Just Like Heaven

by T L Bradford

  Noah and I are cuddled up on the couch, running lines in our dressing room when we hear a knock on the door. I hate to get up; I’m so cozy in his arms. Still, I get up, move to the other side of the couch, and say for the stagehand to come in.

  “Hey, guys.” It’s Jamie with a message from Steph and Genie. “They’d like to see you both upstairs.”

  “Thanks, Jamie, we’ll be up in a minute,” Noah says.

  “What do you think this is about?” I ask. “Have you heard anything?”

  “Nope.” We stare at each other, totally befuddled, then make our way upstairs.

  We rarely get calls to go upstairs so it must be something big. As we go to sit down, without thinking, Noah pulls the chair out for me. I flinch, scared they picked up on it and that this may be what the meeting is about.

  It’s not.

  “Hey there, thanks for stopping in,” Steph says. “I’m going to jump right into it.” Noah and I both shoot each other a glance. “The Jace and Max storyline has exploded, and we couldn’t be happier. We want to keep interest in the pair going and strike while the obsession is still hot.” This can’t be good. Oh god, here it comes. “We’re going to add a new character. He will be a new love interest for Jace.”

  And boom goes the dynamite.

  We leave the meeting in a daze. They want to have Jace explore his newfound sexuality by bringing in a new rival for Max. The character will be named Alex and create drama for the pair. What we have here is a rather unconventional love triangle. I’m not thrilled by this turn of events, but I know as a professional actor in a soap-like show that this was to be expected. No couple stays together happy forever. How boring would that be?

  “What are you thinking?” Noah asks me on the way home in the Jeep. I lie and say it’s cool.

  “It’s fine, really. It’s just a part in a show; we’re actors. We have to be professional,” I say.

  “I don’t want to do it.” He seems resolute about it.

  “You have to do it. By soap standards, our characters have been happier way longer than most. They have to switch it up, or they’ll start losing viewers.”

  “They don’t even know we’re seeing each other.” I give him a “yeah right” look. We’ve been discreet about keeping it under wraps, so they haven’t bothered to bring it up. “Babe, this could get weird.”

  “Weird? Why? Are you already planning to go run off and marry this guy?”

  “No, do you think you can handle me being with another guy while we’re on the same show and dating? This has disaster written all over it.”

  “You think I can’t handle it? It’s our job, Noah. Besides, I trust you. More than anybody.”

  “I don’t know. I think this is a really bad idea. Maybe we should tell them about us; then they would change the storyline.”

  “No, then it would seem like I was a jealous boyfriend, and I didn’t trust you. Look, it’s just business. You do your job with him. Then you come home to me.”

  Over the next three weeks, Noah is given chemistry/screen tests with various guys. I sit in on some of them. Most of the guys are an obvious no. I know Noah’s type, and none of these guys are it. Over dinner with Gemma and Ash, I ask Noah what it was about me that caught his attention.

  “Aside from the fact that you were insanely hot, it was probably the sincerity in your eyes.”

  “What about them?”

  “I can’t explain it. It just felt right. Like I was looking into your soul. I felt it deep in my chest, and that feeling never went away.” I want to lean over and give him a huge kiss but restrain myself. We are still adjusting to going out in public and have found that having a couple with us keeps the suspicious looks away. So, the four of us have been going out together more often.

  Gemma gets misty and starts in as usual with her “Oh my god, you guys are so perfect together,” spiel. Secretly inside, I love it. I grab Noah’s hand under the table and squeeze tight.

  “I know another couple that is perfect together,” says Ash. In an unexpected move, he brings his hand up over the table, and there lays a ring box. Ash stands up, walks in front of Gemma, then gets down on one knee. Gemma’s face loses all color, and her eyes open wide. She looks over to Noah and me and sees us smiling back at her.

  “Gemma, I’m a man of a few and not very good words. So, I am gonna keep this short and simple without embarrassing myself too much and before my trick knee gives out on me. Gemma, will you marry me?”

