by Mark Goodwin
No time to wait for the elevator. It’s time to two-step it up two flights of stairs. Ziggy leaves
the stairwell and finds himself on the 3rd floor but isn’t sure where to go from there. He
decides maybe he should head down to where the loud moaning was coming from. Whatever
happened to highway direction signs? Every hospital should have ‘em. As luck would have it
Two Step found himself in an operating room where a patient was lying on a table with the
surgeon leaning over him and one hand stretched out at his side as if he was expecting
something. Oh yeah ... right ... the kidney !!! Ziggy tossed the kidney over in a lateral motion
that even Dan Marino would be proud of. He didn’t even bother to get a signature. Ziggy was
no fool; it was obvious the surgeon was busy at the moment.
Upon leaving the hospital, Ziggy heard the approach of ambulances but he didn’t have time to
hang around. He still wanted to do one more delivery and then take a break. Just moments
after he left, three ambulances came roaring in to discharge three persons who had been
involved in automobile accidents. It was becoming a very busy day in Riverton.
One More Drop and It’s Break-time Again !!!
Only down two blocks from the hospital was the video store. A sign on the door said to drop
off videos in the slot below. Since the package said it contained videos, that’s precisely what
Ziggy did and then back to the office he went.
Back to the Office - Another Coffee and More TV
Ah, a cup of java this time and a few minutes to scan the boob tube. Breaking News on
Channel 8. There was a three car pile-up at the intersection of Hollywood and Vine. Two dead
and two taken to hospital with serious injuries. Also, just one block away, there was a van
which crashed into the window-front of Duffy’s Tavern injuring an underage youth who had
been drinking there. Police were called to the scene in order to keep calm among the
throngs of people who appeared to be thoroughly intoxicated. Ziggy couldn’t believe it.
Nothing like this ever happens in this town. Wonder why? If there’s that many bad drivers
around, City Council should do something about it.
Time to Finish the Deliveries and Call It a Day
The last batch of deliveries was going to be easy. They were all within City Central. Ziggy
parked his bike, grabbed five packages and some envelopes which were all destined to
businesses inside RPC - The Riverton Professional Centre, and off he went. Another building
that had an entrance 12 steps above the sidewalk. A lot of older town folk griped because
there were too many businesses like that in town but not Ziggy Two Step. He just twostepped
it all the way up to the front door - zigged a little, zagged a little but nobody got in
his way. Nothing delayed him and that’s a good thing as time is money !!! 28 minutes later
and Ziggy had delivered all his items and just had a few left to go. One of them was a golf
club .... why on earth would someone ...oh heck, doesn’t matter... it still needs to be
delivered. Ziggy had strapped it on the back of his bike so it wouldn’t damage any of the
other items he was carrying.
Two blocks further away, Ziggy had to wind his way through the Farmers’ Market to reach his
other drop offs. He had to slow up more than he would have liked because of all the people
shopping for the finest fruits and veggies Riverton had to offer. 22 minutes later he had
dropped off all his packages and was even able to make a doctor’s appointment on one of his
stops. Little did he realize that as he wound his way though the Farmers’ Market, the handle
of the golf club hooked the awning of Colonel Sander’s Live Chickens. The awning came
crashing down on the cages containing the chickens and there were chickens flapping and
running all over the place. The younger and quicker shoppers were able to get themselves
supper at a fraction of the regular price much to the chagrin of the Colonel.
Ziggy’s First Evening Off
Ziggy arrived home just after 4 PM. Moma had dinner in the oven.
“What’s for supper, Mom”
“Chicken. Got a real good deal in the Market today. How was your first day at work?”
“Pretty good but a little boring compared to what’s been going on around town today. Some
old lady got robbed and there were two accidents. But the real cool part was I got to deliver
a live kidney just before a patient croaked. The surgeon had his hand out waiting for it when I
arrived.”
“That’s nice dear. Now get cleaned up, it’s almost supper time.”
The Following Day - Tuesday June 28th
A heavy clap of thunder woke Ziggy Two Step from a deep sound sleep. Ziggy had been up
until 2 AM leaving a trail of cookie crumbs all through the Internet. After having a delicious
meal of roast chicken with his family the night before, he had retired to his room to spend a
relaxing evening on his computer after his first day of work. He started to surf websites
devoted to historical events but soon found himself down the dark alleyways of Cyberspace
where all the porn sites are. His intention was to go to bed early, at least by 10 PM so he
could be sharp for his second day of work but the naked babes on his screen kept him up so to
speak, a lot longer than he planned.
Looking at his alarm clock, Ziggy saw that 7 AM had come and gone. “This was going to be a
bad day”, Two Step thought to himself. It was bad enough being tired still, but the weather
looked as though it was not going to be friendly to a courier today - especially one who
couriers letters and packages on a bicycle.
