the house.

  Miss Sally was sitting in the rocker with the cross-stitch cover, andEliph' took a seat at the opposite side of the center-table and liftedthe morocco bound copy of Jarby's from its place beside the shell box.The kerosene lamp glowed between them, and he drew closer to the tableand laid the book gently on his knees. Miss Sally sat straight uprightin her chair and looked at the little book agent.

  "This book," he said, looking up at her with eyes in which kindness andbusiness mingled, "although sold, in this handsome binding, for sevenfifty, is worth, to one who understands it, its weight in gold. Itholds a help for every hour and a hint for every minute of the day.It furnishes wisdom for a lifetime. I read it and study it; for everydifficulty of my life it furnishes a solution. Corns? It tells how tocure them. Food? It tells how to cook it. Love? It tells how to make it.But," he said, laying his hand affectionately on the morocco cover, "tobe understood it must be read. To read it well is to admire and cherishit, and yet, only this morning I was about to tear my copy of thispriceless volume to pieces and scatter it to the four winds of heaven."

  He paused to let this awful fact sink into Miss Sally's mind.

  "Yes," he continued, "I was about to turn away from the best friend Ihave in the world and declare to one and all that Jarby's Encyclopediaof Knowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science and Art was a fraud!When I left your home yesterday, I was full of anger. I was mad atJarby's Encyclopedia of Knowledge and Compendium of Literature, Scienceand Art. I had trusted to its words and directions, as set forth in,Courtship--How to Make Love--How to Win the Affections--How to Hold ThemWhen Won, and you sent me away. I went away a different man than I hadcome, and resolved to go away from Kilo, and never to sell anothercopy of this book. I resolved to take the sale of 'Hicks' Facts for theMillion,' a book, although greater in cost, containing by actual countsixteen thousand less words than this.

  "I went to my room at Doc Weaver's," he continued, "and seized my copyof this work from where it lay on my bureau. I called it names. I toldit it was a cheat and a liar. Yes, Miss Sally, I let my angry passionsrise against this poor, innocent book. I believed it had advised mefalsely. I had trusted to its words and had done as it said to do, andyou had sent me away, not in anger, but in sorrow, but just as muchaway. I picked up the book and opened it, grasping it in two hands totear it asunder."

  He opened the book and showed her how he had grasped it.

  "I pulled it to tear it in two," he said, raising the book and pullingit in the direction of asunder, "but it would not rip. It was bound toowell, the copies bound in cloth at five dollars, one dollar down and onedollar a month until paid, being bound as firmly as the more expensivecopies at seven fifty. I pulled harder and the book came level with mynose. I saw it had opened at 'Courtship--How to Make Love,' and I said,'While I am getting my breath to give this book another pull, why notread the lie that is written here once more? It will give me strength torend it asunder.' So I read it."

  He looked at Miss Sally and saw that she was showing no signs of beingbored.

  "I held the book like this," he said, showing how he held it, "and read.All that it said to do I had done and my anger grew stronger. But Iturned the page! I saw the words I had not seen before; words that toldme I had tried to tear my best friend to pieces. I sand into a chairtrembling like a leaf. I felt like a man jerked back from the edges ofNiagara Falls, a full description and picture of that wonder of naturebeing given in this book among other natural masterpieces. I weaklylifted the book back again and read those golden words."

  "What was it?" asked Miss Sally, leaning forward.

  "'Courtship--How to Make Love--How to Win the Affections--How to HoldThem When Won.'" said Eliph', turning to the proper page. "And the wordsI read were these: 'The lover should not be utterly cast down if he berefused upon first appealing for the dear one's hand. A first refusaloften means little or nothing. A lady frequently uses this means to testthe reality of the passion the lover has professed, and in such a casea refusal is often a most hopeful sign. Unless the refusal has beenaccompanied by very evident signs of dislike, the lover should tryagain. If at the third trial the fair one still denies his suit, he hadbetter seek elsewhere for happiness, but until the third test he shouldnot be discouraged. The first refusal may be but the proof of a finermind than common in the lady.'"

  Eliph' removed his spectacles and laid them carefully in the pages ofthe book which he closed and placed gently on the center-table.

  "Having read that," he said, "I saw that I had done this work a wrong. Ihad read it hastily and had missed the most important words. I felt thejoy of life returning t
o me. I remembered that you were a lady of finermind than common, and I understood why you had refused me. I resolvedto stay in Kilo and justify Jarby's Encyclopedia of Knowledge andCompendium of Literature, Science and Art by giving it another trial.And now," he said, placing his hand on the book where it lay on thetable and leaning forward to gaze more closely into Miss Sally's face,while she faced him with a quickened pulse, and a blush, "now, I want toask you again, WILL you put your name down for a copy of this work----"He stopped appalled at what he had said, and stared at Miss Sally forone moment foolishly, while over her face spread not a frown of anger orcontempt, but a pleasant smile of friendly amusement.

  "Not the book," he said, "but me."

  Miss Sally looked at the eager eyes that were not only serious, butsincere and kind.

  "Well, Mister Hewlitt," she said, "I guess I'll have to marry someonesome time so I might as well marry you as anybody. But I don't think pawill ever give consent to havin' a book agent in the family. He hatesbook agents worse than I used to."

  "You don't any more," said Eliph', putting his hand very far across thetable.

  "Well, no, I don't," said Miss Sally graciously, "not all of 'em."