  She is flushing red and crying then jumps up and hugs Ash tightly. “Yes!” she shouts. Ash picks her up and swings her around, kissing her sweetly on the lips. In their happiness, I turn my head to Noah, who is already looking, at me, and we share a secret smile. I grip his hand tightly under the table. One day this will be us.

  Our producers have not had luck finding a good match for Noah. Inside I’m happy because it assures me that our being together was certainly no fluke. They go back to the drawing board and look at older tapes of Noah and me from our original screen test. Their choice will be the last actor to audition.

  His name is Kai Anders. At a cool six foot five inches, he is an intimidating figure. He is shockingly handsome with bold features and milk chocolate brown skin. His hair is cut into an extra-close fade, and his light brown eyes are hypnotic. I’ve seen him before on other shows playing bit parts. He is not a huge Hollywood name yet, as most of his work has been on the stage. Kai has a background in musical theatre and dance. And he is also openly gay.

  His chemistry test is very similar to mine, in that he is given a non-show related script and told to read with Noah. The skit starts a little stilted as is to be expected, but they quickly find their pace. In the end, it was a successful run through. I thought they were done, but I see Steph and Genie talking. Then they go over and talk with Noah for a while. Soon, Marty is joining the group.

  One of our scriptwriters brings over a couple of scripts to both Noah and Kai. They look them over briefly and then, with scripts in hand, they appear to do another walkthrough. I hear is the opening dialog for the Alex character coming from Kai’s mouth. He knocks it out of the park. When Noah’s part comes in, there is immediate excitement. They have a spark, they have a connection, but most of all, they have chemistry.

  When they are done shooting, Noah comes over to me and asks me how I thought it went. Refusing to be the petty, jealous boyfriend, I tell him I thought it went great and that they worked well together. Inside, I’m all kinds of insecure at the thought of him having to make out with this guy. I can’t handle him telling me he was right all along. Rather than admit I may have been wrong; I play along.

  Noah goes back to Steph and Genie, and they spend more time talking. The three of them leave the set. I assume they go up to the Producer’s office. With them away, I do a full ocular pat down on Kai. His years as a professional dancer have paid off; this body is unbelievably tight. He’s tall and muscular, but not bulky. He comes off as very masculine, so one would not automatically assume him to be gay.

  I want to ask him why the change from the theater to Hollywood but find myself unable to get up and walk over to him. It’s ridiculous on my part. He has no designs on Noah, so I need to man up, go over there and talk to the guy. That would probably help. Then I can quit making up all these stupid scenarios in my mind.

  He looks up and catches me staring at him. I feel like a creep and look away quickly, totally obvious that I was scoping him out. It turns out I don’t have to go over there because he walks over to me.

  “Hi, you’re Josh Hill, right? I’m Kai. I’m auditioning for the part of Alex.”

  “Hey, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve been watching some of Noah’s screen tests. You did a great job out there. Congrats.”

  “Thanks, man, that means a lot.” He has a deep sonorous voice that gets your attention. Trust me when this man speaks; people listen. Just then, the trio comes back in and walks onto the set approaching us.

  “Normally, this would tak
e longer, but given our time crunch on the script, we need to get this character in place right away. Kai, we would like to offer you the role of Alex Marshall,” says Genie.

  “Really!?! Oh, thank you so much.” Kai gives both Steph and Genie hearty handshakes and tips his head to Noah, who seems to be beaming with enthusiasm. I don’t know what I’m worried about. Kai seems like a nice guy. He can act, and I think he will fit in with the group. So why am I so anxious?

  On our ride home, Noah seems excited about the casting of Kai. This irritates me slightly since just a few weeks ago he was on the complete opposite side of the fence.

  “I think this will be a great direction for the show. For one thing, the studio is following up on its commitment to have a more diversified cast, and second this will be great for you. You can play against type and show more dramatic depth. This will be great.”

  “You forgot number three, where you get a hot new boyfriend.” It sounds petty as hell, but well, I am petty right now.

  “Are you upset?” He looks over at me.

