Succubus Lord 3

by Eric Vall

  If only he knew.

  I shook my head and grinned. “We’re just friends,” I lied. “Besides, I don’t need relationship advice, Dad. I think I’m good on my own.”

  “You sure about that?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “How’s Tamira working out for you?”

  Cupi was taking a drink, and she nearly did a spit-take when she heard what my dad had said.

  “Low blow,” I joked through gritted teeth. “Low. Blow.”

  “I’m just sayin’.” Dad shrugged. “A great partner is hard to come by. Take your mother over there, for example. We were ‘just friends’ at one point, too. If we hadn’t gone to David’s party--”

  “Is this really appropriate talk when company is around?” I asked coyly.

  “Just making small talk.” Dad shrugged and passed me the bowl of ravioli.

  I glanced down at the small pockets of dough packed to the brim with unseen goodies and smothered with a saucy pesto rub.

  “Is this the ravioli?” I asked eagerly.

  Mom grinned and nodded. “This is Jacob’s favorite,” she explained to the girls. “It’s very difficult to make by hand, so I would only make it once or twice a year. And Jacob always wanted it on his birthday.”

  “Because it’s the greatest food on this entire planet!” I agreed.

  “I figured since you gave your father and me such a nice surprise, it was only fair that we returned the favor.” My mom shrugged.

  I picked up six or seven pieces of the ravioli with a pair of metal tongs, and then I passed the bowl down so that everyone else could try some. It may have simply been a pasta dish, but to me, it was almost better than sex.

  Almost.

  I forked one of the pesto-covered pockets, and instantly some of the creamy ricotta oozed out from underneath the utensil’s prongs. I raised the ravioli to my mouth, took a bite, and savored it. Along with the subtle-yet-flavorful cheese, the hand-tossed dough was filled with a sauteed mushroom that had been smothered with garlic butter. The texture wasn’t rubbery like a typical mushroom dish, but rather tender, so much so that it felt like it was melting right in my mouth.

  “These are amazing!” Cupiditas sounded like she was about to have a food orgasm.

  “They are quite marvelous,” Superbia said with an impressed tone. “I can see why Jacob plays them up so much.”

  The tugging at my pant leg was now growing more and more desperate, but I ignored it as I gulped down four more of the delicious morsels. Finally, once my parents were distracted, I lowered down the plate so that Todd could enjoy a couple of the ravioli pieces.

  From underneath the table, there came a sound similar to a dog thumping its foot on the ground.

  My dad looked completely confused for a moment, and then he reached down and peeked underneath the tablecloth. His head was under there for a moment or two, but then he came back up and shrugged.

  Thank God for Todd’s invisibility powers.

  We continued to chat and eat for another hour or so. My parents told embarrassing stories about Todd and me when we were children and teens, and the succubi continued to make up intricate details about their human lives.

  Apparently, the girls were all best friends in high school who were also in cheerleading together. Cupiditas was a star player on the softball team, and Sia was the head of the debate club. Libidine didn’t seem to care much for extracurriculars, but she talked a lot about how she owned a horse and could ride like a champion.

  It took all my willpower not to make a comment on that one.

  Finally, all the grub was gone, and we all looked like we were about to fall into a food coma.

  “What are you guys going to do for the rest of the night?” my mom asked groggily.

  “Well, if any of us can still move after gorging ourselves, I thought I might take these girls around town,” I suggested. “Maybe show them some of my old stomping grounds?”

  “That sounds like an excellent idea!” Libidine grinned. “I’d love to get to know the mind of teenage Jacob.”

  “I think your mother and I are going to hit the hay early.” Dad yawned. “We can clean up all these dishes in the morning. It’s already ten o’clock, and that’s like, two in the morning for us old people.”

  “You’re fifty-one, Dad.” I chuckled. “That’s just barely middle-aged.”

  “See, you tell me one thing, but my aching back tells me something else entirely.” He stood up and patted me on the shoulder as he lumbered off. “See you in the morning, kiddo. Have fun with your friends.”

