Player

by Sean Ashcroft

  She’d shouted at him before, but it’d never been like this.

  “You’re disgusting,” Adriana added as Isaac was forced to double back past the court on the way to his car, stomach tied up in knots and chest tight.

  He wasn’t prone to crying in public, but this was the closest he’d come in a long time.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Halfway through unbuttoning his shirt after work, Julian heard the buzzer ring. He cursed under his breath, since he didn’t have long to get undressed, showered, and re-dressed before Isaac picked him up.

  If this wasn’t something important…

  “Hello?” he asked, trying not to sound too annoyed, but not sure he pulled it off.

  “It’s me,” Isaac said. Something about the tone of his voice made Julian’s stomach go cold.

  “Come on up,” he said, hitting the button to let Isaac inside.

  He paced back and forth in front of the door until a knock on it made him snap out of the spiral of increasingly worried thoughts, having gotten as far as what if someone’s died in the two or three minutes it took for Isaac to get to the apartment.

  Julian opened the door, his heart sinking as he took in the look on Isaac’s face. He ushered him inside, closing the door behind him and then hovering, unsure whether to offer a hug.

  Isaac definitely looked like he could use one, but Julian wasn’t sure he’d want it. Not from him, at least, depending on what this was about.

  “Hey, uh… I know I said we’d go out tonight, but can we… not?” Isaac asked.

  Julian swallowed. So this was definitely on the serious side, then, whatever it was.

  “Of course,” he said, giving Isaac a gentle nudge toward the couch. “You look like a man who could use a hot chocolate.”

  Isaac looked up at him, some of the misery falling away from his face. “Uh… if it’s not any trouble…”

  Julian smiled his kindest smile, glad that he’d hit on something that might at least soothe Isaac a little. “No trouble. You sit down and make yourself at home, I’ll bring it to you.”

  Isaac nodded, shrugging his coat off and then heading for the couch. The way he flopped onto it, like he was exhausted down to his bones and sitting normally was too much effort, made Julian’s heart ache.

  If Isaac was upset, Julian was glad he felt as though he could come here. On the other hand, though, he would have preferred that Isaac wasn’t upset at all.

  Knots formed in Julian’s stomach as he set about making Isaac a hot chocolate. He still didn’t know what had happened, and the fear that it was something big wouldn’t quite leave him. He’d rarely seen Isaac like this. Isaac was the first person to smile and shrug off anything that happened to him, normally.

  Whatever it was, it must have cut deep.

  Unless…

  Unless Isaac had decided he didn’t want to do this, and was afraid of what Julian might say or do.

  That was what Julian had been waiting for, after all. For Isaac to realize what he’d done and decide that he didn’t want Julian after all, not like that. Julian was waiting for Isaac to end his experiment.

  The thought made him sick, but he brought the mug of hot chocolate over to Isaac anyway, setting it down on the coffee table in front of him, and then sitting beside him on the couch.

  “I, umm… Isaac… it’s okay if you’re here to break up with me. I understand and I won’t be mad,” he said, deciding that he might as well make this easy on his friend.

  This was the only path to not losing him entirely, and losing him entirely would have broken Julian’s heart.

  “No,” Isaac said, turning to look at him. “No, I’m not… that’s not even close…”

  Julian swallowed. That was a relief, though it still didn’t explain what was wrong.

  “No,” Isaac said again, reaching out to take Julian’s hand. He squeezed it tight, and then spread the fingers out, looking at them as though he’d never seen them before, as though they were the most fascinating thing in the universe.

  “I just, uh… I think I ran into my first… is there a word for homophobia but when it’s because you’re bi?”

  “Biphobia,” Julian supplied.

  “Right, that… I probably could have figured that out myself.” Isaac smiled wryly. “Anyway, it kinda… shook me, a little, and then I thought of you and how much crap you must have to deal with all the time and how much it hurt, even though I’m not…”

  Isaac trailed off, and Julian let him. Something about the pause made Julian suspect that Isaac was gathering his thoughts, not just ending the sentence there.