  “No, Kai seems like he’s a great guy. I think he’ll do fine.”

  “Did you know he has a theater background? He may be up for a Tony nomination this year for his role in the play Quarter. Remember, I mentioned that play to you last year? I wanted to see it. Isn’t it kind of kismet that I actually get to work with the same guy?” His exhilaration is starting to piss me off. I try to keep the irritation out of my responses.

  “Yeah, I remember.”

  “Steph and Genie were impressed with him, too. They said it was the best test they’ve seen since, well, us.” He continues driving happily while I sit back in the seat and wonder what the hell we’ve gotten into and that I’ve just brought this on myself.

  Since it took way longer to cast the role of Alex than expected; Kai is under pressure to get started right away. His scenes with Noah will start next week. It’s fortunate that he has experience and can get his lines down quickly.

  I haven’t seen Noah much outside of home because of our shooting schedules. My character Max is furloughed right now while they establish the new storyline for Jace and Alex. Max is off visiting family while Jace has a new bar patron, Alex, enter his world. Alex’s backstory has him coming to town to find his biological father.

  The next couple of weeks move fast and furious with our new castmate. I start to berate myself for initially thinking Kai would hit on Noah. As it turns out, he’s molded into the group very well and has a wicked sense of humor. Which is great, because he’ll need that hanging with the Young Americans.

  As a show of good faith, Noah and I have the gang over for dinner and invite Kai to come along. That night we make Mexican, one of my favorites. While Noah prepares the salsa, I, of course, get put on chop duties.

  “Are we going to tell him about us dating tonight?” I ask Noah.

  “I don’t think it’s the right time yet.”

  “Don’t you think he’ll be able to figure it out, after all our friends know about us, what if one of them slips? It could get weird if he hears it from anyone else but us.”

  “Come on, we barely know this guy. I don’t feel comfortable opening up to him yet.” These are interesting words coming from Noah, who seems to be Kai’s biggest fanboy. Every day I have to hear his praises of Kai’s acting ability and how well they are getting along. It took Noah and me forever to get to civil conversation.

  “I’m pretty sure if anyone understands discretion, it would be him. Gays don’t out other gays.”

  He doesn’t say anything, just looks up from his cooking to pass me an irritated look. Even after all this time, Noah still hates being branded as gay. He’s never even said the words in reference to himself.

  “Can you watch this please to make sure it doesn’t burn? I’m going to take a quick shower before they get here.” Then off he goes. He’s always first to leave an uncomfortable conversation. I keep chopping onions and tomatoes until I hear our first visitor arrive. It’s Kai. He has a bottle of wine in hand and a big bag of salsa chips. He is dressed in a long black leather jacket with a blue dress shirt that is a perfect contrast to his skin tone and charcoal dress pants. This is a change from our usual dress down affairs. I think I may need to step up my game for tonight.

  “Hey, Kai, welcome to the abode.”

  “This place is awesome!”

  “Thanks, it’s all Noah’s doing. I have no style at all.”

  He looks a little confused but carries on. “Yeah, I could get used to this. If I had my own place, this is exactly how I would decorate.”

  “Where are you staying now?”

  “I’m staying with a friend of mine over in West Hollywood. I haven’t had time to apartment hunt yet. I didn’t expect things to be going so quickly.”

  “Yeah, I was wondering how you were coping with all this. It can be intimidating. Have you spent a lot of time out in LA?”

  “No, not much, been out here a few times, though. I’m more of an east coast kind of guy.”

  “I’m from the southwest myself. Colorado.”

  “I think I remember Noah mentioning that to me.” He has spoken of me? What else has he mentioned? “Was it the show that also brought you out this way?”

  “No, I’d been out in LA for a couple of years before I got my shot.”

  “So, you live here with Noah?” Is he fishing for info? I need to tread lightly and get my words right.

  “Yeah, we’re roommates.”

  “Oh, okay, that’s strange Noah never mentioned that.” I feel my irritation beginning to peak. Noah comes downstairs just then to diffuse the bomb.

