by T L Bradford
“Thanks.”
I let go of his face and head back to washing the dishes. He sits at the island and listens to me prattle on about my day. These evening talks have become regular now that we have no scenes together. I’ve come to enjoy relaxing at the end of the day with him and hearing about his day. We’re becoming so domesticated it’s almost sickening.
“Oh, by the way, there is Thai in the fridge. I picked some up for you.”
His expression turns a little sad. “Thanks, I already ate something after the taping.”
“Yeah? Where did you go? Have you tried the taco truck on Fairmont? I heard it’s awesome.”
“No, I didn’t. I went to California Pizza Kitchen with Kai.”
My back immediately stiffens. “Oh.” I keep running Ash’s words through my head about fighting for Noah. I have to trust him.
“I would have enjoyed my spicy pork more.”
I force a small smile. “After all, it’s your favorite.”
“It is. You know me so well.”
We head upstairs and go to bed, but I cannot get the image out of my head of Kai and Noah laughing and talking over dinner.
“Ugh! Josh, have you seen my cufflinks?” Noah asks while running crazily around the house. We are already late, and the limo is waiting out in front of the house. Tonight, is the Primetime TV Awards, where we are both presenters and nominees.
“Try the top left dresser drawer by the TV,” I shout from downstairs. I am getting our invites and grabbing our jackets in a mad rush.
“Thanks, babe! I found them!” Noah yells. I hear him pad quickly down the stairs and get a look at the full package when we get ready to walk out the door.
“Damn, you look good.” I’m proud of my man. He is in a jet-black tux with a sage colored silk tie. It picks up the green in his eyes perfectly.
“I was about to say the same thing.” Noah passes an admiring glance my way. I have opted for a steel blue colored tux with a matching tie. Not to be conceited or anything but, admittedly we look hot.
We walk out to the stretch limo and climb inside. This is my first time in a limo. “This is so cool! We even have our own mini-bar!” I bounce around like a five-year-old child.
“See, this is why I can’t take you anywhere.” He jokingly admonishes me.
Inside is a bottle of champagne, a fruit basket and other assorted liquors and candies. The studio wanted to treat us right. I look over at the fruit basket and pick up a perfectly ripe strawberry. Then, I lean over Noah and push the button to close the window between the driver and us.
“These are tinted, right?” I ask.
“Right.” He sounds wary. “What exactly do you have in mind, Mr. Hill?”
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” I straddle Noah’s lap and lick the outside of the strawberry lightly with my tongue. I see his face immediately light up. I bite my bottom lip seductively, then slip the strawberry between Noah’s awaiting lips. He bites half the strawberry, and I swallow the other half. We aren’t far from the venue, so I need to work swiftly. I make myself comfy on his thighs and move my hand between us until I reach his zipper. I slowly pull it down and move my hand inside to massage his cock. I see his eyes roll back into his head, and he moans appreciatively.
I continue jacking him for a minute or so, then scoot off of his lap and onto the floor of the limo. I suck him off in the back of the limo, making him arch and twitch under my touch. I see his hand reach for the armrest and grip tightly. He puts the other hand on the back of my neck, helping me along.
I don’t want him to shoot just yet, so I move my mouth off of him and continue to rub his dick up and down with my hand. He looks at me with pleading eyes. Then I release him and undo my belt buckle and shove my pants down just enough, to straddle him again. He takes hold of my ass to guide me. Ever so slowly, I lower myself onto his shaft and take my pleasure.
He feels so good in me. I take his mouth and explore the inner walls, pushing and probing with my tongue. I move up over him and use shallow thrusts to move him along. I feel the muscles tense in Noah’s back and then the incredible warm sensation as he releases into me. He stays hard as I continue rocking back and forth, up and down until he finds that magical place in me that sets me off like a firework. I pray to God this compartment is soundproof because I let out a moan so loud, I’m sure passersby can hear me. Noah shifts quickly out of me and adjusts his angle to finish me off with his mouth.
