by E. L. Todd
I sat across from his desk. “Just dropping by.”
“Well, I just had lunch. If only you got here a few minutes earlier.”
“That’s okay. I wanted to talk to you about something anyway.”
Dad turned away from his computer and gave me his full attention. “What’s up?”
This was going to be hard. My parents were so proud of me and my success. “I’m dropping out of Stanford.”
He stared at me like he hadn’t heard me. “Excuse me?”
“I’m leaving the medical program.” I said it firmly and without hesitation.
“Why?” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“I belong here, Dad.” My sentence implied everything else.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “You’ve already started attending.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “But I’m going to move back here and work. Then I’ll reapply at some local school.”
“But Stanford is your dream school…”
“I know. But, it’s not that important to me anymore.”
He spun a pen between his fingers and sighed. “Skye?”
I wasn’t going to lie about it. “Yeah.”
He dropped the pen then stared at it for a moment. “Couldn’t stay away from her, huh?”
I didn’t want to go into the details. No one even knew why we broke up in the first place. “Pretty much.”
He leaned back in his chair and was quiet for a long time. “Did you give this a lot of thought?”
“Of course.”
His eyes searched my face. “If that’s what you want, I accept it.”
That was easy. “I thought I’d have to argue with you for a few hours.”
“Cayson, you’re an adult.” He said it simply and with no emotion. “You make your own decisions now. And you’ve been a remarkable student and son. Your mother and I trust your judgment. If this is what you want, then we’re happy for you.”
I smiled. “That means a lot to me, Dad.”
He shrugged. “Jobs and opportunities come and go. People don’t.”
***
“You’re seriously leaving?” Mitchell couldn’t wrap his mind around it.
“Yeah.” I finished packing my stuff and handed it over to the movers.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why?”
“It turns out that girl didn’t cheat on me. She just lied so I would leave.”
His eyes were wide. “That’s even worse. You’re just going to go back to her?”
“No,” I said immediately. “I need time to forgive her. But we can’t get back together one day if I’m here.”
“You’re giving up Stanford for just a possibility?” he asked. “That’s crazy.”
“I know it is.” I extended my hand to shake his. “It’s been a pleasure, Mitchell.”
He smiled then took it. Then he pulled me into a hug. “I hope we cross paths again someday.” He clapped me on the back.
“I have a feeling we will.”
Chapter Five
Silke
Arsen didn’t contact me for weeks. Every time I wanted to call him, I refrained from doing so. I wanted to drive by his apartment just to see if his Harley was there. Not only did I miss him, but I was worried about him. My award ceremony was coming up and I wasn’t even excited about it. All I cared about was Arsen.
Finally, he called me.
I grabbed the phone so quickly that it slipped out of my hands and fell on the floor. I tried to answer it again but I dropped it again. “Arsen, hold on! I’m here.” I scrambled for the phone then finally felt it in my hands. I brought it to my ear. “Hello? Arsen? Are you there?”
“Shit, keep your voice down,” he growled. “You’re practically blowing my ear off.” He sighed into the phone.
My heart gave out when I heard his voice. He was a jerk just like normal and I loved it. “Arsen, you’re okay?”
“Of course I am, baby. I told you I would be.”
“Then why haven’t you called me?” I snapped. “I’ve been worried sick.”
“Shut up, Mom. I had to make sure everything was okay.”
My eyes bubbled with tears and they fell. “I’m so glad you’re okay…”
Arsen’s voice became serious. “Are you crying?”
I sniffed into the phone. “No.”
“You are.” His voice was quiet.
“I’m sorry…I just couldn’t handle it if something happened to you.”
Arsen was silent, just listening to me cry. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Please hurry.”
He hung up and the line went dead.
Fifteen minutes later, he barged through the front door.
I sat on the floor in the exact spot I’d been before. “You actually came inside…”
He ignored my comment then moved beside me and pulled me into his lap. “You never cry…”
It was true. I never did. I refused to because it was weak. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” He pulled me to his chest as he leaned against the couch. “I just know how much I scared you.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tightly, loving the fact he was in my arms again. “I’m so happy you’re alright.”
He rested his chin on my head. “I’ll never understand how much you care about me…”
“Well, get used to it,” I jabbed. “I care about you more than anything. My family does too.”
He rubbed my back gently until I finally calmed down.
“Everything is okay now?”
“Yeah, I gave him what he wanted and felt him out for a while. I’m insignificant to him. There was nothing to worry about in the beginning. I was only concerned because you were involved.”
I moved further into his lap and faced him. “Arsen, you need to get out of this profession.”
He sighed and looked away. “Baby, it’s all I got.”
“No.” I squeezed his arm. “You’ll find something else. You can’t live your life like this anymore.”
“And do what?” he asked irritably. “I don’t even have a high school diploma.”
I assumed he at least had that. “You can go to night class and complete it.”
He rolled his eyes. “Then what? Make minimum wage doing something I hate? At least I make a nice living selling weed.”
