by T L Bradford
“Why would I do that Gem? He’s already moved on with Sarita. What kind of dick would I be if I tried to break them up? Everyone already thinks I’m a world class asshole for the fight, anyway.”
“Noah, they’re starting to get pretty serious. I’m sure I heard something about them moving in together soon. If you don’t say something now, you may never get the chance again.”
“Josh wants nothing at all to do with me, okay? It’s pointless.”
“I know you can’t possibly believe that.”
“Why?”
“You ended things with Kai because you still love him.”
“No, Kai broke up with me because I wasn’t ready to fully commit.”
“Uh…yeah…because, you still love Josh,” she insists.
“Just forget it already, okay, Gemma. It’s not going to happen. Besides, Sarita is your friend too. I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate you trying to play matchmaker.”
“I still think you should at least talk to him. That way, you can gauge his feelings. You don’t have to go all out and have some grand gesture just to let him know how you’re feeling.”
“It would be so weird though. So much time has passed.” I lean back and rub my hands over my face in frustration. “When did you know Ash was The One?”
“It was a while ago. I had picked up a really bad flu bug and wasn’t able to leave my apartment for days. It was during the holidays, so I think you were visiting your mom in Tennessee. Ash noticed I hadn’t been around and wasn’t answering my texts, so he dropped by my place to check on me. When he found me, I had a sky-high temperature of 102 degrees, and I was nearly delirious. Ash jumped right in and started taking care of me. He got me food, medicine, and kept me company watching bad movies on Netflix until I was feeling better. He was there for me. He saw me at my absolute worst, and he gave me his very best. That’s when I knew I had fallen helplessly in love with him.”
“I never knew that Gem.”
“Ash is a great guy, he’s loved me through thick and thin, even when I wasn’t sure what the hell I wanted. He was my rock, my life, ‘The One,’ even when I was stubborn and refused to believe it.” I feel my chest tighten thinking of Josh, and if I would ever have that moment of awakening. “Noah, do you still love him?”
“It doesn’t matter how I feel.”
“I’ll take that as a yes, then.”
“We’re over, and that’s that.” I sound defeated.
“If you say so. How’s Kai doing?”
“He’s okay. We left things on good terms. We’ll still hang out and all, but only as friends. I was worried that it would be really estranged between us, but so far, we’re coping with it fine. Even our last couple of days in New York were still good. I’m glad our connection was deeper than a physical level because I’d miss being with him.”
“I’m really glad that’s working out for you guys. I haven’t spent a lot of time with him, but he seems pretty special.”
Not wanting to discuss the Kai issue anymore, I change the subject. “Enough about my issues, how are those wedding plans going? Do you have everything finalized?”
“Pretty much, well, all except for one small detail.”
“What’s that?”
“My maid of honor.”
“What’s her deal? Is she trying to steal the spotlight?”
“No, it’s not that. I haven’t got one.”
“Oh, well, I’m sure Olive would be absolutely thrilled if you asked her.”
“Actually, I had someone else in mind.” Her smile is gradual and sneaky.
“What’s that creepy look for?”
“Noah, would you be my Maid of Honor for my wedding?”
“Gemma, you know this is taking the gay best friend thing to an extreme, right?”
“Come on! It has to be you!” she pleads. She gives me the big round puppy dog eyes and I completely crumble.
“Gah! Yes, Gemma, I will be your Maid of Honor, only if I get a different title before the ceremony.” Gemma screams and gives me a big hug. I’ve never seen her happier.
It’s been a few weeks since the New York trip. Kai and I decided to take the break from each other, mainly because he said he needed time to deal with things, but that he would call me up when he was ready to reconnect. So, for the past couple of days, we’ve spent some time together just hanging out.