  “Now I really do feel like I’m back in high school,” I said with a grin. “Good night, Dad.”

  “Are you heading out tomorrow?” my mom asked as she stood up and grabbed her plate. “I know you still have quite a drive to get to D.C.”

  “Probably,” I nodded, “but not first thing in the morning. You know that I’m not an early riser.”

  “No, you never were.” Mom chuckled and then started to walk out of the dining room. “Have a good night, Jacob… but not too good of a night. I don’t want to see you all on the eleven o’clock news tomorrow.”

  “Good night!” I called out.

  “Brooooo,” Todd’s voice rang out from under the table. “That shit was delicious.”

  “Todd’s not dead,” I joked.

  “You have no idea how hard that was,” the imp complained as he slid out one of the chairs. “Not talking for nearly two whole hours? That ain’t natural for the Toddster.”

  “It must have been torture,” I agreed.

  “So what are these ‘old stomping grounds’ that you’re referring to?” Sia asked curiously.

  “I can answer that!” Todd exclaimed. “Jakey and I used to go to this sweet-ass park only a few miles from here. We’d always sneak out of the house, go out there, and get high. Some of our greatest philosophical debates happened at that place, dudettes.”

  “It’s also gorgeous at night,” I added. “It’s far enough out from the city that you can see all the stars, but it’s still close enough that you can get a beautiful view of the skyline.”

  “Oh no,” Todd mused. “You guys are totally gonna bang out there, aren’t you?”

  “I mean-- It’s a romantic spot.” I shrugged. “I was just planning on showing the succubi around, but what happens, happens.”

  “Romantic spot?” Todd laughed. “We were out there all the time, and you never tried to bang me. No homo, of course.”

  “I think this may be a teensy-tiny bit of a different situation, Todd.” I laughed.

  “Oh well,” the imp conceded, “I’m still coming along. I can go off and smoke and have deep conversations by myself if you decide to do the ol’ in-out in-out.”

  “In-out in-out?” Liby asked.

  “You know…” Todd’s voice started.

  One of the remaining manicotti tubes lifted up into the air, and then an empty glass rose up beside it. Todd made the pasta enter the open end of the cup, pulled it out quickly, and then continued the motion until Libidine threw her hand up to make him stop.

  “I get it, Todd,” she got out in between giggles.

  “Here.” I stood up and motioned to the girls’ plates. “I’ll toss these in the dishwasher and meet you out by Shadow. Then we can head out.”

  The succubi reached out to pass me the dishes, but I waved them off.

  “Allow me.” I smirked and summoned green Hellfire into my hands.

  I surrounded the remaining dirty dishes with jade embers and lifted them up into the air. Then, I made my way through the threshold of the dining room and into the kitchen as I whistled a happy tune. I turned around, concentrated on the glowing plates and slowly moved my right hand so that it was pointing toward the sink. As I did so, the dishes levitated through the air until they were just above the chrome cubby in my parents’ countertop. I lowered the dishes into the sink as quietly as I could and then brushed my hands together in satisfaction.

  I closed my eyes and starte
d to think about one of the most disgusting things I could possibly imagine. Something that had been part of our dinner conversation. Someone I never wanted to see again, my ex, Tamira. I thought about her stupid fake tan, her bulbous lips, and the limp-fish way she’d lay there while we had sex.

  Once I was good and disgusted, I pictured the car keys that I’d left down in my old room, and how they could easily end up in my hand. Not a second later, I felt a small, cold metal piece appear in my hand. I’d just teleported my keys into my hand without knowing exactly where they were.

  I was getting good at this shit.

  And now? It was hopefully time to go and grow my connection with these beautiful women.

  Chapter 10

  “It’s gonna be just like the good ol’ days, bro,” Todd mused as we pulled up to the dark gates of the nature park. “We can sneak in after hours, smoke a few joints, shoot the shit, and then crash under the stars.”

  “Don’t forget about getting shitfaced,” I said with a chuckle.

  “And fornicating,” Sia added.

  “I might just sit that part out,” Todd gagged.

