In his arms, there was hope and a silver-lined future, when she was ready to reach out and grab it.
For now, she was keeping her arms inside the vehicle while it was moving so fast, but she was sure that one day soon, she was going to be ready to let go.
And she knew, without a shadow of doubt that when she did, Lincoln would be there to catch her.
They’d packed up the next morning and headed to the Cape. While Sadie loved her home, she needed a break from the wood line that drew her eyes every time she stepped out into the backyard.
It had been interesting, packing all of their things, a weekend’s worth of food, and all the dogs. They’d barely fit in Lincoln’s luxury car, and he’d talked for a long time about maybe getting a bigger car.
She’d listened attentively, brows raised, wondering just what Lincoln would need a bigger car for, but she knew. He was thinking of their future. The one they tiptoed around and didn’t really talk about out loud, but hinted at. If they were going to be going places with the two of them and three dogs, they couldn’t do it in a two-door Jaguar. Well, they could but it was impractical and uncomfortable.
She’d spent a little time wondering if she should buy the car, since there were three of her and only two of him. She’d had her license revoked for a number of years after her conviction so having a car of any size hadn’t been on her radar. But maybe Lincoln had a point.
They’d spent the last few days at his family’s estate. Lincoln had, at some point, taken over the pool house as his own, and it was a cute little one-bedroom house. The big house, as he called it, loomed large in the background but stood empty, his parents giving them some space, which she appreciated. She wasn’t sure she had it in her to put on her best social graces and pretend she wasn’t broken inside.
Maybe broken was the wrong word, because at certain parts of the day, she didn’t feel totally broken. Cracked, splintered, but not necessarily broken.
As she looked out at the ocean and watched the waves crash, she felt a sense of something that felt a lot like peace wash over her.
Peacefully broken? Was that a thing?
Did that mean she was healing?
Lola gave a deep and hearty woof and wagged her tail, which was an unusually friendly gesture for her.
Sadie cracked a smile when she saw the teenager, who had been at Cocoa’s memorial, just a few days before, jogging down the beach, earbuds hanging from her ears.
“Well, hi there.” The girl smiled, jogging right up to Lola and scrubbing her hands up and down her neck. “Fancy meeting you here, gorgeous.” She smiled up at Sadie. “She’s awesome. I totally love her.”
“Me too,” Sadie said with a smile.
“I’m Jenna,” the girl said. “I was at your house the other day for Cocoa’s thing.”
“I remember. Your mom is Andy.”
“We’re staying at the James’s house for the weekend. Me and my parents and Auntie Alex and Dylan. You’re Sadie?”
“Sorry,” Sadie replied with a nod. “Yes.”
“No worries.” Jenna shrugged and greeted Aggie with a kiss on the head. “I’m really sorry for everything you’re going through. It sucks. Hard.”
That was the truest and simplest way to put it.
“It totally does,” Sadie agreed. “Thank you.”
Jenna stood and propped her hands on her hips. “What do people do here in the winter?” She wondered aloud, looking out at the ocean. “I love it right now, but I bet it sucks in January.”
“It’s a lot quieter,” Sadie admitted, thinking of the times she’d come to stay, out of season, at her father and Lori’s house. “Less people. Less drama.”
“Sometimes I like drama. Mostly when it’s not mine, but still. It’s entertainment.”
“I learned to stay far, far away from drama myself. Nothing good comes from it,” Sadie told Jenna. “And usually, I end up holding the bag, so to speak.”
“I interned at Dylan’s company last summer, you know, with Lincoln. You should hear the way they talk about you, like you’re Voldemort. And every time you would come up, Lincoln would get this super-dreamy look in his eyes, like he was totally lost in thought, and then he’d brush it off, like it didn’t happen, but it was so obvious he was just pining away.”
“He was not pining,” Sadie argued, though the very idea that he had been lit a fire in her blood.
“Oh, he pined,” Jenna disagreed. “And I know pining when I see it. Anyway, that’s probably when Brady and Audrey started cooking up this whole setup, trying to get you and Lincoln together. You know, the thing with Gordon, though I don’t know what they would have done if Gordon had been well-behaved. Maybe they went to the shelter and asked for the biggest handful of the bunch. Who knows?”
“Brady and Audrey?” Sadie asked, knowing damn well Brady had been part of the setup from the very beginning.
She liked Lincoln enough that she was well beyond finger-pointing or blaming Brady. Lincoln Greene was everything she’d ever wanted, and if they worked out, she’d worship at her brother’s feet in thanks, without shame. If they got together from the result of a setup, she didn’t care in the least.
But Audrey?
“Oh yeah, they’re wicked hot and heavy too, or at least they were last summer. All super-secret glances and making out in the copy room.”
“What?” Sadie asked incredulously.
“People look at me and still see a kid,” Jenna said.
Sadie looked at Jenna and saw a young woman growing into a woman’s body. That alone had the potential to damage her, some men unable to see anything other than a pair of breasts, no matter the age of the female or what was inside of her head. Sadie should know—she used that to her advantage for more years than she could count.