Tonight, we went to catch a new movie. The movie was only so-so, but just having the time together again made it tolerable. I’m still a little hungry when we part, so on my way home; I stop by my favorite Thai place for some take out. I’m in a good mood, so I turn on the radio. It’s out of character for me, but I flip to one of the pre-programmed buttons. It turns out, it’s one of Josh’s buttons, and of all things, the Spice Girls Wannabe comes streaming out of my speakers. Normally I would flip it off and put on my own music, but this time I don’t.
After about a minute, I’m tapping my foot. Two minutes in and I’m bopping my head up and down and singing at top volume. Three minutes in is as far as I get, because the last thing I see is a Cadillac Escalade careening directly towards me.
My eyes are closed. That I know, because I can’t make out any forms. Every three seconds or so, I see a bright light behind my eyes. I can’t move. I feel myself being hoisted onto something flat; I’m guessing it’s a bed or something. I black out again for a while.
“He’s stable,” says a disembodied voice. I feel more poking and prodding on my body. I try to open my eyes, but for some reason, it takes tremendous effort to do so, so I give up and fall back into the nothingness I came from.
I wake up sometime later. I’m still unable to move, but at least now I can open my eyes. I’m in an unfamiliar room with wood paneling. I hear the steady beep of a machine.
The noise seems incredibly loud in the small quiet space. It’s dark, but I try to look around to get my bearings. I’m in a hospital room. I have no recollection of what I could possibly be doing here. As I scan the room, I see a lump formed in the chair across from the bed. Someone is here with me. It must be Kai since I was with him. Wait? Did we drive home together? I can’t remember.
I hear my heart monitor pick up as I begin to panic. Oh my god! What happened to me! Was anyone else hurt? I can barely turn my head. Bits and pieces start to flash into my head of before I got here. I was at the movies; then I drove to get food, Thai, I think, then everything is a blur.
By now, the monitor is going off the chart as I move into a pure anxiety attack. I’m having trouble breathing, and I realize I have a tube stuck up my nose. When I look down, I see I cannot move my arms because they have been restrained. I’m hyperventilating. Just then a nurse comes bounding into the room, she looks concerned. Two more nurses and a doctor make their way in and begin checking charts and shining things into my eyes. I cannot speak because of the breathing apparatus covering my nose. I feel like I’m about to pass out when out of the corner of my eye, I see a hand come out of the darkness and move over the small of my wrist where it presses down firmly.
When I look up, I see two hazel orbs looking down at me offering reassurance. “Noah don’t fight it, they need to get you your meds. You need to calm down.” What is Josh doing here? And if Josh is here, then where is Kai! Oh shit! What happened to Kai! My panic level starts to rise again, and Josh looks deeper into my eyes. “You’ve had an accident. You have to let them help you. Don’t worry, I’m right here, okay? I’m right here.”
Hearing his calming voice helps me to get a grip. I stop fighting the nurses and let them administer whatever it is they need to give me. It makes me sleepy again. Never once do I take my eyes off of Josh. All I remember is the feel of his hand on my pulse before I nod off again.
My head feels like it’s being crushed by a vice. My eyes fly open. The movement is too fast, and I feel a wave of nausea. Someone is close to me and grabs a plastic bin out of what seems like nowhere. I barely have time to remove the breathing mask when I release the contents
of my stomach into the bin. It racks my entire body. When I finish, I lay back spent and sweating. I look up to see Josh staring down at me with grave concern in his eyes.
“Are you done? Here, let me get you another bin, just in case.” He disappears for a moment, then comes back with a fresh new bin.
“I think I’m okay. Thank you.” He doesn’t look assured as I see his brow furrow deeply. He takes his hand and runs it over my sweaty forehead, pushing my hair back.
“You gave us a bad scare, Noah.”
“What happened? I can’t remember.”
“You were in a bad car accident. You’re banged up, but you’re going to be okay.”
“Was anyone else hurt?” I ask.
“Everyone is okay, the driver of the other car was released this morning with some minor cuts and bruises. The Jeep is dented up. Your head took the brunt of it.”
“Good thing I’m hard-headed.” I try to make a joke but wincing in pain at the effort.