His shift was to start at 8 AM, so Ziggy had to drag himself out of bed, take a quick shower
and then go on down to the kitchen to prepare himself a fast breakfast. A large bowl of corn
flakes with bananas and a cup of coffee was going to have to do and should take care of him
until lunchtime. Then a stop at Burger King to recharge for his anticipated busy afternoon.
Arriving at work three minutes before he was due, Ziggy checked his bin to see he had eleven
letters and four packages to deliver before his morning break. That shouldn’t be a problem
because he didn’t take his break for another two hours.
His first delivery was a box of shoe samples for Sam’s Shoe Shoppe on the outskirts of City
Central. On his bicycle he hopped, and wheeled on over in less than four minutes. Got a
signature for the package and was encouraged that it might not be a bad day after all. A little
bit of rain was coming down off and on but his raingear was adequately protecting him. Now
for two deliveries at the Riverton Professional Centre, a block and a half away.
Then the troubles started. A big flash of lightning lit up the sky followed by a tremendous roar
and soon after, the rain poured down in such a way that Noah himself would have been
praying to his Maker. Maybe it wasn’t going to be such a good day after all.
Come rain or shine, hell or high water, a courier’s duty could not be delayed. Ziggy started
toward the RPC but had to stop at one of the few intersections in town because of the red
light. Stopping for a red light was not really a big deal unless you were sitting there giving a
new meaning to “a drowning rat”. No, today was not turning into a good day!!!
This nasty weather was going to slow Ziggy down. Finally he made it
to the Professional
Centre five minutes later than he would have liked. The first letter to Henry Highbottle of
Highbottle Music was on the third floor and Ziggy ran past the elevator and two-stepped it up
the staircase. Two Step was not one to bother with elevators because he was faster than they
were and he didn’t like to be in a closed-in space. Besides, one of the elevators was out of
service and the other was on the sixth floor.
Damn, the door was locked. There was a sign on the door saying someone would be back at 11
o’clock. Rats. So Ziggy had to abort that delivery and move on to the small package in his
courier bag. When he brought it out, it started to make a ticking sound and Two Step started
to panic ... but then he remembered that when he packed his deliveries, there was a package
addressed to Cosmic Clocks on the sixth floor. Phew!!! Two-stepping it up three more flights
of stairs, he arrived at their office, made his delivery and hurried back down to the first floor
as fast as he could, to make up for lost time.
As he got on his bike, he heard another roar. “More thunder”, thought Ziggy. Little did he
realize that there was an explosion on the 6th floor inside the repair shop of Cosmic Clocks.
Turning left on Maple Avenue, Ziggy drove out of City Central and headed towards the City
Dump which was on the outskirts of town. As he approached the compound, he had to zig and
zag a few times to avoid some of the residents living nearby. The rats were never pleased to
have outsiders visiting them.
The Riverton rat population had decreased by five before Ziggy successfully delivered the pay
cheques to Refuse Inc. He had felt some bumps along the way but figured the dirt road was
just a bit too rough.
He was now fifty-five minutes into his workday so he was far from tired but he was soaked to
the skin. So much for Jungle Jim’s Rain Gear being the best in the world! “Have to hurry
home and get a dry set of clothes first chance I get”, Ziggy said to himself… but that time
wasn’t now. Only ten minutes to deliver his next item to Penny’s Parrots.
The package had a big yellow label attached to it indicating that it was “Urgent“. It was
parrot feed that Penny had ordered three days ago as her parrots were literally starving to
death. The supplier couldn’t ship it until the night before as they had run out of stock.
Luckily for Ziggy, he was only a half-mile away and made it in under seven minutes despite
the road construction and pouring rain. As he pulled up, he noticed that the town undertaker
had his hearse parked there.
“Wow”!… this was going to save Two Step some time because he was able to give the hearse
driver the three letters for Fred’s Funeral Home. Had he arrived just a few moments earlier,
he would have seen the driver loading the hearse with four small coffins.
Upon entering her store, Penny was in tears but did seem to cheer up when she saw him.
“Thank God”, she said to Ziggy. “I never thought you would get here in time. You saved my
life. You saved my parrots’ lives”. She failed to mention though, that four of them hadn’t
made it. The twenty parrots left would survive and she was grateful for that. She signed for
the parcel and gave Two Step a $20 tip which surprised the heck out of him. Just his second
day on the job, and he gets his first tip and twenty bucks at that! It’s going to be a good day
after all!
The last seven deliveries were made without a hitch except for the soaking of one Angus
McTavish, the only Scotsman in town who drank too much scotch. Ziggy was peddling hard so
he could gain a few minutes to run home and didn’t notice the large puddles he was driving
through. He was so wet that he was unaware that his ankles were getting wetter by the
minute.
Since Ziggy had finished twenty minutes before his official break, he was able to make a fast
detour home and change into some dry clothes. Thankfully, it looked like the storm had
passed so all he needed was socks, a pair of jeans, a T-shirt and sneaks. No underwear - Ziggy
liked to dress commando-style.
