Player

by Sean Ashcroft

  “Thank you,” Julian said, though he wanted to say that it wasn’t necessary, that he didn’t need Isaac to fuss over him.

  He might not have needed Isaac to fuss over him, but it would have been nice if he did. It’d been a while since Julian had been in a real relationship.

  Not that this was a real relationship, but… the care and tenderness of his best friend was just as good. Better, even.

  “Hey, uh, before she comes back down, your mom is in on this, right?” Julian asked. He hadn’t been sure when she greeted him, and he hadn’t thought to ask Isaac before now.

  “Oh, yeah, totally. She was there when I had the idea,” Isaac said. “Did she… say something, or…?”

  “No, nothing weird.” Julian shook his head. She’d just been happy to see him, which was so nice that he never wanted to leave. “I just wanted to make sure before I totally blew our cover like an idiot or something.”

  Isaac nodded. “Yeah, well, it took her a while to come around to the plan, but it definitely helped that it was you. She likes you.”

  “I’m charming.” Julian grinned. He pulled a chair away from the kitchen table, settling down happily.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Isaac agreed reluctantly, flicking the burner off and taking the pan he’d been working on off the stove.

  “You see how helpful Isaac’s being?” Mrs. Hudson asked as she came back into the room, bottle of wine in hand.

  She’d changed into dark pants and a pretty, casual top, which made Julian feel better about his jeans-and-button-down ensemble. He hadn’t thought he needed to dress up for dinner with an old friend and a woman who’d been like a second mother to him.

  Isaac was wearing old jeans and an older t-shirt, so he’d obviously been right.

  “Very helpful,” Julian said, grinning over at him. “He’s gonna make a great house husband someday.”

  Mrs. Hudson chuckled. “I think he’s trying to impress you,” she said.

  “Gotta make up for nearly taking his eye out,” Isaac said.

  Unexpectedly, Julian’s heart fluttered. He wasn’t sure exactly where that had come from, but the idea of Isaac trying to impress him—and admitting it, well…

  It was new, if nothing else. Isaac impressed him all the time, but never intentionally. He never set out to impress Julian.

  For once in his life, it was nice to feel as though he was worth impressing.

  “I’ve got another one,” Julian said, hoping to cover up the sudden rush of emotion he’d just felt.

  “They’re kind’ve a pair,” Isaac responded.

  His concern was adorable, and while Julian remembered Mrs. Hudson’s advice about taking advantage, he didn’t need to.

  Isaac was paying him attention. Sad as it was to admit, that was all Julian had ever really wanted.

  “What smells so good?” Julian asked, wanting to change the subject before he gave away how much he was enjoying Isaac’s sympathy.

  “Braised yearling steaks,” Isaac said. “Which are hopefully gonna taste just as good,” he added, putting on an oven mitt to extract the pan.

  “You cooked?” Julian asked, shocked.

  Isaac chuckled. “With a whole lotta guidance, yeah,” he said, beaming proudly.

  “He did okay on his own. He just needs more confidence,” Mrs. Hudson said. “Or more practice.”

  “Yeah, well…” Isaac shrugged. “Maybe it’s time I grew up, huh?”

  A surge of pride welled up in Julian’s chest. Isaac had changed—changed a lot—but almost all of it was good. He was turning into the man Julian had always imagined he’d become.

  Mrs. Hudson finally marched over to the kitchen, grabbing a corkscrew from the drawer. “Now, you can have one glass of this with dinner, but no more, because you’re driving Julian home.”

  Isaac blinked. “He didn’t drive here?”

  “I don’t own a car.” Julian shrugged. “It’s really no big dea—”

  A look from Mrs. Hudson cut him off mid-sentence.

  “Isaac will drive you home,” she said.

  “Of course. You should’ve told me, I woulda picked you up on the way.”

  Julian sighed a long-suffering sigh, but secretly, he was thrilled at how quickly Isaac had agreed to take him home. Not because he minded taking the bus, but because it was nice to know that Isaac was choosing to spend time with him.