  “Oh,” Isaac said after a moment, squeezing Julian’s hand again. “Maybe I am bi,” he added, softly, as though the thought had only now occurred to him.

  Judging by the conversation they were having, Julian was starting to think it had just occurred to him.

  A tiny part of him that had been waiting to hear that for a long, long time leapt for joy, despite the rest of him still being worried about how upset Isaac seemed.

  He squeezed Isaac’s hand back, a silent gesture of support, not wanting to interrupt anything else he might be about to say. Clearly, this was a big moment.

  “You wanna talk about it?” Julian said, not sure if he was asking about the incident that had upset Isaac, or his newly-discovered bisexuality.

  Maybe both. Either way, he was happy to listen to whatever Isaac wanted to tell him.

  “I, uh… ran into an ex-girlfriend. At first she was really nice and I thought maybe we’d get to be friends after all, because we had kind of a bad breakup, but… then she asked about whether or not the rumors were true, and…”

  Julian made a soft, sympathetic noise, reacting to the way Isaac’s voice had started to crack. When he looked, he saw tears in Isaac’s eyes that he was desperately trying not to shed.

  This had clearly hurt him, and Julian wasn’t sure what else he could do about it.

  After a moment’s hesitation, he rested his head on Isaac’s shoulder. Hopefully, that would be comforting for him.

  Isaac sniffed, wiping at his eyes.

  “She said some things I’d rather not… repeat.” He swallowed thickly.

  Julian didn’t need to know exactly what she’d said. He’d seen this look on enough faces to know. Not the details, but the kinds of things. He’d heard them plenty of times himself.

  “People have said all kinds of awful things about me, but…”

  “This hurt more, because it was about something that’s fundamentally a part of you,” Julian said, speaking from experience.

  Isaac nodded, hanging his head and staring at the floor.

  “I’m sorry. People can be cruel.”

  Isaac shifted his weight, then reached out for the hot chocolate Julian had made for him, finally sitting back and holding it close to his chest.

  “It’s what I signed up for, though, right? The reason all those kids were excited to see that I was just like them… that’s because they hear crap like that all the time. That they’re liars and cheaters and disgusting.”

  Julian’s stomach flipped over at hearing those things, hearing the pain in Isaac’s voice as he said them. Isaac was none of those things.

  “If me taking that means maybe they won’t have to… it’s worth it. I know I can’t change the world, but…”

  “But you want to,” Julian said, affection welling up in his chest. This was the Isaac he loved. The beautiful, noble man who wanted things to be better.

  Isaac would never have thought that about himself, but he didn’t need to. Julian could be proud enough of him for both of them.

  “Obviously,” Isaac said, some of his confidence kicking back in. “Who doesn’t wanna save the world, right?”

  Julian shrugged. “I’m happy just… sharing it with someone who does,” he murmured, and then panicked that he’d said too much. Maybe Isaac didn’t want to hear that.

  “Every hero needs a sidekick,” Isaac said, grinning. “We c
ould get you a little cape.”

  Julian chuckled, glad that Isaac seemed to be cheering up now. If all it took was a mug of hot chocolate and a shoulder to cry on, then Isaac was one of the easiest men to please that Julian had ever met.

  Of course he was. People liked to say that Isaac was childish, or highly strung, or had an attitude problem, but… he wasn’t. Not really. Not outside of the ridiculously high-pressure world he lived in.

  When he was hidden away in the safety of Julian’s apartment, he was just Isaac. Sweet, gentle Isaac who carried the world on his shoulders and never complained, not really.

  “I’ll always be here,” Julian said softly. “When you need someone who’s all the way on your side. You’ll always have me.”

  No matter what happens, he didn’t add. Hopefully, Isaac understood that, but Julian had already brought up the possibility of breaking up once tonight. He didn’t want Isaac to start thinking he wanted that.

  “And you’re not mad that we’re not going out?” Isaac asked.

  Julian shook his head. “No, I get it. You wanna… watch some crappy TV and order takeout instead?”

