Blue: A soul warming young adult novel

by Maggie Joan

  The waitress came back over then and asked if I wanted to order something. I sighed and asked to wait another five minutes. Tapping her pen against her pad, she disappeared once more.

  I gave up with Facebook and leaned back against the white booth wall, staring at the door in hope. When the clock ticked over to twenty past four, I began to face reality that he wasn’t coming. Maybe something had happened that meant he couldn’t make it. Without a phone though, he couldn’t let me know otherwise.

  When the waitress came back at half past, I sighed in defeat and ordered a cheese, tomato, and onion toastie with some sweet potato fries on the side. It made sense to eat here anyway as Archie had demanded gammon for tea which he knew I hated but of course, Marsha always indulged him.

  By five o clock, I admitted defeat and after paying the bill, left. A strange mix of emotions tumbled around inside me. Disappointment, stupidity, confusion—they all churned together leaving behind a rising wave of bitterness that I swear I could literally taste on my tongue.

  It didn’t take me too long to walk home. I walked through the door just as Marsha served up tea.

  “Hey, sweetie,” she said, giving me a warm smile. “Have you had a good day?”

  “Not bad, thank you. I’ve already eaten so I’m going to head up for a shower.”

  Marsha’s face creased into worry. “Are you ok?”

  I nodded. “Just been a long day.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I smiled. “Maybe later.”

  Marsha nodded. “I’m always here for you, Blue, remember that. Can you send Archie down please?”

  I nodded and headed upstairs, wondering how much I’d get shouted at if I sent Archie down the stairs with my foot up his ass.

  “Archie, it’s teatime,” I said, throwing my bag onto my bed and walking into the bathroom.

  As I looked at the long, deep bath, I changed my mind on the shower and started to run a bath. Hearing nothing from my delightful foster brother, I went into his room to see him on his laptop, staring at me over the top of it.

  He pointed at me, shut the lid, and laughed.

  I rolled my eyes and folded my arms over my chest. “Your tea is ready.”

  “Hahahahahaha, you’re so stupid, Blue.” He got up and skipped across his room. “Blue is stupid, waiting for Cupid.”

  He continued his ridiculous little chant all the way down the stairs. I shut myself away in the bathroom and sank into the hot water and piles of bubbles, letting the rising water envelope my days stress and wash it away.

  I’d left my phone in my bag which meant my bath was nothing but total freedom and peace. As I usually did in the bath, my eyes started drooping and I gave in to a power nap. Typically, when I woke up, my skin had wrinkled to resemble something like a prune, but I didn’t care. I felt absolutely revitalised, happy, and like I could take on the world.

  After washing myself down, I wrapped myself up in a big pink bath sheet and headed for my room. I threw my bag on the floor, decided to ignore my phone for the night, and climbed into bed. My alarm clock told me I’d been in the bath for over an hour with it now being just after seven p.m. I flicked on my TV and settled down for the night. I felt good again. Life really was good.

  Chapter 5

  The next morning was nothing unusual. I woke up late, ran around like a headless chicken, grabbed a piece of toast on my way out of the door and yelled my goodbyes. It was made even better by the fact I hadn’t seen the annoying little shit either.

  I power walked to school, munching on my jam covered toast, and sighed in contentment. As I rounded the corner of the street where school was, I heard the bell ring. I swore at myself and ran for the gates, stuffing the last of my breakfast in my mouth.

  Running through the corridors, I made it to my classroom just as the last kids were filing in. I breathed a sigh of relief and followed them in, trying my best to look cool and nonchalant. As I always did, I scanned the room for my seat—next to the window, third from the back.

  Some of the others started giggling and snickering, whispering to one another as I walked in. I frowned and thought nothing of it. I’d faced countless scenarios like this and had come to terms with the fact that I would always be an outsider looking in. The cool kids, the ‘in’ crowd would never accept someone like me but that was ok. If they needed to laugh and make snide comments to one another then they really needed a stark reality check if that was all they had to worry about in life.