  Our old stomping grounds were only about twenty minutes north of my parent’s house, on the outskirts of the K.C. metropolitan area. Todd and I had made the drive so many times that it was still practically ingrained in my muscle memory, and I basically auto-piloted through the entire journey. The only time I actually had to focus was when we stopped by a local liquor store and bought up what felt like their entire stock of beer.

  You couldn’t go out into the woods with your friends in the middle of the night and not bring beer.

  “It looks like they’re closed,” Libidine observed sadly as our headlights illuminated the empty service windows and the large mechanical arm that blocked the road.

  “Never stopped us before.” I chuckled and rolled down the window of Shadow. “Fuck, now that I’ve got my demon powers, we’re not even gonna have to hop the fence!”

  I reached down into my deepest emotions and summoned emerald flames into my hand. Then, I aimed my spell out the window and sent a wave of jade fire hurling into the barrier. Slowly, I raised my left hand into the air, and the muted yellow arm followed suit. Once Shadow was through the gate, I used my powers to lower it back down as if nothing had happened.

  “Show off.” Cupi giggled. “I remember a time when you struggled to teleport even a simple thing like Todd. You were afraid you were gonna lose him and that he was going to be trapped in Purgatory or some alternate dimension until the end of time.”

  “What now?” The imp sounded confused and horrified at the same time.

  “When Jacob was first learning his powers,” Liby explained. “You were the very first thing he teleported. Don’t you remember?”

  “I’m gonna be honest with you, Lib,” Todd began with a chuckle “eighty percent of my life is a baked-out blur, so probably not. I don’t even think I could tell you what we had for breakfast this morning.”

  We traveled through the winding, pitch-black roads of the woods for a few miles until our surroundings finally grew familiar. I turned the wheel of Shadow, and the vehicle lurched onto a man-made gravel pull-off just to the right of the main road.

  “You sure this is the place, Jakey?” Todd asked.

  I rolled down all four of the Jeep Wrangler’s windows. “It sure is. Listen.”

  The Missouri woods were fairly silent. Only the sounds of cicadas and the occasional croaking frog resonated off the trees and reverberated through the forest. However, the white noise was also joined by the sound of running water off in the distance.

  I opened the door of Shadow and slid out of the vehicle. As I walked back to the rear of the Jeep, I took in all the sights and sounds around us.

  The air was crisp and cool on this beautiful night, and the temperature was perfectly mild against my exposed skin. All around us stood large sour gum trees that stretched out as far as the eye could see, and the ground of the forest was completely littered with freshly fallen leaves. Up in the sky, a full moon shone brightly and helped illuminate the landscape.

  I popped open the tailgate on the Jeep Wrangler and then began to rummage through the assorted junk Todd had put in the back. Being the badass demon hunters we were, the five of us were constantly on the road. This meant that Shadow had to act as not only our vehicle but also as a makeshift bed and a traveling closet.

  “Bro,” I clicked my tongue as I rifled through the piles of random items, “I thought you said you were gonna clean this out? What even is half this stuff?”

  “I did clean it out!” Todd protested as he made his way back to where I stood. “Every single thing that’s in that hatch is essential to our demon-hunting mission.”

  I pulled out an old comic book from the eighties, held it up so the imp could see it, and then raised my eyebrow in challenge.

  “That’s The Demon Slayer, bro,” he explained. “Where do you think I get so many of my badass ideas?”

  “Uh huh,” I grunted and then went back to the pile.

  This time I pulled out an old phone book that looked like it had been run through a shredder.

  Todd crossed his arms. “Just in case we break down, and I need a place to sleep for the night,” he mused.

  “And this?” I asked as I held up a single black sock. “How could this possibly be useful?”

  “Kenjataimu,” the imp said with a shrug.

  It took me a moment to understand what my friend was saying, but the horrifying realization slowly overtook my entire soul. I didn’t want this thing in my hand a second longer, so I tossed it away back into the pile in disgust. Quickly, I summoned a bout of red Hellfire around my fists.

  “Sanitizer,” I said to the succubi, who had just gotten out of the vehicle and were making their way back to help.

