Ripple Effect

by Jerald, Tracey

  I can’t see him.

  I can’t listen to him.

  I won’t be lied to by him again.

  The only way I can get through this it is to ensure all communication is through our attorneys.

  With that decision, I rinse my mouth out with mouthwash before getting a glimpse at the pale, sallow version of myself in the mirror. With a disgusted sigh, I close off the lights on more than just my reflection.

  I turn them off to my soul.

  55

  Elizabeth

  Year Six - Five Years Ago from Present Day

  “Libby,” I hear Iris call out to me. I ignore her. Much as I have the same way every time she, or her husband, has tried to call me or speak to me in the last week since they all returned from their little getaway. I have nothing to say to the woman who’s been having an affair with my husband—well, my soon-to-be ex-husband.

  I’ve never asked my family to use my Nonna’s money, not to start up my business, not for my wedding, not for a single damn thing. But when I went to them and told them about Cal and Iris, I didn’t have to. Mom, Dad, Josh, many of my cousins including Krysta—which surprised the hell out of me but shouldn’t in light of the fact she’s trying to divorce Kyle—all volunteered to go with me to the board of trustees to release some of my trust for lawyers.

  Everyone, that is, except Sam.

  He refuses to believe his wife and his best friend are having an affair. He refuses to listen to reason when my parents called him to have a family meeting. Even when he found out my lawyers shoved a subpoena at Alliance and demanded the travel records for Iris Cunningham Akin and Calhoun Sullivan. He’s been adamant about trying to reach me to convince me I’m the one who’s wrong. And despite my refusal to listen, he’s remained nothing but persistent and determined to show everyone, including our family, he stands behind his wife. So far as I know, he’s still living with her even though his parents are threatening to go to court to sue for full custody of Rachel since she spends more time with her grandparents than she does her biological parents.

  I know the feeling. When I looked back on my computer the other night, I realized that Cal and I actually spent only 40 percent of our married life in the same state. If you count work hours, that number drops even lower.

  Sam won’t listen to me. His only agenda is to convince me “…what you saw wasn’t what it was. Please, Libby, stop being so stubborn and talk with Cal. For all our sakes.”

  “For all your sakes? You have a stake in this, Sam? Beyond the fact your wife was kissing my husband?” I yelled. Before he could answer, I did. “No. You’re supposed to be my family, my protector, someone who loves me unconditionally.”

  “That’s supposed to be your husband,” he countered.

  “Well, look how well that turned out. He ended up with your wife. Must be a side effect of loving me,” I drawled sarcastically, before I hit End to the call.

  I haven’t spoken to my cousin since. I certainly haven’t spoke to the woman who was involved in the triangle that ended my marriage.

  But until I hear her calling at me wildly across Harris Teeter, it didn’t dawn on me how much I lost. My heartache hasn’t abated because it wasn’t just one part that was damaged; it was all of it. I didn’t just lose my husband on the day I walked in on him and Iris; I also lost the woman I believed to be the sister of my heart, my best friend since college. And then there’s Sam—a man I’d been raised with since I was a child, someone I was closer to than my own brother.

  My hands grip the top of the shopping cart as she races up to me breathlessly. “Can we talk?”

  Ignoring her, I reach for a plastic bag. Gala apples are on sale. Cal loves…damn. I throw them down and push my cart ahead until I reach the strawberries I know the bastard detests because the seeds get caught in between his perfect teeth.

  A whimper of a sound is emitted behind me.

  I ignore it.

  An amused voice I don’t recognize says my name. “Libby, is that you?” My head swivels quickly before my lips twitch into a fond smile.

  “Murphy,” I say warmly. I hold out both hands, which he accepts. He leans down to brush his lips against my cheek. “It’s been longer than forever.”

  “Since Nonna’s funeral,” he agrees.

  “How have you been?” we both say simultaneously. And then we laugh.

  Murphy Rogan and I dated in high school. He was sweet, charming, and if I remember correctly, very married. “How’s your wife? Kids?” I let go of his hands to reach for the strawberries I’m now determined to buy.