I slide off of Noah and adjust myself back into my pants. He does the same. We clean up and look each other over, to make sure there are no telltale signs of our liaison. I smile a little at the irony of knowing I will have a small part of him still inside of me while he’s telling the world we aren’t together. Then I sit back on the seat next to Noah and lay my head on his shoulder as we continue driving to the awards ceremony.
When we arrive, we regretfully separate, then prepare to depart. This is my very first red-carpet ceremony. We’ve been prepped by handlers on how to act and what to say to the interviewers. I get out first and am met with a barrage of flashing lights and cameras. We get shuttled from place to place and asked a thousand questions. It’s overwhelming. I’m glad to have Noah by my side to help guide me. He’s handling the red-carpet situation with such finesse; it surprises me. In the past, it would have set off a panic trigger in his mind. It almost disturbs me how good he’s gotten at lying.
Cameras get shoved in our faces and mics from interviewers are pointed directly at us demanding answers. Since the picture leak, Noah and I have done very little press. The media are out for blood tonight to make up for the lost time. Most of the questions asked are way too invasive, and I get irritable. These were not the questions we were prepared to answer.
You guys are living together now, tell us the truth, are you really dating?
Is it true your sex scenes are being heavily edited because they are too explicit?
Is the Alex storyline hurting your real-life love story?
Three-ways?
Is Noah dating Kai?
Is there a feud between you and Kai?
Who’s the top and who’s bottom?
Questions like these keep coming fast and furious, to the point I give up and start walking away from interviewers. Noah is good to cover for me, though. He’s been through this mess before with Gemma. I can empathize with how fame can break up couples because right now, I am at my wit’s end.
I feel like I’ve been run through the gauntlet. In my head, I had imagined this wonderful evening where Noah and I would walk the red-carpet hand in hand, win the award, and live happily ever after or some shit. The reality was a total nightmare of stares and accusations. I can’t understand why people are so invested in others personal life or sexual orientation.
After tonight, I’m more understanding of Noah’s cautiousness in revealing his sexuality. After you tell the truth, it defines who you are as a person. We would no longer be Noah and Josh, Hollywood actors, we would be only Noah and Josh, gay Hollywood couple.
Thank goodness the warning signal flashes for everyone to make their way to their seats for the ceremony. I reach blindly for Noah’s hand, and I am again assaulted by flashing bulbs. Noah gives me a panicked look like What the hell were you thinking? Acting fast on my feet, I decide to double down and play up the hand-holding for the cameras as if I did it jokingly on purpose. I yell something like, “Best Couple coming through, make way!” and smile and laugh. Those around chuckle, but I still see suspicious looks.
Once we enter, Noah snaps at me. “What the fuck?” He looks tired and frustrated from having to handle me all evening long.
“I’m sorry…I just…” I trail off because it’s obvious he’s no longer paying any attention to me, having turned away to look for our seats. We find our seats and sit down. Noah takes out his program and tries to focus on it to block me out.
These past few weeks have taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally. Noah and Kai continue to ha
ng out exclusive of me. I’ve tried being the supportive understanding boyfriend, and every time it seems to backfire on me.
I trust Noah, and I want to convey that to him. I honestly don’t think that he would cheat or do anything that would intentionally hurt me. My problem is the situation. Kai has no reason to think he cannot pursue Noah. After all, as far as he knows we’re both single and on the record “straight.” Maybe he thinks Noah’s a challenge to be won. Because of our closet status, I’m not even able to make a public claim on Noah to let him know he’s mine.
About a half hour in, we are called backstage to present the award for Sound Editing. Everywhere I turn there are Hollywood stars left and right. I feel star-struck, unable to speak to anyone. Many come up to me though and congratulate us on the work we’ve done on the show and bringing LGBTQ issues to the forefront.
Noah is still pissed at me and behaving coldly. Someone, an accountant I presume, hands us a small card and directs us where to stand while we wait to present the award, just off stage.