“At what cost?” I demanded.
He wouldn’t look at me. “Beauty, I would do something else if I could. There just isn’t anything I’m capable of.”
“That’s crap,” I said. “You know everything there is to know about motorcycles.”
“So?” he snapped.
“You can work on motorcycles and be a mechanic.”
“Even mechanics require a certification.”
“Then get one.”
“I don’t have a high school diploma,” he seethed. “I said that already.”
We were just going in circles, and I was so happy to see him that I didn’t want to fight. “Just forget it, okay?” I stood up and pulled him to his feet. “Let’s have sex.”
“Wait…what?” he asked. “Weren’t we just fighting?”
“Yes, but I don’t care right now. I just want to be with you. I miss you…” I wrapped my arms around his neck then kissed him hard.
He resisted at first then melted a second later. “I knew being good in bed would save my ass at some point.”
I didn’t hear him. I was too busy dragging him into my bedroom.
***
Arsen and I didn’t talk for a few days. We were curled up in bed staring at each other. When the moment overcame us, we would make love then fall asleep again. Even when we ate, we just looked at each other. The silence was nice. I just wanted to be with him and pretend everything was okay.
By the third day, I had to speak up. “My ceremony is tomorrow night.”
“What ceremony?” he asked. His arm was around my waist while he held me on his chest.
“For my sculpture.”
“Oh.” He lit a cigarette then smoked it quietly.
“And you’re coming.”
He took a long drag then sighed. “Silke, no.”
“Why?” I demanded. “You can meet my family for Christmas but you can’t come to this?”
“It’s different,” he muttered.
“How?”
“I’m not going to some pretentious school and acting like I belong there.”
“I’m not asking you to,” I hissed. “I just want you to be there for me. My family is going too.”
“I said no.”
“Arsen, I—”
“No!” He left the bed then dressed quickly. “Stop nagging at me. Fuck.”
He’d gotten mad before but he never snapped at me like that.
“Stop trying to change me!” His eyes were wide while he stared at me. “I sell weed. That’s what I do. I don’t have a high school diploma and I’m not going to get one. And I’m not going to set foot on that campus. Do you understand me?” His eyes were spitting fire he was so mad.
“It’s important to me.”
“That’s too damn bad.” He pulled his clothes on then put out his cigarette. “I told you from the beginning I had very little to give. Don’t expect me to join a bunch of snobs. They’ll look at me like I’m trash and tell me I don’t belong there.”
“No, they won’t!”
“Shut the hell up.” He marched out and slammed my door.
I chased after him. “Arsen!”
He kept going and got to the front door. “We’re never going to survive, Silke.” He faced me and breathed hard. “Ever. If you keep pushing me like this. It’s too much…”
“Don’t you dare break up with me!”
He bit his lip while he stared at the other wall. “Look at us. I can’t even take you to the mall and keep you safe. I can’t go to your award thing. Open your eyes, Silke. This is what the rest of our lives will be like.”
“I don’t care what the rest of my life is like as long as you’re in it.” I kept my tears back but I was having a hard time staying calm. He kept hurting me and I didn’t know how long I could take it.
He breathed hard then closed his eyes. “I’m not breaking up with you…but think about it. When I’m not at that ceremony, think about the rest of your life. Do you want to spend it that way? Alone?”
“You’ll be there…”
“No, I won’t,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I know you will.”
He gripped my arms and shook me. “No. I said no.” Then he turned around and walked out the door.
“You know how I know you’ll be there?”
He stopped before he reached the stairs. But he didn’t turn around.
“Because you love me.”
He stood still and breathed hard. He clenched his fists by his sides then released. Then he walked down the stairs without looking back.
I stayed on my doorstep, letting the tears fall down my cheeks.
When the sound of his muffler died away, I knew he was gone.
***
After I finished getting ready, I sat at my vanity and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked hollow and lifeless. My lips were pale. I hoped everyone would see through my façade. Arsen hadn’t called or stopped by. I knew he would come tonight…but then doubt would take over.
I waited at my apartment for as long as possible, just in case Arsen showed up. I sat on the staircase and smoked a cigarette to kill the nerves. Every time I heard a car, I imagined it was a motorcycle. But it never was.
When I couldn’t wait a moment longer, I put out the cigarette then got into the car. On the ride there, I tried to clear my mind. The idea of him not showing up hurt more than I could possibly express. I tried to act like this ceremony wasn’t a big deal, but in reality, it meant a lot to me. I wanted Arsen to be there, to hold my hand and walk me to the stage. I wanted him to be with my family like he belonged there.
When I parked the car, I realized there was a good possibility that he wouldn’t show up. Arsen had never let me down before, but what if he did this time? Something was different yesterday. He’d never yelled at me like that. He’d never been so hostile with me. Perhaps he was right about everything…
I got out then made my way to the theatre. My heels clanked against the sidewalk as I walked. My hair was curled and I did my best to look nice. I knew my family was already inside because they wanted to get good seats.