He even had time to watch a little bit of news while he made himself a cup of coffee. He’d be
back at the office in time to get his second batch of deliveries. Sally King, the news anchor,
was mentioning about an explosion in the Riverton Professional Centre earlier this morning.
The police had received a call from someone claiming responsibility for it saying it was in
retaliation for a poor repair job made to an antique clock.
One dead at the scene and four with life-threatening injuries.
“I’m a lucky man”, thought Ziggy. “To think I was there this morning too. I could have been
hurt. You never know when your number’s up”. Ziggy had completely forgotten about the
package he delivered to Cosmic Clocks.
A Busy Day for the Riverton Police
Meanwhile, the Riverton Police had been busy. With two car accidents, a mugging and dozens
of fugitive chickens yesterday, and now an explosion within City Central, Chief Ulysses Grant
was being pushed by Mayor Reynolds for answers. Detectives were interviewing people who
might have witnessed any of the events.
The many reports prepared by the Riverton detectives gave them very little hope of
recreating the events or solving the crimes committed. The only thing consistent in all the
reports was that many people had seen a man on a bicycle speeding in the areas just
moments before. Some said he wore a red bicycle helmet, others said blue and one witness
even said she thought he was wearing a football helmet.
Nobody seemed to agree on anything except for the speeding bicycle. All constables were told
to keep an eye out for any speeding bicyclists in town. This was especially easy for Officer
Jack Taylor, known to all town folk as “One-Eyed Jack” because of having lost an eye while
serving overseas in Vietnam.
Channel 8 was continuously reminding its citizens to also be vigilant for anybody speeding on
a bike. There was hardly anyone in town who wasn’t talking about events of the last day or
so. Riverton had, up until then, been one of the quietest towns in Montana. In fact the last
serious car accident had been over a year ago and it was nearly three years since the last
mugging. Some of the more paranoid members of town were even starting to speak of the end
of the world. Such were the conditions in Riverton on that June 28th morning.
Wung Chou
Wung Chou, the senior member of 5 Minute Courier’s Bicycle Corps, never went to work
without his Sanyo Walkman. As he weaved in and out of the traffic, he always listened to
classic rock on WRPU 94.5 on the FM dial. Usually it was non-stop rock but today they were
interrupting the music to update citizens of what was going on around town. He heard what
some of the witnesses had reported and was relieved that he never wore a bicycle helmet,
although it was the law. However, he was sure that Ziggy did wear a helmet but couldn’t
remember the color of it. After all, Two Step had only started work with him the day before.
Wung had been the owner of a Martial Arts Studio but gave it up in his early fifties when his
students where giving him more bruises than he was giving them. He was going to retire and
catch up on his oil painting bu
t after a few years became restless, so he went back to work.
Today, at age 70, he was the oldest bicyclist in town.
Everyone liked Wung. Well, almost everyone. Like all small towns, there was a racist group
who figured if you weren’t white - it wasn’t right. They complained to town council that
Wung was a menace and it was rumoured that he was responsible for half the Chinese
population that lived in the area known as Tiny Peking. They wanted Wung to be sent back
whence he came. The problem was that he was born and brought up in Wet Grass, a village
just 20 miles west of town. The other thing was that Wung could only speak about 10 words of
Cantonese and had obtained a Masters Degree in English.
Twice today he was pulled over by the police but once they realized who he was, they just
told him to slow down a bit and wear a helmet, then allowed him to go on his way. He eased
his speed a tad but time is money after all and Wung was on a rushed schedule.
Wung had just delivered a letter to the accounting firm of Hoskin and Smith when his cell
phone vibrated.
“Lucy here”, came the voice from his office. “Your nephew Sung Ho is in the hospital. He was
hurt in the explosion over at the RPC. You’d better get your ass over there”.
“Oh my, yes, I am on my way. Bye”.
That was his next delivery anyway. He had medical supplies to drop off at the front desk.
Looking somewhat worried, with good reason, he asked where he could find Sung Ho. He was
told Sung was still in surgery but was expected to be out very soon. Wung still had some
parcels to deliver but he was in no shape to do so. Nor did he want to leave the hospital
without being sure that his nephew would be okay. He called Ziggy who agreed to swing by
and pick up Wung’s deliveries.
Ziggy Returns to Work
Now in dry clothes and with the weather improving, Ziggy finished his morning break and sped
down to Jefferson Hospital to pick up Wung’s courier bag. It was going to be a busy day -
maybe not such a good day after all. Combining the two courier bags, and after sorting them
in such a way that he wouldn’t have to double back, Two Step headed for Barney’s Bowling
Alley, about five minutes from the hospital. Barney’s was located at the top of Cliffside Lane,
the steepest street in town. Why it was called a lane nobody knew - it was a four lane
highway a mile and a half long.