He stilled and blinked up at me, as if he couldn’t quite make out my face. “Bianca?” he rasped.
“Yes, I’m here. We’re safe. You have to stay still so you can heal.”
“Don’t leave,” he demanded weakly.
“I won’t. I’m sleeping on the floor. I’ll be nearby.”
“Sleep here.”
I laughed. “This diagnostic table barely fits you. I’d roll over and be on the floor anyway, just with a few more bruises to show for it.”
His breath sighed out. “Your laugh,” he whispered, trailing off. His eyes closed and he relaxed under me. When I was sure he was out again, I carefully climbed off him.
The IV was still in place. The diagnostic table didn’t flag any new injuries or worsening of his other wounds, so I returned to my place on the floor, wide awake.
It was going to be a long night.
I tended Ian for nearly forty-eight hours before he decided, between one blink and the next, that he was awake and healed. I stared stupidly as he tried to get up. Finally, my tired brain lurched into action. “What are you doing?” I screeched at him, pressing him back against the table.
“I’m getting up.” He looked at me like I was the crazy one here.
“I did not keep you alive for two days through sheer force of will just so you could randomly decide to get up and undo all of my work,” I said. Then I did the worst possible thing: I burst into tears. I swiped at my cheeks. “These are angry tears,” I growled at him, daring him to comment.
He sat up with a grunt and pulled me into a hug. I buried my head in his shoulder. His skin was warm and firm under my cheek. He was alive. I’d kept him alive. I let go of all the worry and sadness I’d been bottling up inside. He rubbed my back and petted my hair and made soft, soothing sounds.
“You lied to me,” I whispered. “You promised not to lie to me.”
Ian knew exactly what I meant. “It didn’t start as a lie,” he said. “I planned to be right behind you, but they had too many troops. If I’d kept my word, they would’ve gotten you, too. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“You nearly died. I’m still not sure how you’re awake now.”
“I told you I’m hard to kill,” he said. “Tell me what happened after I went down. Where are we?”
Ian listened without commenting as I brought him up to speed. I hesitated when I got to Richard’s involvement. After everything we’d been through, I trusted Ian, but he was going to be unhappy with my decision.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I owe Richard Rockhurst a favor.”
He went perfectly still. “What happened?” I told him and he blew out a breath. “You had no choice,” he said. “We’ll deal with the consequences when they come. Do you know if the others made it?”
“No, I had no contact with them after they launched and this bucket of bolts doesn’t have a com drone. We have two more days until we can jump again.”
“Are you going to let me off this table?”
“No.”
Ian mock-scowled at me. In the end, I relented. He needed food, and the diagnostic table proved him right—he was remarkably healed. He had to be a Genesis Project soldier. I wanted to ask him a million questions, but I also knew what it was to hold a secret close.
I removed his IV, then hovered as he slid off the table. He landed with a grimace, but he didn’t need my assistance to stand. Still, I watched him out of the corner of my eye as we made our way to the lounge. And not only because he was wearing a pair of navy boxer briefs and nothing else.
I ordered a meal replacement shake and a cup of hot tea. I felt okay but exhaustion clawed at me. A shake was easier than trying to decide on real food. Ian did not have the same issue. He ordered enough food for a small army and tore through it with gusto.
When I finished my shake, Ian nudged a cup of raspberry mousse my way and finished his own dinner. I glanced up sharply. Did he remember it was one of my favorites or had it been a lucky guess?
His eyes were guarded. He knew.
I took it and the offered spoon with a murmur of gratitude. The first bite was bliss. I scooped up a bite and turned the spoon toward Ian. “Bite?” I offered.
He leaned over and I slid the spoon into his mouth. The room shrank until he was the only thing I saw. Warm blue eyes, straight nose, strong jaw. Ian Bishop was a gorgeous man. Two days of stubble gave him a rough, rugged look that only increased his appeal.