“But what they forget,” Jenna was saying, “is that kids are the ultimate masters of deception. Especially teenagers. We spend hours and hours figuring out how to keep our parents from finding out that we have a boyfriend they’re going to hate or that we secretly drank all their vodka and filled the bottle with water.”
“You probably shouldn’t be telling me this,” Sadie told her, trying to hold in a laugh.
“Brady and Audrey, as secretive as they thought they were, aren’t master spies, by any means,” Jenna continued. “He pined for her, though. When she was away on business or ignoring him like a queen, he was totally forlorn. It was adorable.”
Jenna Walker was an absolute motormouth.
“Someday, someone will pine for me like that. Now that I’ve seen it in real life, I won’t settle for anything less,” Jenna said with a confident smile. Fists propped on her hips like a champion, Sadie didn’t doubt her words. “The way Lincoln looks at you. The way my dad looks at my mom or Dylan looks at Alex. The way Logan looks at Beth is enough to melt steel and is totally different, but that too.”
“Do you ever stop talking?”
Sadie startled at Lincoln’s voice as he came up behind them, Gordon happily trotting next to him on a leash.
“You should know me better than that by now,” Jenna said with a laugh, greeting Gordon. “My mom sent me to see if you guys wanted to come for dinner or something, but then I went for a jog and then Sadie and I got talking and I forgot. So, if you want to come for dinner, call my mom or Dylan or something. I’m going to finish my jog and see if I can rustle up a boy or two to kiss.”
“Don’t you dare!” Lincoln scolded, a stern look on his face.
Jenna just giggled and trotted off in the direction of a more crowded beach, her long, brown ponytail swaying behind her, brushing her back.
“She talks,” Sadie pointed out. “A lot.”
“Nonstop is more like it,” Lincoln corrected. “She interned for us last summer and I thought Grant was going to lose his mind. By the end of the summer, he’d told her, in no uncertain terms, that he didn’t ever want to hear her voice again, and she’d told him he was to most uptight stuffed shirt she’d ever met.”
> “Sounds fun,” she murmured wryly.
“A barrel of laughs,” he agreed. “She’s a good kid, though. Smart as a whip, good instincts. Dylan’s helping her with her college applications already and she’s looking at the Ivy league. The best part is, they’re looking back because she’s made enough of a name for herself by helping some big names with their social-media presence. She’ll be one to watch.”
Sadie looked down the beach to see a guy, who’d been running opposite Jenna, make a U-turn and begin running at her side.
“In more ways than one,” she commented.
“Can you imagine having a teenager?” Lincoln marveled, putting words to a thought she’d been kicking around in her own head.
“Not even a little bit,” she told him. “I feel like I’m barely equipped to raise dogs, let alone a kid that’s going to become that.”
They both watched Jenna run down the beach, flirting all the while.
“You never know. You could have a boy and not have to worry about that part so much.”
“No, then I’d have to worry that I’m raising a little prick like Caleb Bellows, and he’s going to be talking girls, too young to know better, out of their panties on their father’s pool tables.” She sucked in a breath. “Sorry.”
“You were too young to know better,” Lincoln agreed. “That’s why I punched your brother in the mouth that night and then did the same to Caleb.”
“Point is, parenting must be the hardest job in the world. Lori tried too hard to make sure I stayed straight; she was so damn nice no matter how bitchy I was, and I still was a complete wreck. Kids only listen to what they want to hear.”
“That’s not true,” he argued, sliding an arm around her and letting the dogs lay in the sand together. “For years, I wanted to hear my parents tell me that I got a say in what my future looked like, but they never did. Instead, they told me what it was going to be and I followed along. I never got my say and what I really wanted just slipped by.”
“Linc,” Sadie whispered, resting her head on his shoulder as they looked out at the water.
“It’s time I take it back,” he said, confidence radiating from every word. “I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”
Sadie was startled by the disbelieving chuckle that broke free from her throat. “Me? Lincoln, stop.”
He turned to her and the vulnerability in his eyes was weighted with an emotion she was becoming very familiar with.
“I mean it, Sade. Every time you get knocked down or someone tells you no, you just get back up and try again. Life keeps knocking you down and you keep trying.”
“I think that’s the definition of insanity,” she pointed out.
“It’s the definition of determination,” he corrected. “It’s fight and strength and all these things you don’t see in yourself because you’re too scared to look, but I see them and you inspire me to be a better person every single day. You have to know how much I love you, Sadie, how much I respect and admire you.” Her heart was pounding in her chest as he spoke and she was sure he could see the steady thump of it making her chest rise and fall. “I’ve tried to show you, letting the words go unspoken, but I can’t remember why. We had all these reasons to be careful, to keep our distance and I’ve stopped seeing the point. I’m a better person when I’m with you. The future seems so clear, all those little things that worry me fall away when we’re together, and everything just makes sense.” Lincoln cupped her cheek and their eyes locked. “I’m so in love with you, Sadie.”
If she thought finally hearing Lincoln Greene profess his love for her was going to be every dream come true she ever had, she was right.
But she was also wrong.