  “Jakey just touched my jizz rag,” the imp cackled. “You shoulda seen the look on his face!”

  “Why would you need a rag for your jizz?” Cupiditas asked confusedly.

  Todd and I looked at each other as we tried to process the succubus’ question.

  “I always just swallow it.” She shrugged. “Or let it fill up my--”

  “Does this dudette not know what choking the chicken is?” Todd asked in disbelief. “I seriously think she doesn’t understand the concept of spankin’ the monkey.”

  “Cupi,” I chuckled awkwardly, “that thing isn’t for sex.”

  The fit blonde still looked confused, so Sia stepped in.

  “You must understand Cupiditas’ roots, Jacob,” the madame explained. “She wasn’t always one of us, remember? The Divine look at human sexuality in a completely different way than we demons do.”

  “So let me get this straight.” Todd tapped his right horn as he spoke. “You’re trying to tell us that Cupi doesn’t know what it means to slap one out because she didn’t have proper sex ed up in Heaven?”

  “Does that surprise you?” Sia asked.

  “Nothing surprises us anymore,” the imp noted.

  “We were always taught that sex was something to be avoided, for both legal and moral reasons,” Cupiditas started. “It’s why I ended up falling, remember? I got a taste of the forbidden fruit, and I loved it.”

  “The Divine really gotta get another way to test temptation.” Todd snickered. “The whole ‘forbidden fruit’ thing always comes back to bite them in the ass every time.”

  “Everything I know, I learned on the job.” The blonde shrugged. “This ‘choking the chicken’ you speak of is something I’ve never encountered.”

  “I intentionally left those sorts of things out of my lessons while teaching the Circle of Sin,” Sia chimed in. “We’re all succubi. If we’re being summoned to watch somebody pleasure themselves, then we’ve already been wasted. Besides, it’s something a demon should discover themselves, anyway.”

  “If Cupi’s discovering how to whack herself off, I think Jakey’s got bigger problems.” Todd held back a laugh.

&n
bsp; “Well, this conversation has been enlightening.” I laughed as I pulled Todd’s “reggae blanket” out of the vehicle. “As much as I would love for it to continue, we should probably head back to our spot.”

  “I’ll grab the beverages!” Libidine exclaimed.

  The succubus summoned green flames into her hand and then aimed at the cases of beer in the back of the Jeep. One by one, they were surrounded by a brilliant emerald light and lifted up as if they were connected to a stage wire.

  “Alright.” I double-checked our supplies. “We’ve got a blanket, we’ve got beer, and we’ve got some candles--”

  “And I’ve got some California Emerald Oxygen.” Todd patted the tiny weed-filled baggie in his hand. “This is grade-A shit.”

  “What’s that thing in your hand?” Cupiditas asked the imp. “Is it some sort of ceremonial horn?”

  Todd looked down at the glass bong he was holding in his hand. The entire thing was made of glass, and it was molded to look like a miniature devil. It looked like the weed would sit in a small cup the creature held in its hand, and you could smoke it using the demon’s “tail.”

  “A ceremonial horn,” Todd chuckled, “I like that. I’ll totally call it that if we get pulled over and the officer checks our trunk.”

  “I think it’s for Todd’s little green treat, sister,” Libidine explained. “I think it’s a pipe of some sort.”

  “Dingdingding, Lib is a winner!” The imp jumped up and down and then extended the pipe to the curvy woman. “You win this shiny, top-of-the-line, oh-so-appropriate demon bong! Of course, for promotional purposes, we have to call it a ‘water pipe’ here in the state of Missouri.”

  “I think Liby’s hands are full, Todd.” I nodded to the floating beer cases.

  “Nonsense,” Todd argued. “Watch this.”

  The imp let out a small grunt as he tossed the crystal bong up into the air.

  “Todd, I can’t--” the dark-haired succubus’ eyes widened in panic.

  Libidine tried to catch the bong with her emerald flames, but she had to turn back to the beer cases the second she realized she couldn’t hold both items. The bong floated through the sky and then crashed onto the ground with a loud crack.