He took the spoon from my lax fingers and dipped it in the mousse, then fed me a bite. My eyes dropped closed and I hummed in appreciation. A second later, Ian’s finger dabbed mousse on my lower lip.
I opened my eyes to find him centimeters away, his eyes glowing. “Allow me,” he said. I nodded in agreement.
He leaned in and swept his tongue over my bottom lip. When he went to retreat, I buried my hand in the hair at the back of his head and pulled him to me. He wasn’t going to get away that easily.
I slid my tongue into his mouth. He tasted of raspberry mousse and desire. He let me lead. I kissed him slow and deep. I’d almost lost him. I poured my emotions into the kiss, everything I was too afraid to admit aloud.
Ian made a deep sound in his chest and pulled me closer. He took over, tipping my head back and plundering my mouth. I sighed in surrender. Lust blazed bright, accompanied by a softer emotion I refused to examine too closely. I shifted and squeezed my legs together. My breasts felt heavy.
I pulled back, panting. Ian was still recovering. I shouldn’t be mauling him. Of course, he didn’t look like he minded. His eyes glittered and his face was set in harsh lines of restraint. He lifted the spoon to my lips, another bite of mousse.
I closed my lips around it and tried very hard not to think about anything else I’d like to close my lips around.
Ian groaned. “I could watch you eat this all day,” he growled. “Except I’m not sure I’d survive the experience. I’m already hard as a rock.”
My mouth rounded in surprise. He hadn’t just said that, had he? I peeked at him. An impressive erection tented the fabric of his boxers. He had said it.
He laughed, the sound rich and full. “You should see your face right now,” he said. “Shocked you, have I? In that case . . .”
Before I could ask him what he meant, he lifted me from my chair and swung me into his lap, straddling him. When I stayed quiet, he froze and peered down at me. “Is this okay?” he asked quietly.
I found my voice. “Yes. Wait, no. You’re injured.”
“No because I’m injured or no because you’re uncomfortable?” Ian clarified.
I was entirely comfortable. In fact, if I could slide forward a few centimeters, I’d be even more comfortable, because his hard length would press almost exactly where I wanted it. But even after our kisses and his obvious desire, he was confirming that I was still with him and that he wasn’t taking more than I freely offered. My heart sighed and I knew I was a goner.
As if I wasn’t already.
“The former,” I whispered. “Don’t hurt yourself.” I met his gaze straight on and gave him a truth. “You scared me. I thought you were going to die.”
He didn’t shy away from my honesty. “I’m sorry I scared you. Dying wasn’t my plan, but I knew it was a possibility. It was an acceptable risk to give you a chance.”
I lightly smacked his shoulder. “It wasn’t an acceptable risk! Promise me you won’t do something so stupid again.”
His jaw firmed, and his eyes lit with determination. “I won’t lie to you, love. I would make the same choice a hundred times if it kept you safe.” He sighed. “When I said I’m hard to kill, I meant it. As you’ve already guessed, I’m a member of the missing Genesis Project squad. We were engineered to be ruthless, indestructible bastards. It takes a lot to put us down permanently.”
I smiled sadly. “No wonder you hated me when you arrived. I represented everything terrible that had happened to you.”
Ian grimaced. “I was an as
shole. I was overwhelmingly attracted to you and didn’t want to be, so I pushed you away with sharp words and biting comments. I apologize. By the time I grew up enough to realize how stupid I was, you were married to that weasel. Then you came home but wanted nothing to do with me, which frustrated me into repeating the cycle.” He shook his head. “Not my proudest moments.”
I ran my fingers through the stubble on his jaw. “Would you like to know a secret?”
He nodded warily.
“I always wanted you, but you made me so tongue-tied that I started intentionally making you angry enough to end our conversations early so I wouldn’t look like an idiot. We’re both assholes. I’m sorry.”
He kissed my palm. “We’re perfect for each other,” he said.
Incandescent joy brought a smile to my face. It dimmed as I realized I had yet another secret to share. “Gregory was a brilliant man,” I began.
“Bianca—” Ian started, but I pressed my fingers to his lips.