  Isaac grinned, pausing to sip his hot chocolate. “Yeah, I’d like that. And Julian?”

  “Yeah?” Julian asked, already getting up to grab his phone so they could work out what to eat.

  “Can I stay the night?”

  Julian’s stomach flipped, heat flaring deep inside him at the thought. “Definitely,” he agreed, turning away before Isaac could see him grinning like an idiot.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The soft cotton of Julian’s sheets rustled under Isaac’s back as he settled on the bed under Julian’s instructions, completely naked. He could feel himself trembling with a combination of nerves and excitement, his throat tight and dry.

  “Hey, it’s okay to be scared,” Julian said, coming to kneel beside him. Isaac glanced at his hand, seeing a condom wrapper and a tube of lubricant there, and wet his lips.

  They were really doing this. And Isaac wanted it, but…

  Like Julian said, it was okay to be scared.

  “If you need to stop at any time, you just tell me, okay?” Julian looked seriously at him. “No pressure. I’m not gonna suddenly turn into an asshole over this. You won’t disappoint me by stopping, even halfway, even almost all the way. Got it?”

  Isaac nodded, knowing all that was true already. He appreciated it being said aloud, though, since it made it easier to believe.

  Julian smiled at him, a warm, easy smile that glowed with pride, his eyes already dark with lust, and swallowed.

  When did Julian get so hot?

  Isaac licked his lips, his eyes trailing down Julian’s body, taking in harder, leaner lines than he was used to looking at. The change was good, though, and as he got to the top of Julian’s dark treasure trail, Isaac could feel his mouth watering.

  He wanted to trace that with his tongue sometime. Not now, but… sometime. Julian would probably like that.

  His tongue darted out to wet his lips again as he came to Julian’s half-hard cock, a surge of arousal making his stomach tense. Julian was hard for him.

  Julian chuckled, disturbing Isaac from his thoughts. Isaac looked up, unsure what was funny.

  “Your latent bisexuality is showing, babe.” Julian smiled at him, uncapping the lube and pouring what seemed like a generous amount onto his fingers.

  Good. Isaac wasn’t afraid to admit to being wary about this, so he appreciated Julian being cautious.

  “Babe?” he asked, indignant.

  It took Isaac about half a second to realize that he’d made a mistake in reacting like that. Julian grinned wickedly, his eyes flashing in the low light of the bedroom.

  “Sweetie, then? Oh, no, wait, sugar-plum,” he said, glee written all over his face.

  “No,” Isaac objected.

  “Honey bear?” Julian asked mock-innocently. “Angel face? Lover boy?”

  “You know what? Babe was fine,” Isaac said, increasingly horrified by the ideas Julian was coming up with. If he had to pick one, he was sorry he’d objected to babe in the first place.

  Julian laughed, still warming the lube between his fingers. He nudged Isaac’s thighs apart with his free hand, bending down to press a kiss against Isaac’s raised knee.

  “How about,” he began, trailing slick fingers along the sensitive inside of Isaac’s thigh, making him gasp. “I just call you Isaac?”

  Isaac whimpered as Julian’s fingers brushed against his balls, trailing back further, getting close to their destination. He squirmed as a knuckle brushed against the sensitive spot just behind his balls, a little pressure there making all his senses light up.

  He already felt raw and vulnerable, spread out like this, waiting for Julian to do things to him that no one had ever done before. Every touch, even the lightest brush, felt so much more intense than it ever had.

  Julian shifted as he circled Isaac’s hole with one finger, not pushing inside yet, but adding a little pressure from time to time, as though he was about to. Isaac bit his lip, anticipation making his belly tight, making his toes curl into the mattress.

  He gripped the sheets beside him, heart pounding as he waited for Julian to make that final push.

  He watched as Julian leaned down, throwing his head back with a groan as Julian licked a stripe along the underside of his cock. At the same moment, Julian pushed his finger inside, using the distraction to help Isaac relax.