  “Kids are doing wonderful. Growing like weeds. Here.” He whips out his phone.

  “Oh, Murph, they are too precious.” This is another thing Cal took away from me. Not intentionally, but his “trips” kept pushing off us having kids. A rush of hot bitterness races through me. Maybe he wants them; maybe it just wasn’t with me. A pang hits the region of my heart that this is another facet of life I’ll never get to know.

  With a smile, he takes his phone back. “I know. As for Trisha—” He shrugs. “—she lives her life. I live mine.”

  My eyes narrow. “What the hell does that mean?”

  He takes a step back at the ferocious bite to my voice. “Libby, did you not know I was divorced?”

  “What?” I’m startled. “When did this happen?”

  He waves his hand. “A ways back. It’s better this way, mostly for the kids. What about you? I know you got married.”

  My smile fades as I hold up my ringless hand. “Not for much longer.”

  He winces. “Ouch.”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” I can feel Iris still in the store disapproving of my conversation with Murphy the way she used to hate the guys I’d date in college.

  But, so what? She’s fucking my damn husband.

  Murphy looks thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not seeing anyone.”

  I sass him. “Are women finally becoming immune to your charms? Such a shame.”

  He grins, and the dimple that would flirt with me back in high school makes an appearance. “One of the many things I always loved about you, Libby Akin.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Your mouth.” Judging from the way his eyes cast down to it, he’s remembering more than just the way I didn’t put up with his posturing.

  I laugh. For the first time in a month, I laugh. And it feels so good.

  “What’s your number?” he asks.

  I rattle it off to him, and he programs it in. My phone rings a moment later. Murphy grins. “Be sure to add me to your favorites.”

  “There’s only so many spaces, Murphy.” Then I tease him. “You have to earn that spot.”

  “You know I’ll try awfully hard, Libby.” Now there’s a glint to his eye I haven’t seen since…

  Since my wedding anniversary. I shut down inside. “I… Give me some time, Murph, okay? It’s not going to be easy.”

  “It wasn’t for me either. But use my number, Libby.” At my hesitancy to respond, he smiles understandingly. “It helps to have a friend who’s been there.”

  And this is why Murphy Rogan is one of the good guys. “I just might do that.”

  He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “It was really good to see you, Libby.”

  “You too, Murph.” And soon, I’m left remembering football games and homecoming dances intermingled with despair.

  Then comes the anger when I feel a hand on my arm. “Libby,” Iris says quietly.

  “I look at you and I used to see my best friend, someone who I’d die for,” I begin.

  Iris starts to speak, but I cut her off. “Now, I question everything about who you were, about who I am. Did I know you were fucking my husband and deep down I didn’t want to face it?”

  “It’s not like—” Iris begins to protest.

  And it’s one time too many. I can’t hear from this woman, this person who was supposed to be my best friend, a sister not of my blood, more lies.
r />   My right hand flies out and backhands her across the face. She stumbles back more out of shock than pain, much to my regret.

  “Lies! Everything you’ve hid from me is a damned lie. Everything you did is a broken vow. All of it coming to light—would either of you have said anything if I didn’t walk in on it?”

  Despite her hand pressing against her right cheek, she imperceptibly shakes her head.

  And I deflate.

  Finally, the truth. I just had no idea how much it would hurt or how exhausted I would feel after.

  Iris looks so beautiful even right now. Her long black hair has wisps of curls around her ears and neck. Her hazel eyes are fathomless. “I loved you,” I whisper.

  “Libby, please just let me talk.”

  I shake my head. “I loved you because there was kindness that lived in your heart, daring that lived in your soul, and warmth in your hugs. You were the sister I never had and always wanted. I opened my heart and my home to you. My mistake was in believing the bonds of family I extended to you were returned.”

  “Stop. God, Libby, you’re killing me.”

  “You mean the way you already did me?” We’re drawing a small crowd, but I don’t care. I can see the manager making his way forward. Someone probably reported me for assaulting another customer. One more thing to call the lawyers for, I think sardonically. But I’m going to get all of this toxicity out before I’m eaten alive by it.