She’d thought it would be a victory of sorts. Something to prove to herself that she had changed, that she was finally good enough for him and could snag a guy like him.
But instead of her ego inflating and feeling that sense of pride, she felt humbled by his words. And in that humility, she felt more herself than she ever had, like gears shifting and locking into place, finally working the way they should.
“I’ve wanted to hear you say those words for so long, but they don’t feel the way I thought they would,” she admitted. Instead of responding immediately, Lincoln waited, because that’s what he did. He waited her out, knowing she had more to say. “I used to think getting you to notice me or love me would be a source of pride. Something to say that I did or could do. But it doesn’t feel like that at all. I feel lucky,” she told him. “Lucky that you see me for who I really am.”
“I really do, baby, and I love who you really are.”
“I had all these reasons to keep my distance from you and make sure that we didn’t get too serious.”
“That didn’t work out so well, did it?”
“No,” she agreed. “When you showed up at my house with Gordon, I was a goner from the second our eyes met, Lincoln. I love you. I’ve always loved you, but it’s different now. Now that I know you, it occurred to me that when I was younger I wanted you, but that wasn’t the same as loving you. You’re so much more than I thought you were. I mean, you’re pretty on the outside too, but you’re so full of life and strength.”
“Don’t call me pretty.” The words were gentle and full of humor.
“I don’t know if this is coming out right. I’m kind of a mess right now, but I do love you, Lincoln. So much.”
He kissed her then, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close, the dogs standing at their side. There was a flash of bittersweet when she had a moment, just a single second, of feeling complete, until she remembered that Cocoa wasn’t with them. It would be a long time before she didn’t look around and feel like something was missing.
But life was still worth living and love was still worth taking a risk for. Sadie had no doubt that Cocoa would have been on board with that, so she held Lincoln and put her heart into their kiss, hoping to show him in one gesture what her words may have lacked.
She would honor Cocoa by loving those around her with wild abandon, just as Cocoa had, and remembering every day that life was good.
18
Boston was bustling in late August. The air was hot and muggy, Sadie’s shirt sticking to her back, just looking out the window at the sizzling sidewalks outside of Lincoln’s condo.
She was stalling. Big time.
Looking out the window had to be better than trying to mentally prepare herself for dinner at her father’s house. Not just dinner, as in a family event, but a dinner party that included Lincoln’s parents.
“Is that what you’re planning on wearing?”
She turned to see Lincoln in the door of his closet, buttoning his shirt cuffs, blatantly perusing her short silk slip.
“I’ll take it all off if it means we can stay here,” she said, trying to entice him into cancelling their plans altogether.
The look he sent her was part sympathy and part understanding. They’d talked at length about how she felt regarding showing her face in Boston again, but he’d assured her that she would be welcomed back.
He’d told his parents about their relationship and he swore they were okay with it, though she had her doubts. Lincoln had been more quiet and introspective since they’d returned from the Cape, and he spent a lot of time in that chair by the window in her bedroom, and she had a sneaking suspicion his conversation with his parents had been a big part of that
The dogs were slowly acclimating to life without Cocoa around, as was she, and it was a bumpy road. Gordon especially had regressed into some bad behaviors but they were working on it. They were all working on it and trying to figure out where they went next.
Sadie just had a hard time believing that dinner at her father’s house would be the place they’d find peace.
“You know I’d love that,” Lincoln said regretfully. “But they’re all expecting us.”
“Tell me again that they’re not going to as
k me about being in prison.”
Lincoln scoffed. “No one is going to ask you about being in prison. They have far too many good manners for that. They’ll at least wait until you’re out of earshot before they talk about it.”
Surprisingly, that did make her feel a little better.
Lincoln held up two ties. “Blue or green?”
Sadie wrinkled her nose. “Neither?”
“Now you’re really trying to buck the system,” he joked, his eyes cutting to the navy dress she had laid out on the bed. He put the green tie away and wrapped the blue one around his neck, making the decision himself. “Just try to relax. I’ve got a surprise for you, so there’s something to look forward to.”
He had a sparkle in his eye, his lips tilted up as he spoke.
“A surprise?” She reached for her dress and slid it over her head. Lincoln’s hands brushed hers away as he helped her tug the dress down and turned her gently, working on the zipper. “Is it bigger than a breadbox?” she asked.
“If I don’t stop touching you it might get there,” he said on a laugh, pressing himself against her behind.
It was one of the moments she promised to hang onto if things went south at dinner and she spent the night grinning and bearing it. Lincoln’s words, Lincoln’s touch, Lincoln’s love would keep her grounded until she could get somewhere safe.
It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. No one, including her father, called her Mercedes or purposely didn’t get the hint that she went by Sadie now. They asked questions about what she did, seemingly curious.
There were even a few women that asked for advice on the side, regarding their own pampered animals.
Lori was in her glory, reveling in having Sadie home. She’d made a comment about having her whole family together, and it plucked at a heartstring Sadie didn’t know she had. She’d spent so long bucking everything Lori stood for that she’d overlooked what a good person she was at heart. Lori was trying to put the pieces back together and bring them all back into one place because that’s what mothers do.
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