Loaded

by KB Winters

  “Good luck.”

  She blinked and looked up. “I’m sorry, Anna—”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I assured her. “You’re worried about your friend. I hope that helps.”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it,” she said, sounding defeated.

  “I know.” And it did, it wasn’t her fault that I’d fooled myself into thinking I belonged here. I’d never belonged anywhere, why would this ranch filled with veteran bikers and almost no women be any different?

  “No harm done, Vivi. I just hope it helps us get her back.”

  “Me too,” she said and left me alone. It was starting to feel like a theme in my life, one that I needed to learn to hate less than I currently did. I didn’t need to belong on Hardtail Ranch because it wasn’t my home. It was where a friend lived and where I provided some occasional medical assistance, nothing more. They weren’t my tribe or my family, they were just people I knew.

  Thinking of it that way was better. Smarter. Soon, Peaches would be back on the ranch with Maisie and Martha, and I’d be back at my house, alone, and life would return to normal.

  Not soon enough.

  Maybe when my life got back to whatever normal was, I’d make some changes. Go out more during my free time instead of staying at home and reading journal articles on new diseases and medical techniques. Maybe I would sign up for online dating—again—or maybe I would improve my vibrator collection. I could even take up a hobby.

  A laugh escaped at the thought of that. I had almost no free time and the last thing I wanted to do when I had a few hours to myself was do more work. What I needed was a social circle. One that didn’t revolve around this ranch, the club, or the bikers who lived here.

  I stepped into the tub filled with hot, sudsy water and pulled out an emergency bottle of wine, taking an hour for myself before the guys headed back out and I was back on Maisie duty. I’d promised her a tea party, which meant I needed to stop thinking about all the ways I failed my patients today, all the ways I could fail Peaches if things went sideways, the big way I’d failed my father too. None of that mattered and I wouldn’t let it interfere with my time with the little girl.

  She deserved better than that, and I would make sure she got it.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Wheeler

  “Is Gunnar up here?”

  I’d checked all the rooms on the first floor except for the kitchen. Martha shooed me out before I took two steps inside. “Got too much cooking today to be bothered by a handsome cowboy.”

  Me. She called me a handsome cowboy. I know what my face looks like and how women find it appealing, but the whole cowboy thing was kind of a hoot. Gave me a good reason to smile when everything else turned to shit, especially after the last few hours I’d spent on the phone.

  Annabelle stared up at me, eyes slightly worried but trying hard to look normal for the sake of the little girl.

  “No,” she said, “I haven’t seen Gunnar.”

  “Do you know where he might be?” She could be upset with me all she wanted, but now wasn’t the time. “Don’t make me ask you ten fucking questions, AB.”

  Maisie gasped. “You said a bad word.”

  “Adults don’t always follow the same rules as kids,” Annabelle told the little girl with a smile before turning back to me, where her smile died instantly. “I don’t know where he is. He dropped Maisie with me an hour ago, and that was the last I saw of him.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered but she’d already turned back to Maisie, my existence completely forgotten. I didn’t have time now, but later, we had a few things to discuss. Gunnar had to be around here somewhere. Where else would he be?

  The thought that he might do something stupid like go off on his own to take on Farnsworth had my feet moving quickly, back down the stairs and through the kitchen, ignoring Martha’s cry. “There are two other doors in this house, boy!”

  There he was. Standing on the back porch, toes floating over the edge with his hands shoved in his pocket, looking like his mind was a thousand miles away. Then he said, “Please, God fuck, tell me you got something for me, Wheeler.”

  I stared at the back of his head. “How’d you know it was me?”

  “Because even though Holden and Slayer are bigger fucks than you, nobody else walks like a two-ton beast. Must be ‘cause of your leg?”

  His casual mention of my leg threw me off, but I rolled with it. “Nah, my mom used to always compare me to a herd of elephants. Good thing the leg can handle it.”

  “Does it hurt?” His gaze never wavered from the horizon, lit up beautifully as the sun started her descent for the day.

  “Most of the time.”

