Blue: A soul warming young adult novel

by Maggie Joan

  Thankfully, the open side of the barn where I had made myself a home happened to be in the shade. Either pure luck or thoughtfulness from whoever built it. I definitely wouldn’t be venturing outside until the sun had set, that was for sure. I eyed up the rickety old ladder and wondered again what could possibly be upstairs.

  “No time like the present,” I said, clambering to my feet.

  Blue pricked his ears forwards but didn’t move. I tested the bottom few rungs with my hands, making sure they weren’t going to easily give way or about to collapse. Happy they were safe, I carefully eased my weight onto each one, testing the higher ones with my hands. I couldn’t help but hold my breath each time I stepped up onto the next one.

  By some miracle, I made it to the top without incident. I poked my head up and looked around. Bales of hay were up here, at least fifty, bottles of water, tarpaulins, old leather harnesses, buckets, and feed bags. I felt the board in front of me with my hands and hoisted myself up onto it, sitting on it and gazing around the space.

  The hay bales had my first interest. If it hadn’t gone mouldy, I could throw a bale down for Blue. And make myself a proper little bed. Fairly certain the floor must be good to be holding all this weight, I walked across to the hay, still a little tentative just in case I found a weak beam. Some strange white bags were hanging from the wooden roof beams. I squinted my eyes and managed to read ‘Drypak Silica Gel’ on one of them.

  “That’s so clever,” I said, grinning like anything.

  The hay would be as perfect as the day it was thrown up here. The silica gel would draw moisture out of the air and therefore stop the hay going mouldy. I took three bales and threw them over the edge of the floor. They landed with a thud at the bottom and I hoped and prayed I hadn’t scared away Blue.

  Upon investigating the water bottles, which were covered in about an inch of dust, they were huge five litre bottles of branded water. The expiration date had long passed but that meant nothing for water. I grabbed two of the dozen bottles and hauled them over to the ladder. I fished through the rest of the stuff and found nothing really much of interest. I nabbed a bucket, as that would come in handy for Blue to drink out of.

  Then I thought about it and took a second bucket for washing his wounds. I put a bottle of water in each bucket and then made two trips up and down the ladder with each one. When I finally came back down, mightily pleased with myself with my haul of goodies, Blue was stood at the entrance to the barn, eyeing up the hay.

  I carried a small flick knife with me wherever I went, for protection as well as other uses, so I dug it out of my bag and used it to cut the string on one of the hay bales. Super soft and meadow sweet, it fell apart into slices, just like it should.

  Blue’s brown eyes lit up and he started chewing even though he had nothing in his mouth. I pushed the hay a little towards him but not far enough that he could avoid stepping inside to eat it.

  “Come on,” I said. “You want it, you come get it. That’s the deal.”

  I grabbed one of the buckets and keeping myself against the wall of the barn, edged my way outside. Blue stood and watched me every step, then as I emerged outside, looked at me and blinked, as if he were calling me stupid.

  “What? I’m not the one who’s skittish here.”

  I poured some of the water into the bucket and washed it with my hand, giving it a good rinse to get rid of the build up of dust and cobwebs. Satisfied that even I would drink out of it, I took it back inside the barn and placed it near the hay before filling it up. The instant I moved far enough away, Blue stepped forwards and drunk the entire bucket in about a minute.

  “Someone thirsty, huh?” I asked.

  He kicked the bucket over with his good leg and bobbed his head up and down at me.

  “You want more?”

  I slowly approached him, talking to him all the time. He didn’t flinch once. I bent down and picked the bucket up and still, he didn’t move. As I poured some more water in, I felt a soft muzzle sniffling through my hair. My heart skipped a beat and I grinned like a Cheshire cat. He’d touched me, of his own accord. He’d made contact with me because he wanted to. This was a fantastic day.

  Chapter 14

  My biggest urge had been to reach up and try to stroke his face, but I refrained from doing so. I took his gentle snuffles as a thank you for the hay and water and retreated back to my corner. When he started eating the hay, he chose to move fully inside the barn, in the shade, and appeared nothing but chilled and relaxed.