When I approached the double doors, I saw a man with his back to me. He wore a suit and his hair was dark, almost black. I recognized his stance and the way he moved. I recognized his height and build. When I realized Arsen was there, waiting for me, my heart immediately felt a million times lighter. I actually smiled, knowing he would come.
“Arsen.” I lifted up my dress and walked faster, desperate to be in his arms.
He turned around.
I stopped in my tracks.
“Sorry?” he asked.
It wasn’t him. It was a man I’d never seen before. “Uh, sorry. I thought you were someone else…”
“Are you okay, miss?” he asked.
“Yeah…I’m fine.” I darted inside, feeling foolish.
The auditorium was full of people. I looked around and hoped Arsen was there. When I mistook the man outside for him, I felt like an idiot. Somehow, I felt worse than before.
Slade stood up and whistled. “Hey, ugly. Over here.”
“Don’t call her that,” Mom hissed.
I forced a smile even though I wanted to cry. I walked down the aisle until I reached them.
“We saved two seats,” Dad explained. “Where’s Arsen?”
What do I say? “He’s coming. He’ll be late…”
“Okay.” Dad didn’t ask any more questions.
I sat down then fidgeted with my hands. I checked my phone again to make sure I hadn’t missed any of his calls.
“Nervous?” Dad asked.
“Yeah…”
“Honey, you’re going to win.” He squeezed my shoulder. “And I’m proud whether you do or not.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I forced a smile then looked away.
“God, I’m starving,” Slade said. “When is this thing going to end?”
“It hasn’t even started,” Mom snapped.
“Damn, kill me now,” Slade said with a sigh.
“You should have eaten earlier,” Trinity scolded.
“Don’t talk like my mom,” he barked.
“Did you just call me your mom?” Trinity hissed.
She and Slade broke into a fight.
The fighting and loud voices helped distract my mind, but I couldn’t help but feel sick to my stomach. My eyes scanned the crowd and watched all the entrances. Fewer and fewer people were coming in, and the show would start any second. The revelation hit me that Arsen wasn’t coming. I thought he would but…he wasn’t.
I hid behind my mask and pretended I was okay. I pretended that he hadn’t hurt me more than he ever had. I was foolish for thinking he would be here. He would always let me down, left and right. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to still my thoughts. Then the light turned low and the host began the ceremony.
***
An hour had passed and the event was about to end. They gave out most of the awards in the beginning. Unfortunately, my category was last. By then, I didn’t care if I won. Arsen wasn’t coming. Now there wasn’t a doubt in my mind.
“Is he still coming?” Mom asked.
“There must be traffic…” I couldn’t look at her and not cry.
When my category came up, Mom grabbed my hand. “Good luck, honey.”
“Thanks…”
Dad put his hand on my shoulder.
“And the winner for the sculpture competition is…” He opened the envelope. “Silke Sisco.”
Mom clapped louder than anyone else. “My baby.” She cupped my face and kissed my cheek.
Slade looked shocked. “Wow, you actually did something right.”
Trinity smacked him. “Congrats, Silke.”
Dad squeezed my shoulder. “I’m not surprised at all.”
I stood up then suddenly felt cold. An escort was supposed to walk me. But Arsen wasn’t there…I didn’t know what to do.
Dad stood up. “I’d be honored if you’d let me walk you.”
I tried not to cry. “Thanks…”
He extended his arm for me to take.
I took it and held on while he walked me down the row. I was supposed to be thrilled by this achievement but all I felt was pain. The one person I wanted to be there chose not to come. It hurt. Really hurt.
When we reached the walkway, Dad stopped.
“What?” I asked. I looked up and saw a man in a suit jogging to us. When I narrowed my eyes, I recognized his face. It was Arsen, wearing a stunning suit with a blue tie. His hair was combed and he looked like a new man. His eyes held their intensity as well as their remorse.
Arsen stopped in front of my dad. “Can I take her the rest of the way?”
Dad smiled then handed me over. “She’s all yours.”
Arsen took my arm and tucked it in his. “Like this?” he whispered.
“Yeah.”
He put one hand behind his back while he walked with me.
I should have been watching the stage but I could only stare at him. For the first time that night, I actually smiled. My eyes welled up with tears but not from sadness. “I knew you would be here.”
He turned to me when we reached the stage. “Then why do you look so surprised?”
“Because I was scared I was wrong.”
He gave me a look full of emotion. “No, you were right—about everything.”
***
After we finished dinner, we said goodbye at the sidewalk.
“You better put that some place where everyone can see it,” Dad said about my award. “Like on the coffee table.”
“Or on the toilet,” Slade said.
Arsen had his arm around my waist. “I think it would look good on your vanity.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I gave him a smile.
“We’re so proud of you, dear.” Mom grabbed me then held me close.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I knew you were going to be an artist like your old man.” Dad hugged me next.