  Mrs Mace strode through the door, her short but bulky frame commanding attention as always. With her black hair cut just above her ears and her brown eyes piercing through anyone she looked at, Mrs Mace was a formidable person, let alone a teacher. She stood for no nonsense whatsoever. Most kids were terrified of her. There were rumours she’d been in the military which wouldn’t surprise me given her direct approach and need for things to be ‘just so’.

  As the door slammed shut behind her, most of the giggling stopped, but I could still hear some whispers and sniggering from behind me.

  Mrs Mace narrowed her eyes straight down the classroom. “Georgie, Emily, perhaps you’d like to come to the front of the class and tell the rest of us what is so amusing this morning.”

  “No, Miss,” said Georgie, her squeaky voice sending shivers right through me.

  Mrs Mace gave her a lazy but rather sadistic smile. “It wasn’t a question.”

  Several seconds later, two chairs scraped back across the floor and Georgie and Emily shuffled their way to the front of the classroom. Emily looked petrified, her blue eyes darting about like a rabbit caught in headlights. Her long blonde hair hung down around her and she started fiddling with it. Georgie, her brown hair piled up high on top of her head, crossed her arms over her chest and actually dared to smirk at Mrs Mace.

  I bit my lip to stifle a giggle. Boy would she be in for it now.

  Mrs Mace gestured with her arm towards the room. “Please, go ahead,” she said. “Enlighten us all so we can be entertained along with you. After all, education is just a big joke.”

  The room fell silent, the atmosphere so tense it felt like I could reach out and touch it. I think every single one of us had held their breath, waiting for Georgie’s next move. She was one of the popular cool kids, a leader of the ‘in’ crowd. What she did next would reflect on her reputation at school.

  “Nothing, Miss,” Georgie said, clearing her throat. “We were just talking about something we saw on TV last night.”

  “Oh, well, do tell, Georgie, please.”

  Georgie’s pale cheeks flushed bright red. “Oh it was nothing, really, just a funny scene from a show we both watch.”

  Mrs Mace nodded her head slowly. “Considering you were rude enough to ignore my presence in the room then it must have been more than funny. Please share it with us.”

  I sucked in a deep breath. I wouldn’t swap places with Georgie right now even for a winning lottery ticket.

  “You kinda have to watch the show to get it,” she said, unfolding her arms and wringing her hands together. “One of those things where you have to be there.”

  “What about you, Emily?” Mrs Mace said, looking around Georgie to the quieter girl. “Perhaps you’d like to share this hilarious scene with us?”

  Emily looked down at shook her head. “No, Miss. I'm sorry, Miss.”

  “Both of you would do well to remember that manners cost nothing and get you everything. Now, go and sit down and if I hear one more peep from either of you, you’re in detention at lunch.”

  “Yes, Miss. Thank you, Miss,” Emily said, scurrying back to her seat with a tomato-coloured face.

  Georgie said nothing as she ambled back to her desk, head held high and her shoulders squared back. She looked at me and grinned. Not a friendly grin, a proper wide toothy grin that said the joke was on me. My heart lurched and straight away I wondered if I'd got crumbs or jam around my mouth. As she sat down behind me, I patted around my mouth but couldn’t feel
any sticky residue or leftover food. I frowned and shrugged it off.

  As the day wore on, I became more and more aware of people whispering and giggling wherever I went. By lunchtime, I knew it wasn’t my imagination or the fact I'd left my breakfast around my mouth.

  I collared Izzy in the dining hall. “Why is everyone looking at me and laughing today?”

  She looked away, catching my eyes for the briefest of seconds before she replied, “They’re not. You’re just being paranoid.”

  I looked around me as I queued up for dinner and spotted another group of giggling girls just the other side of the till. “Look,” I said, inclining my head in their direction. “They’re looking at me and laughing.”

  “No, they’re not,” she said, taking a plate from the side and eyeing up the hot food.

