A Picture-book of Merry Tales

by Anonymous

  _The Death of the Watch._]

  Directly after I left Tim, whom should I meet but Pat, who spoke quitecivil, saying, "Well, Paul, and how's the watch? I've been thinkingsince I heard her 'glucking' last night that it's to lay she wants, andthat if she had a nest you'd have some young watches in a day or two."

  "Do you think so?" said I.

  "I'm sure of it," said he; so we went along to the barn together andmade her a nice comfortable nest of hay.

  "Now," he said, as he laid her in it, and covered her up quite warmand snug, "you must not go near or disturb her for five days, or it'sdesert her nest she will, and you'll have no younguns."

  Well, to finish with my story, after five days I went to the nest, andwhat do you think I found? No younguns, nor the old watch neither, buta big turnip. I ran to Pat's, but he had gone off to America. I neversaw my watch again; but up to this day the boys call out, when they areout of my reach--

  "Paul, tell us what o'clock it is."

  [Decoration]

  XXVII.

  _Fittletetot._

  There was a good woman of Kittleroopit, but where Kittleroopit isexactly I cannot tell you; so it's of no use pretending to more thanone knows. Her husband was a vagabondizing sort of a body, and he wentto a fair one day, from which he not only never returned, but never wasanything more heard of him.

  Some said that he enlisted, and others that he had fallen into thehands of the press-gang; certain it is, anyhow, that the press-gang wasabout the country ready to snap up anyone, for our good dame's eldestbrother, Sandy, was all but smothered in the meal-tub, hiding fromthese man-stealers; and after they had gone he was pulled out from themeal wheezing and sneezing, and was as white as any ghost. His motherhad to pick the meal out of his mouth with the handle of a spoon.

  Well, when her husband was gone the good woman of Kittleroopit hadlittle left but her baby, and there was not much of that; for it wasonly a wee thing of a few weeks old. Everybody said they were sorry forher, but no one helped her, which is a case of constant occurrence, asyou know. The good woman, however, had still something left, which wasa sow; and it was, moreover, near littering time.

  But we all know that fortune is uncertain; for one day, when the damewent into the sty to fill the trough, what should she find but the sowlying on her back groaning and grunting, and ready to give up the ghost.

  This was a blow to the poor woman, so she sat down with the child onher knee and fretted more sorely than ever she had done for the loss ofher husband.

  I must tell you that the cottage of Kittleroopit was built on the slopeof a hill, with a small fir-wood behind it; and as the good womanhappened to look down the hill she saw an old woman coming up thefootpath, dressed almost like a lady. She had on a green dress, andwore a black velvet hood and steeple-crowned hat. She carried a staffin her hand as long as herself--the sort of staff that old men and oldwomen used to help themselves along with long ago. They seem to be outof fashion now.

  Well, when the good woman saw the green lady near her she rose up andbegan courtesying, and said, "Madam, I am one of the most misfortunatewomen alive, for I have lost--" But the green woman interrupted her,saying--

  "I don't wish to hear piper's news and fiddler's tales, my good woman.I know that you have lost the good man of the house, but that is nosuch great loss; and I know that your sow is very ill, which is worse;but that can be remedied. Now, what will you give me if I cure yoursow?"

  "Anything your good Ladyship likes," answered the good Woman, for shelittle knew whom she had to deal with.

  "Let's shake hands on that bargain," said the green Lady; so they shookhands, and madam then marched into the sty.

  She looked peeringly at the sow, and then began to mutter somethingwhich the good woman could not well understand, but she said itsounded like--

  "Pitter patter, Holy water."

  Then she took a little bottle out of her pocket, with something likeoil in it, and rubbed the sow about the snout and on the tip of thetail. "Get up, beast," said the green woman; and no sooner said thandone, for up jumps the sow with a grunt and goes off to the trough forher breakfast.

  The good woman of Kittleroopit was now as happy as need be, and wouldhave kissed the very hem of the green madam's gown-tail, but shewouldn't let her, and said, "I'm not fond of any such nonsense; but nowthat I have set your sick beast on its legs again let us settle ouragreement. You'll not find me over unreasonable. I like to do a goodturn for a small reward. Now all I ask, and will have, is the baby atyour breast!"