  Gunnar shot me a terse nod, and I stood beside him, both of us staring off in the distance, waiting for the next twist or turn in this strange conversation.

  “Okay,” he said, finally, his eyes still drilling the horizon. “I’m ready now. Whatcha got?”

  “So I made some phone calls and got good intel. Looks like the death of your friend Bob Slauson ended the Gemini Program. He was the driving force and somehow found a way to make it work more often than it failed.” It was a crazy ass story, and I was sad the world had lost Bob Slauson. “Must have been one hell of a dude.”

  “A chick, actually. She helped us with some shit back in Mayhem. Caused some too, but that’s the nature of the biz, right?”

  “Too right,” I added with heavy shoulders. “Anyway the final Farnsworth, the one fucking with us now, has been AWOL since the op in Paris. I didn’t get much info on the job just that the goal was achieved but it didn’t go as planned. I got the feeling there’s more to the story.”

  Finally, Gunnar turned his gaze to mine and cocked an eyebrow. “I was out here thinking the same damn thing. I let Peaches get away with being tight-lipped about this shit because after Vivi left to work for the Feds to pay off a Reckless Bastards debt, I couldn’t risk that shit with Maisie, ya know?”

  It had been me and Mitch for so long that I did know. “Yeah, but now you regret it. The same way I regret encouraging Mitch to become a head shrinker.”

  That pulled a snort-laugh from him. “Then Peaches came along, and I figured it was best to leave it behind us.”

  “You couldn’t have known.” The longer you’re out of the military, the more distance you put between hard-learned lessons and your memories of them.

  “I should have. Shit like this doesn’t just die quietly in its bed of old age. We all know that.”

  He was right. “Okay but bitching about what you didn’t do won’t help us now. The agency, I assume it’s the agency, but I could be wrong, has a crew searching for Farnsworth in Iran and Paris. I suggested they search a little closer to home.”

  “He’s gone rogue,” Gunnar said, fear lacing every syllable.

  “Seems that way, but the good news is that the federal clean up crew still has an overnight flight before they’re boots down in Texas, longer before they make their way to Opey.” He blinked, trying to put all the pieces together. “We don’t have any time to waste. If we don’t beat them there, Peaches could become collateral damage.”

  Gunnar’s eyes turned cold as he prepared himself for battle. All the emotion melted away except desire—desire to complete the fucking mission. “No fucking time to waste.” He took a step toward the door before my words stopped him in his tracks.

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “Fuck,” he shook his head. “No, you’re not. I need you here. With Maisie.”

  “Bullshit. You need me to be where I belong, at your side. When we get to that house, what are you gonna do if you find Peaches inside?” We both knew the answer but I needed him to see it for himself.

  “I’ll do what the fuck I have to in order to get my woman back. Her and our baby.”

  The fire in his eyes, that desperate mix of fear and rage was dangerous when it was uncontrolled like that. Wild.

  “Exactly. And fuck the rest of us, right?”
Gunnar was a fine leader, but he wouldn’t be the first man blinded by love.

  He frowned at me as his shoulders fell. “No. Of course not. But—”

  “But your focus will be where it should, on your woman and your baby. This is what you have a fucking Veep for man. To be by your side and make the hard decisions when you can’t.”

  I clapped him on the back to show that, with all the recent shit between us, I had his back.

  “You lead us in there, and I’ll back you up when you need me to.” Our gazes locked for a few long, tense moments. His eyes searched mine and my face, in search of some truth he couldn’t figure out. “I’m sober,” I said to help him out. “No pills today other than some fucking useless ibuprofen. I swear.”

  “I trust you,” he finally said. “I trust you Wheeler, otherwise I wouldn’t have left Maisie’s safety to you. That’s why I need you here.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. It shocked the shit out of me to be honest. “Even after the leg and the pills?”

  “I’m not thrilled you lied, but we all have secrets. Fucking secrets,” he bit out with a growl. “I need to know Maisie is safe.”

  “She will be.” Aspen’s voice startled us both, and we turned to find her standing in the doorway with a double barrel shotgun resting at her hip. “We all love Maisie.”