  I sighed and closed my mouth. I picked up a slice of pizza and two pieces of garlic bread. Comfort food was more than needed today. Still unable to shake the feeling of something being off, I dared to take another look around the room. Sure enough, hundreds of eyes were on me, every last one shining with delight at something.

  As I reached the counter to pay, a tall geeky boy from the year below me approached the till, his thin lips twisted up into a quirky smile and his green eyes glistening with pleasure.

  “I’ll get this,” he said, talking to the dinner lady.

  I froze, unsure what to do or say. I'd never so much as spoken to this boy let alone done anything else that warranted him buying my dinner.

  “You don’t have to do that,” I said, smiling at him.

  “Sure, I do. You helped me win a lot of money,” he said, handing over a five-pound note to the dinner lady. “It’s the least I can do.”

  I frowned, my mind racing with possibilities as to what he could mean. “I’m sorry, what? I don’t even know your name.”

  “Tom,” he said, taking his change back from the dinner lady. “Tom Bradford. Thanks again.”

  The dinner lady smiled at me and waved me through past her. I navigated my way through the crowded hall and found a spot in the far corner, nearest the door. A group of younger lads laughed as I sat down. What the hell was going on?

  I caught Izzy’s eye as she surveyed where to sit and waved her over. She smiled at me but went to sit with Aaron, Jake, Barney, and Max. Ouch. That was a kick in the teeth. Feeling like an animal being stared at in a zoo, I wolfed down my food and slinked out of the dining hall. I hated being in my form room at lunch but today I wanted the safety of it.

  As I approached the door, I heard roaring laughter coming from inside. I walked in, my eyes automatically drawn to the group of girls in the corner.

  “I can’t believe she actually bought this crap. How desperate can someone be?” one of the girls said. Her voice sounded a lot like Poppy’s.

  The girls all laughed. I froze. Instantly, I knew this was about me. Nausea swarmed me and raging heat burned through my face. What was going on?

  “Let’s have a look again,” someone else said. “You really did copy his handwriting well. It’s genius.”

  “I can’t believe Tom Bradford of all people won the bet,” said another, snorting in disdain. “The pot was well over two hundred quid. Jammy sod.”

  “I’m amazed she lasted over an hour,” said another. “Although technically, her eating shouldn’t count.”

  “You’re just sore because you lost out by two minutes,” said the Poppy sounding voice.

  I didn’t know what to think, do, or even say. I just stood there like a complete dork, staring at them all. They’d been betting on me? I started shaking from a mixture of fear and anger. Water glazed over my eyes turning them all into hazy shapes.

  “Guys,” one of the girls said, looking at me.

  The group parted to reveal Poppy sat in my seat, a triumphant grin all over her face. “Hey,” she said, standing up. “Did you enjoy your food last night?”

  “What is this? What’s going on?” I asked, my voice shaking.

  Poppy snatched the letter back from one of her cronies and held it up. “Did you honestly think he’d write you a letter? Especially a letter like this?”

  I opened my mouth but I had no words.

  “You actually thought he’d be interested in you over me?” She laughed, her group of followers laughing with her. “Take this as me letting you down gently, on behalf of Regan. If you so much as even look at him again, I'll cause you a world of pain you never knew existed.”

  An overwhelming urge to run took over my body. My mind was blank, numb, and I couldn’t act on anything other than pure instinct. I fled, running as if the devil himself were chasing me. I didn’t even stop for my bag—all that mattered was getting away from this negative situation as quickly as possible. Without thinking, I ran for the beach, for my favourite place on top of those rocks, away from people.

  Laughter chased me all the way out of school fuelling me even more. By the time I reached my place of solace, my legs were on fire and my lungs burning for air. My cheeks were wet with streaks of tears. Despite my trembling, I somehow managed to climb the rocks and collapse on top of them.

  Chapter 6

  Marsha didn’t understand my dilemma. To be honest, I hadn’t expected her to but that didn’t mean I couldn’t hope.