  The good woman of Kittleroopit, who now knew her customer, gave ascream like a screech-owl, and falls to begging and praying, but itwouldn't do. "You may spare yourself all this trouble and screeching asif I were as deaf as a door-post; but this I'll tell you, by our lawsI cannot take your child till the third day from this day, and not thenif you can tell me my right name." Hereupon the green lady goes herway, round the back of the pig-sty, and the good woman fell down in aswoon where she stood.

  That night she could not sleep for fretting, and the next day she coulddo nothing but hug her baby, that she nearly squeezed the breath outof it; but the second day she thought a walk would do her good, soshe went into the fir-wood I told you of. She walked on far among thetrees, with her baby in her arms, till she came to an old quarry holeall over-grown with grass. Before she came close up to it she heard the"bizzing" of a spinning-wheel and a voice singing, so she crept quietlyamong the bushes and peeped down into the hole.

  What should she see, but the green Fairy spinning away as fast aspossible and singing awhile--

  "Little knows the good old dame That Fittletetot is my name."

  "Ah, ha!" laughed our good Woman, and she was fit to jump for joy, whenshe thought how the green old Fairy would be cheated.

  _The good Woman discovering the Fairy._]

  She was a merry woman when there was nothing to weigh too heavily onher heart, so she determined to have some sport with the Fairy whenshe came the next day, as she little doubted she would. That night sheslept well, and found herself laughing in the morning when she woke.

  When she saw the green Fairy coming up the hill, neither lazy nor lamethis time, she put the baby under her stool on which she sat so as tohide it, and turning one leg over the other she put her elbow on herknee, resting her head in her hand as if she were fretting.

  Up came the old Fairy, and said, "You know what I have come for, so letus waste no time." The good woman pretends to grieve more than ever,and wringing her hands as she fell on her knees, "Good, kind Madam,"she cried, "spare my only child, and take the old sow."

  "The foul fiend take the sow," the Fairy said; "I came not here forswine flesh. Now don't be troublesome, but give me the child at once."

  "Oh! my good Lady," the good Woman again said, "leave my dear child andtake myself."

  "What does the old jade mean?" the Fairy cried, this time in a passion."Why, you old fool, who do you think would have anything to do with thelike of you, you ugly old cat?"

  This, I promise you, put the good dame's back up; for though she hadblear eyes, and a long red nose, she thought herself no less engagingthan the vainest; so up she jumped, and making a courtesy down to theground, she said--

  "We cannot all be as beautiful as your own sweet self, and I might haveknown that I should not be thought fit to tie even the shoes of thehigh and mighty Princess Fittletetot."

  The old Fairy could not have jumped higher if she had been blown up;but down she came again, and roaring with rage ran down the hill,followed by the laughter of the good dame of Kittleroopit.

  XXVIII.

  _The wee Bannock._

  There was an old man who had an old wife, and they lived by the sideof a hill. They had two cows, five hens and a cock, a cat and twokittens. The old man looked after the cows whilst the old woman knittedstockings for him, and when she let her ball of yarn fall the kittenssprang upon it, and after it as it rolled away, till it got twistedround all the legs of the
chairs and of the table, so that the oldwoman had plenty to do without knitting the stockings.

  One day, after breakfast, she thought she would have a bannock, so shemade two oatmeal bannocks and put them to the fire to bake. After awhile the old man came in and sat down by the side of the fire, andwhen he saw the bannocks he took up one and snapped it through themiddle. No sooner did the other see this than off it ran as fast asit could, and the old woman after it; but the wee bannock ran awayand out of sight, and ran till it came to a pretty large thatchedhouse, into which it ran boldly up to the fire-side. There were threetailors sitting on a table, and when they saw the wee bannock come inthey jumped up and off the table, and ran behind the good wife who wascarding tow on the other side of the fire.

  "Be not afraid," she cried, "it's only a wee bannock. Catch it, andI'll give you a basin of milk with it."