  I felt like I’d just discovered aliens, or a foreign language and I wanted to run and tell everyone what had happened. Then it dawned on me that I had no one to run and tell anything to. In a matter of days, my world had changed from worrying about Archie and the tricks the little shit might try and play on me to worrying about making friends with a strange horse. It went without saying which world I preferred.

  With my stomach grumbling yet again, I ate another biscuit and found myself needing a nap soon after. I cut open another hay bale and used it to fluff my bed of straw up. The instant I sank into it, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

  ***

  I woke up at some point during the late afternoon. The heat was beginning to fade and the sun was hanging low in the sky. Blue stood in front of the hay, his head hanging low with his bottom lip drooping, his eyes closed, and a back leg resting. If only I had a camera. Taking a picture of this right here would be a picture I’d want to treasure forever.

  My time with him was limited, I knew that. It could come to an end at any given second and there would be nothing I could do about it. This strange little bubble we’d created between us though was something I didn’t want to let go of. I’d become rather addicted and attached to the plucky little stallion. He gave me a reason to live, a reason to want to do something, a reason to feel good and happy.

  But ultimately, he belonged to someone else and would be found soon enough and taken back to his immaculate stable with his rich owners. Until then though, I could pretend that this was our life and ignore the real world outside of our small one.

  “Hey, Blue,” I whispered, stretching my legs out.

  He flicked an ear forward and then back but otherwise didn’t acknowledge my movement. I wondered if it would be too brave to try and address his injuries. Looking at the state of his knee, it couldn’t really be left any longer. Not without going to get some help. I didn’t want to do that as it would mean my inevitable trip back to social services but if I had to in order to help Blue, then I would.

  I stood up and waited for him to react. Nothing. I smiled to myself as I wondered if he’d stuffed himself so full, he’d gone into some sort of food coma. I’d done similar myself over the years. Whenever I’d been on the run and picked up by the authorities, I’d cram every last little bit of food into me that I could then fall asleep as my body struggled to cope with it all. One time I’d eaten so much I’d thrown most of it back up but after living out of rubbish bags for three weeks, everything tasted like heaven and I’d wanted it all there and then.

  Making my way over to the other bucket with the second bottle of water inside, I picked it up, making the handle rattle. Blue opened his eyes briefly then closed them again. I washed the bucket out, tipped some water in and headed back to the sleeping beauty. I grabbed my Savlon and took off my socks. They needed washing anyway so would be more than ok for washing his wound. I turned them inside out and then sucked in a deep breath.

  With the bucket and antiseptic cream in hand, I approached him. I sat down on the floor and dipped my sock in the water.

  “Who’s a good boy, Blue?” I said, reaching my hand up to touch his leg.

  I held my breath and waited for the explosive reaction. As my fingertips met his silky soft coat, I almost shrieked in delight. He didn’t move an inch. I’d done it. I had managed to calm a skittish horse. It was such an amazing feeling and my heart swelled with pride at the fact that this beautiful creature trusted me. Me, the messe
d up runaway kid who couldn’t get anything right.

  I spoke to him all the time, telling him what I was doing and why, made suggestions to him as to how he might have done this to himself, and tried to keep him calm and relaxed. It was only when I picked off a massive clot of congealed blood that he woke up. He lowered his head and sniffed my hands. My instincts told me to freeze, in case he bolted or bit me or something, but I fought against them and carried on cleaning his cut.

  When I got rid of the clot, I could see the cut right across his knee bone. It was deep, but not bone deep. I cleaned it out as best as I could, even getting my little finger in there to get the little bits of dirt out. He didn’t flinch once.

  I opened my Savlon tube and spread a good amount onto my index finger. Still talking to him in a soothing voice, I dabbed it into his wound. After a couple of seconds, he bobbed his head up and down and lifted his leg in the air.