  Hazel was there too, looking too serious and fierce with a nine millimeter in both hands, a wicked smile on her face. “Can’t leave a fellow troublemaker when she needs help.”

  And then Martha appeared. “I’ll protect that little girl with my life,” she added gravely. They all shared a look, and I knew that no matter what had happened between them, they loved the little girl equally. “Plus I’ve got Harold’s Ruger,” she held up a sturdy looking six-shooter with pride. “She’ll be safe, I can promise you that.”

  Gunnar shook his head, overwhelmed by the women’s gesture when Vivi stepped between them all and stood two feet from Gunnar, one hand on her hip and the other holding an AK. “She’ll be safer than the rest of you motherfuckers, you can believe that.”

  “I can’t let you get in the middle of this, Vivi.” Gunnar wore a fierce expression that meant he would get his way, but Vivi surprised me. She notched her chin up high, looking bored.

  “You can’t stop me either. Leave a man behind if it’ll make you feel better,” she told him with a distinctive roll of her eyes that told him just what she thought of his idea. “But we’ve got this too, with our tiny female brains and all.”

  “Vivi,” he groaned.

  “Plus we’ve got the Doc here in case we need her,” she said, rubbing her belly absently as she stared Gunnar down, daring him to waste more time. “Or we can keep bitching at each other while our girl is out there somewhere alone. Safety unknown.”

  That seemed to be the words he needed to hear to get his feet moving because Gunnar headed inside while I mouthed a heartfelt “Thank you,” to Vivi as I followed behind him.

  “Come on then, Wheeler. Get Ford to keep an eye on the…ranch,” he said with one final look at the armed group of women, a smile ghosting the edges of his mouth. “Come on, we need to arm up.”

  Those words put a smile on my face. Despite the shit storm brewing all around us and the danger of the night’s mission, visiting the artillery room never got old. “You say the nicest things, Prez.”

  We both hopped on some waiting four wheelers and headed for The Barn Door and the Sin Room. And the removable wall that hid enough firepower to arm a small army.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Annabelle

  “Dr. Annabelle, where’s Peaches?” She looked up at me with big, worried eyes and it broke my heart. Maisie was no fool. She’d experienced enough loss in her life to know the signs that something was wrong. “No one is telling me anything ‘cause I’m still a kid.”

  I remembered that feeling well, that feeling of hopelessness mixed with the knowledge that I wouldn’t learn anything until it was too late. I let out a sigh and tried my best. “She had to take care of something, but she’s coming back. Soon, I’d say.” I hoped all that was true, because I didn’t want to be remembered as another adult who had lied to her. Let her down.

  “Promise?” In that moment I understood the fierce way Peaches loved this little girl and I envied the baby in her belly for having two parents ready with that kind of love.

  “Yep, I do.” My voice was overly bright, and I was sure the smile on my face teetered on the brink of wild woman, but I had to sell it. For a few more hours anyway. “Now, there are a lot of women downstairs who want to hang out with you. How does a grown up girls slumber party sound?”

  When her smile lit up, I remembered how much I envied the joy and resilience of the young. Her face bloomed red with excitement. “Really? Can I stay up late?”

  I gave her a gentle nod because I knew that no matter how things played out tonight, none of us would get much sleep. Except for Maisie. “Only if you promise to brush your teeth and put on your pajamas when I tell you to. Deal?” I held out my hand and waited.

  Maisie looked at my face and then my hand, a small smile teasing the corners of her lips. She looked undecided, and I was totally smitten.

  “You don’t want to miss Martha’s breakfast tomorrow, do you?”

  Finally, she put her hand in mine and gave it a solid shake for such a young kid. “Deal.” She reached for her handy tiara, fixed it on her head and then marched out of her room and down the stairs.

  I followed closely behind but not too close. We had a bunch of armed woman downstairs and even more firepower on standby. I wanted things to appear normal to Maisie, not look like she was walking into an armed militia. I heard the roar of a bunch of vehicles about an hour ago, a blend of motorcycles and a distinctive, bigger car. It would probably be a long time before we heard anything else, at least a few hours, maybe even days.