“Don’t try to be funny; it was never your strong suit. Just lay back and relax.” I do as he says. He goes over to grab the chair next to the bed and drags it closer to my side.
“By the way, if anyone asks, I’m your cousin Max okay?”
“What? Why?”
“That was the only way they’d let me back here to visit. It’s family only in Intensive Care. Thank god for the nurse on duty. She is a big fan of the show. She pulled some strings to get me in.”
“How did you even know I was here?” I can’t figure out how or why he’s here in the room with me.
“I’m still listed as your emergency contact number. I got the call right after the accident.”
“Oh, I forgot to change that. Sorry.”
“You know, there are less dangerous ways to get my attention. And you called me a drama queen.” I smile a little at that observation.
“What happened to me?” I ask. “I can’t remember a thing.”
“You were on your way home when a distracted driver, probably texting it looks like, crossed over the median and right into your Jeep. The airbags deployed, which is probably why your head hurts like a motherfucker. The force on your chest fractured a couple of ribs. You have a concussion and a sprained arm. All in all, though, you made out okay. It could have been a lot worse.”
I look down at my arms. “Why am I in restraints?”
“Let’s just say you are an awful patient. Every time the nurses came in to administer your meds, you would flip out and have a panic attack. They had to strap you down.”
“No way, really? How embarrassing.”
“Don’t sweat it; they’ve seen worse. I think at least.” He lifts his hand again to sweep my hair back on my forehead. His hand feels so good, warm, and smooth across my skin. He continues stroking me lightly.
“You scared the hell out of me, Noah.”
“I’m sorry.” All I can do is stare up at him. It’s like I can’t believe he is sitting here right in front of me. It’s been so long since I’ve had him this close. And all of his attention is focused solely on me.
Just then, a doctor enters the room, and Josh quickly pulls back his hand from my head and sits back in his chair abruptly. It irritates me to know he feels he needs to do this, even when he is comforting me. It’s all my fault.
“Noah, it’s good to see you up and awake. I’m Dr. Sheridan, and I’ve been taking care of you these past few days.”
“A few days?”
“Yes, you were brought in with severe head injuries and fractured ribs. Your arm is slightly sprained so you will be in a sling for a little while. The good news is you’re healing well. We’re going to keep you here one more night for observation; then you should be able to return home tomorrow if everything checks out okay. Do you have someone to help you at home? Mobility could be a challenge for a little while with the sling.”
“Yes, he does,” Josh pipes up right away from the other side of the bed.
I look over at him and mouth a silent thank you. He nods his head like this is a given.
The doctors fill me in more on what happened and what I can expect. Later that day, I need another head scan to make sure the swelling is still going down but barring any other issues, I should be okay.
The rest of the day moves rather quickly with visits from the gang and Kai to keep me company. I am delighted when I see my mom and Jacob enter the room. They came as soon as they found out. Josh had taken care of letting everyone know my progress these past days that I can’t even remember. From his appearance, it doesn’t look like he’s gotten much sleep. I ask the nurse later, and she tells me he’s been here the entire time right by my side.
Later that evening after everyone leaves, it’s just me and Josh left. He brings out a pack of cards, and we play Gin Rummy. We don’t discuss Kai or Sarita. We hang out like old buddies shooting the shit and trash talking.
When we finish our last hand, I say, “You’ve taken a lot of time out to be here with me. Thank you.”
“It’s no big deal. You’d do the same for me, right?”
“But it is a big deal. I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all you do for me.”
“Despite everything that has happened between us, I’ll still always be there for you. That never changes—” Maybe this is the time to tell him about Kai. Maybe this is the point where I take the risk. Maybe this is where I tell him I love him. I open my mouth to tell him.
“—even, after I move out.”
It’s like a second blow to my skull. The edges of my vision darken, and I slump down in the bed in defeat. “I was planning on telling you, but it was never a good time. Of course, I’ll postpone the move until you recover,” he adds quickly.