  “I know it stings but that’s a good thing, means it’s working. It’ll feel so much better, I promise.”

  I put my free hand on the front of his leg, and he placed his foot back on the floor. I cooed to him and told him what a brave boy he was. Amazingly, he let me finish applying the cream to the rest of his knee.

  “We good to do your shoulder?” I asked him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

  He moved away from me and snorted.

  “Ok, ok. We’ll do that one later or tomorrow then. We got the worse one.”

  He licked his lips and started chewing. Then he wandered over to his water for a drink and started munching hay again.

  I felt like I’d climbed Everest and sailed back down the other side.

  Chapter 15

  I sat up all night, telling Blue about what made me run out here in the first place. He listened, his ears moving back and forth at the sound of my voice. He nodded his head every now and again, even if it was to pull hay apart, which made me feel like he was listening.

  “The moral of the story is don’t trust people,” I said, letting out a long sigh. “Which is kind of ironic considering I want you to trust me, but I’d never hurt you, Blue, you know that, right?”

  He snorted and munched on the hay, his eyes half closed with peace and pleasure. I leaned back against the warm bricks and sighed. Where did I go from here? At the moment the one thing tying me to this exact place was Blue but once he’d gone, what was my move then?

  I stripped off my clothes and unfolded my Scrubba bag. Luckily, thanks to the bottled water, I didn’t have to sit by the river in my birthday suit and wash my clothes. I unwrapped my soap and cut a chunk off of it, letting it dissolve into the water before I added my dirty clothes. Once I put them in, it was a simple case of scrubbing the rough textured sides of the bag together which would act as an old-fashioned washboard. It was a marvellous invention and one I’d never be without.

  The sun had set hours ago, leaving a crescent moon hanging in a clear night sky. The air was humid and sticky which meant my clothes would dry fairly quick. As I placed them outside on the grass to dry, an idea struck me.

  I gathered up the string I’d cut from the hay bales and made myself a makeshift washing line, tying one end to the nearest tree and the other end to a rusty bolt that stuck out from the barn wall. I threw my clothes over it and decided to give myself a strip wash whilst my underwear dried.

  Emptying the bucket I’d used to clean his wound, I refilled it with clean water and used it to wash my face and under my arms. Baby wipes would clean more intimate areas.

  After I’d freshened myself up, I sat on the intact hay bale, on top of my bag, and tried to ignore the very uncomfortable feeling of being naked. This was the only part I really hated but carrying extra clothes just wasn’t worth the hassle and space they took up.

  I checked my underwear every few minutes, willing a blast of heat to come from somewhere and dry it in an instant. Of course, nothing like that happened and I just had to wait it out. Thankfully the cool night breeze was enough to make it wearable after an hour or so. Prancing around naked on a moor under moonlight made me feel like some kind of witch.

  With my underwear back on and feeling a little more human, I sat back on the hay bale and chatted to Blue about Regan.

  “He’s absolutely gorgeous,” I said, sighing. “No one could look at him and find him unattractive. But of course, he’s nowhere near as gorgeous as you.”

  He blew some dust from his nose and carried on chewing, nudging bits of hay he didn’t want out of his way.

  “He didn’t seem to care about my past either and that’s rare. Then again, I thought that of Izzy too. People are fickle, Blue. All nice to your face and then stab you in the back the instant you turn around.”

  He turned his head to look at me, his brown eyes relaxed and gleaming as he carried on eating the hay. To my sheer surprise, he walked over to me and stood in front of me, his head drooped so his ears were level with my face.

  “Hey, boy,” I whispered. I lifted my hand slowly and rubbed the centre of his head. He stood there for a couple of seconds then bobbed his head up and down. “What are you trying to tell me?”

  When he moved his head, I hadn’t moved my hand and after a few seconds I understood what he was doing and what he wanted.

  “You’re a clever little minx, aren’t you?” I said, giggling.