  Up she gets with the tow-cards, and the tailor with the goose, andthe two apprentices: the one with the shears and the other with thesleeve-board, but it eluded them all. The one apprentice made a snapat it with the shears, but he fell into the ash-pit. The tailor threwthe goose and his wife the tow-cards; but it wouldn't do; the bannockgot away and ran till it came to a little house by the road-side, intowhich it ran. There was a weaver sitting on his loom, and his wife waswinding a skein of yarn.

  "Kitty," said he, "what's that?" "Oh," said she, "it's a wee bannock.""It's welcome," said he, "for our pottage was rather thin to-day.Catch hold of it, my Girl; catch it." "Yes, that I will," said she."How now! why that's a clever bannock. Stop it, Willie; stop it, Man."But it wouldn't be stopped, and away it went over the hillock and raninto the nearest house, straight up to the fire-side. There was thegood wife churning, and she said, "Come along, my wee Bannock. I havecream, but no bread." However the bannock dodged round the churn, andshe after it, till she nearly upset the churn, and before she couldsteady it the wee bannock was off, down by the side of the stream intothe mill.

  The miller was sifting meal; but when he looked up and saw the bannock,he said, "It's a sign of plenty when you're running about like thatand no one to look after you. But I like a bannock and cheese, so comehere, and I'll give you a night's lodging." But the bannock wouldn'ttrust itself with the miller and his cheese, so it turned and ran outagain, and the miller didn't trouble himself about it.

  This time it rolled on gently till it came to a smithy, and in it ranup to the anvil. The smith, who was making horse-nails, said, "I likea stoup of good ale and a well-toasted bannock, so you are just thething for me." But the bannock was frightened when it heard him talk ofthe ale, so it ran off as hard as it could split, and the smith afterit, but all to no purpose; for it was out of sight in a crack, and itran on till it came to a farm-house. In it went up to the fire-side,where the farmer was plaiting straw ropes. "Why, Janet," he cried,"here's a bannock. I'll have the half of't." "Well, John, and I theother half." But neither could get hold of it, and off it was, up oneside of the hill and down the other, to the nearest house, and in itwent up to the fire.

  The good folks were just sitting down to supper. "Shut the door," criedthe good woman, "for here's a wee bannock come in to warm itself by ourfire, and it's just in time for supper."

  When the bannock heard this it ran all about the house, and got out atlast, when it ran faster and faster till it got to another house. As itran in the folk were just going to bed. The goodman was taking off hisbreeches, and his wife raking out the fire.

  "What's that?" cried he. "It's a wee bannock," said his wife. "I couldeat the half of it for all the supper I had," said he. "Catch holdof it," cried she, "and I'll have a bit too. Throw your breeches atit--there, stop it--stop it!" The goodman threw his breeches at it andnearly buried it, but it got away and out of the house. The goodman ranafter it; and now a regular chase began, round the house, through thegarden, across the fields on to a common among the furze, where he lostit, and he had to trot home again half naked.

  It had now grown quite dark, and the wee bannock could not see an inchbefore it, so by mistake it got into a fox's hole.

  Now the fox had had no meat for two days, so it made a snap at thebannock and it was gone in an instant.

  It would seem as if there were little use in the wee bannock havingescaped so many dangers, but not so, for all its pursuers could do verywell without it, whereas the poor fox had fasted two days and must havebeen really hungry.

  _The Bannock Hunt._]

  XXIX.

  _Jock and his Mother._

  There was once a widow who had a son, and she called him Jock. Now, oneday she said to him, "You are a lazy fellow, but now you must go outand earn something in order to help me."

  "I'll do that willingly," said Jock. So away he went, and fell in witha pedler, who said to him, "If you'll carry my pack all day, I'll giveyou a needle at night." He carried the pack all day, receiving theneedle at night; and as he went on his way home to his mother, he cut abundle of rushes and put the needle in the middle of them.

  When he got home his Mother said to him, "What have you done, andbrought home to-day?" "I met with a pedler," said Jock, "and carriedhis pack for him, for which I received a needle, which you may look foramong the rushes."