  “Everything will be just fine,” she said, sitting at the end of my bed that night. “It’ll be yesterday’s news by tomorrow.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t understand, Marsha. The entire school was betting on me and how long I'd sit there waiting like some sad loser. The video went viral. Even he saw it!” I said, pointing towards Archie’s room.

  Marsha giggled. “It went what?”

  “Viral.”

  “Not bacterial then?”

  I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to scream. “This isn’t funny. This is my life!”

  Still chuckling, Marsha patted my legs before she stood up to leave. “It will all be forgotten by next week at the latest. You can weather this storm, Blue. You’re a tough cookie.”

  My heart sank and my mind wandered back to the children’s home I’d had the misfortune of being in for a few months when I was eight. I’d been missing for a few weeks after running away from a particularly nasty foster family. The father was nothing short of a male chauvinist pig and viewed any female, regardless of age, as a servant to him and his needs. Any needs.

  When the cops picked me up one November night, sleeping on a park bench, I thought I’d been rescued. Freezing cold, starving hungry, and unbathed for weeks, I literally was something from a Charles Dickens novel. I was very mistrusting of men and was almost hysterical when the male copper approached me. Luckily, he had a female colleague with him who calmed me down or God knows what I might have done.

  They took me back to the station, wrapped me up in blankets, and fed me some delicious tomato soup. I’d never been more grateful for such a simple meal in all my life. Even now, it was my comfort food, something that reminded me of that lovely police lady, Emma, and the fact that good in this world did exist.

  Middle aged, blonde, and petite, Emma immediately came across as someone quiet and calm, someone not to fear. She sat with me all night, even after her shift ended, until the authorities came to pick me up the next morning. I’d clung onto her kindness and reassuring energy like a gecko.

  The next morning, a tall, stern looking man walked in and introduced himself as Tim. He explained that he ran a children’s home, and I would be staying there with him and lots of other children until they could find a suitable foster family for me. I remember shaking my head and crying into my blanket, refusing to be anywhere near a man.

  “I told you she needed a woman,” Emma whispered to him.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “My colleague, Sandy, is away today on other business. I’m the only option.”

  Emma sighed. “Then I’ll come with you.”

  “That’s really not necessary.”

  “Not to you, no, but it is for her.”r />
  Just like that, darling Emma accompanied me to the children’s home. She drove me in her own car, following the unsympathetic Tim. We wound around some twisty backroads in the beautiful countryside of Taunton. When a huge red bricked house appeared on the horizon, splayed out over perfectly landscaped gardens, I started to get excited.

  “Is that where we’re going?” I asked Emma.

  “It sure is, honey. You’re going to have so much fun there. There’s so many other children, just like you, who need friends and someone to play with. You’ll have your own room and as much ice cream as you can dream of.”

  I grinned like a Cheshire cat and finally felt some hope as we pulled into the huge sweeping driveway. I’d never felt such amazing hope rising inside me. As Tim pulled up outside, some older kids came outside, staring at me like I was an alien, but some of them were girls and that made me feel a hundred times easier. I wasn’t alone here and that was a great feeling.

  “You look after yourself,” Emma said, helping me out of the car. “You’re a tough little cookie.”

  I nodded and willed myself not to cry. Something about Emma made me want to stay with her forever. “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcome. Now, go and have a good life.”

  Tim instructed one of the older girls to come and get me. A chubby brunette with a big nose and glasses came down the steps with a hand outstretched. “Come on, sweetie, let’s get you settled.”

  Like a meek little lamb, I took her hand and followed her inside, promises of ice cream and a good life dazzling my mind like stars in my eyes. I heard a car pulling away outside, the gravel crunching beneath the tyres. I turned my head to look behind me, to see if I could catch a final glimpse of Emma, the lovely lady who gave me soup, blankets, and a ray of hope.

  “Don’t look back,” the chubby girl said. “We all look forward now. Looking back does no good.”