  “Hey, Kai, I thought I heard someone come in. Here take a seat. I’ll get you a drink. Rum and Coke, right?” How the fuck does he know Kai’s drink order?

  “Yeah, good memory.” My foul mood is starting to fester.

  Noah is decked out in a dark dress shirt and freshly ironed slacks. He has on his rarely worn cologne as well. I look him up and down; letting him know I see that he put extra effort into his outfit.

  Shortly after, the bell rings again, and I check the security monitor. It’s Ash and Gemma. Thank god. I need the support right now. Later Olive and Sarita show. The rest of the evening goes fairly smoothly. I, however, make a point of distancing myself from Noah the entire evening. Not that it would matter because he’s been engaged with Kai all evening. Sarita notices how quiet I am, unusual for me to say the least, and comes to sit by me.

  “Someone stole your man?”

  “What?”

  She says, “Really, Josh, you need to get a better hold on your expressions. Because right now, you are shooting daggers at Kai and Noah.”

  “No, I’m not. Things are fine,” I lie, and not convincingly.

  “Right, take it from the queen of resting bitch face, you are jealous.” She wraps her arm around me and gives me a big peck on the cheek, then walks away.

  Unlike the storyline of Jace and Max, which was a slow-burn type love story, things heat up between Jace and Alex fast. Noah and Kai are shooting their first kiss scene together. As usual, Marty keeps the same-sex scenes with a limited crew. I am only here today because Noah insisted. He wants me to feel comfortable with the love scenes between him and Kai, and he somehow thinks making me watch will show how professional and unsexy is the shooting.

  When the time comes for them to kiss, I grip the sides of my seat, like I’m watching a horror flick. In their storyline, Alex is aggressive and takes what he wants. Devil be damned. Alex wants Jace. He moves in and takes Noah’s mouth in one quick, solid movement. Jace looks caught off guard by his forwardness but nonetheless responds with equal vigor. My stomach begins to roll, and I feel nauseous. Over and over, I have to watch multiple takes of Alex devouring Jace. No longer able to take it, I stand up and go to the bathroom. There, I release the contents of my stomach in the toilet. I’m sitting on the floor of the stall when I hear someone come in.

  “Hey, man, you okay?” It’s Ash’
s voice.

  “Yeah, I think I had a bad burrito or something.” After a few minutes, I pick myself up off from the floor and walk outside the stall. Ash is standing there with his back up against the sink.

  “I saw you rushing from the taping. It’s not easy. I know.”

  “What?”

  “Watching the one you love making out with somebody else. Even if it is just for a show; it still feels real. No matter what they say, we’re still people. And people can’t turn their emotions on and off like a faucet.”

  I walk by him and turn on the water. I swish it around in my mouth to remove the nasty taste. Then I splash some water on my face.

  “You had feelings for Gemma before they broke up?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I tested with her when the show first started. I was hoping to be cast as Jace, but instead, I got Beau. All that time I had to watch them fall in love, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I tried to make the feelings go away by dating other women. That didn’t help. What was worse was I knew he could never love her the way I did.”

  “Jesus Ash, I never knew.”

  “Nobody does, not even Gemma. I guess what I’m saying here is don’t give up the fight. Noah is a great guy, but he’s going through some new emotions he’s never felt before. He’s a man, so it’s in his nature to be curious. But Josh, he loves you. I see it. Fight for him.”

  “Thanks, man, I needed to hear that.”

  “No problem, brother.”

  A couple of weeks later finds the gang and me at Bowl-o-Rama for Ash’s birthday. It suits him well since he’s a pretty simple and easy to please guy.

  “Bowling. Really? This is what you wanted for your birthday?” Sarita asks, looking around the place in distaste.

  “Yes, this is what I wanted. We can go to Coachella or whatever pretentious bullshit you want on your birthday.” Sarita gives him a wicked death glare.

  The place is not bad at all. It was renovated several years ago and looked more like a nightclub than a bowling alley. There are lights, glowing neon bowling balls and thumping music all over the place. Black lights make the place look surreal.