  "Out upon you, for a blockhead," said his Mother, "you should havestuck it in your cap." "I'll mind that another time," said Jock.

  The next day he overtook a man carrying plough-shares, and the man saidto him, "If you'll help me to carry my plough-shares during the day,I'll give you one for yourself at night." "Agreed," said Jock. So atnight he gets a plough-share, which he sticks in his cap. On his wayhome he was thirsty, so he went down to the river to have a drink, andas he stooped the plough-share fell out of his cap and was lost in thewater. He then went home, and his Mother said to him, "Well, Jock, whathave you been doing to-day?" And when he told her she cried out, "Howstupid you are, Jock! you should have tied a piece of string to it andtrailed it after you along the ground." "Well, I'll mind that anothertime," said Jock.

  Off he started the next morning and fell in with a butcher. "If you'llbe my servant for the day," he said, "I'll give you a leg of mutton atnight." "That is a bargain," said Jock. And after serving his day outhe got a leg of mutton, to which he tied a piece of string and draggedit after him through all the dust and dirt. When his Mother saw him sheexclaimed, "Will you never grow wise? You should have carried the legof mutton on your shoulder." "Well, Mother, another time I shall knowbetter," was his answer.

  The next day he went out as usual, and he met a horse-dealer. He said,"If you will help me with my horses during the day, I'll give you oneat night." "I'll do that," said Jock. So after serving him he receiveda horse as his day's wages. He tied the animal's feet together, but wasnot able to lift it up; so he left it and went home to his mother, whomhe told how he had tried to do as she bid him, but that he could notlift the horse on to his shoulder to carry it. "Oh, you born idiot!"she cried; "could you not have jumped on its back and ridden it home?""I'll not forget that the next time," he promised.

  The next day he overtook a drover driving some cattle to a neighbouringtown, and the drover said to him, "If you'll help me safely to the townwith my cattle, I'll give you a cow for your trouble." This Jock agreedto; and when he got his promised cow he jumped on to its back, andtaking its tail over his shoulder, he galloped along, in high glee,towards home.

  _Jock's Cure for Melancholy._]

  Now there was a very rich man who had an only daughter, and she hadsuch fits of melancholy that it was sad to see her; so that, aftertrying every remedy and consulting all the quacks in the country, hehad it publicly announced that whoever could make her laugh should haveher for his wife.

  Though she was young and beautiful no one had been found to cure her,and she was sitting in a very melancholy state, at the window, whenJock came galloping along on his cow, which seemed so highly ridiculousto her that she burst out laughing.

  Well, according to her father's promise, she was married to Jock, and agrand wedding it was,
and a grand supper was prepared for the guests;but of all the delicacies Jock was most pleased with some honey he hadeaten.

  Now, after all the company had departed, excepting the old priest thathad married them, and who had fallen asleep by the kitchen fire, Jock,who could not forget the honey, said to his bride, "Is there any moreof that delicious honey we had for supper?" "Yes," she answered, "youwill find plenty more in jars in the kitchen cupboard." So he went intothe kitchen, where the lights had been put out, and all had gone tobed, excepting the priest, who was sleeping by the fire; and he foundthe honey jars.

  He thrust his hand into one of the jars to get at some of thehoney, but his hand would not come out again, and he did not knowwhat he should do, when he bethought him of breaking the jar on thehearth-stone.

  Now, as already said, the kitchen was in darkness; and Jock, mistakinga large white wig, which the priest wore, for the hearth-stone, gavethe poor man such a whack on the head with the honey jar that hescreamed out murder; and Jock, frightened out of his senses, ran outand hid himself among the bee-hives.

  That very night, as luck would have it, some thieves came to stealthe bee-hives, which they bundled into a large plaid, and Jock withthem without knowing it. Off the thieves ran with their booty ontheir backs, and when they came to the brook where Jock had droppedthe plough-share, one of them kicking his foot against it, cried out,"Here's a plough-share in the water." "That is mine," Jock cried fromout of the plaid; and the thieves thinking it was a ghost on theirbacks, let the plaid, with its contents, fall into the water, and itbeing tied up Jock could not get out, so was drowned with all the bees.