  “Fine,” he said, watching Isaac plate up dinner.

  This was nice. So comfortable, so utterly domestic. Like old times.

  Or like Julian had wished for so many times growing up. Being with Isaac and coming back here to visit frequently. It was so close to his teenage fantasies of what his life might turn out like that his heart ached.

  “This both looks and smells amazing,” Julian said as Isaac put a plate down in front of him.

  The tips of Isaac’s ears practically glowed with a blush.

  He settled at the table across from Julian, since his mother had taken the seat beside him and was busy pouring wine.

  Julian picked up his knife and fork eagerly, the smell of the meal in front of him making his mouth water. Someone was going to be extremely lucky to have Isaac one day.

  “So how’s training coming along? You gonna sweep this tournament?”

  Isaac snorted, pausing to swallow his current mouthful. The steaks were fall-apart tender, but not at all dry.

  “Maybe,” he said. “We’ll see. I’ve gotten kinda out of shape, and I know it’ll all come back, but the first couple of days…”

  “Your shoulder hurts,” Julian said. He’d just realized that Isaac was holding himself stiffly, unnaturally.

  “Little,” Isaac said. “It’s just because I’m rebuilding the muscles there. I’ll be okay.”

  “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the doctor? You can’t afford to have that injury heal badly,” his mom said, concern written all over her face when Julian glanced over at her.

  Maybe he shouldn’t have asked about Isaac’s training.

  “If this is as bad as it’s gonna be, I’m fine,” Isaac insisted. “Injuries happen and you’re never entirely the same again. It’s okay. Honestly.”

  “I remember watching it happen,” Julian said softly. “It made me nauseous just seeing how pale you went.”

  Isaac looked up at him, something strange in his eyes. “You were watching me play?” he asked.

  Julian nodded. “Of course. I watch all the games you play that get broadcast. Not always live, but I always watch.”

  Isaac frowned at him. “But you hate watching sport,” he said.

  A tight bubble formed just above Julian’s stomach, tension he couldn’t quite name, but that fell somewhere between sympathy and the pure, sweet love he’d had for Isaac since the day they met.

  “You’re my best friend,” he said softly. “Of course I watch your games. I care about what you’re doing with your life.”

  It would have been dangerously easy to tack I love you onto the end of that, but Julian knew better than to say that right now. When they were younger, it was fine. They said it all the time, because it was platonic love, the love two inseparable boys had for each other.

  Right now, though, they were in murkier waters, more complicated times. Julian couldn’t afford to make things worse. To risk making Isaac uncomfortable.

  “That’s sweet,” Mrs. Hudson said, enthusiasm making her tone lift.

  “Yeah.” Isaac swallowed, then wet his lips. He looked as though he was struggling to find the words he wanted to say, and Julian could see the moment he gave up in his eyes. “Yeah, it is.”

  That was more than enough.

  “I’m very sweet,” he said, grinning, trying to break the tension that had formed between them.

  It worked, obviously, since Isaac rolled his eyes the next second. “Who’s vain now?”

  “You are,” his mother said. It was the kind of good-natured, gentle teasing that families who loved each other, and knew it, could get away with. The
same as between him and Isaac.

  “See, this is how we know who the favorite kid is,” Isaac said, smiling at Julian. “She likes you better than me.”

  “I love you equally,” his mom responded, her voice still kind, but firm. “I just think Julian’s right.”

  Isaac sighed, seeing he was defeated, and focused on eating his steak.

  Julian grinned in triumph, his heart soaring at how happy he was with two of the most important people in his life around him. It was a shame this couldn’t last.

  Chapter Eleven

  “You coulda told me you didn’t have a car,” Isaac said as he pulled up outside Julian’s apartment building. They’d had a great night, and now that it was winding down, he wasn’t quite ready to give up Julian’s company.

  “I knew you’d offer to pick me up, and I didn’t want you to go to the trouble,” Julian said, pronouncing his words carefully. They’d finished the bottle of wine he’d brought with him, which meant he’d had nearly half of it himself.