“Thanks,” is all I can say as I see that hopeful chapter in my life closing one last time.
Chapter 42
Josh
Iwatch him in fitful sleep. He tosses and turns all night, occasionally moaning and breaking out into sweats. I can’t imagine what he is dreaming. It must be pretty awful. I’ve barely gotten any sleep at all these past few days. When I got the call from the hospital, my heart dropped into my stomach. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I knew for sure they were going to tell me something terrible had happened to Noah. But when I was told he was at Cedars Sinai, I jumped into my car and got there as fast as I could. I was never more grateful my old Honda started up and came through for me.
The first night was terrifying. I couldn’t leave his side for fear the bleeding would start up again. There was total chaos in the ICU that night. Noah had cerebral hemorrhaging and kept losing consciousness. It’s amazing he escaped with as few cuts and injuries as he did. Once they were able to drain the excess blood from his skull that was causing the pressure, he stabilized.
A while ago, when Noah had the security system installed in the house, he thought it would be a good idea for us to have each other’s fingerprints on our iPhones, so in case we ever needed to reach personal contacts, the other person would be able to get into their phone easily. It was only because of his forward thinking that I was able to reach his mom and get them on the first available flight out of Tennessee to LA.
Sarita has been keeping me sane and fed, dropping by on her breaks to check in on Noah and make sure I am okay. I won’t lie. I think it’s a little strange for her to be here in this situation, but she’s being as supportive as she can. She came in once and saw me holding Noah’s hand while he slept. She’s been much quieter since then.
Tonight, I told him about my plans to move out. I was surprised to see how crushed he looked. I thought for sure he would be relieved to have me out now that he and Kai are dating. Anyway, I offered to help him out since I could be conveniently nearby in case he needed anything, or if he needed me…
I feel the vibration of my phone on my lap. It’s a text from Sarita asking how things went with Noah’s CT scan. I text her things are looking good. She texts back that she will go by Noah’s house and prep the place for hi
s return with fresh sheets and food. Later she will come by to see me at the hospital. It’s these moments with Sarita, where she is so thoughtful without asking anything in return that makes her so special in my life.
When I look back up, Noah is still agitated and breathing hard in his sleep. I move over to the bed and hover over him. He is sweating profusely and hot to the touch. I imagine he’s having one of his panic attacks in his sleep. I debate whether to wake him. I figure the best way to make him feel better is to be there for him.
So, as carefully and quietly as I can; I climb up onto his bed. I lay right next to him, putting my arm around his head and cradling him into my chest, much like that night when Noah first opened up to me about his father’s abuse. Though still asleep, some part of him must recognize that I am there because he tightens his grip with his arm around my chest and relaxes little by little. After about 20 minutes or so, I feel his body start to cool down, and his breathing return to a steady, shallow rhythm. Soon I hear the soft purrs of his snore letting me know he is deep asleep. With him in my embrace and knowing he is safe; I drift off to sleep soon after.
The following day, Noah is still sullen and quiet. Dr. Sheridan comes in to let us know that he is clear for release. I drive Noah home, where his parents will be waiting for us on his arrival. They have a surprise waiting there.
“Sorry, you have to roll in my Honda, but hey, it could be worse.” I try to liven up the mood.
“Could it?”
“Uh huh, acting like an asshole. Yep, you must be feeling better.”
“You know, I hold you personally responsible for this whole mess.”
“How did you reach that conclusion?”
“I was listening to your radio station and got caught up singing some Spice Girls song when the crash happened. If I wasn’t jamming out to them, I might have had time to swerve.”
I chuckle out loud. “Oh, no, don’t you dare blame that one on me. I am a completely innocent party here.”
“I beg to differ.” He’s teasing me. I turn my head to look at Noah. Even with a giant bandage on his head and riddled with cuts and bruises, he still looks fucking amazing. He gives me a tender look, and I have to look away, fearing I may give away too much in my expression.