  I can already feel it crawling through my gut.

  “I would believe a weak man could cheat and lie, but a sister? I never would believe that of someone who claimed to love not only me but my family, who watched the horror I went through after I was cheated on by my fiancé the first time. And yet, you touched my husband?” A murmur goes up in the crowd.

  I ignore it.

  “So, no Iris. I don’t need to listen to you. I was your best friend. I was your family. And I was the godmother to your child. Now? All I am is the woman telling you to go right to hell where you deserve. And I don’t care if you’re hurting—you deserve to be.” Leaving my cart exactly where it is, I push through the gaggle of people, some of whom are applauding at this point to make my way toward the exit with my head held high.

  I may be crumbling on the inside, but she will never see it. No one will.

  56

  Calhoun

  Year Six - Five Years Ago from Present Day

  The team is in the common room while I am arguing with my attorney on the phone.

  “I don’t want anything from the house.” I listen to my attorney while I pace. “I don’t expect Libby to give me any of her inheritance.”

  I stop dead. “No, I don’t even want the fucking divorce, Lewis! Get that through your damn head! I want to talk with my wife. I refuse to sign a damn thing until I can talk with her.” At my yell, the noise from teams surrounding me drops dramatically.

  “Cal,” my lawyer tries to placate me. “Libby could come after your piece of Alliance.”

  “If it means I get the chance to talk to her, then let her try,” I snarl before I hang up the phone. I’m just about to hurl it across the room when Sam snags it out of my hand.

  “Calm down, Cal.”

  I turn and glare at him. “Why won’t she talk with me?”

  Suddenly my phone rings. I snag it back from Sam, answering it without checking the Caller ID. “What?” I bark.

  “Hello, Cal,” my brother-in-law, Josh, says somberly. “If this is the way you’ve been trying to reach my sister, it’s no wonder she won’t speak with you.”

  Crap. I shove my hand through hair that must already be standing on end. “Josh.” When I say his name, Sam’s eyes bug out. “I thought it was my attorney calling me back,” I admit.

  “I always thought of you as a man of honor, Cal.”

  “Josh, it’s not—”

  “What I think? What Libby saw? Jesus Christ, man, are you calling my sister a liar? Were you not kissing Sam’s wife in your own damn office?”

  God, hearing these words come out of Josh’s mouth makes it seem so sordid when it was anything but. “You don’t understand,” I choke out brokenly. My legs crumble beneath me. I end up with my ass to my heels. “Sam…”

  “Does Sam know?”

  I turn wet eyes up to my best friend and whisper, “Yes.”

  “And what does he have to say about it?” Josh demands.

  I shake my head. Then realizing Josh can’t hear me, I say, “Nothing.”

  “Nothing. I see. So, here’s what I understand. While my baby sister’s life is crumbling in front of me, the three of you have some kind of arrangement?”

  I don’t say anything. I can’t make my mouth work like it wants to, like it needs to. It opens and closes, but no sound comes out.

  Josh takes my silence as his answer. “I just want to know why you can’t leave her in peace, Cal. Just…stay away and leave us all in peace.”

  I’m still crouched down, my head bowed, when I feel a hand touch my shoulder. My head snaps up into the weathering face of Admiral Yarborough. “Come on, son. Let’s get a plan of attack together.”

  My brows lower in confusion. “All I wanted was to protect her. To protect all of us. Was the only way to stop it by not falling in love with her?”

  Yarborough leans down, his voice weary. “Cal, the truth is we can’t help falling in love. And to be honest, I don’t think you’d be the man you are if you were able to.” Pushing up, he holds out a hand. “Now, come on. You can’t do this alone; you’ve screwed up too much already.” Shooting a filthy look over at Sam and Iris, he says, “All of you, my office. I need to know everything about how to approach your family. God only knows, with my luck, they’ll shoot first and ask questions later.”

  “You’re probably right, sir.” Sam nods.