  It wasn’t enough for him to be drunk, but it was just enough to take the hard, cautious edges off.

  Isaac liked that. He liked Julian warm and relaxed and smiling a lot. Like when they were kids.

  It wasn’t the right time to pry, but he could see life had knocked Julian around a little. Nothing major, no big trauma in his past. Just the normal, everyday bumps and bruises that eventually made a person close down a little, harden up. No one got to be a kid again once they grew up.

  But Julian made him feel like a kid again, when he was smiling, and laughing, and happy. Isaac really hoped it was the same for Julian. He clearly deserved it.

  “It’s no trouble,” Isaac said belatedly. “You’re my best friend, too,” he added, remembering what Julian had said earlier about watching his matches.

  He couldn’t quite put his finger on why that meant so much, but he could tell he’d be dwelling on it for a while. Now that he had Julian in his life again, he was kicking himself for ever letting them fall out of touch.

  “I wish we hadn’t lost touch,” he said aloud, while the thought was still sitting there in the front of his mind. “You’re a lot of fun to hang out with.”

  Julian chuckled. “You mean I’m a lot of fun to beat at tennis?”

  “No.” Isaac shook his head. “You’re fun to play with, though. And talk to. I’m trying to be… open, here. Tell you how I really feel.”

  Julian raised an eyebrow. “Wow, and I’m the one who’s been drinking,” he said.

  Isaac rolled his eyes. “I can’t be sensitive?”

  Julian opened his mouth and drew a breath, obviously about to make a sarcastic remark, but he let the breath out without speaking, his chest deflating as he did so.

  “Of course you can,” Julian said after a moment. “I don’t believe anything they say about you, for the record. I know you better than to think you’re some spoiled brat, or a sore loser, or an entitled asshole.”

  Isaac swallowed. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to hear that, from Julian specifically, but now that he had…

  His heart pounded in his chest, the thought of kissing Julian flashing through his mind.

  The sound of the car door opening snapped Isaac away from the thought. He wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or disappointed.

  “Lemme walk you to the door,” he said, rushing to get out of the car and follow Julian.

  The walk was maybe ten yards, and judging by the raised eyebrow Julian gave him, his unusual enthusiasm hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  “It’s cold,” Isaac said, as though that was a good reason to leap out of a warm car and into the night air for a walk that took maybe fifteen seconds.

  He just wanted to make sure Julian got inside okay. That was it. He’d been raised to do things like that.

  Julian burst into laughter as they got to the alcove that contained the front door of his apartment building.

  “You don’t think you’re taking this boyfriend thing a little too seriously?” he asked, his eyes glinting in the dark, the reflection of the street lamp a little way down making them seem so much more alive than usual.

  Isaac wet his lips, his heart pounding.

  He wanted to kiss Julian. He wanted it so bad his heart tugged, as though there was a cord between them, desperate to pull him forward, crush their lips together, finally feel Julian under him the way he’d thought about too many times lately.

  The impulse was enough to knock the breath out of him, his lungs suddenly tight. His stomach lurched, feelings he couldn’t control bouncing around his insides, making everything tight and hot.

  “I’m kidding,” Julian said, apparently sensing Isaac’s distress. Thankfully, he hadn’t seen it for what it really was.

  Pure, unimaginable need. Not quite lust. Not quite.

  But closer to it than Isaac was comfortable with.

  “Mom would kill me if I didn’t walk you to the door,” Isaac said, and the excuse sounded much less flimsy than it probably should have.

  His mom would have killed him, if she’d ever found out.

  Julian burst into giggles, which was the worst possible thing he could have done.

  Isaac’s heart tugged again.

  Before he could talk himself out of it, Isaac leaned in, reaching up to brace himself against the wall behind Julian with one hand.

  His stomach swooped with anticipation, his entire world shrinking down to the way Julian’s pretty eyes glittered in the dark, and the way his lips were curled up into a smile that made Isaac feel like his heart was about to burst with joy.