“Look, I said I’m sorry. You don’t have to treat me like I’m a leper.”
“You could have just fucked up everything!”
“Goddammit, excuse me if I needed a little support from you during this shitshow. I’ve never been to one of these dog and pony shows okay! It was an easy mistake! You’re making way too much out of it. Give me a break, we’ve been together for a while now, and we’re still doing this dance? You try to make this like it’s about your family not accepting us, but it’s just you isn’t it? You can’t accept us out in the real world. You’re a coward.”
“I’m so not doing this with you now.” He has a warning tone in his voice.
“How else can I get your attention? Unless my name is Kai, I’m shit out of luck.” He snaps his head around to say something back to me, but our names are called out on stage to present the award.
We walk out on the stage and read the snappy banter from the teleprompter as expected, all smiles and cheers. The second we leave the stage, Noah takes off, not even waiting for me. The evening only devolves from there. Noah gives me the arctic freeze when we sit back down. I don’t care. All I want is to get through tonight and go home. Unfortunately, our award is not given out until near the end of the show. When the nominees are announced for our category, we pull every acting skill out of the bag we can for the inevitable camera still shot.
“And the winners for Best Primetime Couple are…” Please God don’t let it be us! “Noah Sinclair and Joshua Hill!” Motherfucker.
I hear the hollers and rush of applause from the audience. Noah and I make brief eye contact, then rise and walk to the stage. I look over at him once and see his complexion has turned a pallid appearance. I’ve seen it before. He’s about to lose his shit.
I see his lips start to move as he begins counting off. Damn it! Not now of all times! He looks helpless. He’s starting to hyperventilate. Hastily, I take his arm and wrap it through mine. I have to pull him next to me since he is resisting to move. I keep my arm through his and grab his hand in what looks like a show of solidarity. It’s not though; it’s a way for me to hide the fact that I am using my thumb on his wrist pressure point to keep him reasonably calm. He is struck immobile and not speaking so I pick up the slack. I barely remember what I said, only that I thanked the LGBTQ community, our crew, the studio and the supporters of the show. All through it, I hear Noah’s short, shallow breaths. I look over to him and bring our clasped hands up together and kiss his knuckle. Under my breath, I say to Noah, “Just say thank you.”
He hears me and leans over the podium and says just that, “Tha… Tha… Thank you.” Then we leave the stage with the band playing us off.
The ride back to our house is a complete 180-degree turn from our arrival. Noah is turned away from me, staring out the window. I respond to texts on my cell from people congratulating us on our win.
Congrats #JAX!!!–Olive
Second Best Couple of the Year! Woo-hoo!–Gemma
You guys rocked! Congratulations!–Ash
Noah looked like he was going to shit his pants–Sarita
Way to go twinsie! Love you!–Chloe
Seriously man, get me Cassandra’s number–Xander
When are you two getting married?–Zach
When we get home, we say nothing to each other and go to bed. Best Couple of the Year, my ass.
One of the stipulations of our contracts is that we must attend a certain number of conventions and meet and greets per year. Me, Noah and Kai attend a panel in front of about a thousand or so ticket holders.
Antagonistic does not begin to describe the vibe at our table. Noah is still barely speaking to me and unapologetically spends most of his time with Kai. Today they are particularly chummy. They have even developed in-jokes that I am not privy to.
“How do you guys get along, off-stage?”
I refuse to field this question and leave it to the new power couple. “It’s been a great transition for me, the cast and crew are great. We hang out and have good times,” says Kai.
“Kai, how do you deal with fans who are mad you’re breaking up Jace and Max?”
This should be an interesting answer. “I tell them Jace and Max are each other’s true love, no matter what happens, so they don’t have to worry.” Kai is diplomatic. Asshole.
“As a gay actor, how do you separate your personal feelings from your professional ones when you are shooting love scenes?”