  Luckily for me, Maisie was a super star among this particular circle of women. As soon as she stepped off the bottom stair, they engulfed her. Clearly in her element, she smiled and giggled as everyone made her the center of attention. She’d forgotten all about me, which made it easy to sneak off to the kitchen in search of coffee. As soon as I stepped inside the spacious room, my gaze lasered in on the half-full coffee pot, thankfully, still hot and steaming as I poured myself an oversized mug.

  “Do you think she realizes she isn’t alone?” That amused voice belonged to Vivi.

  “Now she does,” Aspen added, coming up behind her. She seemed even more amused.

  I turned, mug still pressed to my lips and sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t see you there.”

  “Clearly. Having dirty thoughts about the really beautiful one with the blue eyes?” Vivi arched a brow, mischief glowing around her like a halo.

  “Wheeler? Absolutely not.” Okay maybe that was too forceful a denial, but it was instinctive. “I mean, no. I was just thinking about how tense the air feels in there.”

  “Yeah, right,” Vivi said, laughing shamelessly at my expense. “You believe her?”

  Aspen shook her head, blonde hair spilling halfway down her back thanks to pregnancy hormones I could see blossoming on her skin, if she even realized she was pregnant yet. “Not even a little bit. I see the looks between you two. Give us something.”

  I didn’t find sharing easy but I could speak about Wheeler now; it was over. “We have been sleeping together on and off for a few months, but it’s off as of now.”

  “You gave that hunk up on purpose?” Vivi arched a brow. “I guess being a doctor does have its perks, like an endless supply of man candy.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “I was just a convenience thing. We were using each other, having fun and it was fine, until I went and developed feelings.” Something I still couldn’t admit without feeling foolish. “Damn daddy issues.”

  “Amen,” Vivi said and raised her hand in the air.

  “I hear ya, sister,” Aspen added sadly, shaking her head. “We all have the
m. We just have to figure out how to deal with them. How to spot people that trigger our worst behaviors. It’s just too bad for you that Wheeler has more baggage than your average fashionista.”

  That was an understatement if I ever heard one. “And he’s fine with his baggage, happy to let it weigh him down.” He would let it kill him rather than admit there was another way. A better way. “I’m done trying to change people, and I’m done changing myself to please people, and I’m okay with that decision.” Or I would be, sometime soon.

  Really, really soon.

  “Or,” Vivi added dramatically, “you could fight for him. Help him fight his demons. Fuck them out of him if that’s what he needs. If you love him, that is.” She shrugged like it was no big damn deal, like she hadn’t just shattered my world with four simple words.

  If you love him.

  Did I love Wheeler? “No, I don’t.” I couldn’t love him simply because I didn’t know him. This was just a chemical reaction, an extreme side effect of really good sex. It wasn’t the basis of a heart to heart connection or a long term, lifelong commitment.

  “I don’t,” I said again, fighting against the way my heart leapt in my chest every time I even thought about the word. Love. I shook my head. I couldn’t.

  “Stand back, Aspen, she’s figuring it out.”

  I ignored Vivi. She was wrong. Another classic case of a woman in love, with all of her dreams coming true, trying to make it so for everyone else. I didn’t know Wheeler’s middle name or his birthday or where he grew up. I couldn’t tell you one detail about the scars on his body or even where he served in the military. I knew his blood type and his pain tolerance, things a doctor would know about her patient. You couldn’t build a future on convenience. “I don’t love him.”

  “Did you convince yourself already? Because we’re totally not convinced.” Aspen grinned cheekily, and I shook my head. “Men are stubborn, more so when their emotions are engaged. Holden hated me when we met because of a stupid comment I made when we were eighteen.” My eyes rounded in surprise; Holden seemed to be the most even-keeled of the bunch. “I know! My point is that Wheeler gives off this vibe, that he’s seen more, much worse than the rest of them. It’s just hard to see because you’re so blinded by his beauty.”