  He stopped moving his head and left me to scratch up and down his face. After just a few scratches, my fingers were covered in dirt and my nails a murky brown colour.

  “Someone needs a bath,” I said. “Or are you just trying to make me need another wash?”

  He sighed and continued standing there after he’d finished his mouthful of hay. I continued scratching his face, gradually moving my hand from the centre of his head up to his ears and down his cheeks, curious if he preferred any other areas being itched.

  I even tickled under his chin which he seemed to like. He half closed his eyes and sighed as I tickled him like a cat. After I’d scratched literally all of his head, I moved my hand to his neck, attempting to scratch the crest of his neck.

  At that point, he woke up, nudged my arm away, and ambled back to his hay.

  “That’s ok,” I said, more than happy with what contact he’d allowed. “One scratch at a time, hey boy?”

  I sat there watching him, as he shifted his weight onto one back leg and rested the other, eating his giant pile of hay. He had just come to me for attention, for fuss, that was a huge step. Grinning like an idiot, I fetched my nearly dry clothes in, got dressed, and went to sleep for another night with a massive grin on my face.

  Chapter 16

  I woke to bright sunshine outside, another cloudless day from what I could see of my limited view. Even though my stomach hadn’t grumbled as of yet, I decided to indulge in another biscuit. I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that my energy levels were depleting, and I was sleeping more as a result.

  As had become the norm over the past few days, I looked towards the barn entrance for Blue. My heart jumped. He wasn’t there. I scanned the area outside that I could see from where I was but I couldn’t see him. My stomach lurched and upset filled me. Had he really gone?

  I turned to my left to reach for my bag for my biscuit and startled with shock. Blue was laying down behind me. I’d woken up all but cuddling the wall and couldn’t see behind me. Of course, I hadn’t expected in a million years to find him so close to me in such a vulnerable position.

  He’d nestled himself against the back wall and seemingly created himself a hole in the straw so when he laid down it rose up around him. His nose was only about a foot away from me, his neck and head stretched out towards me.

  Oh my God I thought to myself. This was absolutely amazing. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I knew if I did it would wake him up and the magical moment would be over. Not wanting to disturb him at all, I put the idea of my biscuit on hold. As quietly as I could, I laid down on my left-hand side so I was facing him and just stared at him.

  He look
ed so peaceful, calm, and relaxed. What had happened to him in his life to make him as nervous and mistrusting of people as I had become? He didn’t look old. He was well muscled, his coat shiny, every inch the epitome of peak physical health. I had no idea of how to tell a horse’s age by their teeth and the likelihood of me getting anywhere near his mouth was slim to none anyway, but I was fairly certain he couldn’t be in double digits.

  As I laid watching him, I couldn’t help but smile. His legs started twitching and his ears flicking back and forth. A minute or so later he grunted. Was he dreaming? I’d seen cats and dogs moving and making noises in their sleep. Was it possible for horses too?

  With his soft muzzle only inches from me, I had to resist a lot of temptation to reach out and touch him. I knew the velvety softness of a horse’s nose and I missed the feel of it more than I realised. Still, I’d figured by now that patience was key here and when he wanted me to touch him, he would let me know, like last night.

  It wasn’t long before I felt my eyelids drooping and the heavy pull of sleep luring me back into peaceful dreams. With Blue enjoying his own peaceful rest next to me, I happily gave in.

  ***

  I woke again sometime later. It took a few seconds for me to remember Blue had been laid down next to me and I immediately looked for him. He wasn’t there but the indentation he’d left on the straw was. I grinned. At least I knew I hadn’t dreamed it.

  Lifting my head, I looked down to the entrance to see him stood with his pile of rapidly diminishing hay.

  “Hey, boy,” I said. “Did you have a good sleep?”

  He moved an ear towards me and swished his tail. I stood up and stretched my arms and legs. Blue pricked his ears in interest but kept eating. Feeling bold, I moved towards him, telling him I wanted to look at his knee. He kept on chewing and didn’t bother at all.