“I need to tell you,” I said softly. “Gregory was obsessed with his research. It was one of the reasons Father pushed for our marriage—he wanted Gregory’s discoveries to be House von Hasenberg discoveries.”
I sighed and gave him the rest of the truth. “The other reason was that Gregory had gotten me pregnant. I didn’t realize until later how carefully he’d planned everything, including our hasty wedding. I lost the baby two months later.” My voice was flat, but I felt that wound still.
Ian wrapped his arms around me, offering silent support.
“The first year of our marriage, Gregory did everything possible to break me down and distance me from my support network, starting even before I lost our baby. All of my training and all of my intelligence and I couldn’t see my own husband was manipulating me. I kept trying to fix it, but it wasn’t something I could fix.”
Even now, I wondered if I could’ve done something differently, and how fucked up was that? I knew he had manipulated me and still I wondered. I shook myself.
“The Consortium’s regulatory agencies didn’t move fast enough for Gregory. Human experiments require years of work before they’re approved, so he decided to experiment on his own property, namely me. He wanted a piece of tech so irresistible that he could write his own rules.”
“He experimented on you without your consent, didn’t he?” Ian asked, his voice dark and dangerous.
I laughed without humor, the bitter sound dragged out of me by the thought of Gregory asking me for anything so trivial to him as consent. “He did not ask me,” I confirmed. “He drugged me and inserted the implant in my brain. Afterward, he told me I had passed out and hit my head and he’d operated to relieve the swelling.”
Ian swore viciously under his breath.
“The modified nanos came later. By the time I figured out what was happening, I was too sick to stop it. I almost died before he realized he needed to shield my bedroom from wireless signals. Then when I felt well enough to move from the bed, he threatened to do the same to my sisters if I told anyone or asked for help.”
Now I could see that the threat was an empty one—my sisters were well protected in House von Hasenberg. But at the time, sick and in pain, I would’ve done anything to spare them the same fate.
Ian rubbed circles on my back. I wasn’t sure if he even knew he was doing it, but it helped me to get the rest of the story out.
“I was too sick to go out in public, not that there was much to do in Daln anyway, and I’d cut ties with nearly everyone. My sisters still tried to visit occasionally. Gregory would put them off as long as possible, then have them visit me in a shielded sitting room while I was dosed with painkillers. He told me that if they found out I was sick, he’d kill me, so I let them think I was trying for a baby and it wasn’t going well. They were so supportive—” My voice broke.
“Shhh,” Ian whispered. He clutched me in a tight hug. I sucked in a few deep breaths before I felt like I could continue.
“Gregory knew the implant had the potential to decode wireless transmissions, even encrypted ones, but he couldn’t fully test it in the lab because it needed the connection to the human brain. And once implanted, it didn’t have any diagnostic access, so he needed my cooperation.”
It was a rare mistake. He must’ve thought he’d broken me enough that I would be docile and helpful. And no one would want an implant that could be hacked externally, so he must’ve implanted me with a prototype that was close to final. I often wondered who else he had experimented on and whether they’d survived, but despite my connections, I couldn’t find a hint of them. Gregory had been paranoid about data security.
I continued, “When I failed to cooperate, he would lock me in the lab and bombard me with messages, encrypted and not, to try to get a reaction out of me. He put horrible things in them, threats and worse.”
It had been a living nightmare and, even in the safety of Ian’s embrace, I shivered in remembered horror.
“I never let him know how well his tech worked. No matter what he tried, and he tried everything, I had just enough stubborn determination to pretend his life’s work was faulty. And no House or merc squad would risk their health for faulty tech. He died thinking he’d failed.” It was my one point of pride, my one tiny rebellion. I hadn’t been strong enough to fight him, but I’d clawed back just enough spark to stonewall him.
Ian’s arms tightened around me. “That bastard is lucky he is dead.”