  I swipe my fingers under my eyes. “If I’d just have told her…”

  “You can’t wish for what you should have done, so stop wishing and start doing. Otherwise nothing is going to change. Not your life and certainly not your marriage.” With that sage piece of advice, Yarborough strides away, expecting us all to follow.

  I scramble to my feet, following after him as quickly as I can. I know I love Libby with everything I am. But with all the half-truths I’ve told, the omissions, the flat-out lies, and all the pain, will the love I have be enough to light the shadows I’ve created in our marriage?

  57

  Calhoun

  Year Six - Five Years Ago from Present Day

  My leg is jumping up and down. I reach for the cup of coffee that was set down in front of me and realize my hands are shaking. Am I so jaded to what I’ve become that this is what adrenaline tastes like? Is it the raw fear of knowing there may be no going back to the life I had with Libby? That the last smile I ever exchanged was with the wrong woman?

  I can’t manage to find that center of calm that comes so easily to me. I puzzle that for a moment while I wait for the person I’m meeting to slide across from me. Every time I’ve boarded a flight to leave Libby, I’ve done so with confidence because I know she was always waiting for me at the end. She’s my center, my touchstone, my heart.

  “I fucked up,” I whisper aloud.

  Just then, a man slides across the booth from me in the diner not far from the estate. Even if I hadn’t known Josh for years, I’d recognize him being related to Libby. They look too much alike. “The question is how much.” His voice is hard, giving me no quarter.

  I don’t insult him by holding out a hand, but I do greet him. “Josh.”

  “Cal. Now, tell me what the fuck you have to say so I can go back to my life and you to yours.”

  I don’t show any reaction to the pure disgust in his voice. I’m certain that no matter what I tell him, there’s going to be plenty of that before we’re done. “Do you mind if I bring a few people over to help explain?”

  He tips his head in acceptance. “I assume you mean Sam and Iris. And though I want to see them about as much as I w
ant to see you…”

  “Please, Josh.” I lean forward. Lowering my voice, I add, “We have authorization to tell you enough so you’ll understand.”

  His brow arches when the word “authorization” comes out. “Fine.” But the hostility on his face isn’t easing.

  I turn away from my brother-in-law and nod to the two people in the corner. They put down the papers they were reading. Iris, in a disguise her own mother wouldn’t recognize her in, slides into the booth next to Josh. Snuggling up next to him, she says in her own voice, “Hey, cousin.”

  Sam plops himself down next to me, a ball cap and wig disguising his features enough that it takes Josh a moment to realize it’s him. “What the hell?” Josh manages to get out.

  It’s Sam who answers. “Right or wrong, the lies he told her all these years was his stupid-ass attempt to protect her. He never cheated on her, Josh.”

  Iris snorts. “As if Cal’s ever looked at another woman since he set eyes on your sister. Every mission we’ve been on for years—”

  Josh interrupts her. “Mission?”

  I take a deep breath. “Alliance isn’t just a government contractor.” Before I can say any more, Josh scrubs his hands up and down his face. When he’s done, the anger has drained out, and what’s left is the fatigue.

  “I think all of you better start from the beginning.” Pinning me with a glare that would do Admiral Yarborough proud, he orders, “Starting with you.”

  Over the next few hours, with Sam and Iris’s help, we loop Josh in as much as we can. We’re only interrupted as the waitress refills our coffee at sporadic intervals.

  At the end, Josh looks worse than he did when he came in.

  I have even less hope when he says, “God, Cal, all you needed to do was tell her the truth. All she asked from you was your honesty and your love. You wouldn’t have had to change for her to still love you, but this?” Shaking his head, his next words include Sam and Iris. “While I’m proud of you, all of you, for what you’ve done, do you understand that in the end you sacrificed Libby’s dignity to do it? Is what any of you did better than what Kyle and Krysta did to her?” Just hearing Josh compare us to the asshole who cheated on my wife all those years ago makes my stomach churn up all the coffee I’ve drank. He continues. “You have no idea of how you devastated her. It’s been weeks since this all happened. And in that time, she’s just finally—finally—realized she won’t be crushed again.” Tapping a tearful Iris on the shoulder, he motions for her to slide out of the booth.