  Isaac squirmed at the feeling, his cock throbbing with interest as Julian’s mouth hovered over it, his warm breath ghosting over the skin, his tongue not quite close enough. The finger inside him felt strange, completely new, but not bad. Not bad at all.

  Curiosity was just starting to override fear, and Isaac’s body clearly knew what he wanted. His hips rocked in a tiny circle, eager to take more, explore this weird new feeling, test out how much he liked it.

  He was so glad he was doing this with Julian. He wasn’t sure there was another man on Earth he could have trusted to touch him like this, lay him out and open him up.

  Julian, though… Julian he could trust. Always had, always would.

  “Doing great,” Julian murmured, lapping at the head of Isaac’s cock, leaving him squirming all over again. He took the head in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, sealing his lips to give a couple of quick, sharp sucks before pulling back again.

  At some point, based on the tightness in Isaac’s ass, Julian had shoved another finger inside him. He’d been too busy enjoying what Julian was doing to the rest of him to notice.

  Now, though, he could feel the first sparks of pleasure from where Julian was touching him, the pads of his fingers brushing a spot that had to be his prostate.

  People were not kidding about how good that felt. Isaac’s legs fell further apart by themselves, his hips shifting to give Julian better access.

  Julian made a soft, pleased noise. “Starting to look like you’re enjoying this,” Julian purred, approval dripping from every syllable.

  Isaac grunted, words too hard to form right now. Everything between his knees and his belly button was so sensitive right now that all he could do was feel, take in every touch, silently beg for more.

  Julian leaned down again, running the tip of his nose along the underside of Isaac’s cock, breathing in his scent. His tongue darted out again, the soft flat of it pressing against Isaac’s balls.

  A third finger pressed against his entrance, Julian clearly waiting for the right moment to push inside. Isaac rocked his hips, gasping as another wave of arousal washed over him.

  His cock was already leaking freely onto his stomach, a pool of precome cooling on the sensitive skin there, one more feeling to add to the overwhelming list.

  With anyone other than Julian, this would have been terrifying. It was too much, it was already too much, but he wanted more. Wanted everything.

  The rustle of a condom wrapper reached his brain, but only for a second. He had more
important things to think about as Julian finally, finally pushed the third finger inside him, and Isaac saw stars.

  He groaned, loud and low enough to be embarrassing. He was getting off on this like he’d never gotten off on anything before. Anything he could remember, anyway. Isaac was the first person to admit that he loved sex and had plenty of it, but this…

  This was different. The vulnerability. The feeling of being penetrated for the first time. The fact that this was Julian, sweet, kind Julian who’d spent most of the night making him feel better, and was still going.

  Isaac was catching the first glimpse of what a caring act sex could be. What it could really mean between two people.

  Two people who truly, deeply cared about each other. And he cared about Julian. More than he’d ever admitted to himself. More than he was even slightly willing to admit out loud.

  He had time to figure out his feelings. They could wait. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this.

  “Tell me how you’re feeling,” Julian said, flexing his fingers inside Isaac, stretching him further. Molten heat built deep in Isaac’s gut, and if Julian wasn’t inside him soon, he was going to come like this.

  It wasn’t the worst idea, but not this time. He wanted Julian as close as he could get. Wanted all of him.

  “Gonna come all over myself if you don’t hurry up,” Isaac gritted out, proud of himself for the number of words in that sentence. They’d been in the right order, too, which felt like a goddamn miracle right now.

  Julian hummed softly as though Isaac had made a comment about the weather, nuzzling his way up the crease of Isaac’s thigh to press a kiss into his hip bone. His fingers moved in and out, setting a steady pace. A preview of what was to come, Isaac assumed.

  He could hardly wait. He really didn’t want to wait any longer, he wanted Isaac right now.

  “Come on,” he begged through gritted teeth, his hips rocking helplessly now, urgency building in the pit of his stomach.

  Julian pressed another kiss against him, then bit down on his skin, hard enough to leave a bruise. Isaac gurgled, a scream dying in his throat as another rush of precome leaked from his cock, a bead dripping down the length and gathering on his balls.