“The same way as any straight actor, but I can see what you mean when you have to act opposite Hollywood Hot 100 Noah Sinclair.” He jokes and wins over the crowd.
This also pisses me off. Traitors.
“Noah, how did you react when you found out they were giving you a new love interest?”
“I was a little nervous at first. Josh and I have great chemistry, and I wanted to make sure that anyone new I worked with had the same authenticity.”
“Do you?”
“I think that shows on-screen. Wouldn’t you say?” The room hoots and hollers.
“Josh, what’s it like to be the third leg of the relationship now?”
“It’s necessary for the narrative. If the characters were happy all the time, no one would watch.” I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from snapping.
“Noah, if Jace had to choose between Alex and Max, which one do you think he would choose?”
Both Kai and I adjust in our seats to hear his response to this question. I can tell he feels cornered. Sucks for him. “As Kai said, I think ultimately Max will always be Jace’s, true love. But in the meantime, Jace is exploring his options.” Noah darts a glance over to me, and I swear I want to belt him one in the face.
“My friend dared me to ask, can we all get a kiss from Jace and Alex?”
Noah and Kai look towards each other and at the same time shrug their shoulders. Then they go for it. Right in front of me; with full tongue. I feel my stomach drop to my knees. I turn my head quickly and try to pull myself together, hoping no one notices their effect on me.
The rest of the panel is a blur; I don’t think I answer any more questions. Noah and Kai are the new darlings. I’m just sitting there awkward as fuck watching my life, my future, slip away from me.
The gang has been staying away from us both the past week. They know something is up with Noah and me. I’ve been in a surly mood and give zero fucks who has anything to say about it. We are sitting in the common room with the elephant in the room.
“Have you seen it?” Sarita asks me.
“No,” I state firmly.
“Oh my god Josh, it’s crazy hot.” Ash shoots Sarita a nasty glare. She’s talking about Noah and Kai’s first scene where they make love. It aired yesterday. I want to curl up into a ball and die.
Olive says, “I think Steph and Genie are evil sorcerers who are dictating our fates. I mean, take a good hard look at what’s happened between us with them in charge. Art is imitating life. The show has become a parallel uni
verse. Dudes! We are now the characters in the show! It’s so meta. My mind is about to explode!”
“Just don’t get it all over my new Michael Kors bag, okay?” Sarita quips.
Ash leans over to me with concern on his face. “So, what’s up, man? I heard about the panel discussion. Did you and Noah break up or what?”
“No, not exactly, we’re…working through some issues.”
“I don’t understand why we can’t tell Kai about the two of you being a couple. He’s a nice guy; I’m sure he’d back off if he knew,” Olive says.
“Noah’s not down for that,” I say.
“Why?”
“I have no idea Olive, and I really don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay?”
Sarita comes around my side of the table and in an uncharacteristic display of affection, puts her arm around my shoulders. “Don’t worry about him, while he deals with his issues; we’ll be your new besties. Right gang!”
“That’s right, Josh; it’ll be okay. He’s confused right now. It’s hard doing intimate scripts and not feeling somehow personally involved with your partner. Ash and I have gone through that, so have you and Noah,” says Gemma.
“I’ve never had that happen,” says Sarita.
“That’s because you have no soul,” says Ash.
Later at home, I know I shouldn’t do it, but I do it anyway. I watch their love scene. I am crushed.
The tradition on our show has been that whenever a character gets laid for the first time, with a new character, we go out to celebrate. So, as you can imagine, I am living my own personal hell. As the evening wears down, I get drunker and drunker.
Noah and Kai have been off on the other side of our Traxxx booth, chatting it up the whole night. I stopped feeling pain about an hour ago. Now I sit and glower at them across the table.
“That’s my jam!” Kai suddenly shouts, and he’s up off the seat and on the dance floor. He turns back around and grabs Noah to drag him out there with him. They’re both sauced to the gills too. Everyone is off their normal game tonight. This is a combustible situation.