  This was it, and there wouldn’t be any going back, and Isaac didn’t care. He wanted this.

  A car picked that moment to drive past, horn blaring, and Isaac jumped.

  Jumped back, jumped away.

  What the hell?

  Blood pounded in his ears at the thought of what he’d just been about to do, panic rising in his throat.

  Something in Julian’s eyes changed. Isaac couldn’t pretend to himself that he didn’t see sadness there, disappointment.

  Julian knew what had just almost happened, and he was… disappointed?

  Disappointed that it hadn’t?

  Isaac swallowed past the lump in his throat, unsure what to do now. That was new information.

  Both of Julian’s hands landed on Isaac’s chest, and for a moment, he was sure Julian was going to pull him in. Drag him forward, initiate the kiss that Isaac had been startled out of, take the decision out of his hands and free him from having to make it.

  For a moment, he desperately wanted that.

  Julian pushed lightly against him, easing him away, and back. Putting a respectable just-friends distance between them.

  A lead weight settled in Isaac’s stomach.

  “Good night, Isaac,” Julian said softly. Everything about his tone was wrong, and sad, and it made Isaac’s heart ache to hear it.

  But he’d had his chance, and he’d blown it. Wouldn’t have been the first time.

  “I’ll bring you that bruise cream next time I see you,” Isaac said, needing to give himself a concrete, pre-planned way to see Julian again. Needing to be sure that Julian would want to see him again.

  “I’d appreciate that,” Julian said, finally getting out his key card and swiping it. “I had a great night.”

  “Me too,” Isaac admitted softly, though regret was already sinking ice-cold tendrils into his chest. He’d screwed this up, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever get another shot.

  He watched Julian walk to the elevator inside, waiting until he got in, and then turned and headed back toward the car.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Isaac?” Julian asked as he reached the front door of his apartment building, finding Isaac leaning against the wall and holding two pizza boxes as though he had nothing better to do with his life.

  He’d taken the scenic route away from work today, and now he wondered if that had meant leaving Isaac waiting.

  Despite
the fact that they hadn’t arranged to meet, Julian felt a stab of guilt.

  “Hey,” Isaac said. “Perfect timing, I was just about to text you to ask you where you were.”

  He grinned broadly, and Julian felt the guilt melt away.

  “Sorry, I took the long way home,” Julian said. “If I’d known you were coming…”

  “It’s fine, I’ve only been here like… five minutes, maybe? Pizza’s still hot.”

  Julian’s stomach rumbled as he breathed in the smell. He’d skipped breakfast this morning, and then worked through lunch.

  Which made Isaac easily his favorite person right now.

  “Should you be eating pizza while you’re training for a tournament?” Julian asked, swiping his keycard and holding the door open for Isaac.

  Isaac shrugged, then followed Julian to the elevator. “Pizza is basically the perfect balance of carbs, fat, and protein for muscle recovery. It’s a health food.”

  Julian wasn’t entirely sure he believed that, but he didn’t know enough to argue the point. Maybe what Isaac was saying was true.

  Maybe, like everyone else, he just needed a break every now and again. Either way, it wasn’t Julian’s place to judge.

  Isaac followed him all the way into the living room, putting the pizzas down on the coffee table before shrugging his coat off and hanging it up by the door. Julian’s apartment wasn’t huge, but it was more than big enough for his purposes, and it was home.

  “This is nice,” Isaac said as he headed back to the couch, pausing in front of a large photograph framed on the wall. “And I love this.”

  Julian’s heart leapt. “Thanks. It’s one of mine,” he said.

  Isaac turned to face him, surprise written all over his face. “I didn’t know you were a photographer.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” Julian said. “I picked it up for a while, took a couple of classes,” he shrugged, heading for the fridge to extract two beers.

  If Isaac was having a night off, one beer wouldn’t kill him.

  “This is definitely not training food,” Isaac said as he accepted it, settling down on the couch. Julian sat next to him, humming in agreement.

  “Well, you’re only allowed one, ‘cause you’re driving.”