“He died badly,” I said. Satisfaction warred with pity. “We were in the lab. He was angry because I wasn’t helping. I don’t know how the fire started, but there were so many combustible materials it spread faster than anything I’d ever seen.”
The roar of the flames, the heat searing my face. Gregory’s frantic screams for help as his coat caught. “He was trying to save his research files; he didn’t believe in off-site backups, too risky. But the fire was too intense. I was right beside a fire extinguisher. I could’ve saved him. I didn’t.”
I shrugged as if the nightmares didn’t still force me from sleep in a cold sweat. “I dragged myself out and the doctors treated me for smoke inhalation and a few minor burns. Once Gregory’s family realized he’d died, they kicked me out of my own house because, of course, it wasn’t mine, it was Gregory’s. I had to ask Hannah to come get me.”
“House marriages are fucked up,” Ian growled.
I chuckled. “I agree. And now, thanks to my modified nanos and brain implant, I can ‘hear’ wireless signals without a com, including encrypted communications. In return, I get a splitting headache and constant nausea. The night I was shot at, I wasn’t paying attention because I was trying to decrypt a tricky message.”
“Who knows about your ability and what happened?”
“No one,” I said immediately. “Father would order further testing. My siblings would blame themselves. It’s better for everyone to think I’m grieving. In a way, I am.”
“I wish I’d known,” Ian said. “I’m so sorry, Bianca.”
“I didn’t tell you to earn your pity. I don’t need it. I’m stronger than that now. But if we’re going to explore this thing between us, I wanted you to know the whole truth from the beginning.”
“We are definitely going to ‘explore this thing between us,’” Ian growled. “You’re not getting away from me again.” He sealed his words with a kiss so tender it brought tears to my eyes. “Now I’m taking you to bed,” he said.
Once again, he’d shocked me. He laughed and the vibrations rumbled from his chest to mine. “Get your mind out of the gutter, love. You’re exhausted. I saw it as soon as I woke up. Now that you’ve eaten, you’re going to sleep.”
“Are you planning to be this bossy the entire time?” I demanded. “Because I think I’ve changed my mind.”
He rubbed his nose against mine. “No, you haven’t.”
No, I hadn’t, damn him.
I climbed off Ian’s lap and led him to the tiny crew bunk. He eyed the narrow bed as if it
had personally offended him. “You can have that one,” I said. “I’ll fold down the top bunk.”
“Like hell you will.” He climbed in and leaned against the wall behind him, leaving most of the bed free. “Hop in.”
I thought about continuing to argue with the stubborn man just for the hell of it, but exhaustion dragged at me. He wanted me next to him and I wanted to be there.
I stripped off the boots and too big pants I’d been wearing for two days. I left the shirt and my underwear. I promised myself a shower once I woke. I slid in next to him, facing away and lying on my right side.
Ian wrapped an arm around me and shifted us until we were nestled together in the middle of the mattress, his chest pressed against my back. “Okay?” he asked.
“Perfect,” I whispered.
Chapter 28
I awoke to the heavy lethargy that meant I’d slept long and well. I was curled up against Ian’s right side, my right arm and leg thrown across his body. He radiated heat like a furnace.
My eyes popped open. Did he have a fever? I moved my hand to his forehead but it didn’t feel too hot.
The arm he’d wrapped around me flexed as he hauled me on top of him. “Ian, stop, you’re injured! I’m going to hurt you.”
“I’m not and you’re not,” he countered. “See for yourself.”
I carefully pushed myself up, violently aware that I was straddling his hips and that he was hard under me. Several more things became obvious from my new vantage point. One, Ian was clean. He smelled like the light, crisp cleanser used in sonic showers. Two, he was entirely naked. Gone were the boxer briefs.
But the most amazing discovery was the complete lack of bandages anywhere on his body. I touched the right side of his abdomen. A jagged circle of pink skin was the only indication that anything had happened.
“How long was I asleep?” I asked.
“Ten hours.”
“That’s impossible. This looks a week old, at least.”
“As impossible as being able to mentally decrypt com signals?”
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